When You Accidentally Moo

Everyday I get angry about how unimaginative Light was. Like if I was given a death note I would simply write down the names of all the billionaires in the world and force them to donate all of their wealth to different charities and organizations before dying of a heart attack. Like rip to Kira but I’m different.

He's the Calm One

“Give yourself to the dark side,” Vader advised, as he stalked through the darkened areas of the throne room. “It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for…”

He paused.

“Your sister,” he said, interested. “So, you have a twin sister. If you will not turn to the Dark Side, then perhaps she will!”

“No!” Luke shouted, springing out of cover, lightsaber held ready.

Vader moved his own blade in a block, then stopped a moment later as he realized Luke wasn’t actually attacking.

“You mustn’t make her turn to the Dark Side,” Luke said, voice laced with urgency.

“I must not?” Vader asked. “That is not up to me-”

“No, father, that’s not what I mean,” Luke replied. “It’s a matter of safety. Personal and… galactic.”

Vader’s expression did not change, because he was wearing a helmet.

“You realize that I have no idea what you are talking about,” he said. “Who is your sister?”

Luke paused.

“Leia,” he said. “You should know that, father. Maybe now you’ll understand.”

Vader’s helmet tilted slightly.

“What?” he asked. “I never felt a thing. Her emotions never betrayed her.”

“She didn’t know,” Luke pointed out. “I didn’t know until you told me.”

“Still…” Vader mused. “The Force can be strange… but you seem insistent on keeping your sister from the Dark Side.”

“You’ve met her, haven’t you?” Luke asked.

Vader paused, giving that due consideration.

“...I suppose she would probably be suited to the Dark Side,” he said. “She would make a good apprentice.”

“You’re not listening,” Luke complained. “She would be a terrible person to have as an apprentice in the Dark Side of the Force, specifically.”

Vader attempted to glare at Luke. “You fail to understand the value of passion to the Dark Side.”

“Why have you stopped fighting?” Palpatine demanded, from the other side of the throne room.

“We are having a moment,” Vader called back. “I am attempting to turn Luke to the Dark Side by using his family members against him.”

“Very well!” Palpatine said. “Continue! That usually works.”

Vader inclined his head, slightly, the only sign of what was probably a frown under his helmet.

“I may need to think about that,” he said, under his hissing breath, then returned his attention to Luke.

Who was gesturing for emphasis.

“Maybe I’m not getting this across properly, Father,” he said. “But perhaps… you sent Han to Jabba the Hutt, didn’t you? You knew him?”

“I do not know Jabba the Hutt, son,” Vader retorted, his voice dark with rage. “I know who Jabba the Hutt is. But I fail to see the relevance.”

“As part of the plan to rescue Han, she got captured,” Luke explained. “Jabba chained her up and made her a dancing girl. The moment I began to fight during the rescue, she cut the lights and strangled him with that very chain.”

He stared into the eyes of Vader’s helmet, unblinking and unbowed. “Do you understand, Father?”

Vader considered that, then nodded, very slightly.

“I begin to see your point,” he said. “Damn.”

“If Leia turned to the Dark Side and was made an apprentice to you or the Emperor, it would be extremely bad for the health of everyone inside this room,” Luke summarized. “And also for the galaxy, more generally, though it would at least be run efficiently.”

“The Emperor has brought order to the galaxy,” Vader said, in a sort of distant voice like he wasn’t fully paying attention to the conversation.

“Have you seen how much he’s spent on pointless superweapons that get blown up by the Rebellion?” Luke shot back.

Vader held up his free hand, and for a moment Luke wondered if his father was about to use the Force… only for it to mean nothing more than a request that Luke be silent for a moment.

“...humour me, son,” Vader said. “What, exactly, is your plan here?”

“With surrendering myself to you?” Luke asked, and got a slight nod. “I hoped to be able to convince you that you’d done something wrong, and that you could realize that there was still good in you. That you were not trapped in the Dark Side, and could – if you truly wished it – return to the side of good.”

He paused. “...I will say, Obi-Wan and Yoda both told me it was impossible.”

“They do that,” Vader said, still sounding distracted. “And my daughter was raised by Bail and Breha, and she ended up… hm.”

“...Father?” Luke asked, after several seconds of silence had elapsed.

“I am just realizing that you are, apparently, Padme’s child of the two of you,” Vader said. “She killed Jabba the Hutt? Really?”

“Really,” Luke agreed. “Since you send Han to Jabba, we came up with a plan.”

He twirled his lightsaber. “First, I gave Jabba the droids C-3P0 and R2-D2, after concealing my lightsaber in R2. Then Leia turned in Chewbacca for the bounty, while disguised as an Ubese, and threatened to set off a bomb. Finally I came in to ask politely for Han’s release, offered Jabba one last opportunity to free us while about to be thrown into the Pit of Carkoon, and when he refused I killed… about half of Jabba’s entourage. Leia got Jabba and the other half when she rigged his sail barge to explode.”

“...this is a new feeling,” Vader said, almost to himself. “This must be paternal pride. Damn.”

“Have you turned him yet?” the Emperor called, waspishly.

“I’m working on it!” Luke called back.

Vader missed a breath, then his respirator worked overtime to recover.

“I still want to turn my daughter to the Dark Side,” he said, once he’d recovered. “But mostly to find out what would happen.”

“Fair,” Luke admitted. “I’m curious as well, but I don’t want to be in the blast radius and I’m fairly sure the entire galaxy would be the blast radius. Even if we were both trained Jedi I’d insist on being the one who came along, because I’d rather see you alive instead of a sort of faint ozone sheen in the air.”

“What is taking you so long, Vader?” Palpatine demanded, stalking over. “By this point, someone in this room should be dead. This delay is entirely tiresome!”

