Jason Texting: Hey, It's Jay. Alfred Said We Can Keep The Cow, But You Have To Take The Seal Lion Back.

anyway i'm normal about them

laios in ep 15

dunmeshi orc baby i would die for you pt 2

y'all know those AUs that go something like hellfire makes eddie flirt with steve as a bet?

okay, here me out:

eddie tricks hellfire into betting he can't get steve to flirt back. he wants to flirt with steve and he's determined to get him to flirt back, so he decides to act coy, pretends he isn't absolutely obsessed with steve, makes some off-handed comments about being friends with him and one day manages to get the guys to make a bet with him. he wants to flirt with his dream guy and make some money. best of both worlds.

it's game on from then, he flirts like his life depends on it. he watches steve blush and stammer, because the guy has apparently lost all his game since high school, and revels in it. the problem is steve gets so flustered it seems like he wouldn't be able to flirt back even if he wanted to. eddie thinks he's unused to getting attention from guys, but he figures he'll get used to it.

and he does. he becomes more confident and eventually does start flirting back. but by that time eddie has sort of forgotten about the bet, he's on cloud nine from all the attention steve is giving him. it all comes to a head when hellfire witnesses them flirt.

and in his shock gareth shouts "why haven't you told us you've already won the bet?"

and steve is all confused, while eddie lights up "oh shit, yeah, give me all your money, guys!"

and when steve asks what the fuck is going on, eddie explains while he collects the money and steve looks absolutely crushed. he can barely get out a "so it was all a bet?" in a choked voice, all teary eyed.

eddie panics and realizes how the whole thing sounds and rushes to explain "no no no no, it wasn't! the bet was for the flirting, not the other way around! i tricked the guys into betting i couldn't get you to flirt back, so i could flirt with you and steal their money. two birds with one stone and all that. i did sort of forget about it until now, though. i'm sorry."

now it's the guys' turn to pipe up. "what do you mean tricked? we made the bet so you would finally do something about your pathetic crush??"

okay, so maybe eddie wasn't as slick as he thought. maybe he talked about steve a tad too much? or maybe he was too enthusiastic about the idea of the bet? he's not sure.

steve looks like he can't quite decide how to feel. but then he says, "well then, you better use that money to pay for our first date, asshole." eddie rushes to pepper his whole face in kisses. he was gonna do that anyway.

It’s their greatest invention as of yet

Who let emails cause so much anxiety. Who signed off on this?? That guy sucks

guy whose love language is physical touch gets to be on the receiving end for once

no but jayvik is so fucking funny to me like

one of them is from the Evil City and he does drugs one time and almost dies. he’s got severe cheekbones and a slavic accent but he’s one of the most soft spoken characters in the whole show. he died three times and tried to kill himself once. his best friend wants to live inside his skin in a totally normal and platonic way. he became jesus because a rocket from the Evil City blew him up and then the power of homosexual love saved his eternal soul.

the other is a Hot Man™ who pulls the sexiest woman ever animated by being naive and intelligent. he is still a crippling bisexual. he tried to kill himself but he got negged and became Less Depressed instantly. when he remembers his best friends face, he specifically remembers the burning gold of his eyes. despite being the stereotypical depiction of the “ideal man” he is certifiably possessive, obsessive, selfish, and insane. this only makes him more attractive somehow. he performed necromancy with world-altering technology and then got broken up with. he fell down a ravine and became the Sexiest Man I Have Ever Seen™. he saved his best friend from becoming a genocidal eldritch being with the power of gay love.