I Think We’re Getting Lost In The Weeds If We Start Distinguishing Between Good (morally Acceptable)

We should always talk more about the emotional manipulation and gaslighting that comes from being women under the patriarchy. Violence and threats only go so far to oppress women. The rest of the trap is the way that patriarchy has managed to trick women into keeping ourselves down, without us ever noticing it.

Take this paragraph:

Like Buffy, do we feminist women turn to mediocre men who can express messiness so that we don’t have to? Does it make us feel stronger, more powerful, or more competent by comparison—but also keep us measuring our worth in relation to others rather than to ourselves? The strong woman/bad boyfriend phenomenon reminds me of how I felt when I first began interacting with transgendered (male-to-female) women at book signings. The women whom Amy Richards and I met during the Manifesta tour often came with a critique that the book had no discussion of transgender rights. I felt terrifically defensive—obsessed with the way the M-to-F pre-op women would dominate the evening, often with just their physical bigness. I hated the way they invaded a woman-only space, seeming to merely endure our reading so they could get to “their” part of the evening. “They wouldn’t—couldn’t—do that if they had been born women,” I seethed. “You don’t see female-to-male pre-operative men heading to the Harvard Club to demand inclusion. Why is it always women who have to make more space and take in everything?” But as I learned more about the history of transgenderism and met more transgendered people—M to F and F to M and points beyond—I revised that interpretation. I wonder now if it offended me that these women could be aggressive and take up space while I still thought I couldn’t. - From Look Both Ways: Bisexual Politics by Jennifer Baumgardner

From a question about mediocre men that immediately brought TIMs to mind, this feminist woman automatically felt righteously repulsed at men forcing their way into a female-only space, who clearly didn't care about female issues, and only endured discussions of women's issues and thoughts so that they could bleat about themselves instead.

Instead of her accepting what she knew, the fact that TIMs act like men because they're men, and TIFs act like women because they're women, she flipped a switch, threw in that she met a range of trans "and points beyond" people, and suddenly, TIMs taking over women's spaces and demanding that everything be about themselves became her own moral failing.

Again, this last line:

I wonder now if it offended me that these women could be aggressive and take up space while I still thought I couldn’t.

Critiques of her understanding of feminism aside, from the above text, she knew what men are like, and she was right to seethe. And yet, patriarchy is so strong that women will tie themselves in knots to be seen as acceptable to others, because of the teaching that men always matter more.

In her case - and in quite a lot of other cases, from women who won't really even think about feminism across whatever spectrums there are, I would wager - there will be this underlying idea that these men that claim womanhood are simply somehow better women than they are, and that is why those men deserve support and love and kindness over everything else.

Because those men are the kind of women that actual women are telling themselves that they should aspire to be. That actual women are failures, and the fakes are somehow the real deal.

Those women can tell themselves that it's about being unapologetic and loud and forceful about their individual needs - but it's another manipulative trap. Women can never become like those brave TIMs. As soon as they try, they're called TERFs, remember?

Look at the number of women who spend so much time defending TIMs, whether they're trans identified or not. Of course they do. They've been taught that the best of women, the most vulnerable of women? Those better "women" are all male.

Why do I say all this in regards to the trans issue? Because we're living in a time where numbers of women have genuinely been gaslit into believing that men can be women, in such a relatively short space of time. That men somehow can become biologically female through saying a few words out loud.

If that doesn't tell you how effective the psychological abuse of women is under the patriarchy, I don't know what else will.

Dear misandrists,

In case you haven't heard it today, you're all hostile, aggressive, psychotic and a threat to men everywhere.

list of feminist horror books for all my radblr horror fans!!

if you're sick of misogyny/rape scenes/sexualized murder in male written horror, these books are for you! all of these come with varying levels of trigger warnings, so i highly recommend looking them up before you dive in!

-Frankenstein by Mary Shelley is a classic. most people look over the clearly feminist theme to only remember the Creature, but it's a heart wrenching feminist book about autonomy, misogyny, with pretty significant religious misogyny undertones

-Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado will always and forever be on my all time favorite books list. it's a collection of short stories, but the first one is the absolute best, called The Husband Stitch. she's such a gorgeous writer, The Husband Stitch especially is so haunting and heartbreaking, telling the story of a woman's life marrying and having kids, and what her husband takes from her, and just generally a representation of married women's pain and oppression.

