Their Shared Struggle With A Lack Of/weirdness Towards Their Own Humanity And Lack Of Care For Their

You're my angel, Saeran(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

Nothing about how I feel about you has changed.

i wasn't gonna post this part of the chapter bc it was too long but. i truly cannot stop thinking about it. im unwell.

dabbled in translating and it was fun!! this was translated and edited by me and pls do not repost this, at least until the event is over!! thank you!

Hi Kait! So about Saeyoung being parentified, can you share more about that?

Saeyoung Choi was parentified at a young age by his mother and this action left a deep impact on him that plagues him to this day. It does not matter what Route you're playing, Saeyoung reacts to his brother in the way a parent should. His dynamic with Saeran is founded by a bond of brothership, it's more like Saeyoung is the parent and Saeran is a child. It's that way by design, and you can thank Mother Choi for starting this unfortunate cycle.

So, to start off, I should explain what it means to be parentified, huh? Parentification is a form of physical and psychological abuse where a child is forced to take on the role of a parent for their fellow siblings in the house, or even their parents.

There are many kinds of this type of abuse, but two key types are notable in Saeyoung's arc.

Emotional Parentification is when you, the child, take on the role of a confidante or mediator. The child feels responsible for the emotional state of the people around them.

You're handed adult emotions and subject matter well before your pain can process what you're going through, and your mind reacts to this by trying to mend the distress. This can look like comforting your parent after they reveal something deeply distressing, like the details of a divorce, or financial issues to you. This can also look like trying to take care of younger family members when they're upset, leading the older child in this situation to comfort and control the situation in the way the adult should.

Instrumental Parentification is the act of giving a child tasks that are too large for them. That looks like a parent telling you to do grocery shopping, pay bills, cook meals for the family, or take care of a sick sibling, for example.

This is the act of giving a child responsibility in the household that they are not ready for. The adults in the situation expect the child to be capable of understanding adult concepts without failure, and the weight of that stress is more than a child's brain can comprehend. It shouldn't be on a child's shoulders to find food for the family or pay the bills, but that's what happens in this type of abuse.

So, now that I've given a definition of this abuse, let's go ahead and talk about Saeyoung's parentification. I don't think a lot of people in this world want to talk about the effects of parentification because a lot of people have suffered this abuse and don't even know it.

Most people see it as a child "stepping up" in a time of need, but that's not something we should condone as a society.

Saeyoung's first foray into the grown-up world was handed to him when his Mother decided she didn't want to leave the house to get her alcohol. She told him to go and fetch her for her, among other a number of other tasks, like grocery shopping and picking up some medication if needed. He has no choice but to obey her whims if he wants to eat and take care of Saeran, too.

This is how Mother Choi talks about him when he's not there. He was useful because she got double the money for the twins, and because he was strong enough to leave the house, run to escape the threat of anyone looking to kill him, and get the alcohol and food she wanted for herself.

Saeyoung knew everything was going to go to his mother first before he or Saeran got to eat or drink.

Because I don't know if you guys are aware of this or not, but Ray reveals to the player in V's Route that their mother used to only give them white bread and rice to eat. The boys were given scraps and if they got lucky... something hardier because Saeyoung managed to smuggle it.

To the point where he has a strong aversion to the taste of bread now. He doesn't want to eat it. It reminds him of being trapped in that house. He'd eat it if he had to, in the same way, Saeyoung and Saeran can eat anything because if you're hungry enough, trust me, you'll try to do anything to not starve.

I know a lot of people haven't played Rika's Behind DLC, but years into running errands and taking care of tasks for his mother, Rika sees mistrust and fear on his face. She doesn't get it at first, but considering the fact that she also suffers from abuse, it starts to make sense to her the longer she interacts with him. She saw her trauma in Saeyoung... similar to how she starts to see her pain in Saeran, too.

Rika's intentions were compassionate at first as a person who saw her tortured self in these boys.

Do you know what it would feel like for a child like Saeyoung to spend years running errands for his family on a minimal budget that mostly gets spent on alcohol, not only fearing that the money he had wasn't going to be enough but knowing his biological father was around the corner waiting to kill him?

Saeyoung lived in fear every day of his life but he wasn't allowed to be afraid. He had to be a big boy for Saeran and survive the scary places he was sent to otherwise his brother would be alone. Saeyoung knew he had to survive so Saeran wouldn't be alone. That place was bad as it was when it was the two of them, but if they were alone...?

If it was just Saeran alone or Saeyoung alone?

Well, we know how Saeran later describes it in the secret ending. It took V and Rika a few weeks to get everything together for Saeran, but in that time, Mother Choi spent hours denying Saeran food and water because she couldn't find Saeyoung. Saeyoung was right to be afraid of those things, but the problem is that he shouldn't have had to have lived that way.

He was a child just like Saeran.

