Experiencing Derealization And Impending Doom Suddenly At The Same Time Is Fucking Wild.

As the ground right under me crumbles as if it wasn't there.

It's too much, my heart's crushed, i'm not alive.

I don't know who to call, alone.

I won't die.

My life has succumbed to hatred and death, alone

in the snow.

Vivisepulture - [6/23/23]

None of this is easy. I can’t stay, yet I can’t walk away. Walking away would crush me, as if I was being buried alive. The dirt upon me, heavy and slowing down my every attempt at escape. The more I struggle the more it piles.

I cough, more, and more, and more. The ground you walk on itself is in my lungs. I keep thinking, “I’m going to die,” but I don’t. I am suffocating but the same force killing me is keeping me alive, prolonging the anxiety and the hurt. And the coughing.

All I’ve inhaled is the dirt but what comes out is smoke. For what feels like an eternity I continue to go through the achingly long process of dying without death, and I come to the conclusion that maybe exhaling is always easier than inhaling.

The pain is stabbing and burning and aching. I feel my body giving up. I feel my brain giving up. I have given up. I’m tired of fighting. Does giving up help? No. Does the suffering stop? No. But now all I can do is lay here. I’m still here yet the world continues to spin without me. I am completely alone, no one knowing of my predicament. Life goes on without me.

I think there's a heartbreaking beauty in not wanting to forget a certain person. Even if they are no longer with you, you want to carry them with you. You want to engrave every detail of them in your heart. You replay the person's voice in your head until it starts to fade away, and there is nothing you can do about it. It hurts to remember them, but it's worth it

anybody else in here feel like they're constantly and involuntarily calculating their every thought and action. and doing it wrong

Spin Cycle. Oil on canvas, 8 x 10"