I laughed so loud my coworker turned to look at me and asked if I was okay. đđđ
Because Iâve lost control of my life
Summary: Late Summer, 1855. Three months ago you left Chicago for Texas in the middle of the night to escape an arranged marriage to a man you knew was a murderer. After getting there you nearly drown in the river and are rescued by a handsome stranger, the only problem? You have no where to go, the Innâs full, and no one around town is taking in strangers. The only way you can have a roof over your head that your religion and pride will allow is to marry this stranger. The very thing you were running away from. Whatâs a girl to do?
A/N: I know this isnât the same Luke x Reader fic I was working on, but itâs after the holidays and Iâm currently in a creative rut with that one so since I had the inspiration to do this one here it is! I honestly cannot think of any warnings for this, so if I need any just let me know what they are in the comments. Not sure if this will be 18+ or not yet, weâll see when we get there.
Chapter 1
You barely notice it, the cold, the wet. When you look back, hours, days, and eventually many, many years later, you donât even think you realized you were in the river itself. Just in awe of the deep, endless blue around you. Bubbles glistening like stars. Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew what had happened. Striker, your horse had been grabbed by a gator while crossing a river and youâd fallen in, likely to be the meal of another, but right now all you saw was endless blue.
Then you noticed the burning in your lungs. You tried to gasp for air only for water to fill them. You kick and flail, never learnt how to swim. Mother always said a lady had no business in the water. You desperately regret taking that lesson to heart out of all the others you ignored.
This is it, youâre going to die here. Here in this god forsaken river. Freedom had been so close, so so close. Youâd fought so hard to escape, dressed as a man, stole Striker from the stables in the middle of the night, made it from Chicago to Texas, sure you didnât know what you were going to do once you made it to freedom, but anything was better than what that bastard had planned for you.
The next thing you knew, arms, scrawny, but sturdy, were wrapped around you, hauling you to the surface. You gasp for air as you break the surface, your long hair clinging to your face and neck, having come free from where youâd kept it under a hat. Those arms are still wrapped around you, hauling you towards the banks. Soon youâre gently placed in the mud, coughing and sputtering.
âWhat were you thinking?!â A voice asks as you empty half the river from your lungs.
You spare a glance in the direction of the voice. A man had pulled you from the river, a young one. Canât be more than twenty, so younger than you, though not by much. Heâs good looking, sunkissed skin, blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, bluer than the sky, than the river he just pulled you from. A shade you donât think youâve ever seen on another human being, much less any animal or plant.
Heâs sopping wet too, and clearly displeased. On instinct you reach for your fatherâs pistol.
âEveryone round here knows better than to cross that river this time of year. Nowâs when the gators are grabbing their last meals before the winter.â The stranger continues.
âThen what the hell were you doing jumping in after me?!â You yell, dropping your hand from the gun.
âWell I couldnât just leave you there could I?â He asks.
âWhat do you want?â You growl. âI ainât got money, and you try touching me youâll be a dead man before you can blink.â
âFirst of all,â the stranger starts. âI donât want nothing, just couldnât leave you to drown sâall.â
You glower at him, doubtful.
âSecond,â he continues. âI thought you were a man when I dove in after you, so no thoughts of that even crossed my mind.â
He sighs and offers you a hand up.
âLook, I think we got off on the wrong foot.â He says. âNameâs Luke, Luke Skywalker, whatâs yours?â
You bat away his hand and push yourself up. Nearly drowning must have shaken you more than you thought though because your legs are wobblier than a newborn fawns. You nearly tumble to the ground and itâs only Skywalkerâs broad chest that keeps you from coming face first with the mud.
âGet offa me!â You complain as you feel his arms hold you upright. His hands, at least, donât wander anywhere inappropriate while he keeps you on your feet.
âYouâre shakier than a newborn calf,â He says, âif I let go youâre gonna end up right back in the mud. Stop being stubborn.â
You huff. Heâs right, as much as it pains you to admit. Besides, itâs not the worst thing in the world, being held in the arms of a handsome young man. Not the worst feeling either, despite how wet and uncomfortable it is from your trip into the river.
âWhatâs a young lady like yourself doing out here all alone?â Skywalker inquires.
âNone of your damn business!â You spit, any and all thoughts of this not being so bad vanishing faster than a bolt of imported silk during a half off sale.
âYou got kin round here?â He asks.
âNo.â You say, your pride leaking into your tone.
âFriends?â
âAlso no.â You say, a little less proudly.
âSome sort of job lined up?â
You shake your head.
âThen what in the world are you doing out here, and all by yourself at that?â Skywalker chastises.
âYouâre a man!â You spit, nostrils flaring. âYou wouldnât understand! What itâs like to be trapped by expectations and traditions, with no choices of your own, everything left up to the men in your life! No say in what you wear, what you eat, where you go!â
Your eyes water and your legs shake as the next words tumble out of your mouth.
