"Don't Let Your Belly Fool You, Mi Amor! You Look Even Sexier Just Like The Day We Almost Killed Each

Suwa Rei | Buddy Daddies ep. 12 ✨

Power has meaning. → Morrigan for Shanoa

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

Obey Me As Tumblr #4

Satan: So I MEANT to say “oh crap, I left my phone in my car” but what I ALMOST said was “oh no, I left my cone in my phar,” and damn wouldn’t that have been embarrassing, but I caught myself, and what I ACTUALLY said was

“Ah, my fart cone.”

So anyway

•

Simeon: Today these two boys in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher said “could you try to be a little more mature?”

One of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face

•

Leviathan: Sex is so weird it’s literally just putting your penis inside someone else’s penis. Like what the fuck

Asmodeus: I don’t think that’s how it works

Leviathan: Yes it is. I’ve had so much sex. A lot. Like 100 sex.

•

Mammon: What did one cell say to his sister cell that stepped on his toe

Mammon: Mitosis

Leviathan: I want to die

•

Mammon: How long does someone have to be dead before it’s considered archeology instead of grave robbing

Solomon: An an archeologist I find this a veRY AWKWARD QUESTION

Mammon: Answer the question grave robber

•

Satan: Ah yes, the Trojan horse. Or as I like to call it murderous piñata

•

Asmodeus: Years ago I watched this porn and the girl was screaming ‘oh god, oh god!!!’ And this dude was like ‘there are no gods here’ and to this day it haunts me wtf was he talking about

•

Mammon: At my funeral there is going to be a closed casket and then it will be opened to reveal I am not inside. Instead they will turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the space jam theme song is playing in the back ground

Mammon: Never mind my brother says I can’t do that

•

MC: I just had the best encounter with a child at Kmart. I was in the aisle shopping and this boy and his dad come around the corner. The little blonde boy sees me and excitedly exclaims “there’s a human here!!” To which his father replied, “Yes, there’s humans everywhere.”

Mammon: Bro you do realize you just met aliens

Solomon: Not unusual for Kmart

•

Mammon: I was looking at grapes in the store and this old lady comes up to me and goes “you’re not stealing those are you?” So I’m like no lol? and she goes “oh, well I am.” And grabbed a handful of grapes and left

Leviathan: GKSKVKSM

•

Diavolo: “What time is it?” You ask, I pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce “it is cloudy.”

•

Solomon: This is the dumbest thing to nitpick, but the phrase “real UFO” bothers me any UFO is a real UFO as long as it’s unidentified and flying because that’s what those words mean whether or not it’s an alien is a different matter. It could be a pancake someone threw real hard as long as you don’t know that’s what it is it’s a UFO

Satan: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Anything is a UFO if you’re bad enough at identified stuff

•

MC: People with uteri are never gonna have a perfectly flat stomach. They’re always gonna have a little pouch, because that’s where we keep our bees.

Thirteen: Once a month the moon angers the bees.

•

Lucifer: Gave my students a pop quiz today and learned something new: if you make all the answers C, you will see 35 of the most hilariously panicked and confused faces in the world.

Raphael: Are you Satan?

•

Leviathan: Was it really necessary for me to be born?

Simeon: Possibly not, but double chocolate chip cookies aren’t necessarily either but I wouldn’t want to live in a world without them

Leviathan: That is the most uplifting thing I’ve read all day

•

Belphegor: What if your phobias are based off how you died in a past life

Mammon: Why is this not getting around faster

Beelzebub: DUDE

•

Leviathan: It’s 2021 why can’t I delete friends in real life?

Leviathan: Ok so it turns out what I was thinking of it called murder

•

Satan: Next time a conspiracy theorist tries to tell you ‘what really happened’, present a more outlandish theory and accuse them of covering up the truth

Conspiracy theorist: “The moon landing was faked!”

Me: “Pfft, you believe in the moon?”

•

MC: Boys are so lucky they get boners to tell them that they’re horny because girls are just like am I horny or am I hungry or am I bored I don’t know I don’t have a dick

Mammon: That’s definitely an interesting take. But sometimes we get boners for no reason and it’s something like “What is it boy? Did you see something?”

