On Hope

indigo film poster (so excited for the album!)

just finished the new percy jackson book, the chalice of the gods and i'm curled up into fetal position, crying my eyes out— because this book was truly written for us, the ones who read the series at 9 years old and were absolutely taken with the sassy hero who loves his friends too much. the ones who are now in their early years of adulthood and inheriting a world of uncertainty.

the themes of growing up, trying to figure out what that means in this world, and desperately wanting to live a good life. rick wrote it with that boyish charm that percy has always had but he knew his audience has grown up and he told this story for them, the twenty-somethings who will never forget opening that first book about a boy who never wanted to be a demigod.

when jeanette winterson wrote “i want to be able to call you. i want to able to knock on your door. i want to able to keep your key and give you mine. i want there to be no gossip. i want to make supper with you. i want to go shopping with you. i want to know noting can come between us expect each other.” and when franz kafka wrote “you clam you haven’t done enough nice things for me, but is there anything nicer, any greater honor you can show me than simply being with me and allowing me to sit in front of you” and when james schuyler said “not to be in love with you i can’t remember what it was like it must’ve been lousy” and when caitlyn siehl “You are making breakfast in every dream that I have of you. You are in the kitchen, your soft middle pressed up against the cold marble countertops like a vision too beautiful for the magazines, sprinkling dark chocolate chips over pancakes. I think for a brief second that I am dreaming inside of my dream, that I had to make you up twice, just to get it right. You, brushing your dark hair out of your face, smearing batter across your cheeks. You have come and made my dreams smaller, narrower. Filled them with sugar and your body humming in the same room as mine. I dream, now, of a normal life with you. A life where breakfast lasts until the sun goes down, until I have finished gazing at you from across the table, flour dried to your forehead like a kiss.” and when sanna wani wrote “I want to eat fruit the same way you eat fruit with your lips not your teeth tongues stained with juice when I smile I want you to smile back wipe the corner of my mouth with your thumb kiss me kiss your thumb show me how fruit tastes in your mouth just a touch different from how it tastes in mine” and when daniel walsh said “I crave the simplest love of you with you. a cold night, warm sheets, and your skin against my own. certainly, that is all I could ever ask for.” and edna st. vincent millay wrote “I am going to make you love me. sweetheart, what I mean is: I want to sit on the edge of your bed while you have your breakfast - i want to laugh with you, be incredibly silly, be incredibly happy, be like children, and I want to kiss you more than anything in the world.”

Joy Sullivan, from "Long Division", Instructions for Traveling West

the smallness of the quest, returning a lost chalice, let the audience see a side of percy that is different.

this is a percy that has time.

a percy that has time to go to school and join clubs. a percy who has time to go to smoothie shops with annabeth and grover. a percy that has time to think about what he wants and what he's scared of. a percy that has time to be a kid.

June Jordan, “Resolution #1,003.” Haruko/Love Poems

the smallness of the quest, returning a lost chalice, let the audience see a side of percy that is different.

a percy that has time.

he isn't running from monsters or at the epicenter of a war.

this is a percy that had time to go to school and join clubs. a percy who has time to go to smoothie shops with annabeth and grover. a percy that has time to have dinner with his mom and step-dad.

a percy that has time to think, about what he wants, about what he's scared of. a percy that has time to be a kid and just exist.

you live in a house of god; praying on your knees; and wonder why he never saves you.

on being unloved by god

a lot of you know me for the "my psychiatrist asks me about friendship & i tell him about distance" excerpt but its been almost a year since i wrote it & the whole piece still resonates so i thought id share (x)