Ooo I Loved This! It Gave Me The Chills. It Felt So Visual To, I Could Just Visualize Each Scene.

behold, honse

went through a lascaux horse phase and the results are uhhhh *checks list* bumper stickers, bookmark, sticker sheet, and die cut sticker

[shop] - honses will be released into the wild on May 3 (2025)

As someone who tries to present explicit showcases of abuse, this attitude also seriously frustrates me. There's this attitude that, if you don't tip toe around it, then you are immoral. Like, I know for certain some people are going to read Infernal Serenade and come away with the brain dead take away that I condone SA and incest, completely overlooking the fact this all happens within a literal cult. Like yes, it is supposed to be deeply uncomfortable and make you hate the cult. The cult is commentary on the sexual abuse within the fanatical side of Catholicism.

As someone who also loves The Great Gatsby, I also hate that people completely overlook the entire point of that book, which was to show just how corrupt rich people are. Like yes, Gatsby is supposed to suck, Tom is supposed to suck, Daisy is supposed to suck, etc. Hell, even Nick sucks because he just goes along with everything, and this is the point. Framing is everything, and I am tired of the framing of stories constantly being ignored.

Think I sent an STS ask to everyone. If I missed anyone, I apologize in advance! My brain fog causes me to forget blogs at time. And as a pro tip, when people send me asks I always do my best to send one back.

I really want to write a short WIP celebrating how important, helpful, and wonderful sexual alters can be in a system when the host has experienced sexual abuse, I just dont know how. I always struggle with coming up with a concrete story for these things.

The Crimson Bride was sort of that (for those who may be interested in it). But I want something more character focused over symbolism focused, if that makes sense. Something that celebrates that type of system connection.

The symbolism in this one had me by a death grip. I could picture it so clearly in my head, and I like how it serves as a metaphor for unhealthy relationships. Ones where X takes too much and ends up hurting Y, which hurts X in turn. Or maybe a relationship where Y reacts poorly to love, and X is made to feel like a monster/guilty for it. But, that's just my intepretation.

I spit my teeth into your mouth

so I wouldn't bit your lip

and while your tongue led mine in an aggressive tango

all 28 of them slid down your throat

My canines catch

and rip holes in your esophagus

and my molars create a blockage

at the entrance of your stomach

When our lips leave each other

I grace you with a bloody smile

that stains my white blouse

and drips onto the tile

But my mouth closes when I see the fear on your face

and the pain in your breath

and as my hands meet your's at your throat

I am left with a mountain of regret

"I know adverbs are controversial, but "said softly" means something different than 'whispered' and this is the hill I will die on."

If you're a writer you're supposed to write a lot of bullshit. It's part of the gig. You have to write a lot of absolute garbage in order to get to the good bits. Every once in a while you'll be like "Oh, I wish I hadn't wasted all that time writing bullshit," but that's dumb. That's exactly the same as an Olympic runner being like "Oh, I wish I hadn't wasted all that time running all those practice laps"

writing the book was the easy part.

nobody told me how gutting it would be to actually ask people to read it.

to say “this means something to me, will you look?” and sit in the silence after. and then do it again. and again. and again.

i didn’t expect how much of this would feel like screaming into a void in a party dress — trying to be charming, clever, vulnerable, marketable, when all i really want is to tell stories and have someone care.

it’s exhausting. it’s lonely. it’s weirdly intimate.

but i still want it. gods help me, i want it so bad.

As usual, a writing update is coming tommorow (Thursday) and I'm excited with the news I have to share!

Don’t mind me, I’m just sitting in a dark room reading my writing out loud like a dramatic narrator to see if it’s working.