Rape Escape

Incorrect Quotes - Where there is the next step of their relationship, featuring a insecure Steve and a reassuring Danny.

If anyone deserved a seat at the round table, it was Merlin. So why didn’t Arthur allow him one?

Before anyone else could finish their thoughts, Gwaine piped up, his question shooting out of his mouth with a hint of outrage around the edges that silenced the entire room, “Why doesn’t Merlin have a seat at the table?”

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

bought a really nice looking fountain pen

that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard

this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do

it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen

i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know

it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it

i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories

holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure

i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)

i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa

i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity

bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit

extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else

i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus

“That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”

bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better

i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation

no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out

when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious

at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best

This is for all of you who wonder what emotional abuse is. It is not a definitive list but it gives you an idea. Emotional abuse takes many forms, you can still have gone through it even if most of these don’t fit your experience. 

Stony AU  — requested by @capntony — [It is a truth universally acknowledged, that many people would kill for money. And Tony Stark has plenty of it, being America’s number one billionaire. Naturally, his security team is airtight, led by his most trusted bodyguard, the highly trained Steve Rogers. But mistakes can happen in the blink of an eye, and when Stark is abducted, Rogers decides to personally hunt down those responsible. He has never lost a client, and he doesn’t plan on ever starting, especially not with this one.]

Bonus:

Turns out, the only white paint we’ve got is the glossy-finish outdoor paint, so this is all I could get today. I’ve got them sandwiched between 2 pieces of cardboard w some books stacked on top rn to flatten them, and tomorrow after work I’m gonna pick up some white paint and hopefully at least get the sky done

I LOVE JACK DALTON

SO DO I

Men in Black (1997) dir. Barry Sonnenfeld

I can’t wait! 😊

Currently writing: 💋

I really want a fic where Jack’s army buddies are begging him to come to their company’s military ball or something and they’re all like “we heard you got married, we wanna meet her!” and Mac thinks it’d be good for Jack to see everyone again and such and so Sergant Jack Dalton waltz’s in with his pretty husband on his arm; both in their dress blues and wedding rings shining and all Jack’s buddies are like “wtf where’s your wife?” and Jack just pulls Mac in for a deep kiss and goes, “everyone, I’d like to introduce you to my husband, Angus MacGyver-Dalton,” and jaws drop around the room because they remember who he is.. who Mac was anyway… and who tf could have guessed that loud-mouthed, knuckle-dragger Jack Dalton was fucking his EOD tech…?