Saeyoung would never acknowledge that fact, though. But, he was a child forced into the role of an adult. There hasn't been a moment in his life where he wasn't playing the grown-up... unless we counted a couple of years where he couldn't walk or talk.

There's a reason why he wouldn't admit he suffered this, though. He doesn't want to ever admit he was hurt because he thinks Saeran's trauma is valid in comparison to his. Sure, he got hurt, but he's the "responsible twin". He is the "grown-up". He is the "big brother". I'm sure Saeyoung's MCs are aware of that because that's why he's so damn resistant to being vulnerable with you!

It's because of this trauma!

I'm not going to dump every example into this post, but I will point out these screenshots in particular to make my point. This is how a child who is aware of financial instability acts.

The next thing Saeyoung became aware of was how important money was. He spent all his time trying to run these errands for Mother Choi, and even if he didn't know how to count on his fingers and toes, he had to learn fast.

If he's only given so much money, he has to debate what to pay for and what he can and can't get. "Mother told me to get the "x kind of alcohol and that costs y, but we need more of this food for us to be able to eat, but the food costs z. What do I do?" He learns faster than anyone that if he wants to get out of that house, they need to get a lot of money, fast. They can't touch whatever Saejoong sends them.

She'd notice Saeyoung taking that money. Mother Choi might not be all there in her later years as alcoholism rots her brain, but if there is one thing she knows, it's that her brand costs XYZ and she better be able to afford that since Saejoong sends the "ZYX" amount.

Money is a serious problem for many families. I can tell you from firsthand experience that being exposed to the money insecurity around me at a young age made me paranoid about the concept of money. Why do you guys think Saeyoung buys those cars? He has those cars because they're easy to get rid of for quick cash if you're desperate. He loves being a mechanic, but it's not just about those cars.

It's about the money.

Every dime he makes from the agency isn't something he considers to be safe. That's why he keeps extra items in his bunker to get rid of if he needs to make quick cash. The game itself doesn't go into detail about how many different bank accounts Saeyoung has or where he stores his money, but it's worth noting that Saeyoung has as much in his pocket as Jumin does, if not more. He just doesn't spend it due to the fear he has.

What if Saeran needs that money?

It's not "What if I need that money?"

It's "What if Rika or V asks me for money to help him and I can make that happen?" and it's "What if the agency explodes someday and I'm free to live with Saeran? I want Saeran to have everything... all of it. I need to be able to have a limitless amount of money so he's never without."

So, he's determined to find another way to make money to help his brother escape. Have you guys ever noticed Saeyoung's language in the game when he talks about escaping? It's never about him. There isn't a moment where he considers his wants or needs. That's due to the fact that he's been trying to care for Saeran first and foremost. It is his job, not only because his mother told him to do it, but because he feels like it's his destiny to protect Saeran as the big brother.

That brings me to what Saeyoung understood as his job from the minute he could understand abstract thought and walk.

The fact that Saeyoung believes it's his job to take care of Saeran's emotional regulation. Every choice he's ever made in his life was to protect Saeran from becoming aware of how much danger existed around them. Every time Saeran cried, Saeyoung took it personally, and he jumped into action to help Saeran calm down.

He spent those days trying to distract Saeran, tell him stories, or he would create games to keep his mind off the ropes on his ankles and the storm in the other room. Of course, Saeyoung was a child just as his brother was, and he wasn't the best at "being the parent".

There were moments when Saeyoung couldn't help himself, and he would cry or scream at Saeran without meaning to. Saeyoung would feel a great deal of shame after it and mask his emotions even deeper to survive as Saeran's caretaker. In fact, I had a bitter chuckle when I glanced through the Secret Ending to grab examples of this fact and a nurse outright called Saeyoung "Saeran's caretaker".

I can clip hundreds of examples where Saeyoung focuses on Saeran's emotional state before his own. This is an example I explained. Where Saeran mentions a time when he tried to argue with Saeyoung about how he felt and Saeyoung screamed at him. Saeyoung wants to make a better world for Saeran so Saeran can be a child... and he just can't accept that Saeran is aware of how dire things are.

He's been trying for years to keep Saeran in a state of naivety for his protection. Saeran was never naive, though. He knew better, but he saw how hard Saeyoung was trying... he didn't want to get yelled at for telling Saeyoung what he really felt.

Saeran wanted to be just like Saeyoung because Saeyoung was the "strong one". He saw his twin brother being "grown-up". Why wouldn't Saeran start to view Saeyoung as more of a parent? You don't have to call someone your parent to view them as a parent, and that is very much the case for the younger siblings who count on their siblings for that bond.

