They’re So Cute Wtf

"Hanging with you? Not healthy--"

RoR Incorrect quotes#85 Mama Bear

Now All...Imagen that In the fight between Zeus and Adam was switched last minute to you and Zeus

Zeus: It’s useless to win!*Manages to throw a punch to your face*

As you create a magic barrier to lessen the blow you still fly off to have your body smack against the arena walls, As Eve tries to hold Adam back...Eve watches in horror as your body lays on the ground coughing blood

Eve*Pupils dilate like an ACTIVATED JASON BOURNE and she hears “KILL BILL” music in her head as your eyes managed to look at hers*Myyyyy…. Sweeeeet…. BaaabBBBYY! Hermes*Spotting her from the other side of the ring* She seems agitated?-

Eve jumps into the arena, grabs the back of Zeus' head SLAMS them to the ground...SHOCKING EVERYONE in the arena...EVEN CAIN AND ABEL...Minus Adam who is clapping in support at his wife, A random God who was put to take out anyone who interferes with the fight goes to Eve- MinorGod: Do not defy me-*Is impaled in the chest by Eve's hand as he feels his heart being ripped by her* Eve: I AM EVE- MOTHER OF HUMANITY! LOOK UPON ME IN FEARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!*bounces the heart into her purse and swings her colorful purse around like a gunslinger*

More of the minor gods of the Greek pantheon charge her and SHE RIPS INTO THEM! She DECAPITATES them and goes ON AN ALL-OUT RAMPAGE- She charges at a TERRIFIED Zeus. She makes fighting grunts and growls as she beats the SNOT of them, But Zeus was about to turn around to run-

Zeus*Feels Eve grabbed his legs and swung him around till she throws him towards the gods*No! She’s grown too powerful! Please! PLEASE! AUGHHHHHHHHH!- She slices and Dices thru the gods! She jumps on another god and slices their face causing blood to spray onto her UNBLINKING FACE She jumps on another AND RIDES THEM LIKE A HOVERBOARD! As she HOLDS A “BLEEDING” HEAD OF A GOD RIGHT AT CAMERA Eve: YeeeAAARRGHHHH!!!!*flies about the air, slicing warrior gods in half left and right! A splatter of blood hits You, Cain, and Abel as Adam hugs you three like a bloodstain from a horror movie, You and Humanity+Valkyries watch your mother in still fear Zeus: NO! The reckoning is at hand!

...Adam WAS the first to witness...how Eve threw under all her sweetness and wholesomeness...lies a bear NO ONE should poke if she senses her babies are in danger...He ALMOST pity's the gods...

A very dumb little thing because I like to make animations that I will never clean up ever

“Well said. Perhaps I was mistaken.”

I haven’t answered asks or done headcannons in a while 😭 so take this as compensation

Vergil when he takes care of his drunk lover

"Don't let your belly fool you, mi amor! You look even sexier just like the day we almost killed each other!"

Zevran would surely be a doting daddy, always watching over his children and Brianna as they sleep and always keeping his eyes wide open for anyone who approaches his loved ones

Fenris! Fenris! He's smiling at me Fenris! Look! Look!

I think Fenris would try to be the best dad in the world if he ever had a kid with Hawke (Considering his troubled family and painful past with Danarius)

Do you think a regular staff would be good for her? Or a... mini staff?

Buying Vanessa's First Staff

Sera may not like magic very much, but for her little girl she will try

The little ones

Obey Me As Tumblr #4

Satan: So I MEANT to say “oh crap, I left my phone in my car” but what I ALMOST said was “oh no, I left my cone in my phar,” and damn wouldn’t that have been embarrassing, but I caught myself, and what I ACTUALLY said was

“Ah, my fart cone.”

So anyway

•

Simeon: Today these two boys in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher said “could you try to be a little more mature?”

One of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face

•

Leviathan: Sex is so weird it’s literally just putting your penis inside someone else’s penis. Like what the fuck

Asmodeus: I don’t think that’s how it works

Leviathan: Yes it is. I’ve had so much sex. A lot. Like 100 sex.

