@cactisays

i had a dream i worked in an underwater restaurant and people kept ordering ice in their drinks and then getting mad at me when it would float away. and i’d tell them beforehand that the ice would float away & they’d be like lol no that’s not how it works just give me the ice. I’m fighting customer service battles never seen before

i can't believe arthur conan doyle wrote this scene

Me when I remember something I said ages ago that was wrong or my values no longer align with

Some notes on getting a new pope:

* As depicted in the movie Conclave, voting for the new pope is held in secret. The only clue as to who voted for the current pope is to see which direction they face when leaving the Sistine Chapel. This is known as Cardinality.

* In order to make sure no bribes are taking place, the voting block must conduct all their transactions using the vatican's own ecommerce system, Papal.

* No communication is allowed from the chapel while the voting is taking place. The only clues are from the chimney: black smoke indicates a failed vote, white smoke indicates a new pope, and red smoke indicates that the conclave needs pizza.

* The ashes of former non-canonised popes are mixed with flower petals and essential oils to provide a pleasant and holy atmosphere for debate. This is known as popeourri

* There is usually about an hour between the election of the pope and their first appearance on the balcony of the basilica. This is to give them time to sign the poperwork.

* Several times during history sects have taken the opportunity of a papal election to declare their own leaders as the new head of the church. Should one of these alternates shake hands with a vatican-elected pope, both men vanish.

* The announcement of the new pope is the template for modern gender reveal parties, and this isn’t even in the top twenty worst things the apostolic Catholic Church is responsible for.

* There is no historical basis for the pope’s testicular check being done by having a chair with a hole in the seat, and I say this because I went to write one of these based on that and checked first, and now the papacy is a little less funny to me, and isn’t that the point of this exercise?

* The official name for the countdown listing of candidates for the pontifex position is known as “Top of the Popes”

* While a pope speaking from the Throne can speak the word of God, it is not a paid position from which he will earn money.

* All ghosts are removed from the chapel between each day of the conclave to stop them reporting on any progress, which is the point of that exorcise.

* Since 1929 the seat of the pontifex hasn’t failed to elect a new pope. It isn’t the Vatican’t.

* The announcement of a new pope is accompanied by a musical chord that is believed to be pleasing to the divine ear. It is known as the Holy C.

so funny to me that some cats just come with built in eyeliner

Sherlock and Watson, dancing request. Sherlock needs to study this new dance( for reasons of solving the murder in the ballroom, of course) so the doctor is helping ♥

@cactisays I think yours sounds much better

Spin this wheel of ~300 AO3 tags three times.

things one must draw in order to cope when one is reading the Final Problem

A painting of some edible flowers ~

Zillow house listings