❛ I Could Never Be The One To Love You. I Can Only Be The One That Kills You. ❜ @putrefacerem

"I’m   losing   control   here." @werehause

she  hears  the  words,  never  misses  a  syllable,  but  how  they  land  makes  that  pit  of  grief  wring  a  little  tighter  in  her  chest.  a  kind  of  breaking  in  it.  not  loud,  not  dramatic,  just  tired  of  holding  up  the  world.  she'd  always  found  jason  to  be  a  little  reckless,  burning  hot  and  full  of  life,  running  towards  trouble  with  his  whole  heart.  but  this  felt  different,  like  the  hidden  lamentations  of  someone  who  didn't  know  how  to  carry  their  own  weight  anymore.  she  knew  that  feeling.  lived  inside  the  endless  spiral  of  it  every  single  day.  gloria  closed  the  space  between  them  and  placed  her  hand  over  his  chest.  the  old  bits  of  string  braided  together,  adorning  her  wrist,  had  seen  too  much  of  the  world  with  her.  a  palm  that  dances  up  and  cradles  his  jaw,  holding  his  gaze.  and  fuck  —  she  can't  help  it  when  she  looks  at  him.  finding  fragments  of  the  same  wide-eyed  boy  who  used  to  meet  her  by  the  swamp  beds  at  dusk.  she  still  had  a  collection  of  skipping  stones  and  gator  teeth  tucked  in  a  box  of  memories  beneath  her  bed,  and  she  thinks  about  showing  him.  wonders  if  it  might  do  good  to  steady  the  brewing  storm  she  could  feel  beneath  the  beat  of  his  heart.  to  know  how  much  it  stuck  to  her  soul,  tiny  glimpses  of  a  simple  slice  of  something  heavenly  before  she  walked  through  hell. 

❛  hey,  look  at  me.  ❜  it's  a  gentle  husk,  but  no  less  commanding.  ❛  talk  to  me,  jason.  i'll  help  you  figure  it  out,  whatever  it  is.  ❜

⋆｡‧˚ʚ💋ɞ˚‧｡⋆ 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐦𝐞. 𝐧𝐨𝐰. (VERY USFT!!!!) 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 - send ‘reverse’ for the sender and receiver to swap. adjust wording as needed!

[ grind ] sender straddles receiver’s lap and starts grinding against them, slow and intentional

[ whisper ] sender leans in and whispers exactly what they want to do to receiver in excruciating detail

[ wristgrab ] in the middle of a heated moment, sender pins receiver’s wrists above their head

[ needy ] sender pulls receiver into their lap, desperate and breathless, kissing them like it’s not enough

[ tease ] sender drags their lips and tongue down the length of receiver’s stomach, but stops just before going lower

[ undone ] sender undresses receiver one piece of clothing at a time, dragging it out with loaded glances

[ taste ] sender drops to their knees and starts kissing up the inside of receiver’s thighs

[ lapfull ] sender drags receiver onto their lap in the middle of a conversation, their hands already wandering

[ control ] sender takes full control, guiding receiver’s hands, body, and every motion

[ tug ] sender grips receiver’s hair and yanks their head back to kiss them roughly

[ choke ] sender wraps a hand lightly around receiver’s throat while their lips are barely apart

[ lipbite ] sender bites down on receiver’s bottom lip while grinding against them

[ praise ] in the middle of it all, sender whispers praise between every movement "just like that," "you're doing so good," "don’t stop"

[ beg ] sender makes receiver beg for it

[ mouthy ] sender licks into receiver’s mouth mid-kiss, messy and aggressive

[ suck ] sender sucks a mark into receiver’s neck, possessive and without shame

[ edge ] sender brings receiver right to the brink, over and over, refusing to let them finish

[ wrecked ] sender has one goal: to leave receiver trembling and ruined beneath them

[ needy grind ] clothes still on, sender grinds against receiver until they’re both panting, desperate for more

[ between ] sender slips a hand between receiver’s thighs while whispering, “you’ve been wanting this, haven’t you?”

