REMEMBER THAT EPISODE WHERE REESE THOUGHT MALCOLM WAS GAY AND MALCOLM THOUGHT REESE WAS GAY AND THEY

INTELLIGENCE IS NOT MEASURED IN YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF MATH

“I want to speak to a manager,” the middle-aged woman said in her stern I-used-to-be-a-soccer-mom-ten-years-ago voice, looking down at me over the top of her Gucci reading glasses.

A wicked grin split across my face and the gates of Hell opened up behind me, releasing a gust of hot wind that whipped my apron around my body and forced the woman to shield her face. Demons came forth, dancing around in flames with songs of, “She wants to speak to a manager. Did you hear that? She wants to speak to a manager!” before erupting into earsplitting shrieks of laughter, none louder than my own cackling.

I took in the woman’s look of utter horror before my eyes rolled back into my head and I growled,

“I am the manager.”

R.I.P. The 2976 American people that lost their lives on 9/11 and R.I.P. the 48,644 Afghan and 1,690,903 Iraqi and 35000 Pakistani people that paid the ultimate price for a crime they did not commit

Shout out to girls who don’t mind being called dude and man casually

niggaqueef:

when you sat in a weird position for a long time and you move and then your foot feels like this

most accurate description of anything accurate ever in the history of accuracy

i know its the mets, but this is the coolest shit i’ve ever seen a human being do

why does dennys have a tumblr