-Motherthing by Ainslie Hogarth is addictive. also incorporates marriage themes and complex i cities but deals especially with female "paranoia" and "hysteria" (quotes bc we know those concepts are man made for women and forced onto us). it has this domestic aesthetic that's very creepy and also just very cool

-Cursed Bunny by Bora Chung. ohhhhh my. i'm in love with this author, she's so incredible. Cursed Bunny is a short story collection that deals with misogyny, generational trauma, aging as a woman, and even delves into being kink critical if you're keen at interpretation. she's from South Korea, and also deals a lot in Korean culture and Korea-specific misogyny. it is translated to english, so unfortunately i will always mourn the writing style of it in original Korean but it's still written so beautifully!

-Hangsaman and The Haunting of Hill House both by Shirley Jackson. i'm sorry to clump them both together but for the sake of space + time i will. they're both gradual-horror, they definitely build. a lot of female hysteria type stuff, female loneliness, just generally such a good, creepy vibe that culminates in a truly scary ending.

-Maeve Fly by CJ Leede. a lot of people here on radblr call for truly insane female leads. this is that book! the main character is truly just a bad person, a psychopath, and she isn't moralized or justified in any way. she is allowed to just be crazy and evil without being diluted because she's a woman. women don't tend to get to be evil--truly evil--in media like men do, so it's cool to see a true madwoman. it's very witty, very clever. it's also a love letter to LA in a way, which hit home for me lmao. it's really just a peek into the mind of a psychopathic woman and the crazy stuff she does. very entertaining. not for the faint of heart.

-Such a Pretty Smile by Kristi DeMeester is sooo good. i don't normally get too jumpy about my horror, but this one had me looking up every two seconds to make sure i was safe. genuinely very scary. it's got heavy mother daughter themes, it's primarily about the demureness and politeness expected of women and girls. the "pretty smile" thing is obviously a reference to catcalling, but also to the expectation that we should always be pretty and polite and content and demure. it's a lot of women just breaking free and going mad.

-A Guest in the House by EM Carol. i read this one online and then NEEDED to own it so bad i bought it immediately. it is a graphic novel so a slightly different medium, but the art is so stunning and moving. it's also got marriage themes, about repressed lesbianism, women's desires etc etc. it's so good and beautiful and moving

-Nineteen Claws and a Blackbird by Agustina Bazterrica is another short story collection. not necessarily all horror, but most. i had to read this one twice it was so good. it's harder to talk about short story collections because there's so many different plots and themes, but trust me, it's fantastic

-The Bad Ones by Melissa Albert. it's a bit more rudimentary writing, but it's so so so good. it captures girlhood so wonderfully, especially the whimsical, daydream part and equally the dark, insane, human-sacrifices-with-barbie-dolls parts of that makes any sense. it's about goddesses and monsters and dreams and girlhood and the trauma of growing up a girl and it's marvelous

-A Certain Hunger by Chelsea G Summers. not exactlyyyy a horror but kinda?? it's about a female cannibal who kills and eats her lovers. it's hilarious, like laugh out loud until the people around you stare hilarious. the main character is so witty and man hating and cool. she's a misandrist icon, just so suave and clever and ruthless.

i'll reblog with more books as i find and read them! :)

Not all people who identify as trans are "bad."

As a feminist, I feel grief and anger about the girls and women that identify as trans who are really (in no particular order):

Lesbians or bisexuals who hate/fear their same-sex attraction (and are sometimes pushed into a trans identity by parents who hate same-sex attraction)

Autistic (and otherwise neurodivergent) who are made to feel like they "can't be real women" because of it

Suffering with an eating disorder

Traumatised by abuse

Doing the only thing that they think they can to rebel against deeply misogynistic gender roles

Caught by social contagion and fear being ostracised by their peer group if they don't conform to the current fad

As for men, I do pity the boys and men who are gay/bisexual struggling with their same-sex attraction and otherwise go through something similar to the girls and women above, and who feel that they can't be "real men" in some way, so feel forced to adopt a trans label for themselves etc.

