I Want The Owen That Cared Back.

// Tooth and Nail stream spoilers

So that was quite a lore stream wasn't it?

Just dear god

...

(Long tambling below and more nonsense thoughts)

-------------------------------------------------------

On one hand, STILL A POSSIBILITY FOR C!OWEN AND C!MAGIC TO RIP MY HEART OUT AND DESTROY MY EMOTIONS THANK GOD

FINALE PART ONE IN EIGHT DAYS LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO

But my god

c!Owen killed them all, he really, he actually got away with all of them. He isolated them all and watched them all die, made sure that no one would ever find them. And just god, he actually killed them all.

He has done it.

He destroyed his home, bashing in crates and the fencing. Scattering all his things and letting vines overgrow. He had no home, there was no home. He let his thoughts consume him, laughing as he spiralled down and down and down and down.

He wanted it all to end, he wouldn't accept anything other than one of them to die after this. He was tired and if it ended with him, so be it, but he couldn't let himself live and Krow live as well. He wanted an ending of some sort to a war that ended long ago that he KEEPS FIGHTING WHEN HE DOESN'T NEED TO AND I-

*sobs*

And just that little part where we heard his father's voice, and he jumped back (probably hit himself), gooooodddd lord I feel unwell about that part. Dear god.

And yet

Puddy

He didn't kill Puddy, he still cares he cares maybe I dunno he just-

He told Puddy to stay in the second clearing and he didn't butcher him like we thought. Didn't offer up Puddy to Guts. He didn't discard all his attachments, he let Puddy go and live on in the ruins of another clearing. And told the little piglet who had been his sole comfort, who saw his little mistakes, hear his little poems and rants and pains. A companion who saw Owen in those long hours of writing down a will that no one will probably read. To them, Owen told the little piglet that he shielded from Krow's dagger, he told Puddy to stay away...

He didn't discard all his attachments.

I don't know how to feel anymore.

I'm fucking inconsolable just my god.

On one hand, c!Owen has always been on this road, a path in which he can't return from, he has been on it since he turned away from c!Apo, who he grieved and cried over, who haunted him for years in cherished memories. He was doomed when he told the tiefling to run back and he sealed his fate by ending Apokuna. The one person that carried more weight in his mind than anyone else had before he remembered.

And for Rasbi, he didn't even give a chance.

She never stood a chance.

And I don't know how much weight Graecie's words would hold. If she even wakes up in time, if she sees Owen and learns how much he has changed. If she will care enough to reach out after learning all he has done.

And Magic.

He used Magic and in the end, he betrayed her trust and he used her to kill. And she was never meant to be the one to save him, she would not be able to, I don't think.

I don't think there is anyone that could change his mind, on one walking in the maze or existing beyond its confines that could make him want to be redeemed. No one that could make him leave the hill collapsing on itself, step away from that ledgd, a cage filling up and drowning him.

I don't think anyone could convince him to save himself.

They wouldn't forgive him anyways, for good reason after all. He killed the demons and he deceived them all, he did the worst of them all really. Why save the monster that hurt them so much, who would only remind them and hurt them because he blinds himself and would deny he had done wrong.

Too much wrong.

He can't be saved and he won't allow himself to be saved.

I know

...

But I am a fucking fool holding out, and even if Puddy is doomed to the maze burning them all, I don't care. Owen loves that goddamn pet and I can't help but see the Owen that loved once when he told Krow to leave him with Puddy. And I want him to stop, god I want him to want to change even if he sealed his fate and would be hated forever. I WANT HIM TO HEAL STILL I WANT HIM TO BREAK THE CYCLE

AND I HATE THAT I CAN'T SEE HIM DOING THAT

But still I want him to and I am clinging onto hope like a drunk fool.

I want the Owen that hesitated to hurt, the one that wanted them all to thrive, the one that would reassure his friends, who was a protector.

I want the Owen that cared back.

The one that cared to live

The one that wanted to return home.

I miss him, goodness I miss him.

Because as much as I cheered on Owen and looked on for all he has done, he doesn't do it because he enjoys it, despite what he says.

He has hurt others and he lets himself stay hurt.

Killing Krow, the last of the demons in the clearing won't give him the peace he thinks it will let him have.

Even if he somehow hides it any longer, even if narratively someone wasn't going to probably find out what he has done, it will eat himself up inside.

It is a hollow victory that means nothing.

It was never was going to give him that closure he chased after for so long.

---

The closure he will never give himself, staying as he is. He was never going to get a happy ending, staying as he was.

And really that is what it comes down to, changing, recognizing truly what is done and the emptiness and that he sealed any chance of forgiveness from anyone left that cared.

It is the closest a person can get to being irredeemable. By refusing to change, over and over.

And would it matter, when there is no time left to change?