“All right,” Anakin replied, and pushed Palpatine off the bridge.

“...do you think that counts as dark side or not?” he added, glancing at his son. “I’m genuinely not sure, he was a very old man…”

my svsss comic about sqq and his little personality split (what if)

how does it feel knowing that your thought process is the exact same as a cursed Mickey Mouse meme

"love is just a chemical reaction" hate to break it to you bud but you are just one messy gooey sack of chemicals and chemical processes, that is how physical reality works

Making up a reason why Steve was barefoot all the way to the Gun store + adding some extra spice to that "Big boy" remark 😏

Man, if disciple Bunhe had tried to come out to Shen Qingqiu it would've gone so poorly.

SQQ: Binghe really shouldn't spend so much time with this old man! Shouldn't he be off charming some women disciples?

LBH: Shizun, this disciple does not like women.

SQQ: …

SQQ, internally: Oh no, I raised a misogynist.

Guess what time it is? It’s rant about Percy Weasley time!

No one will ever convince me that Percy wasn’t a spy during the war. There’s nothing in the canon sources that disproves this theory (not that I’d really care if there was, because I would just ignore it, but that’s neither here nor there). 

The only “evidence” that he wasn’t a spy is two quotes from the text. This one:

“What made you see sense, Perce?” inquired George.

“It’s been coming on for a while,” said Percy, mopping his eyes under his glasses with a corner of his traveling cloak. “But I had to find a way out and it’s not so easy at the Ministry, they’re imprisoning traitors all the time. I managed to make contact with Aberforth and he tipped me off ten minutes ago that Hogwarts was going to make a fight of it, so here I am.”

I’d argue that this quote actually supports him being a spy more than not. I don’t think he was a spy in the beginning (when he initially left his family), but rather became one later when he realized his mistake and the ramifications of what was happening. The text above shows that he couldn’t get out of the ministry, so he had two main options: accept what was going on and do nothing about it (I’ll talk more about that later) or become a spy to help the cause. 

The quote also says that he made contact with Aberforth, but it doesn’t say when. It says that Aberforth tipped him off ten minutes ago about the battle, but that doesn’t mean that they weren’t in contact before that (and in fact, it would be a very unlikely coincidence if the first time Percy reached out to Aberfoth just happened to be hours before the final battle). It’s vague about the initial contact date, so it’s highly possible that Percy has been feeding information to Aberfoth for months at that point. 

The other quote that people use to argue that Percy wasn’t a spy is this one:

“I was a fool!” Percy roared, so loudly that Lupin nearly dropped his photograph. 

“I was an idiot, I was a pompous prat, I was a – a –” 

“Ministry-loving, family-disowning, power-hungry moron,” said Fred. Percy swallowed. 

“Yes, I was!”

This doesn’t disprove that he was a spy. If he didn’t become one until later on (like I assume), then he would have still felt responsible for his choice to leave his family, so therefore, he still felt that the apology was necessary. Plus, they were about to fight in a major battle; they didn’t have an unlimited amount of time to discuss what they had all been up to, and that would not have been a quick conversation anyway. 

His family might not even believe him at first, and he had no proof of what he was saying (since spies usually only have 1 or 2 points of contact, and Aberforth was not in the same room at the time). He very possibly just wanted to reunite and mend bridges with his family before it was too late (because he knew he could die during this battle), and then he’d deal with the specific details later when they had time (if they survived). 

I also think it’s telling that Percy was able to keep his job as the personal assistant to the Minister of Magic even when death eaters took over the Ministry. Yes, Voldemort tried to keep the coup mostly silent, so he may have thought that keeping Percy as the assistant would help ease the transition, but it really wouldn’t have made a difference; no one was paying attention to whether or not the new Minister of Magic replaced the old assistant with someone he knew better. 

It’s also possible that the death eaters just didn’t see Percy as a threat, but that seems suspicious. They saw everyone as a threat, and as the assistant to the Minister, Percy’s position would have given him unique access to a lot of important information that Voldemort would not want to fall into the wrong hands. Percy may have been estranged from his family, but he was still related to practically half of the Order of the Phoenix, and the possibility that he would betray the death eaters by reconciling with his family and passing on sensitive information was an unnecessary risk, especially when they could have easily replaced him. 

So why did they keep him there if they didn’t have a good reason to trust his loyalty (in their minds)? I personally think it’s because Percy had to fake his devotion to the cause, and he clearly did so well enough for them to believe it. Earning your enemy’s trust is crucial for any spy, and it seems like Percy managed that. 

To touch back upon my earlier comment, Percy knew the death eaters had taken over the ministry by the 7th book - he even admitted it. He wanted out, but he couldn’t get out. So how do we know that he didn’t just stay quiet and keep his head down; that he didn’t just go with the status quo? Because that’s not Percy.

This is the same guy who took points away from his own house when someone broke the rules, because it was only fair and the right thing to do. It’s not just because he followed rules blindly (we know that he didn’t because he gambled over a Quidditch game in his 7th year). He was in a serious relationship with a muggle-born, and now the ministry is sending innocent muggle-borns to Azkaban, so there’s no way that he would consider that the “right” thing to do. 

Percy didn’t hesitate to run straight into danger during the Quidditch World Cup when there was an attack, despite the personal risk, and he clearly wasn’t hesitating to join the final battle against Voldemort either, even though he just said how dangerous it would be for him to be declared a traitor (in case the good guys lost). He is not a coward. 

Are you honestly telling me that he would just sit back and do nothing about the horrors being perpetrated because it was too risky? Nah, I’m not buying that.

In conclusion, I don’t care what JKR says - Percy was a spy, and she just didn’t bother to flesh out that storyline.