It Has Been Quiet For A While

And scars are souvenirs you never lose The past is never far

Don’t stay where you are needed. Go to where you are loved.

I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, Ellen, and since he has destroyed mine, I have not power to feel for him.

—Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

Today, I blocked someone on Instagram.

I had already cut him off before because he said something I didn’t like. My old self would have tried to understand where he was coming from, rationalizing why people say the things they do. But not anymore.

He’s not the first guy who has told me he wanted to sleep with me. I get plenty of indecent proposals—random, unsolicited messages from men like him.

In the past, I let it slide. I never gave in, but I also never pushed back. I shrugged it off, ignored it, and stayed friends. I even gaslit myself into thinking I was overreacting when their words made me uncomfortable. I told myself it was fine because boys will be boys.

But this? This was too much.

Lately, one of them has been trying to reconnect and meet up. I’ve told him no, more than once. I’ve given excuses, politely declined, and outright refused. But to men like him, no is never enough.

I finally lashed out after he had the audacity to tell me that I “shouldn’t judge people for who they were or what they did.” Sure, I get that. But my reality is different. The things they did made me feel cheap, like I was nothing. Like I wasn’t even a person.

So yes, I will judge people based on how they treated me. And I will return the favor by shutting them out completely.

I don’t care who they are now. I’m in therapy because of what they did to me. The way they viewed me back then shaped the way I saw myself.

Never again.

I watched a French movie and I cannot comprehend! Haha! I thought I was ready!!! 

I am used to keeping things to myself. I am afraid of telling people about how I feel, or what should I do about it. I’d rather deal with it myself. 

There was a time when I tried to open up to people about some of the things I find a burden to keep to myself but then I am ignored and told that I am just overreacting about situations, or I’m playing with my head. They call me a drama queen. I felt humiliated. I tried to trust someone with what I feel but they just laugh at you and ridicule you, just dismiss it like it doesn’t matter.

On social media, some see people with mental issues as people who just love to create drama to be noticed. Even though how much you try to be understood, others will still think differently. 

Sometimes, if I think I can’t handle the pressure, or the anxiety, I break down. I retreat to my room. Write about it and just try to forget it, at least for a while. I don’t know. As long as it’s off my head I’ll be fine. It will just go away, unless something triggers it. It’s a cycle. Goes on and on and you do not know when it will stop. 

"Not Wasting My Time on People and Things That Don’t Deserve It"

There’s a point where we start to realize that time is one of our most valuable resources. Every moment spent on people or things that don’t uplift, inspire, or even respect us is a moment we can never get back. Whether it's relationships that drain us or tasks that don’t align with our goals, learning to say no is a form of self-respect. It's about choosing wisely—investing time in people who genuinely care and things that truly matter. The more I understand this, the more I protect my peace and prioritize my energy for what’s really worth it.

What do I like the most about my city?

Kidapawan City, once a small town nestled in the misty mountains of North Cotabato, holds a special place in my heart. I still remember being 8 years old when my family moved back to the Philippines, greeted by the cool mountain air and the warmth of this vibrant city, just a couple of hours away from bustling Davao.

Adjusting to the weather here was tough at first—I found myself in and out of the hospital yearly until I finally adapted. The nights were chilly, and the days could be warm, but not oppressively so—just the kind of pleasant warmth that feels comforting.

As I grew older, so did the city around me. We welcomed franchises of beloved fast-food chains, watched hospitals upgrade, and witnessed roads being reconstructed and experienced numerous other developments that have transformed the city. Old buildings, standing proud, were gradually renovated to blend seamlessly with the changes. Progress was palpable.

In the simplicity of life here, I found comfort. I could just walk to my destination without worrying about sunburn, thanks to the shade provided generously by the trees. Everything I needed was within walking distance, fostering a sense of closeness and community.

Kidapawan City isn't just a place to me; it's home. It's where my heart will always reside, where the memories of childhood and the warmth of family intertwine. It's a sanctuary where the pace of life allows me to appreciate the little joys and the beauty of each day.

So, here I am, sitting by the window, and I can't help but wonder—what's up with the weather today? It's one of those bizarre days where the sun is shining like it’s trying to convince us it’s summer in full swing, yet at the same time, it's raining. And not just a light drizzle. Nope, proper rain. But here’s the kicker: there are no rain clouds in sight.

It’s like the weather couldn’t decide what kind of mood it wanted to be in today, so it thought, “Why not both?” The sun is out in all its blazing glory, making everything glisten, and yet there’s rain falling from what appears to be a perfectly clear sky. Honestly, it’s kind of funny and confusing at the same time. I keep looking outside, expecting to see dark clouds rolling in, but nope. Just blue skies, light clouds, sunshine, and a very confused me.

It’s one of those surreal moments where nature decides to remind you that it doesn’t play by the rules. It's like the universe is saying, “Who says rain and sunshine can’t coexist?” If you look outside, it’s like a scene from a dream. The ground is wet, but the air is warm. Raindrops are hitting the window, yet there’s light pouring into the room. It’s like the sky is crying and laughing at the same time.

In a strange way, I kind of love this kind of weather. It’s unexpected, and there’s something magical about the contrast. Plus, who doesn’t like a good rainbow moment after the weird mix of rain and sunshine? It’s like the weather’s way of saying, “Okay, I might’ve been a little confusing, but here’s something beautiful to make up for it.”

At the end of the day, it just goes to show how unpredictable and wild nature can be. It’s one of those things where all you can do is sit back, laugh, and enjoy the strange beauty of it all.