[ ride ] sender pushes receiver down and climbs on top, holding eye contact the entire time

[ spit ] sender leans over and lets spit drip into receiver’s mouth before kissing them hard

[ mess ] clothes scattered, sheets ruined, bodies tangled—sender and receiver didn’t hold back

[ slow ] sender draws everything out. every stroke, every breath, every motion unbearably slow

[ possessive ] sender fucks receiver like they’re trying to make sure no one else ever will

[ overstim ] sender keeps going even after receiver's already shaking from release

[ grip ] sender grabs receiver by the hips, holding them in place while taking full control

[ hot & heavy ] sender and receiver go at it somewhere they absolutely shouldn’t

[ control freak ] sender lets receiver think they're in charge… until they flip the roles mid-way

[ lips everywhere ] sender kisses every part of receiver’s body.

[ breathless ] sender doesn’t let up until receiver is clawing at their back, gasping for air

[ all night ] sender makes sure receiver doesn’t sleep... again, and again, and again

[ tongue ] sender slides their tongue along receiver’s skin, taking their time tasting every inch

[ dark corner ] they don’t make it home! sender drags receiver into a shadowed corner and gets to work

[ eye contact ] sender holds eye contact the entire time they’re going down on receiver

[ mirror ] sender takes receiver in front of the mirror so they can both watch

𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

❝ i want to hear every sound you make. don’t hold back. ❞

❝ get on your knees—now. ❞

❝ you’re not leaving this bed until i say so. ❞

❝ look at you. all mine and dripping for it. ❞

❝ you said 'just one more time' last time, remember? ❞

❝ keep quiet, or they’ll hear. ❞

❝ is this what you wanted? me, like this, ruining you? ❞

❝ you’re shaking—already? we’ve barely started. ❞

❝ i haven’t even touched you yet, and you're already begging. ❞

❝ be good for me and spread your legs. ❞

❝ don’t you dare finish until i tell you to. ❞

❝ you’re going to be the death of me, but i’ll die happy. ❞

❝ say it. say you need me. say it louder. ❞

❝ i could do this all night. want to test me? ❞

❝ if you want more, use your words. ❞

❝ you look so pretty when you beg. ❞

❝ you’re not shy now, are you? ❞

❝ take it. like that. good. ❞

❝ tell me where you want my mouth. ❞

❝ don’t bite your lip—moan. i want to hear it. ❞

an non - spicy starter call so a regular one ? ( obvious subject for existing ships that it to be shippy if that’s the direction I go in )

a tender glimpse beneath the surface

❝ i'll always protect you. ❞

❝ i never meant to get this close, but now that i have i can't let you go. ❞

❝ i live for the moments when you look at me. the rest of the time i'm just existing. ❞

❝ i don't like how you make me feel. but i like not being around you even less. ❞

❝ i wish you wouldn't look at me like that. when you look at me like that i...it makes me wanna do things i shouldn't ❞

❝ there's no line i wouldn't cross for you. don't you realize that? ❞

❝ i did this for you. no one else. ❞

❝ i don't like it, but i'll do it for you. ❞

❝ i wonder how much of myself i'll have to give to you—how much i have to lay bare—before you realize how much you're taking. ❞

❝ i'm not trying to fix you. i'm just trying to be your friend. ❞

❝ i'm not um, real good at thank yous. or sorry's. but if you ever need me, i'm there. i owe you one. ❞

❝ i've seen you at your worst and i'm still standing here. ❞

❝ you've seen me at my worst but you're still here... ❞

❝ you can be mad at me, i can take it. i'd rather you be angry than shut me out. ❞

❝ i'm not angry, i'm just scared. ❞

❝ i know you love me, but do you like me? ❞

❝ do you think i'm a good person? ❞

❝ do you think i care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference? of course i'm helping you. ❞

❝ tell me what i can do to show you how i love you. i will give you anything you ask for. ❞

❝ you don't have to keep apologizing. just be here. day in and day out and prove that you're gonna keep showing up. that's all you have to do. ❞

