You Are An Annoying, Selfish Bureaucrat And I Hate You And Everyone Else At This Stupid Party.

I heard this guy was surprisingly popular, so in honour of Tattoo Dog from the hit show Slow Horses, I made these textpost memes that kinda fit his vibe.

It's both funny and sweet how much he was a standout to a bunch of people (as a side character? we're calling him a side character, right?). That's the power of good character design I guess.

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS Season 1, 2023-

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

RIVER CARTWRIGHT & JAMES 'SPIDER' WEBB "Personal Space" SLOW HORSES

qhen I saw Him I knew I had to drop everything n draw him

I CAN’T EVEN GIF THIS SCENE, IT’S TOO MUCH.  The intensity of it, the absolute badass fight scene, contrasted against how sad this fight is. It’s truly a successor to the Mustafar fight from Revenge of the Sith, which is a fight that none other in Star Wars has yet to beat when it comes to dramatics and emotional impact going hand in hand. We have these two just flinging each other around, Obi-Wan and Vader know each other intimately, they weave and twist around each other all throughout the fight, even ten years later when they’ve both been so worn down or twisted by their time separated, they still know each other.  They are still surprisingly evenly matched.  They still are each others’ vulnerabilities. No one can fight each other like these two fight each other. The fight was incredible, it was epic, and yet the core remains these moments. This is the heart of the fight, of their relationship, of the series. One of absolute and utter sorrow. These two are larger than life, incredibly iconic characters, it would be so easy to get lost in how epic they are and how incredible this fight was.  Obi-Wan was flinging him around like a rag doll!  Vader was destroying the ground right under their feet!  Obi-Wan lifted approximately five hundred rocks to fling at him!  Vader crashed down on him like a tidal wave!  Obi-Wan slammed into him until he literally took Vader apart! But that’s not the heart of the fight.  This is.  The pain, the loss, the tragedy, the sorrow of what Anakin had become.  Obi-Wan so desperately wants Anakin to come back, to see his old friend again, there is no question that he would help Anakin Skywalker back to the light.  He reaches out with compassion when he sees Vader’s face, “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry, Anakin.  For all of it.”  He sees Vader and it breaks his heart, he cries for this broken man, he would do whatever he could to help set it right. Again, this could have been a badass moment where Vader leans into epic, undiluted rage.  But the dark side isn’t just rage.  it’s also fear.  And pain.  And suffering.  That cutting Vader open to see the core of him isn’t just going to show us something cool and awesome, but someone sad.  Someone lost in the dark.  Someone suffering and afraid.  Someone who says, “I am what remains.” as a lamentation of what he has become just as much as a vow. When Obi-Wan cries for the death of his friend, we understand that some part of him still hoped, so desperately, that his friend would return.  For years he couldn’t let go because Anakin’s death haunted him, he couldn’t live without the guilt and loss and suffering of having lost Anakin.  But then Anakin is alive.  And he’s done terrible things, but Obi-Wan can’t want him deal, Obi-Wan still loves him, some part of Obi-Wan is still holding on, because he wants his friend to come back. But seeing Vader’s face, seeing that he knows this is the way of pain and suffering, but he’s choosing it anyway, Obi-Wan has to let go.  His friend is truly dead.  And it’s a loss.  For all that this was an incredible battle between two powerful Force users who know each other intimately, the scene ends on loss and one letting go, while the other still clings to their pain. We cannot help but remember Anakin Skywalker, the brilliant and shining young man that we all loved, that Obi-Wan loved so much.  We cannot help but think of their parting on Mustafar, where Obi-Wan won the fight previously as well, that that too was an epic battle that ended in sorrow.  Anakin flinging hateful words at him, but Obi-Wan only had tears and “I loved you.” for him. This scene is the successor to that moment on Mustafar.  “I’m so sorry.  For all of it.  My friend is truly dead.  Goodbye, Darth.” and Obi-Wan still can’t kill him, even when maybe he should, but he has to let go, this cannot consume him anymore.  He walked away on Mustafar, thinking he’d killed Anakin, but taking the weight of it with him.  This time, he walks away knowing Vader lives, but leaving the weight behind with him. For Obi-Wan, this is the completion of the circle of letting go.  He’ll still offer Vader one more chance on the Death Star, will hold his weapon up instead of in position, will let Vader make the choice, will give him one more piece of advice in a warning, but it is here that Obi-Wan lets go of the weight in his soul that was holding on to Anakin Skywalker. And all of it is a tragedy, Darth Vader is terrifying, we see him do impossibly brutal and terrible things, but when you cut him open, he is weak, he is miserable, and he keeps himself prisoner in the dark despite that he knows what it’s doing to him.  And it’s so sad.  None of us should ever want to be Darth Vader, no matter how cool he can sometimes be. Because, at his core, he is nothing but fear, misery, pain, and suffering.

outfit swap :)