•

Solomon: I just attended the best Passion of the Christ play. As they were “nailing” Jesus to the cross the entire thing broke. No one knew what to do and it got quiet. Finally one of the guards on stage said “you get out of it this time Jesus”

Mammon: Omfg

Leviathan: I CAN’T STOP FUCKING LAUGHING NOBODY LOOK AT ME

Satan: #IT’S BACK

Dragon Age PCs for @transandersrights

✣ 𝕷𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖆 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖙𝖑𝖔𝖈𝖐 ✣

Most commonly known as Lavi [close friends at Hogwarts] or Winnie [everyone else].

✣𝕭𝖆𝖘𝖎𝖈

Birthday: 28th of April;

Wand: Alder, 12 1/4 inches, Phoenix feather, Surprisingly Swishy;

Amortentia: old parchment, ink-stained fingers and fresh baked bread;

Boggart: the faceless figures of her parents* [changed after the events of the end of 5th year];

Animagus form: ginger main coon cat [learned from Natty during 6th year];

✣𝕬𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊

Height: 169 cm [5′ 6.5″];

Hair color: auburn, past shoulders [gets quite few grey strands after watching Isidora’s memories], usually in a loose bun;

Eye color: naturally brown, gradually got deep blue after awakening ancient magic. There’s a remaining ring of brown around her iris;

Scars: swirl-shaped over right eye and cheek [caused by ancient magic], diffindo-shaped over her left side, hip and thigh [thank you, Mr.Sallow], behind her left ear [fell off the tree];

✣𝕻𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞

[cunning - inquisitive - intuitive - resilient - determined]

Love starved puppy. Taught to rely on herself from a young age, Lavi does know how to stand her ground. Anxious and therefore intuitive, attentive to people's emotions, can easily empathize with strangers. Has quite amicable image with sprinkle of mischief, but reserves her true emotions to herself. Values friendship and her people to the point of quiet possessiveness out of fear of abandonment. Will do equally anything to make them feel better and protect both emotionally and physically, as do anything to make them stay in her circle, so she chooses carefully. Can be very motherly when comforting someone [as it's an orphan's copium she doesn't know any better], is in generally surprisingly tactile.

Despite having some repulsion towards authority, prefers to be on good terms with it, aka "i learn the rules before I break them". Is open to new things: would go on exploring equally before and past curfew but after all assignment are finished. Due to Ancient Magic she is quite well-rounded, but nothing too extensive, despite diligence. [Will do everything academically to not get sent back to orphanage, even if it kills her]. Picked up reading passion again after befriending Sebastian, but really got into it after the main events. Inherited her father's cunningness, will sweet-talk you into anything without much ado and tell exactly what you need to hear to further whatever she's pursuing because that's life.

[Suffers from two Obliviate spells and Isidora's pensives: can get moody or silent for visibly no reason, her memory can swindle before going back to normal. After 5th year enters whole identity crisis, where a "bleeding effect" might mess her up a bit.]

Likes: being cared for, sound of waves, sense of accomplishment, smell of moss and old paper, fresh pastry, long walks, things going her way;

Dislikes: hot humid weather, closed spaces [le milde claustrophobia], reprimands and general feel of shame, pine sap and mosquitos;

Has a knack for: dueling [it helps her relieve stress and pent-up aggression and she'll go into the forbidden forest for some venting purposes], non-verbal spellcasting, grave robbing treasure hunting;

Fears: to be forgotten and abandoned;

Strives for: approval recognition;

✣𝕭𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉

Known relatives:

Liam Whitlock [father, alive] - halfblood miracle monger, allied with Ashwinders;

Ambrosia Blishwick [mother, alive]

Miriam Fig [nee. Blishwick] [grandaunt, deceased]

Martin Locke [cousin, alive, belonging to @cetuscorvus]

Was an accident, but quite welcomed child, that was acquainted to nomad lifestyle since she was a wee-baby. Takes strongly after her mother, who was up to no good and eloped in the first place;

Travelled with her parents and avoided law till tender age of 8, then was rightfully labelled a squib. Without much remorse was dropped off in the godforsaken town of Portreath in an orphanage, obliviated and waved goodbye.

Raised a proper working class Victorian girl without a clue what magic is. Rose with the dawn, sang in church choir, worked as soon as she was the age, looked out for the youngsters.

