How To Hydrate For Summer

did yall delete the concept of sarcasm from human communication while I was asleep or something?

“girl dinner” “girl math” “i’m just a girl” okay but I am an adult I am six feet tall I am loud as fuck I take up space I am smart and capable. So are you. Why would we want to laugh at jokes where the punchline is that women aren’t? Why would we want to make jokes about being small and childish and incapable? Who do you think laughs at those jokes the loudest?

"Elevated horror" is becoming the new elitist fancypants industry term du jour I'm seeing all over the place so I wanna make it abundantly clear that I only write shit, I only write popular garbage and potboilers, and you're all just jealous of my jetpack.

the problem is that going to bed at night feels like a chore whereas lying down for a forbidden nap at 4pm feels like the pinnacle of decadence

“Won’t” is the boldest fucking contraction like it really Did That. Just went for it, no shame.

*opens the oven after preheating to 400*