Giving In

YOU | 3.08 Swing and a Miss

Ethical non-monogamy and the full moon.

“Don’t look at the full moon with her. It would break my heart.” I know it’s unreasonable so I never ask, but I wish I could. I know better though, I know the moon doesn’t belong to me, and neither does he. Standing under the moon is a different thing between any two people, I know this, but it feels like mine. 

Never let her turn around and kiss you on the stairs the way I do. Never let her write stories on the back of your neck with her fingernails after you fuck. Never let her fall asleep on your shoulder, in the crook of your arm, the one that’s just the right shape for me to nestle against. I know in my heart it’s not just for me, I know it’s human-shaped, not me-shaped, but let’s pretend okay? Let’s pretend you were built just for me. What a pretty little fantasy. 

Let’s pretend that there were rules that could protect us, that if we just stayed within the right boundaries this would never hurt. Let’s pretend we can legislate our feelings, follow the red tape, let’s pretend regulations and a page of things we Can Not Do would be simple, like a grocery list. You never look at the moon with her and I’ll never let anyone brush my hair out of my face when it’s messy. I’ll never let anyone kiss my baby toes or hide my face during movies at the scary parts. I’ll never slow dance in the kitchen with anyone but you. 

Until I’m dancing, in a different kitchen, with someone who isn’t you. It’s a different dance, of course. They don’t hold me like you do, they’re cooking dinner and I touched them, it drew them to me, and next thing you know we were dancing. It doesn’t feel like a travesty or an invasion of our space, your space, my space with you. It feels like dancing in the kitchen with someone else. It’s wonderful in it’s own way, but different entirely. 

That’s why it would be a silly rule; You can outlaw an activity but you can’t control the intimacy between two people, the way any arbitrary act can feel magical, the chemistry at play. These things are not compartments you can lock up or barricade, they are life experiences, lived moments. Building blocks to connections that neither you or I can predict. We have to trust in what we’ve built together, and all the unique ways we make each other happy. The moon is going to look amazing tonight, no matter whose hand you’re holding as you look towards the sky. And if there’s fireworks between two people, you wouldn’t need the moon to see them. We can feel how we feel, that’s the deal. 

Hey, long time no talk

I hope you're doing well and i just wanted to let you know

that I'm still here waiting for you and i miss you a lot.

List of Non-sexual forms of intimacy

Watching tv/movies together

going to events together like carnivals, festivals etc.

going on dates like to the movies or shopping

Sharing secrets

hugs

sharing drinks

phone calls

talking

touching noses

cuddling

philosophical discussions

Hand holding

Sharing jokes

sharing smiles

laying your head on someone’s shoulder

linking arms

massages

tickling

playing with hair

scratching backs

tracing designs on arms

talking about the future

a hand written note

moving your head to their chest and listening to their heartbeat.

singing together or playing instruments together

dancing

feeding each other

drawing/writing on one another

Brushing your partners hair

sharing food

sitting knee to knee across from each other

 Doing beauty treatments like facials or manicures, hair dying or face masks

reading books together

take care of your partner when sick

talking about the relationship (how I feel with you, How I feel w/ this relationship)

cooking together

Head-scratches

hugging

discussions about yourselves (like flaws, shortcomings, passions, stuff)

being physically/emotionally vulnerable

just sleeping together,

an actual open honest conversation

bathing and taking care of hygiene together

butterfly kisses

nuzzling

telling on-the-fly stories

meditating or sharing spirituality

grooming

sharing hobbies

studying

sharing personal stories

shaving

seeing each other without make-up or all dressed up

moral support for major events

crying, sharing emotions, comforting each other

listening to someones heartbeat or breathing

camping/hiking

sleepovers

being with animals together

going on trips together

sharing clothes/jewelry/personal items

Sharing online social media

cleaning someone else’s living space

going with them to a doctor/therapist

doing art together

kissing different body parts

making out

volunteer together

work together

talking about wants and desires

experience new things together

do an extracurricular together

play games together

play sports together

walking together

being respectful and kind to one another (helping them do things, open doors for them etc.)

Sharing responsibilities (chores, babysitting etc.)

giving each other presents, special things from the heart

talking about and respecting each others boundaries

public displays of affection

grooming in front of each other

wrestling or play fighting

texting/talking online

looking in each other’s eyes

complimenting each other

falling asleep over skype or chat

making faces at each other

sky watching

write poetry

inside jokes

respect each other

tell them how you feel about them

kiss and touch different parts of the body

get to know each other better (playing 20 questions)

go for a ride together

close your eyes and memorise each others faces with your fingers

walk arm in arm

make a playlist together

make up your own words or slang

go out to eat

list each other’s best features

bring your faces close without touching and feel each other breath

Go shopping together

throw a party or other event together

leave love notes

exercise together

exchange something meaningful

try to have a whole conversation with only eye contact and facial expressions

sit back to back and feel each other’s heart breat

learn their favorite food and make it

run errands together

look at photos together

take photos together

go people watch

have a staring contest

learn something new together

take turns leading each other on a nature walk blindfolded

get to know each others family and friends

draw or sculpt each other

paint each other’s bodies

play with kids together

practicing a skill together

sharing food

being in comfortable clothes together

waving goodbye

being comfortable with each other’s bodily functions

partner touching affectionately without asking

touching a partner affectionately without asking

partner touching affectionately in public

touching a partner affectionately in public

being partially undressed with parnter

being completely naked with a partner

direct eye contact

looking at genitals

talking about your or your partner’s body

any others you can think of?

CK