One Day At A Time

One Day At A Time

I’ve always hated myself. For as long as I can remember. My memories go back to 4 years old and at that age, I remember hating myself. I thought other people did too. I always thought that the people who said “I love you” were saying it, just to say it or saying it out of habit, it never felt real to me. I felt as if no one cared or wanted to care about me. No one wants me. No one loves me. I hate myself. I’m ugly. I’m fat. My scars are gross. I’m too tall. I’m not skinny. I’m weird. I’m below average in everything. I’m dumb. These are all things I’ve said or thought about myself and this is just a short list. I never felt as though I belonged anywhere or with anyone. 

I want to change that.

I’ve always wanted to change myself but it never worked.

I always wanted to be that person with good friends and family that made me feel safe and loved. I always wanted to feel “beautiful”. I always wanted someone to love me.

I always wanted to love myself.

I guess that’s what I really want, to love myself. I just don’t know how to do it. I’ve tried and I’ve always failed. How do you love yourself? Maybe it is a skill you learn as you grow up. Maybe it’s just something people just want to forget is living in their brain.

I want to love myself now. And everyday from now on I will try. And I guess I will keep starting over and over again for as long as it takes because I am worth it.

I am worthy.

I am worthy of love and affection. I am everything everyone has said about me and more. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of positivity. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am wanted. I am needed. 

I will love myself one day at a time.

More Posts from Mywritesaremylove and Others

1 month ago

Last Kiss

Bucky Barnes leaves for war from her perspective.

I still remember the way the air felt that night. 

Heavy, like it knew. Like the sky itself was holding its breath. 

You didn’t say it, not really. You didn’t need to. I knew you were leaving. I knew this was the last night. And I knew the second  I saw you in that uniform, stiff, and crisp, and not you, that everything was about to change. 

You tried to act like it was fine. Like we had time. You smiled that crooked smile, the one that always made me forget how to breathe. And I laughed. I laughed at your dumb jokes, because if I didn’t, I’d cry. And I wanted- God, I wanted to be strong for you. 

We sat in our booth, like always. The waitress called you “soldier,” and you smiled at her, but I saw the flicker in your eyes, you were scared. I was too. 

When we left, you walked me home even though it was out of your way. You always did that. I think you liked pretending we lived in the same world, like you could stay in it just a little longer. 

We stood outside my building for a long time, neither of us saying anything. The city faded around us - cars, people, lights - they'll just.. disappeared. It's just you and me.

And then you kissed me. 

Slow. Careful. Like you were memorizing me. 

Like if you kissed me soft enough, maybe the war would forget your name. 

That was the last kiss. 

I didn't know what to say when you pulled away. I didn't want to cry, so I just nodded. I wanted to say "I love you,” but I didn't. I was afraid that if I did, you wouldn't leave -  and part of me was selfish enough to want that. But the rest of me knew... you’d never forgive yourself if you didn’t go. 

So I let you walk away. 

You didn’t look back. 

But I did. 

I watched you turn the corner, and I whispered it then, “I love you.” Quiet. Just for me. Maybe the wind carried it to you. Maybe not. 

You came back eventually after so many decades, but I’m no longer here. 

After so many years, I would lay awake sometimes thinking about that night. About that night. About that kiss. About the boy who held my hand like it was a lifeline and kissed me like he was already gone. 

I never kissed anyone the same after that. 

But with me now gone, I wish you could with someone new. 


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1 month ago

Draco Malfoy with a Gryffindor

Draco Malfoy is dating a Gryffindor

At first he would fight your connection so hard. 

You’re a Gryffindor- bold, loud, righteous- he’s supposed to hate you, but he catches himself staring when you argue in class. 

“Stop looking at me like that, Malfoy.” “Like what? Like you’re interesting?” 

Eventually, he’d cave. Maybe after a heated argument that turns into a passionate first kiss in a corridor. 

He’s not openly mushy, but Merlin help anyone who messes with you. 

It’s giving, “God help anyone who disrespects the queen” vibes. 

He’s all sharp words and intimidating stares behind your back. 

Draco doesn’t want anyone to know he’s soft for you, but behind closed doors? Clingy! 