❝ i only sleep well when you're next to me. ❞

❝ i don't want an apology i just want to understand. ❞

❝ i could actually use a hug right now. ❞

❝ i want everyone else to go away, but you can stay. ❞

❝ i actually do care what you think about. you're probably one of the only people whose opinion matters to me. ❞

❝ you always seem to know what i need. ❞

❝ you always seem to know just what i need to hear. ❞

❝ i want you to call me when you need someone. i want to be here for you. ❞

❝ you're the one i wanna call when i need someone. ❞

❝ seems like i always want you around when everything feels all fucked up. guess that means something. ❞

she  watches  him,  watches  the  way  his  hand  doesn’t  reach.  how  it  lingers  in  the  air  like  an  OFFERING,  not  a  DEMAND.  that’s  it,  isn’t  it?  he  doesn’t  take.  he  waits.

❛   funny  thing  about  wounds.  ❜  voice  low  and  measured.  each  word  turning  over  in  her  chest  before  it  makes  its  way  to  her  lips.  ❛   they  don’t  scare  me  when  they’re  fresh.  that’s  the  clean  part,  body’s  in  shock,  adrenaline’s  high—you  just  move.  ❜  her  hand  finds  his  with  the  sureness  of  a  decision  she  won’t  unmake,  even  if  it  ruins  her.  grasped  too  eagerly,  entwined  too  tightly.

a  flash  of  recognition.  in  the  same  way  those  horrors  play  on  a  loop  when  her  body  wants  to  find  rest,  shiny  snippets  of  lived-in  carnage.  ❛ it’s  what  happens  after  that  haunts  you.  when  you  start  making  room  for  the  pain  and  working  around  it...pretending  it's  not  shaping  every  goddamn  step  you  take.  ❜

his  invading  scent  almost  clouds  every  rational  instinct.  now,  it  mingles  with  warmth  and  the  taste  of  floral  amber  on  her  skin.  honey  and  irreparable  damage  hasn't  left  his  gaze,  but  she  smiles  like  a  ghost  looking  down  on  a  life  she  couldn't  have.  gloria  has  forgotten  how  to  want  anything  for  herself.  it's  too  selfish,  too  indulgent.  she  shrugs  and  it  brings  her  even  closer.  watching  his  lips,  his  jaw,  their  tanged  hands,  anything  else  to  lessen  the  blow  of  unravelling  parts  of  herself  she'd  hardly  admitted  to  the  mirror.

❛ i  was  just  made  to  hold  other  people's  damage  like  it  was  mine.  that's  it,  billy,  the  job.  ❜  THAT  IS  HER  WORTH.

❛ you  say  you  trust  me  when  i’m  trying  not  to  bleed  but  i  don't  know  how  to  do  anything  else.  ❜  she's  quieter  now,  words  flaying  her  open  piece  by  piece.  ❛ i  don’t  know  what  to  do  with  that.  i  don’t  know  how  to  carry  this  kind  of  want  without  running  from  it.  ❜

her  thumb  moves  gently  along  the  line  of  his  palm.  ❛  because  if  or  when  i  love  someone,  i'm  a  walking  wound  that  won't  stitch  shut.  ❜

    ❝ nah. ❞ the word land irrevocably soft. an unabashed verdict handed down between partners instead of a jury. ❝ i trust you most when you're trying not to. ❞

his hand doesn't reach for her own, but it does hover as a palpable presence. if she wanted this contact, she'd find. billy's learned not to ask.

    ❝ don't be silly. i don’t need to make you bleed to trust you, gloria. ❞ his voice dips lower, but it's not tender—just stripped bare, the way cold nights can feel honest when the war's silenced itself for a breath. ❝ i just need to see how you hold the wound. ❞

he grins foxishly—wolf-mouthed in the dark.

    ❝ i know you've seen plenty of people hold a wound wrong. ❞ there's a deep glimmer of memories behind his eyes now—sordid, too close, close-quarters horror folded under surgical instinct gone frantic. he blinks then. the visuals and their effects shut down and thrown behind the doors in the dark recesses of his mind.

❝ what happened when you saw it? they panic, right? they clamp down. they tear it open wider. now you got tragedy all over the floor. ❞

he tsk'd, sucking his teeth. he shakes his head.