The trans people who are inherently bad are the men who "identify as women" for fetishistic, misogynistic and anti-LGB reasons. The straight men who call themselves "lesbians," the straight men that intimidate bisexual women into identifying as lesbians, the men who are desperate to push into female spaces, etc etc etc - the men who, in short, use women of all kinds as nothing but props and objects to validate them and their porn addicted fetish, and the men who prey on vulnerable teens to push them down a trans path for their own sick and twisted pleasures, too.

If you see feminists criticising trans people and immediately identify with the abusive men that gleefully talk about triggering women abuse survivors by forcing their way into women-only crisis centres and fantasising about swinging their vile penises around, or who eagerly push into women's bathrooms hoping to find a woman that they make uncomfortable because it brings them joy, then trust me, that isn't a feminist problem.

As per your response to someone else: if arguing on the internet with women suddenly makes you want women who are sex trafficked - women that have done nothing to you, who are a mere hypothetical to you - to "get raped and die," then yes, you are bad. Personally.

You couldn't even try the "I don't have to care about feminists" point to argue back. Instead, you rushed straight to an abusive, narcissistic "if a feminist doesn't bend the knee, then that means that I'm justified in hating and wishing the worst things on all women, especially the most vulnerable women."

You don't want feminists to care about you. You just want a twisted excuse to continue to hate women.

I'm so utterly baffled as to why women don't want you in our spaces. It truly is the greatest mystery of our time.

TERFs be like “no no, I don’t hate trans people, I’m not transphobic, I just think all trans people are inherently bad!” And it’s like did someone forget to tell the TERFs that that’s literally what transphobia is. Regardless of if you believe you have “reasons” for it.

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"But some women fantasise about sexy priests!"

Those women imagine attractive men wearing ordinary priest clothes. There isn't some obvious and acceptable g-string with a priest's collar around it swapped in. The fantasised priests are just... attractive, romanticised priests.

The whole point of nuns being sexualised, as far as I understand it, is the transgressing of boundaries (as above), the male obsession with owning and touching and fucking an underlined-capitalised-bolded virgin, and/or their need to fantasise that those pious nuns will take one look at that one specific man and suddenly turn into a nymphomaniac for him.

Maybe the message was "Ha, I'm not straight like religion tells me I should be! This is me being sexy and breaking free!" but it just underlines what men want anyway and upholds that the likes of nuns are some minor, sexy taboo for men.

Nothing is or can be subverted when it's sexualised, because the only message that men understand is I can jerk off to this.

Re: Chappell Roan’s nun stuff and the sexualization of nuns

I do not think a religion itself is owed any kindness or respect. I don’t think the misogynistic practices of these religions are sacred or deserve to be treated as though they’re immune from criticism and mockery.

However, I also do understand that nuns and similar religious roles are held by women who don the outfit and play the role because they have a commitment to their religion that includes sexual purity (whether brainwashed or not… though probably brainwashed a bit). I think the sexual mockery of a woman or a group of women who indicate their desire to not be seen sexually is weird. I believe even religious women are owed respect for their sexual boundaries. And the main fetish surrounding sexualizing nuns is that it is a clear violation of sexual boundaries and consent. That is the part that needs to be understood. The sexualization of nuns is because it is enticing to cross the set sexual boundaries of a woman. And the woman being religious can either add to the fetish (in the eyes of men) or it can be a defense against criticism, i.e. “I thought we hated Christianity but nuns are somehow off-limits?” (‘Religion-critical’ leftists).

I just don’t agree with the premise. I truly do think it’d be a whole different scenario if it were a religious role being sexualized that wasn’t about sexual purity. If that makes sense. Like the issue with the nun sexualization is that the whole fetish surrounding sexy nuns is that it is sexualizing a woman who doesn’t want to be sexualized. If it wasn’t a nun, but it was a random female celebrity who was being highly sexualized after she made it clear she didn’t want to be sexualized, I’d say the same thing.

Does this make sense? I’m at urgent care rn and im struggling to focus