Loves cuddles and praise. 

“You’re sweeter than you pretend to be, Malfoy.” 

Your relationship would thrive on witty comebacks and playful roasting. 

Constantly challenging each other, but with a flirty edge. 

“You’re insufferable.” “And yet, here you are, holding my hand in our spot, laying on me like I’m your favorite pillow.” 

House rivalry is everything! 

Gryffindor wins the Quidditch match and you tease him mercilessly. 

He pretends to be mad all day, but then “You had your fun but if Slytherin wins the next match, you’re wearing green for a week. Deal?” 


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1 month ago

Love Language - Elijah Mikaelson

Acts of Service

Elijah would handle problems before you even knew they existed. 

If you much mention that someone is bothering you, he's arranging a “peaceful” resolution. 

He will make time for you no matter what. 

Even in the middle of the chaos that is his family and the people that mess with them, he would still make time to check in with you. 

“You’ve been on my mind. Are you alright?” 

He doesn’t just listen, he follows through. You're telling him how stressed you are? He’s already drawing you a hot bath. 

He’s extremely observant. You admire a necklace in a store window? It will show up on your dresser in a little velvet box, placed perfectly. 

You say your coat is old? There will be a custom wool coat in your size, tailored just for you. 

He’s not flashy, he’s intentional. 

If anything threatens your happiness, he’s already working behind the scenes. 

You will never know the full extent of what he’s doing because he doesn’t need credit, the only thing he needs is for you to be happy and safe. 

He will try his hardest to make your life easier. 

If you’re having a bad week, he doesn’t smother you. He handles things. 

Groceries just “appear” in your kitchen. 

Your car is expertly cleaned and the tank full. 

That moisturizer you don’t have time to replace, already done. 

He does all this to say in his own way, “You will never have to carry the weight alone again.” 

He would be your armor and sanctuary all in one. 


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1 month ago

Emmett Cullen as a Boyfriend

Once he’s committed, that’s it. He’s locked in and doesn’t even notice other women in any way. 

He loves physical affection. 

Expect a lot of hugs, cuddles, affectionate touches, and his lifting or carrying you around. 

He is a classic adrenaline junkie. He wants to go on adventures with you and do a bunch of fun outrageous activities. 

He is naturally an uplifting, positive person, you cannot be in a bad mood when he’s around. 

He celebrates your wins like they’ve his own. He’ll shout and cheer no matter how small the victory. 

He’s a little possessive if others approach you but he has complete trust in you. 

Over the top gifts.

"I love you, but I'm not letting you buy me a car."

Constant teasing.

When you go to the gym, he goes with you even though it doesn't do anything for him. He just wants to spend more time with you.

"Hey can I borrow your hoodie?" "Sure, why?" "That guy keeps looking over and I need a pump cover." "You don't need it, I got you."

Proceeds to stand right behind you during squats, staring at the guy.

"Drink water, you're gonna pass out."

Even though he’s a big, strong man, he has absolutely no issues in loving you loudly. 

He will always compliment you and make sure people know you’re his. 

“That’s my girl.” 

“Damn, that’s hot.” 

“You are so damn gorgeous.” 


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2 months ago

Jealous

Jack Hodgins

The thing about Jack is he doesn't really get jealous because you don't really pay others any mind, however there are exceptions.

He's comfortable with who he is but he knows he's not an alpha male so when an alpha male type hits on you, he gets weird...

He had to do a double take when this handsome stranger flirts with you.

Jack approaches and interjects because he's "just saying hi".

He tries to make it very obvious that you guys are together.

He gives her a kiss on the cheek, puts an arm around you, etc.

Tries to ask what they are talking about.

He tries to show his intelligence and tries to almost "prove" himself.

It's to the point where the guy is low-key weirded out and makes an awkward exit.

You just look at Jack and roll your eyes, call him a dork, and walk away.

Just to make sure she's not mad at him, he brings her coffee and a pastry and talks to her.

At the end of the day he knows that she would never do anything to mess with their relationship.


