Awesome Recast!

Back in the Day

“If you like school you’re a fool!”

Missing again

I just turned my phone back on this morning and already I have lost it. And my parents are asleep, so I can’t call it... Oh, well. All’s well that ends well. ;)

Amen!

A mix for the woman I hope will settle down with this wild man!

Threw up this morning

It was a bad morning, so I’m ending the day by officially checking my man-card at the door. I finally watched the Sex and the City movie.

#shadows RIP, Kobe

Singles

I’ve been a bachelor for most of my life -- sometimes out of choice, sometimes for lack of money, but I always had a hope that one day I’d find the right woman -- one who would accept me for who and what I am and be able to share her baggage with me. I struggle with that fear more than any other -- especially after being diagnosed with cancer. I worry that my pursuit of just surviving will render me unsuitable for marriage. And that’s how I get into my spiral of gloom. It’s like, if I’m not going to have a partner I love, is life even worth living? I love my brother and I know that he’s the only person who is supposed to matter to me, but I do confess that I resent being trapped with no good choices.

Cancer is exhausting. I refuse to quit trying to improve, but I often feel like I’m trying to defy everything. My life has become such a blur, and now (one good thing) is that I’m hungry until I can eat no more and then get nauseous and it becomes one evil loop. 

I’m one of those stubborn people who at least like to fool myself into thinking I can do everything by myself, but I know that’s not true. There is no game when you’re alone. It’s just you (me) and my lonely thoughts. I often keep the TV on for background noise (and then I find myself passionately agreeing or disagreeing about whatever they’re saying).  And for the record, I refuse to watch Fox News because they’re usually so out there, but I do find myself watching Fox Business at night. How I digressed from cancer to loud TV only the good Lord knows. (There are some things I just don’t want to know!)

The end of the short version of a longer mix. I may post a follow-up later today.

#HappyChristmas!