Tags

please SIR I don't anymore i dont know anymore outsiders smp outsiders owen is he? tooth and nail stream spoilers I'm going to cry and and and and I want to see him impaled -Liveblogging Rose Kinda do but I can't take it 4 stages of grief all the way Tmw the character you kinned becomes THIS off the rails you're like oh no yea youre so much worst than me actually they're all gone. he will forever have the blood on his face and hands. I can't even be poeticly literate about this anymore He's never coming back

Reblog if you think it’s okay to platonically say “I Love You” to your friends

749K notes View Post

mxroseberrii

3 years ago

Y'know, Scott and Jimmy's relationship in this Powered AU is basically that they used to be hero partners but then Scott found out the guy wasn't a properly registered hero and was, therefore, an illegal hero/vigilante. Like 2 months later, The Wonderous Hero Sterling's chasing this dang bird across the entire city like a rabid ex and ranting about him to Shelby, who is very certain he really is a rabid ex.

Tags

jimmy solidarity scott smajor Shubble solidaritygaming shelby grace fanmade mcyt au state of faces au Its funny to me it probably isn't to you guys Jimmy is so just trying to vibe

27 notes View Post

mxroseberrii

3 years ago

in lieu of a midroll ad i will preform the duty of a wiki that outsiders smp doesnt have

acho - he/they - streams at [ggAcho] on twitch and does not have permanently saved vods yet, currently all of their streams are in “past broadcast“ limbo on their twitch

apokuna - he/they - streams at [apokuna] on twitch and doesn’t have permanently saved vods, same as acho but some vods Have been lost

bekyamon - she/her - streams at [bekyamon] on twitch and doesnt have permanently saved vods i believe but do have edited 20ish minute episodes on youtube [bekyamon]

graecie - she/her - streams at [graecie] on twitch and has saved vods on [GraecieVods] and also has edited episodes at [graecie] on youtube

gutsluvr - they/them - streams at [gutsluvr] on twitch and does not have permanently saved vods as far as i can find

justayngel - she/her - streams at [justayngel] on twitch and has no saved vods

krowfang - he/it - streams at [krowfang] on twitch and has no permanently saved vods, we are suffering

kyle - he/him - streams at [kyleeff] on twitch and has no saved vods

magic - she/her - streams at [magicsings] on twitch and has no permanently saved vods

mohwee - he/him??? he’s the first one ive not found a pronoun check for??? - streams at [mohweelive] on twitch and has no permanently saved vods

oeca - he/him - streams at [oeca] on twitch and has no permanently saved vods

ori - he/they - streams at [orilovestea] on twitch and has vods at [ori vods] on youtube but theres only two of them and neither are outsiders PLEASE

owen - he/him - streams at [owengejuicetv] on twitch and has vods ALSO on twitch saved in highlights a la philza BUT he’s also got edited episodes at [owengejuicetv] on youtube

rasbi - she/her - streams at [rasbi] on twitch and has vods at [rasbi vods] on youtube but theres only two of them, this time both outsiders

red - he/him???? another one without pronoun check! - streams at [reddoons] on twitch and has no permanently saved vods but has some edited episodes at [reddoons] on youtube

sillvia - genderfluid they/them - streams at [sillviatv] on twitch and has vods at [sillvia vods] on youtube

soup - she/her - streams at [soupforeloise] on twitch and has no permanently saved vods but does have two edited episodes at [soupforeloise] on youtube

spidey - she/her - streams at [spideyarmy] on twitch and has no permanently saved vods, does have two edited episodes at [spideyarmy] on youtube

squidney - she/her - streams at [squidney80] on twitch and has vods at [squidney80vods] on youtube, as well as some edited episodes at [squidney80] on youtube

tldr: perishable vods acho, apo, guts, ayngel, krow, kyle, magic, mohwee, oeca, ori

conserved content bek*, graecie, owen, rasbi**, red*, sillvia, soup*, spidey*, squidney

* edited episodes that i dont how how up to date they are ** very minimal vods

EDIT: graecie vods located thanks to @taco-theblob!

Tags

lets GO outsiders smp finally i found you again! hardwork that I can credit when persuading friends to join the best most painful lore server I've ever seen

130 notes View Post

mxroseberrii

3 years ago

This thing really just put my ✨fairycore aesthetic™️✨ out of business huh

now for the ultimate test. go to this website. set it to randomly generate ONE pokemon. all generations. all types. whatever it generates? thats you as a pokemon forever. what you get is what you get. NO RE ROLLING. now. who are you? i got goomy :^)

125K notes View Post

mxroseberrii

5 months ago

DESPITE IT ALL, WE HAVE EACH OTHER

no matter how much hopelessness they corner us into, they cannot stop us from taking care of each other.

somewhere to start today is by helping nada, who is less than 40% of the way towards her goal.

https://gofund.me/e06f31d3

please continue to share mutual aid, whether its in your own neighborhood or across the sea. please continue to find both what's urgent and what's beautiful in the world.

thank you always, take care.

12K notes View Post

mxroseberrii

1 year ago

There is still hope. Say it out loud. Palestine will be free. The Palestinian people will celebrate their culture and heritage with each other. We will love and be loved. Do not fall into the trap of despair.

172K notes View Post

mxroseberrii

3 years ago

brain this is a terrible time to say that in light of recent events that Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths is a c!Owen but you're awfully correct

Tags

owengejuicetv mcyt i hate it here but i’m right outsiders smp c!owen outsidersblr

39 notes View Post

mxroseberrii

4 years ago