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2 months ago

Doctors - Part 1

Booth has a younger sister that is a surgical resident and introduces her to his team, finally, but it takes a turn he wasn't expecting and he hates it. Jack Hodgins x OC/Natalie Booth, surgical intern

Booth wasn't sure why he agreed to this. It was a bad idea. a very bad idea. but here he was, standing in the Jeffersonian lab, introducing his little sister to the team. 

Booth’s younger sister, Dr. Natalie Booth, had recently secured an internship at Georgetown Memorial Hospital. Bright, sharp, and he hated to admit it but charmingly confident, Natalie had always had a knack for making an impression and right now she's doing just that. 

“I've heard so much about all of you”, Natalie said, her smile lighting up the room. Bones of course is a legend and Angela, your artistry is incredible and you must be Dr. Hodgins. she turns her attention to Jack Hodgins, her smile shifting is something a little bit more mischievous. 

“Yeah that's me, Hodgins said, his usual confidence faltering as he shook her hand. “Call me Jack.” 

Natalie tilted her head. “Jack, huh? Well it's a pleasure to meet you. She let her gaze linger just a little longer than necessary. and Booth’s stomach dropped. This was not happening. 

Hodgins cleared his throat, clearly flustered. “The pleasure is all mine”, he said, his voice a little bit higher than usual. 

Booth steps in, firmly placing a hand on Hodgins’ shoulder and steering him aside. “Okay, let's focus, people. Natalie's just here to say hi, not to distract anyone.” 

“I'm not distracting anyone”, Natalie said innocently, though the playful glint in her eyes said otherwise. “Jack, do you always let my brother boss you around like this?” 

Hodgin’s grinned, “Not usually but, he's kind of scary when he's protective.” 

“Oh, trust me”, Natalie said, stepping closer to Hodgins despite Booth’s glare. He's been like this since we were kids. Remember when you scared of my prom date, Seeley?  

“The guy deserved it”, Booth snapped, folding his arms. “He had a tattoo on his neck.” 

Natalie laughed. “It was a barbed wire tattoo. Very trendy at the time. Anyway, Jack, what’s it like working here? Do you enjoy it? 

“Yeah”, Hodgins said, smiling back at her. “I get to play with bugs and dirt all day. It's a dream job.” 

“Bugs, huh?" Natalie asked, raising a  brow. “Sounds ... intriguing.” 

Booth stepped between them, arms wide like he was breaking up a fight. “Okay, enough. Natalie, don’t you have surgery to prepare for? Hodgins don't you have some slime or whatever to analyze?” 

Angela snorted in the background, leaning towards Brennan. “This is going to be fun.”  

Natalie peeked around Booth's broad frame to catch Hodgins' eye. “Guess I'll see you around, Jack.” 

“Looking forward to it”, Hodgins said, his grin widening. 

Booth groaned, running hand through his hair. He knew Natalie loved teasing him, but this? Flirting with Hodgins? This was a new level of torture. 

As Natalie turned to leave, Booth followed her out of the lab. “Seriously, Nat, what was that?” 

“What? “she said, feigning  innocence. “He's cute.” 

“He's Hodgins”, Booth hissed. “Stay away from him.”  

“Oh, relax”, she said with a wink. “You should be happy I’m making friends.” 

“Friends, my ass”, Booth muttered under his breath. He could already tell this wasn't the last he heard about Natalie and Hodgins. 

Back in the lab, Hodgin’s was still staring at the door, goofy grin on his face. 

“Jack,” Angela said, smirking. “You’ve got it bad.” 

“Yeah,” Hodgins admitted, barely registering her comment. “I think so.” 


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4 years ago

I Miss Him

He was my best friend.

 I don't understand why. 

Why? 

Why is he gone? 

He is...was so young. Only 20 years old. His birthday is this month on the 28th and he will never have that beer he'd been excited to buy himself and drink. He's always been such a good kid, so innocent. He would tell me he wanted to go crazy for the first time in his life on his 21st birthday and he won't ever have that moment. I will never see his adorable baby face. I will never see his huge smile. I will never play with his curly hair. I will never see him running around my house like a little kid. He was the type of person that can light up a room instantly. He could make you smile on your darkest hour. He was like my little brother. 