•

Mammon: What did one cell say to his sister cell that stepped on his toe

Mammon: Mitosis

Leviathan: I want to die

•

Mammon: How long does someone have to be dead before it’s considered archeology instead of grave robbing

Solomon: An an archeologist I find this a veRY AWKWARD QUESTION

Mammon: Answer the question grave robber

•

Satan: Ah yes, the Trojan horse. Or as I like to call it murderous piñata

•

Asmodeus: Years ago I watched this porn and the girl was screaming ‘oh god, oh god!!!’ And this dude was like ‘there are no gods here’ and to this day it haunts me wtf was he talking about

•

Mammon: At my funeral there is going to be a closed casket and then it will be opened to reveal I am not inside. Instead they will turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the space jam theme song is playing in the back ground

Mammon: Never mind my brother says I can’t do that

•

MC: I just had the best encounter with a child at Kmart. I was in the aisle shopping and this boy and his dad come around the corner. The little blonde boy sees me and excitedly exclaims “there’s a human here!!” To which his father replied, “Yes, there’s humans everywhere.”

Mammon: Bro you do realize you just met aliens

Solomon: Not unusual for Kmart

•

Mammon: I was looking at grapes in the store and this old lady comes up to me and goes “you’re not stealing those are you?” So I’m like no lol? and she goes “oh, well I am.” And grabbed a handful of grapes and left

Leviathan: GKSKVKSM

•

Diavolo: “What time is it?” You ask, I pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce “it is cloudy.”

•

Solomon: This is the dumbest thing to nitpick, but the phrase “real UFO” bothers me any UFO is a real UFO as long as it’s unidentified and flying because that’s what those words mean whether or not it’s an alien is a different matter. It could be a pancake someone threw real hard as long as you don’t know that’s what it is it’s a UFO

Satan: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Anything is a UFO if you’re bad enough at identified stuff

•

MC: People with uteri are never gonna have a perfectly flat stomach. They’re always gonna have a little pouch, because that’s where we keep our bees.

Thirteen: Once a month the moon angers the bees.

•

Lucifer: Gave my students a pop quiz today and learned something new: if you make all the answers C, you will see 35 of the most hilariously panicked and confused faces in the world.

Raphael: Are you Satan?

•

Leviathan: Was it really necessary for me to be born?

Simeon: Possibly not, but double chocolate chip cookies aren’t necessarily either but I wouldn’t want to live in a world without them

Leviathan: That is the most uplifting thing I’ve read all day

•

Belphegor: What if your phobias are based off how you died in a past life

Mammon: Why is this not getting around faster

Beelzebub: DUDE

•

Leviathan: It’s 2021 why can’t I delete friends in real life?

Leviathan: Ok so it turns out what I was thinking of it called murder

•

Satan: Next time a conspiracy theorist tries to tell you ‘what really happened’, present a more outlandish theory and accuse them of covering up the truth

Conspiracy theorist: “The moon landing was faked!”

Me: “Pfft, you believe in the moon?”

•

MC: Boys are so lucky they get boners to tell them that they’re horny because girls are just like am I horny or am I hungry or am I bored I don’t know I don’t have a dick

Mammon: That’s definitely an interesting take. But sometimes we get boners for no reason and it’s something like “What is it boy? Did you see something?”

•

Solomon: I just attended the best Passion of the Christ play. As they were “nailing” Jesus to the cross the entire thing broke. No one knew what to do and it got quiet. Finally one of the guards on stage said “you get out of it this time Jesus”

Mammon: Omfg

Leviathan: I CAN’T STOP FUCKING LAUGHING NOBODY LOOK AT ME

Satan: #IT’S BACK

Am now done turning the demon brothers into sheep. So here is Lusheeper, spreadsheep, Lesheep, Sasheep, Assheep, Beesheep, Belpsleep , and maybe the side characters will get sheepafied someday, but until then we I have this to offer

Iron bull and Dorian (after they get together) react to a child Inquisitor referring to the both of them as their dads

Both of them:

“Double the dads for double the fun, right, Imekari? Kadan?” –Bull, probably.