How To Explain Jurdan To A Neophyte:

cursebearing hips

James: Reg, darling, love of my life, I’m begging you, please go see Madame Pomfrey. Pretty please? For me?

Regulus: I’m sorry, is this our stab wound??

James: Visualize the ocean

Regulus: *horrified screeching*

James:

James: A calm ocean

Regulus: Oh

Karma really worked its wonders with Cardan

Prince Cardan:

kicked dirt onto Jude's food

thrown Jude into a river and threatened her implicitly with drowning

threatened Jude to curse her with longing a kind word from his lips

High King Cardan:

ate dirt not to die

felt like he was drowning while Jude was under the waves

was ready to beg and grovel for a kind word from Jude

this is amazing wtf

jegulus fic where james is a youtuber/streamer who does all sorts of pretty crazy pranks and people ADORE him because he's totally shameless.

one day he gets dared to crash a wedding and oppose it, pretending to be in love with either the groom or the bride.

and even though his editor (and bestest friend) remus told him that that's fucking insane, james still chose to do it bc he's a menace. but he does promise to cut it all off if things get messy.

james gets everything ready and, after stalking some of his old school classmates, he finds that one of them is attending a wedding (it's mulciber, who james remembers to despise back then, so it's a win-win situation), which means his plan is all set.

by fate, and fate only, this wedding is regulus' and some girl's his parents chose for him (and mulciber was invited bc his family is very close to the black's)

and obviously, this is a clear forced marriage, regulus would rather kill himself than marry a girl, he's as gay as they come.

[for sake of the plot, sirius and james don't know each other at all, didn't go to school together either, and sirius didn't run away and is also livid with his parents for marrying reg off, but there wasn't anything he could do]

so! prank day, james is live the moment he, very dramatically, stands up and proclaims his love for this.... regulus guy, and how he knows he promised to not come but he just couldn't handle the thought of the love of his life being married to someone else (his followers thought he was going to claim to love the bride, but james found the groom way too cute and he just couldn't hold himself back, he's just a guy)

the 30 seconds of pure silence and shock that follow are almost enough to make james break character and start laughing like crazy.

regulus, who's flabbergasted by the way, knows immediately that it's a prank. however, this might as well be a sign of the gods, because, what are the chances that this (very handsome) random man, chose HIS wedding out of all, and targeted HIM to be the one he "loves"? way to many coincidences.

also, did he mention the dude is unbelievably fit?

he makes a choice right there.

using all his acting abilities, he makes a whole scene tearing up and running to him. it's so well done, james for a second believes they are actual lovers.

hell breaks at that moment, walburga goes absolutely nuts along with orion and their side of the family. the bride's family start a fight, and between the commotion regulus sees his brother laughing maniacally after their mother yells at regulus to stop playing games or he will get disowned.

james, who thinks that this is now along the lines of things getting messy, is about to announce it's all a prank, when regulus sees right through him, panics, and just whispers "im going to kiss you now, sorry" before snogging the life out of him.

remus, who's the camera guy, cuts the live right there.

james, oh james, he doesn't quite hear the screech walburga lets out because this backfired so bad, but jesus chirst can this regulus kiss. this is love at first sight. love at first prank, if you may.

regulus knowing stuff is about to get bad, just grabs james' hand and runs for it. james just follows, he's dizzy. remus also follows because he's NOT getting involved in all that, he's actually quitting james.

sirius follows too, if his little brother is finally disowned, there's no reason to stay, thank you very much.

anyways, this whole idea was just because i want james followers to see his channel thumbnails going:

CRASHING A RANDOM WEDDING 💍 PRANK #56

to

how i met the love of my life ; Q&A

and

REG AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED (im sealing all entries so no-one can crash it) — VLOG

bye

crazy little thing called love

"Would you all stop teasing me? This is a very serious matter for me!" James had said.

That was five minutes ago. Now Sirius has root beer trailing down his nose down to his neck while Remus was just silently holding his laughter.