Developing a certain disdain for authorities ever since, often found herself in the nearby ruins that townsfolk either avoided or did not even see, it became her hideout.

Made fatuous acquaintance with Miriam Fig in late 1889, when she first came to Portreath to investigate said ruins as part of her travels. Miriam, being the good bean she is, befriended her first cousin once removed, realizing Lavinia does see the traces of ancient magic and can aid in her search. [It is where the Portkey came from];

As Lavi’s magic was released at one point as a self-defence mechanism, it left her scarred and Miriam contacted the Ministry on her behalf.

During heated debate about what to do with Lavinia and all the Ministry paperwork and goblins taking track of Miriam’s research, it was deemed safer to take the bait off the unknowing child, so another memory charm was used. Due Miriam’s request prior to her death, Lavi was taken in by professor Fig for a few summer months to learn what she could about the wizarding world. The man was by all means still grieving, so not much about her practical education was actually done.

✣✣✣

Portia [The Arcana] | Catherine[The Great] | Donna Noble [Doctor Who] | Max Mayfield[Stranger Things] | Sylvie[Loki] | Leliana[Dragon Age]

Human Reader

*the witchers sitting around the desk*

Geralt: no you don't understand. Jaskier sometimes can be so reckless I'm wondering how is he still alive?

Eskel: oh god I can feel this.

Geralt: hmm... No offense, but Y/n looks more calm than the bard.

Eskel: once when I was on a hunt, Y/n stayed at the camp. We were traveling together like... A month I guess? They didn't know much about witcher stuff. When I get back from the hunt I found them looking straight at the fire. And when I asked them what's going on, they told me, that they drinked all of my potions because "they were all shiny and pretty". I had never been so worried and nervous in my whole life.

Geralt: you won. *under his breath* thanks god for Jaskier.

Hello. I really love your companion reacts, and I was wondering how the companions would react to an elven ex-slave inquisitor's master returning for their "property"?

Everyone: 

This is my large headcanon about Clan Lavellan in my DA ‘verse that I was finally able to more or less get out of my head. I’m surprisingly proud of this although it took me awhile to write. 

I would like to thank @vir-ghilani for reading over it first and offering suggestions.

If I could, I’d make pretty banners for each section but I don’t have that talent so the above is the best I could do so, sorry it’s not more polished looking.

Feel free to ask questions!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                          Clan Lavellan Master Post

Index:

1.     Codex

2.     History

3.     Region

4.     Diet

5.     Religious Practices

6.     Hanal’dirthara

7.     Seers and Oracles

8.     Magic

9.     Material Culture

10.   Folklore

11.  Relationships

                                       Codex Entry: Clan Lavellan

Clan Lavellan is one of the few Clans of the Dalish who thrive in the dangerous and dark swamp forest of the Korcari Wilds. They have lived in the wilds since the Towers Age, being one of the last great houses to leave during the Chantry’s Exalted March of Halamshiral.

House Lavellan had been dedicated to discovering the lost magics of Arlathan and many of their members were gifted with Dreaming abilities, specifically Seers and Oracles. It is perhaps unsurprising then that they ended up settling in the Wilds, living alongside the Chasind folk who’s hedge witch matriarchs have similar gifts.

Indeed, Clan Lavellan even learned the ways of Shapeshifting from these Witch of the Wilds and have had a unique peaceful alliance that is rarely seen with elves and humans.

The Veil being as thin as it is in the Wilds is likely the reason the Clan produces so many mages and with less of a fear from the Chantry’s Templars they are able to remain in the Clan, only being sent to other Clans who are in dire need.

These mage members who are not to become Keeper apprentices are still taught the writings and if not dedicated to another apprenticeship will form special groups with some hunters known as Hanal’dirthara who specifically search for lost lore and bring it back to the Clan to study. Mages in the Clan who are born with any Seer abilities are typically apprenticed to the Keeper as it is a rare gift, often skipping generations and never in strong numbers.

Between the desire for knowledge and the intricacies of the fog covered swamp that they live in, it is said that “A Lavellan always finds the path”.

-        Excerpt taken from a First’s lesson learning of various Clans

Keep reading

Iron bull and Dorian (after they get together) react to a child Inquisitor referring to the both of them as their dads

Both of them:

“Double the dads for double the fun, right, Imekari? Kadan?” –Bull, probably.