â⊠Who you marryâŠâ
A broken son escapes your lips. You were so close, so so close. There was no doubt now youâd be shipped off on the next train back to Chicago. Back to the bastard and that⊠Well there was no proof he did it, but everyone knew he did. He didnât even deny it, didnât confirm it either but that wasnât the point. No doubt youâd be his next victim once-
âIâll take you back to my familyâs farm.â Skywalker says.
You blink and look him in the eyes. Thereâs a pain there, an understanding, a twinge of guilt and sorrow, but no regret. You canât help but think maybe Luke, on some level, does understand what youâre going through, your desire for freedom.
And then you wonder when he suddenly became Luke.
âI canât guarantee you a place to stay for the long run, but I can at least guarantee you a hot bath and some new clothes before I take you into town to find you some lodging.â He says. âIf I canât, well, weâll burn that bridge when we come to it.â
âDonât you mean cross?â You ask.
âIf I felt it wasnât going to, and pardon the language, turn into a shitshow if we canât find somewhere for you to stay for the long run, then yes. However I donât see either of us liking the outcome if we get there, so no, I mean burn it.â
The ride back is long and silent. Luke doesnât ask anymore questions and you donât offer any information. Soon enough you drift off to sleep, completely exhausted from your near death experience.
You awake to Lukeâs voice calling out for someone called Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen. You blearily blink your eyes and force yourself to look around. A woman about your motherâs age comes running out of a quaint little farm house. She was wearing a long slightly flared dress with long sleeves and at least one flounce and appeared to be made of denim. You didnât know what counted for fashionable out here, in the city sure, but here not a clue, still you felt the dress was pretty plain. Not that there was anything bad with that, you were sure things were very different here than they were back in the city.
Once Lukeâs horse came to a stop you hopped down, a bit unceremoniously. Luke dismounted a bit more gracefully than you did and explained the situation. Once he had, the woman, Beru, drug you into the house for a bath while she fetched some old clothes of hers for you to wear.
You took the time to scrub the mud and muck from your skin and hair. It was so much nicer and easier than bathing in a river, and bathing yourself had stopped being hard a good while ago. You liked to think you had gotten the hang of it.
Beru comes back a while later with the clothes while youâre rinsing your hair. She gives a gentle knock in the door before stepping in and setting them on a chair in the room.
âHow are you feeling dear?â She asks.
âBetter.â You say, and for once you mean it.
âThatâs good. Dry off and get dressed and Iâll help you fix your hair before heading into town.â Beru instructs.
âYes mam.â You say, nodding.
Youâd never done your own hair, always had people for that. The closest you ever got was piling it all under your cap each time you had disguised yourself as a man to travel. You were grateful for the help. Even if Beru likely wouldnât be doing anything fancy like back in the city it was still nice to have the help.
Luke took you into town once you were dried and dressed as promised. He took you to the general store to get supplies and fabrics to make new dresses, thankfully you knew the basics of sewing. Then once you had all that he took you looking for lodging. You searched for four hours. The local inn had no vacancy and no one around was taking in strangers. Luke had bartered at the inn for a room for two of those hours before they threatened to call the sheriff on the two of you.
It was a long ride back to the farm and you were going to have to make it partly in the dark with just a lantern for light. Luke had had the decency to hitch a wagon rather than make you ride in a dress. You knew how to of course, city girl and all, but you still appreciated it after spending three months in the saddle.
Luke, for some reason, decided to go back to the inn. He came out a few minutes later grinning.
âWhat did you do?â You ask, smoothing the prairie dress Beru had lent you. It had more flounces than the one sheâd been wearing, and was made out of flowered calico too. It was a little closer to what youâd wear back home you supposed.
No, not home, never again will it be home.
âWell,â Luke drawls, drawing you from your thoughts. âThe inn has no vacancy, but since itâd be improper for you to stay at the farm, you being unmarried and all-â
You glower at him.
âThey agreed to let you stay in the stables where they board the horses.â Luke finishes. âJust for tonight until we can figure out a more permanent solution.â
âI guess hereâs where we burn that bridge?â You say, remembering his earlier words.
âMight be.â Luke said. âIâll talk to Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen, see what we can do, but I guarantee if our only option is what I think it is, neither of us is gonna like it.â
Your mind races as it tries to piece together what he means. How would he not like it? Itâs got nothing to do with him, far as you can tell. And then it clicks. The only way it could have something to do with him, fixing the issue of things being improper.
You shudder, from the thought or the cooling air you donât know. You came here to escape an arranged marriage, any sort of marriage. You didnât want to end up trapped again.
You had a plan. Sort of. Youâd make it on your own out west for a year or two, no one would search for you out here, theyâd think youâd head east towards Philadelphia or New York, somewhere where there were cities, somewhere similar to what you knew. Once youâd stayed away long enough for them to give up the search youâd take a train back and claim your fatherâs inheritance, then pack up everything that was yours and go back west. Where youâd be free. Now it was looking like those chains youâd fought so hard to escape were still attached.
