Another Repost, Planning To Re-edit This And Post It Once I Finish A Few More Chapters Of My Feral Baby
Another repost, planning to re-edit this and post it once I finish a few more chapters of my Feral Baby Logan AU, but here ya'll go! I'll be uploading what I have un-edited of this AU within the next few hours i think.
FBL: Logan reflects. (Angst, self hatred)
Here’s the thing about being a Feral child soldier:
Sometimes people don’t get it. They all look at him and pity him. He sees it in their eyes, smells it, sweating like they’re still teenagers, all waiting to see how the loner kid is gonna react.
Logan went to high school for a total of one week before the Weapon X scientists decided he was too wild to pretend and swapped him out for Victor
The thing is… he enjoyed it. Not all of it, obviously, thank fuck they got that collar off of him, and the tests he could do without. But… he misses the energy. He misses the violence. Hunting humans isn’t that different from hunting a moose. They can both kill you, but at the end of the day, they’re both easily trackable when they don’t know they're being hunted. And they always get tired first.
…
He’s killed a lot of people.
He’s felt their flesh give under his hands, tender stomachs give under the sharpness of his claws. He’s felt their sticky brain matter and fluids on his fingertips as he’s bashed their heads into walls. Moments, ragdolls, animals. That’s all they feel like in the moment. Prey he caught and slaughtered, as all prey is.
He knows the feeling of human blood, viscera in his mouth, the iron tang familiar on his tongue as he and Victor clear out rooms, entire bases of foreign militaries. When time stops moving, no sound besides the rhythmic dripping of blood from the body stuck in the ceiling. Nothing besides their panting, as they wait for the rest of their team.
He doesn’t realize how strange it is to feel that way until he hears the doctors. And then his Boss. And then the X-men. They all point it out as something wrong. And sure, he knows he has things to make up for, but really, This is what they get hung up on?
It’s like none of them have read his rap sheet.
(None of them have, except Xavier. They wanted to give him time to tell them. He will not know this until it is too late.)
He only really regrets two people he’s ever killed. Two children, belonging to an american politician.
(It’s what started the brainwashing, what motivated them to isolate him. If he didn’t remember, he wouldn’t worry about it. He didn’t need to doubt them. He didn’t need to think. All he had to do was fight for them.)
But now, with his feelings and his mind unlocked now he can’t help but feel sick when he thinks of them. Their little chubby faces, unblemished by time. Their thin, baby hair just growing out, the older ones quiet snores. They had slept together that night. It reminded him of his friends.
So he gets it a little, the way they look at him. The way Xaviers face goes gray whenever he tries to read Logan's mind. Pity and shame and disgust.
He gets it more when he has to hold Kurt after his first kill.
He understands it most when he has to face Victor again, when Victor has been stripped of himself and, like him Before, all that is left is Sabretooth.
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Are you twelve
No, I’m…Ahhh…AHHHH…!!!! *Clutches my throbbing head and topples to my knees, writhing in pain* Why can’t I remember……my past…..?!??!! AAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH…….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"This story expanded on that premise, casting him as a mentor and father-figure to Kitty. He has a code he lives by; it's plain and it can be hard and it's very clear. You accept him, by extention you accept it as well. Kitty comes to understand him better and through him, herself." - Chris Claremont on the Kitty Pryde and Wolverine series
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cry for them every night
pink moon.
Everything needs to be glass, if it can’t be glass it needs to be ceramic, if it can’t be ceramic it needs to be wood, if it can’t be wood it needs to be stainless steel, if it can’t be stainless steel it needs to be stone, if it can’t be stone it needs to be glass
roy and ed letting the other one talk to them as an equal is, from the outside, virtually indistinguishable from a kindergarten teacher allowing one of their wards to pretend to teach them about dolphins
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Edit: I wrote the essay
I come from a culture that has no nudity taboo - nudity is not considered inherently sexual, or somehow traumatising to witness. What that means in practice is that there is a clearly drawn line between sexual and non-sexual nudity. There is nothing wrong or inappropriate about nudity in a sexual context, and nothing wrong or inappropriate about nudity in a non-sexual context. However, it is 100% inappropriate to be nude in a situation where it is not obvious from context whether this is sexual or not.
I've seen random kids who briefly escaped from their parents bolt across a public park buck-ass naked after they were playing in the water fountain and their parents were in the middle of changing their kid from wet clothes to dry clothes when the small nudist escaped. Changing your small kid's clothes right there in public is ok because there is obviously nothing sexual about a child whose clothes got wet. But although people will have baby pictures of their kids in the bath or just running around the house like that because sometimes little apes hate clothes for some reason, it's considered common sense to not share those pictures on facebook mom groups and such, because you have no way of knowing who's seeing them, and that blurs the line of context.
It all boils down to the clearly defined context. Bathing nude in the same sauna with five of your co-workers at the office christmas party? Clearly nonsexual, therefore completely fine. Your friend-with-benefits inviting you to come over and opening the door in nothing but a doggy collar and the most porn-scented perfume? Clearly sexual, therefore completely fine. A woman checking her breasts for lumps in the gym lockers just before or after a shower? Clearly non-sexual, therefore completely fine.
But if you went to the bank today and there's some guy who walks in and immediately strips naked, doing his banking business wearing nothing but a deep smile and being clearly very content with this situation, you have no way of telling whether he's getting kicks out of this or not. There is no contextual reason for him to be nude. Therefore, that is inappropriate.
Then you go home and post on tumblr - as one does - going like "there was some dude completely fucking buck-ass naked in the bank today. That was fucking weird and I wish he had not done that." And someone immediately swoops into inform you that actually nudity is not inherently sexual or inappropriate, and there are cultures out there that have no nudity taboo. It's not fair to call somebody a freak for something like that, maybe that guy was just finnish.
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