You Heard Me.

Me: I'm adopting you. Where do I sign?

You are a villain with a long-standing rivalry with the local Magical Girl. One day, you learn that the Magical Girl has been abandoned by her parents.

I'm guess it's your birthday?

I LOVE BIRTHDAYS

you were BORN and you made it through ANOTHER YEAR and I'm excited for you so I'm gonna give you a gift that I think you'll like and you're gonna eat something delicious!!!!!! like cake or spaghetti or whatever, you get to choose!!!! birthdays fucking rule!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand that bit, but what I don't understand is where you got the passum.

gently bap your passum

I look like a fucking man

I'm not gonna sugar coat it!!!!!

you're very beautiful.

and yeah,

you're gonna have to deal with that for the rest of your life

Oh really? I didn't know.

raisin' both

A resturant near where I live has Bob Roth on one TV all the time. I love watching him paint while eatting my pizza

*speaking into the megaphones* YOU ARE NOT MATURE YA DUMB BITCH!!! (Just trying to be funny here. Sorry if I was rude)

“These specimens have been conditioned for contact. They’re safe. But if you see them in the wild, DO NOT approach. It’s very dangerous.” “Why? Are they aggressive?” “No, they’re extremely friendly and very playful. That’s why it’s dangerous.”

Me: Do you really want to know? Alien: YES! Me: Okay.... *starts to talk about things wrong with the human race* And that's only what I know! Alien: *to her commander* Commander.... please make a therapy session for the entire planet Earth...

“Remember, if you die in the simulation-” “Yeah, yeah, we know, you die in real life.” “What? No! You need to reset the simulation with this terminal! What is WRONG with you humans?!”

Me: FAE?! WHAT THE F-

Human: I don't get this whole "Earth is a death world" thing. Like, obviously it wouldn't seem like one to us, but why is it one to you guys? Are your home planets *that* much more free of disease and predators and stuff?

Alien: Oh, yes. Earth is far more hostile than our home worlds.

Human: Huh. Wonder why.

Alien: I suspect it's due to Earth's high iron content blocking the fae from disposing of such minor threats.

Human: Yeah, I guess that

Human:

Human: what

Tiny fairy in alien's translator headpiece: Shut up, they think we're mythical, it's *hilarious*.

Alien: I mean... Sure is a mystery, huh?