About three hours ago, James had brought him, Padfoot, and Wormtail to The Three Broomsticks, saying he had a very serious matter to discuss. Everybody was being their normal self – well – everybody except James. Peter was worried for James, repeatedly asking "What is it?" over and over and over until the words seem to have turned alien to Remus. Sirius on the other hand was laughing all the way here, telling his mate to "Relax, I'm pretty sure you're just being overdramatic. And we all know I'm nothing if not dramatic. So, as the muggles say, chill, Prongs."

The next hour consists of a blur of butterbeer, root beer, and whisky. Usually, Remus would hold himself back and not drink too much alcohol. But it's been more than a week since the full moon and his hip was still screaming every time he slightly moves around. A little alcohol doesn't hurt anybody, does it? he thought.

In the middle of telling a story about how he's finally mastered the art of eyeliner, Sirius was interrupted by James who cleared his throat after being silent for the whole hour.

"I have an announcement to make," said James. HIs voice was odd. It was high-pitched and all over the place. Not very James-like really.

Sirius just stopped mid-sentence. "Breaking news, lads. Our best friends Prongsie here has finally learned how to speak again. Astonishing!"

Remus found himself rolling his eyes. Though he thought it was unusual that James was acting like this. Where was the overconfident jock he was this morning? He wasn't only acting strange since the trip here. He barely said a word at dinner. Only muttered 'nice' once and smiled to himself while the others were rambling on and on about their day. No, he was acting strange even before that. It was really after Potions, when the fifth year Gryffindors had a class with the fourth year Slytherins. Normally, James would partner up with Sirius, but this time, he immediately ran to Regulus' table.

Oh. Oh.

Remus isn't an idiot. He's seen how James always seem to want to get closer to Regulus, no matter how much he pushes him away. He's seen the way they look at each other. It's the same way he and Sirius used to stare at each other when the other wasn't looking. They still do that now, only when they lock eyes, they don't break the eye contact and instead smile at each other.

James might've not told Remus about how he fancies Sirius' little brother, but he's also heard how Regulus talks about him. How Reg always seem to be mean to James, but smile to himself when he thinks nobody else is looking.

Remus realizes what's coming up and he finally understands why James had been acting so weird.

"Go ahead, Prongs. We're sure it's not that bad." Remus had spilled out. "Whatever it is, we'll support you no matter what." He was lying. He didn't know if Sirius was going to like the news or not. What he knew though, was that James was Sirius' soulmate and even if he didn't accept it at first, Sirius would come to his senses and accept that it isn't really that bad.

"Yeah, go ahead, Jamie" said Sirius in between giggles. He hasn't seen his Moony this serious since forever. Not to mention the fact that he hasn't been this drunk since forever. Everything was a haze and Sirius could barely see James without nearly squinting his eye shut.

James took a deep breath. "Here goes nothing. All right, so... uh... you know Regulus right?" No, we don't, Remus wanted to say. Instead, he said "Yeah, go on." He could see Sirius clinging onto Peter while grinning like a huge dork. That Sirius black grin.

"Yeah! So, you and Padfoot, right? You guys are, well, together. Me and, shit how do I say this, well so, Reggie and I are like you guys now, basically" James was trying to speed up the process, but every time he tried to talk it all just came out in a jumbled mess. "Hey, Pads, care for another beer?"

Secret's out.

Remus could see that everyone is trying to wrap their head around what just happened. Peter's face dropped and he's currently staring at James, not saying a word. Sirius also seem to be processing the situation, albeit a little slowly. How drunk is he, really?

"Woah, woah, back the fuck up! So, you're saying that you, James Fleamont Potter, are dating my brother, Regulus Arcturus Black?" Sirius said. Well, more like shouted. "Like dating dating? As in 'I love you' dating?"

Let's not act like this is not what Remus had expected. There are only two outcomes from this. Either Sirius storms off, or, well, he doesn't really know what the other option is. Sirius doesn't seem like the type to lecture James about treating his brother right.

After a long, awkward silence, James finally muttered a quiet "Yeah." By now, Sirius has sat back down in his chair.

Shit, Remus thought.

After yet another awkward silence, Sirius looks at James in the eyes. Shiiiitt.

