I think i just need to express that the culture surrounding QPRs right now made me think that i couldn't have strong bonds with my friends. Society told me i cant have strong bonds with friends because that was only for romantic relationships. Then i went into aro spaces and this idea was reinforced using QPRs instead of romantic relationships. it was "You can still have strong bonds with people without romance! It can just be a QPR instead!" "QPRs are MORE than friendship so you can have STRONGER BONDS than you would with friends."
it made me think that the relationships i wanted with my friends HAD to be something other than friendship for it to be as strong as i wanted. If i wanted to be the first person in someones life i had to enter some sort of committed relationship. if I wanted someone to care about me as strongly as i did them then it would have to be a relationship that was "more" than friendship.
I thought I wanted a QPR because i was told the only way to get that care and security that I wanted was to enter into a relationship that was "more" than friendship. because friends didn't care that much. because friends didn't live together their entire lives. because friends were never the priority relationship wise. and it took me years to realize that i didn't want any partnership and i shouldn't have to be in one to want these things from a friend. these things CAN be something friends can do. but i found that out on my own. because the aro community kept saying "you want a QPR" when i just wanted a friend who finally saw me as a priority in their life.
What I feel like so many people forget about Aizen, is that loneliness is the key identity behind his character. Every single action Aizen has taken, from who he has chosen to be by his side, from those he chose to betray and personally hurt, to why he is so callous, doesn't give a fuck, all come back to this. It's why he is so angry inside, burning up like a time bomb while carefully keeping a lid tightly sealed on it. It is why he lost the battle with Ichigo. Why he lost his new power instead of further evolving (because HÅgyoku shows you your deepest wishes), but he had self-decieved himself so hard that even he was shocked by this. He has high pride, it would never let him assimilate among people, especially a cult-like organization. The idea of losing himself is reflected in Kaname's words about how it is evil to assimilate in an evil world. Fierce independence. And he is spiteful that no one can see him. Or they will only see an illusion (why else is his power, the identity of his Zanpakuto about illusion?). People who actually looked for him couldn't. It is no wonder he saw it all as supreme weakness. He is right there and is missed, practically a ghost who just craves to be seen as who he actually is, not some glorious idol, and not an evil wolf in the bushes. Also reflected in Starrk, the loneliest Espada who just wanted to find a place to belong.
Because everything is bullshit, he decided to use his immense power to change it. He decided to embrace that. Instead, he failed, and is left in the darkest pit.
Aizen did not fight Yhwach because he wanted to take the throne from him. Nor did he want to escape Muken. He didn't do it out of spite. The only reason he left his cell was to personally remind this new king that he would never bow to him. Everything else was secondary. He fought Yhwach because he did not want to live under his rule. He will never be content to live under any rule.
i hate when you google a word and some fucking company comes up instead. Do you think you are more important than the english dictionary you piece of shit corporation
How does it feel to have an objectively correct opinion
Since y'all seemed to like the last one, here's the thrilling sequel with the lieutenants
not sure if this was intentional
what the fuck is going on
Tojoctober Day 20. Stubborn
goodbye spring