    ❝ but you?—❞ he leans in, just enough for her to catch the green apple and vanilla of his cologne, the salt of aftershock in his sweat. ❝ nobody can't tell you shit. you know how to press. how to breathe through it. how to keep your hands steady with someone else's life inside 'em. ❞

    ❝ that’s how i know. so, if i haven't made myself clear before, I'll say it plainly now: ❞ his voice radiates, warm steel. ❝ i don't want you bleeding, sweetheart. i want to see what you do after. ❞

@medicbled

you call THAT a PLAN ? / tommy kinard @decryptids

it's  a  look  of  amplified  outrage  afforded  for  the  closest  of  friends.  two  exist,  and  ONE  STANDS  BEFORE  HER.  ❛  i'll  have  you  know,  i  blew  off  a  date  with  my  couch  and  a  new  documentary  for  this,  so  maybe  a  little  decorum.  ❜  time  was  a  currency,  a  luxury  she  didn't  have,  but  no  matter  how  weary,  she  held  herself  up.  she's  been  slacking  on  this  end,  maintaining  facetimes  and  the  occasional  run-in  through  emergency  where  they  can  spare  a  moment  between  the  chaos  to  catch  up.  ❛  and  i  don't  need  to  get  laid.  ❜  need  and  want  are  two  different  animals,  she's  only  half  lying  there;  a  want  and  a  need.

❛  do  you  just  need  me  to  keep  you  from  making  a  terrible  mistake  again?  cause  i  can  rally  for  that.  ❜  she  teases,  a  shoulder  nudging  tommy  as  she  brushes  past  him  in  the  kitchen.  a  smile  perked  up  tired  honey  eyes,  wine  glass  half  empty.  ❛  you  know,  you  could  have  just  started  with  what  you  wanted  to  do.  typical  fucking  pilot.  ❜  she  snickers.

it  comes  from  a  place  she'll  never  have  for  herself  -   CONCERN,  sincerity  cornering  him  with  tenderness.  ❛  take  the  phone  off  the  hook  and  disappear  for  a  while.  ❜  there  with  a  gentle  palm  against  his  chest,  a  smile  that  aches.  ❛  it's  alright,  you  can  afford  to  lose  a  day  or  two.  ❜

lyrical sc // @rbnvtch

OH SHE ANGSTY TONIGHT. somebody fix it. help. HELLLLP.

sometimes i really think you have a death wish . @rbnvtch

there's  a  break  in  every  human  being,  a  line  of  resiliency,  of  ENDURANCE.  outside  of  medicine,  she'd  be  trained  to  find  that  point  and  push  past  it,  to  crawl  beneath  wire  with  broken  limbs  and  keep  going.  it's  wired  into  her,  vigilance  kept  home  from  spine  to  gaze.  her  smile  is  still  warm,  the  chuff  of  laughter  like  a  breeze  of  life.  a  spark  of  intimacy  behind  the  weariness  of  honey—  maybe  she  was  starting  to  lose  her  edge,  exhaustion  seeping  into  her  bones  like  that.  maybe  that's  the  most  tragic  part  about  it,  was  how  she  could  still  soldier  on  for  another  double  if  someone  asked  her  to.

❛  death  hides  when  he  sees  me  coming.  ❜  god,  she  wished.  she'd  BEGGED  AND  BEGGED  so  many  times,  screamed  into  an  empty  sky,  bled  herself  dry  and  still  kept  fighting.  she  tucked  the  iPad  under  her  arm  to  give  him  her  undivided  attention.  perhaps,  too  much  as  she  reaches  for  his  coffee  cup  (  he  brews  it  better  than  anything  around  here  ),  and  takes  a  sip.  not  too  tired  to  mess  with  him.  ❛  working  two  doubles  in  seven  days  isn't  that  bad,  michael.  i'm  almost  done.  unless  you're  going  to  drag  me  out  kicking  and  screaming.  ❜  a  playful  glint,  another  sip  and  her  index  points  in  silent  accusation.