I Want A Funeral While I'm Still Living

I want a funeral while I'm still living

I want a funeral for the me who's still alive

I want a big cake and pretty flowers and dark clothing

I want my favourite music playing and my favourite people with me

I want a funeral for someone who's still alive.

In some missing sort of way

Because she deserves a funeral filled with dancing and laughter

She deserves a funeral with flags in blue, pink and white

And she deserves to have a funeral, so that I may have a birth.

I want a funeral while I'm still living

I want a memorial for who I was and a concert for who I'll be

And at her funeral I don't want tears or agony or blood relations

At her funeral I want her surrounded not by her life but by her carried on memory

I want a funeral for myself before I became me.

And I want it filled with people I love that she didn't even know

And I want it filled with "thank you for being there" rather than "I miss you"

Because I don't. Not anymore

And I'll never miss her again. And I'll always love her

And I'll show up overdressed with crazy coloured hair and wrinkles

And I'll dance as they lay the dirt. And she will hug me and happily watch herself detach completely from me

Because that's the burial she deserves.

And I want a funeral for the name I used to respond to.

I want a funeral for the person I used to exist as.