Now he's gone and there's nothing I can do. I can't hear his voice. I can't ever hear his singing voice again. We used to be the four of us and now there's three and it’s not the same. We don't laugh as loud anymore. We don't smile as bright. Something's missing with us. 

I didn't want to go to his funeral because I was afraid it would make it real but I went anyway, for him. For his family and for our friends.  I wanted to be strong and I couldn't. After the burial I practically ran to my car. I just sat and cried. I couldn't do anything else. I then heard two of my car doors open. It was the other two. We all sat in my car, sobbing. We held each other in the backseat. The three of us were devastated. We all miss him. I'm sad I'll never be able to tell him all the things I should have told him.

I love and miss my not so little, little brother.

Love,

Your forever sister


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1 month ago

Steve Rogers x Latina Woman

Golden retriever boyfriend that’s happy to be included in things. 

Asks you so many questions. 

Food! It's his favorite thing that she does!

Loves your cooking and that you serve so much food at a time, even with his super soldier metabolism he gets stuffed and given a second plate. 

Loves enchiladas. He always says “it has more flavor than anything I’ve ever had” 

I swear all he wants is your food and your kisses. 

He almost cried one day coming home from a horrible mission and seeing a table full of food. 

Loves the food and watches you cook while asking what things are. 

“Honey, what is this?” “What’s this spice?” 

Genuinely confused that you make nopal. “You eat… cactus?” 

Crying heavily but still eating, “Why is this so spicy?” 

Actually believes the tower was under attack when you were cooking chilis 

Gets scared when you start yelling in Spanish, literally looks like a kicked puppy. 

You call him “lindo”.  

He melts when you tell him, “Que lindo” 


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1 month ago

Bucky x Witch Practitioner

Learns that she’s a love witch and learns what that includes. 

He doesn’t understand the things she needs sometimes. 

“What is licorice root and why do you need it?” 

“Why do you need my birth time again?” 

“What’s that crystal next to my side of the bed?” 

He notices that she takes her time with her makeup and hair because beauty magic is important to her. 

Her whole home smells like roses. 

She always has roses in her home. 

She makes him custom herbal teas. 

She makes him a sleep sachet to place under his pillow to help with his nightmares. 

She hides little sigils on him or in his gear for protection and safety on missions. 

After he comes back from missions, she will do bath rituals for him to relax. 

He always gets her roses and pretty flowers for her “pink altar” (love altar). 

He nieces that she spray Florida water in the sheets and blankets after waking up and then spray his side with lavender spray and hers with rose. 

She tells him the lavender or chamomile will help with keeping him calm and help with sleep. 

Crystals everywhere (especially rose quartz & clear quartz the most). 

He thinks it’s really cute that you do spell work for him. 


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1 month ago

Carlisle Cullen as a Boyfriend

He is literally a mix of an angel and a victorian gentleman 

He is deeply compassionate. 

You have a rough day, “Tell me everything, my love.” 

He LISTENS! It’s rare for a man to just shut up and listen and he does it. 

If he senses something is off with you, it doesn’t matter if he’s doing something important, he will drop everything to make sure you are okay and talk things out. 

He is so respectful. 

Keep in mind he’s from a different era, so expect old school romance. 

Holding doors. 

Handwritten love letters in beautiful writing. 

He’s very patient and gentle in everything he does. 

Protector, but no overbearing and it’s not the major point of the relationship. 

One thing you love about him is how smart he is and that he’s an amazing conversationalist. 

This man has been alive for centuries. He speaks multiple languages, history buff, art lover, you can have deep conversations with him and he always has something to say. 

Unlike some other Cullens (👀), Carlisle is emotionally stable. 

He doesn’t ghost you, play games, or act jealous. All that is a waste of time to him. 

Carlisle is able to admit he doesn’t have all the answers and needs help. 

“I’m still learning to love you the way you need. Please help me understand. Please.” 

He’s loyal and consistent. Everyone else is chaos, he’s the calm in the storm. 

He is overall a great partner and easy to be with, you don’t have to try with him and I think that is so simplistically beautiful in a relationship. 


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