âIâll walk you to the stables.â Luke says, offering his arm.
Hesitantly you take it and the two of you begin walking to the stables.
âSorry, you deserved better than to sleep in the stables.â Luke apologizes.
âIf Mary can do it, so can I.â You say. âIâve slept in worse on my way here.â
âThere anything you can tell me âbout yourself?â Luke asks.
âIâm from Chicago.â You say, shrugging. âCanât do much but Iâm a quick learner. I know how to sew, embroider, crochet. Not the most ladylike but my daddy taught me to shoot and how to use a sword.â
âReally? Your pa taught a city girl that?â Luke asks bewildered.
âWe were supposed to come out west when I was a girl,â you explain. âDaddy wanted me to know how to protect myself. He went out on the Oregon Trail ahead of us. Wanted to secure a place for us. He never made it. Left too late, got snowed in the mountains and died, we never even had a body to bury because the others who went with him⊠to survive theyâŠâ
You sob as you remember what you were told of the party your father went off with. How those who survived only did because they ate the dead bodies of those who died so they didnât starve.
Luke thankfully doesnât ask you to finish. Just gives your arm a reassuring squeeze.
âYouâre lucky your pa taught you that, that you had him to care for you, even for a short while.â Luke says softly. âNever knew mine, he died before I was born.â
âIâm sorry.â You whisper, somehow managing to regain your composure.
By now youâve made it to the stables.
âWell, gânight miss?â Luke pauses, clearly waiting for you to give your name.
You give it. Luke repeats it and it sounds nice on his tongue. Itâs the briefest of thoughts, but you canât help but think, if you did have to marry somebody to survive out here, Luke would far be from the worst option.
Then Luke walked off and you were alone in the stables with just the horses for company.
The next morning dawns bright and early. To your surprise and chagrin Luke was ready and waiting to bring you back to the Lars farmstead for breakfast. You spend the better part of the ride in silence before Luke starts grilling you with questions.
âCan you cook?â
You always had a maid or someone do that before. You taught yourself enough to get by on the trip down, but you had room for improvement.
âKnow how to clean?â
Not a clue, it was never your job back home and mother would throw a fit if you dared lift a finger to do a poor personâs job.
âEver milk a cow?â
City girl remember?
âBut you can sew, embroider, and crochet.â Luke huffs.
âWell I had to keep my hands busy somehow.â You say, scathing.
âIâm sure aunt Beru can teach you everything you need to know.â Luke says, sighing.
âYou make it sound like Iâll be staying with you.â You say, displeased.
Luke sighed again, much heavier this time.
âWell, I may as well warn ya. Theyâre gonna give you two options when you get there, neither one youâll like.â
âWhat are they?â You ask, dread pooling in your stomach.
âW-Well,â Luke stutters, ducking his head.
You notice his ears are red as he speaks.
âThe first is you could stay with us, but weâd have to get married.â He continues.
âAbsolutely not!â You cry standing up in the back of the wagon.
It immediately hits a rock and you lose your balance falling face first to the ground, barely catching yourself on your hands. Groaning, you sigh and push yourself up.
âSo whatâs the other option?â You ask, glowering at Lukeâs back.
âWell, the next town over has a brothel you could work at. Uncle Owen has no problem taking you over there.â
âThatâs even worse than the last one!â You cry out.
âThereâs nothing wrong with what they do,â Luke says. âThey have to make a living, same as everyone else.â
âI am not working at a brothel.â You say crossing your arms and pouting.
Luke sighs. âLook, donât be stubborn, you have to choose one of them, you donât exactly have a lot of options. Sâalmost winter, you canât exactly sleep on the streets. Youâll freeze to death.â He says. âEither option keeps you warm, fed, and with a roof over your head. They keep you alive.â
You huffed and turned away, biting the inside of your cheek till you tasted pennies.
âLook,â Luke sighs. âI canât decide for you, but I can promise you, if you do choose to stay with us, I wonât touch you. Not without your permission. Wonât even so much as look at you if you donât want me to. I wonât try to tie you down and control you, Iâll give you a say in everything. Iâll give you whatever little bit of freedom I can.â
You mull it over, it is the better of the two options, especially if Luke keeps his word.
âI give you till we reach the farm to make up your mind,â Luke says. âBut ya need to make a decision by then.â
The rest of the trip is spent in silence as you think about your options. Marrying Luke definitely gave you more freedom and dignity than working at a brothel. Maybe there wasnât anything wrong with working in one, but it wasnât for you. And it wasnât like you had any other options. Luke was right, winter was coming and if you didnât have a place by then you were as good as dead.
You bury your head in your skirts as you mourn your life and freedom and resign yourself to your fate.
Eventually the wagon comes to a halt.
âMake up your mind yet?â Luke asks, turning back to look at you.
âFine.â You sigh, wearily. âIâll marry you.â
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