"James, do you love him?" "Huh?" "Do you love him, Regulus?" "Well yeah, I mean, I don't really know what love technically means but if I were to explain it, I would say that I love him." "Alright." Sirius turned to the bartender and asked for another bottle of beer.

That was it? James seems to be thinking the same thing. "What do you mean alright, Sirius?" He chuckled, "I mean alright. I trust you enough to know that you won't break his heart, which if you do, you won't live to see another day. But I haven't been blind, Prongs. I've seen the way you both are like when you're together."

"Plus, you're madly in loooooooooooove" Padfoot said. "He's in love, Moony, you hear that? Our James has grown up quickly."

Oh, so he isn't mad? Thank Merlin.

Remus smiled. "Oh, he's in love, all right. He loooooooooooves our dear old Regulus!" By now, Peter's woken up and decided to tease James as well. "It's a crazy little thing called love!" Peter sang.

"Don't laugh! I was genuinely terrified of what Padfoot was gonna say!" James said. Come to think of it, it was rather funny how he was all stammer and stutter a few minutes ago.

"This thing, called love," Sirius stood up and reached for Remus' hand, pulling him down from his chair. "I just can't handle it" Remus twirled him around like a ballerina.

"Crazy little thing called love," Remus muttered, then pulled Sirius close. And their lips met. For a moment, nothing else mattered. All sound has gone silent and all that Remus could think about was Sirius Orion.

"Oi! Stop stealing my moment!" he'd heard James mutter in the background. Remus couldn't care less. He could feel Sirius smiling into the kiss, which just made him pull him harder onto him.

Remus didn't know what love meant as well. He's read books, but they didn't nearly prepare him enough for what it actually felt like. Love is Sirius. Love is his Padfoot.

He pulled away from the kiss, but couldn't find the need to look anywhere else other than Sirius' eyes.

"I love you" His voice was close to a whisper.

"I love you most" Sirius muttered.

"Lads! We're still here! Don't leave me and Pete hanging like this, will ya?" James said, clapping his hands to regain their attention.

"Look, Moony, that's our looover boy," Sirius chuckled. Remus could only smile.

James shook his head. He actually looks frustrated. It makes everything all the more funnier.

"Would you all stop teasing me? This is a very serious matter for me!" James said.

Stop. No. Don't do it. Remus wanted to say. But he was too late.

"No! You're James, I'm Sirius!"

The most overtold joke in the history of jokes. For some reason, Remus though it was the most hilarious thing he's ever heard. He has heard Sirius use that joke, over and over and over again. But for once it actually seems to be funny.

It was most likely James' reaction that made Remus double over in laughter. He looks so tired of that joke. To the point where he could only close his eyes and exhale.

But that's not the thing that made Sirius laugh. No, it was Remus doubling over in laughter, which then caused his arse to bump into Peter, who fell onto the bar and landed in one of those stacks made out of shot glasses, causing the whole structure to topple over and the glasses to shatter all across the floor.

This time, it was Sirius' turn to laugh while Remus and Peter stood in horror.

"Oh no" was the only thing he could muster up. He could hear Sirius slapping James shoulder behind him while laughing, or more likely sobbing.

He turned around to face them, only to find that there was root beer running down Sirius' nose, down onto his neck and spreading all over his shirt. That's hot, he immediately thought before bursting into laughter again. Leaving Peter to face with the mess they made.

p.s this was just a fun little thing that i wanted to try out. i had an idea and it just came onto life. i had a lot of fun writing this and might try writing more in the future. apologies for grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language. hope you liked it <3

Unrequited Prongstail being the reason Peter betrays James is a whole other world of hurt and pain!

Unrequited Prongstail where James is in love with Regulus and can forgive Regulus but not Peter? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“i never see you at the club” ok well i never see you on ao3 at 2am reading about the same two bitches falling in love for the 1000th time in the 500th way

// arcane spoilers

the dictatorship leaving caitlyn’s body when she sees her girl wearing bandages as a shirt

yes.

sirius: i’m going to fight the next person who hates on moony

remus: i hate myself

sirius: ALRIGHT YOH BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF SHIT SQUARE UP