I Was Up Late Last Night Crying About Tgcf (what’s New) And For Some Reason I Decided To Type Up A

i was up late last night crying about tgcf (what’s new) and for some reason i decided to type up a notes app page about how much xie lian would love pokémon go. enjoy. (light spoilers ig?)

- aims to collect every single pokémon (and he’s frighteningly close to this goal. good god does he ever put the game down?)

- the “do not enter dangerous areas while playing” warning was created for him (does nothing)

- his bad luck causes him to fall in ditches and walk into Dangerous Territory 24/7, hua cheng has to accompany him on these trips every time just to make sure he doesn’t get himself detained by government forces somehow

- before the warning was created he would genuinely consider hopping fences into other peoples yards/private territory bc “there’s a gengar in here i know it.”

- cue xl standing in the loading dock of a local target store trying desperately to catch a bulbasaur. the workers ask him what the hell he’s doing there and how he got in in the first place but he’s too engrossed, he doesn’t even hear them

- he names his favorite pokémon after people he knows (bonus if he deliberates on which pokémon each person looks like - “as a supreme, he xuan could be gyrados, but he physically resembles vaporeon more. or… maybe he’d be a ditto?”)

- he uses the AR function constantly. san lang laughs himself silly watching xl spinning in circles, looking up and down to find the pokémon

- actual gym god, he always controls every gym within 100 miles of him and people *have* complained to the devs about him/reported him for cheating (but he genuinely got such strong pokémon through valid and wholesome means)

- loves gym raids. adores them. tries to get his friends to join him in raids but nobody ever does— he honestly doesn’t need any of them anyway, and quite enjoys the struggle of a tough battle fought on his own

- none of the children nearby refer to him as a daoist priest or as a scrap-collector anymore. instead he’s the pokémon master. he sends them gifts and eggs in-game every day without fail

- puqi shrine is a pokéstop. i said it. fuck that it’s a gym and it always has incense/lure modules on it

- his bad luck makes it so that even a cp14 wurmple is suddenly the most agile, finicky, stubborn bitch imaginable. this has, however, caused xl to adapt and he is now horrifyingly accurate with his tosses when catching pokémon

- they still break free once or twice before he can actually *catch* them though.

- he has asked hua cheng to lend him some luck when catching certain pokémon he really wants tho and ofc hc can never deny his dianxia of what he wants, especially if it’s a sHINY PICHU YOU DONT UNDERSTAND SAN LANG ITS SO RARE IVE NEVER SEEN ONE BEFORE

pls add more i love this concept

The Magic Trick You Didn’t See: Being An Analysis of Good Omens Season 2

(or: Neil Gaiman, Your Brain is Gorgeous But I Have Cracked Your Sneaky Little Code And Have You Dead To Rights*) (*Maybe)

***

Soooooo I just spent the last 48 hours having a BREATHTAKING GALAXY BRAIN EPIPHANY about Good Omens Season 2 and feverishly writing a fuckin16,000 word essay about the incredible magic trick that @neil-gaiman pulled off.

Yes, it’s long, but I PROMISE your brains will explode. Do you want to know how magic works? Do you want to know what Metatron’s deal is (I’m like 99% sure of this and it’s EXTREMELY FUCKING GOOD)? Do you want to know about the Mystery of the Vanishing Eccles Cakes and the big fat beautiful clue I found in the opening credits? Do you go through the whole inventory of Chekov’s Firearm & Heavy Artillery Discount Warehouse?

Here is the essay, go read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ When ur done u can tell me I’m an insane crackpot, and u know what, i won’t even be offended

In case you don’t know whether you want to bother reading the whole enormous thing on google docs, I’ve put the first couple sections of it under the cut. JUST TRUST ME OKAY, HEAR ME OUT, THIS IS VERY EXTREMELY COOL, NEIL IS GOOD AT HIS JOB–

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maureila

2 years ago