Saeyoung has a horrible habit of saying: "If I am strong, then you are strong. You're me and I'm you." It was the only thing he could think of to help Saeran when they were kids. It's poetic and thoughtful, but it isn't helpful for Saeran's emotional regulation. It placed the weight of his strength on Saeyoung and Saeyoung alone. Saeran didn't want to do that, but Saeyoung kept doing that over and over again.

Saeyoung was a child who tried his best with what he was given, but again, he was a child who had to throw glue at the wall until he made himself believe something stuck. A major problem with Saeyoung at his core is that he can't see Saeran as anything but a helpless child... he infantilizes Saeran quite often. The last time he saw Saeran, that situation was different.

He was playing the role of Saeran's parent and Saeran depended on him for everything. He has a very hard time stepping outside of that role. Saeyoung plays the role of a caretaker as best he can, but that's a problem. Saeran isn't a child and neither is Saeyoung anymore. He's got to do what's right for Saeran, but Saeyoung continues to think he knows best no matter what because he's Saeran's caretaker.

He can't shut that mentality off. It's going to take a lot of therapy for Saeyoung to confront this fact, but in the Secret Ending, there isn't any moment of time he can spare for that. He's still busy living in the worst nightmare of his life. He won't let himself focus on recovering from the gunshot wound, nor will he work on physical therapy when he needs to. He neglects his needs because he's afraid for Saeran at every turn.

In some regard, we, the players, understand why that is. We know the truth that others don't. If Saejoong finds out about them, they will be killed for it. There is only so much Jumin can do to protect them, and he's already doing more than any average person would.

Saeyoung is aware that the hospital wants to sedate Saeran for the violence he's displayed to doctors and nurses. But, he knows that his brother doesn't want to be drugged again. He is in a crisis of morality for days. What's the right thing to do? He knows Saeran needs to be in the hospital but he can't let that continue.

He feels that he knows better for his brother at the moment.

He knows Saeran will stay in a hospital room to get the help he needs.

But, how long before someone finds out? Even Jumin points out that the risk of his father finding out about Saeran is high. Saeyoung has to make a painful choice. Remove Saeran from the hospital knowing that it's not good for Saeran's mental health or keep him trapped in a psych ward knowing it might get him killed. He did what he thought was right.

It's a difficult question.

But, Saeyoung didn't think twice. He knew he had to make a hard decision to save Saeran's life. He didn't discuss anything with anyone else. He just acted. He acted with the knowledge that he is the only one who understands what Saeran needs. He is the only one who is capable of protecting Saeran. He can't trust anyone else ever again.

He will be the adult, the grown-up, the parent, and the big brother. I have to point at this exchange as a good example of Saeyoung being the one who feels like he has to regulate Saeran's emotions. Look at how he speaks to Saeran, begs with him, pleads with him, and tries to play the parent who doesn't know how bad it was but wants to do something to make it right.

"I was awed there was something in this world I had to protect. I'm blessed to have someone that I need to protect. Thank you, Saeran... for being there so that I can protect you. You existing beside me gives me one more reason to live."

That is the language of a man who has no life purpose but to be a parent to his twin brother his entire life. He says outright that his job was to make sure that Saeran could stay alive no matter what. He is the last person who should be trying to break through to Saeran in this situation about what it means to want to live or die, but he feels that there is no other choice.

What is Saeyoung's purpose if not to be Saeran's parental figure? His caretaker? Even as he starts to heal and learn how to live with his MC in a world that he wants to live in forever... he is going to be grappling with that question.

This doesn't change at the End of Secret Ending when Saeran and Saeyoung have their "breakthrough."

Saeran still looks to Saeyoung for an answer and Saeyoung wants to give one. In fact, the reason why Saeran decides that it's not worth it to kill himself isn't just due to the fact that he realized that Saeyoung would do anything for his happiness, even die.

It's also because he realized that Saeyoung will not let him die. He doesn't want Saeran to die and he won't Saeran do it. That doesn't stop Saeran's suicidal thoughts. He simply becomes apathetic after this. He knows he can't die no matter what he does, what's the point in trying again? He doesn't have a sudden revelation. He just learns that Saeyoung won't quit trying to save his life.

Saeyoung: "Let's go back to how we were. We've survived so much. Our happiness now can shine brighter because of that."

Saeran: "I hated that about you. I hated how you were positive about the future, and yet, I admired it at the same time too. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt this time if only because that's the only choice I have right now."

Saeyoung, my dearest, you can't go back. This sets up how I view the way Saeyoung will treat Saeran going forward until he gets into some therapy and acknowledges what he went through. This doesn't make Saeyoung a bad person, but it does show the player how Saeyoung's unable to stop seeing himself as a child who had to be a grown-up to survive. He needs to accept that Saeran is a grown-up and that he's a grown-up, too.

Saeran should be allowed to do what he wants, and outside of doing the right thing by removing sharp objects and more things like that outside of that bunker, as well as offering emotional support when it is asked for, Saeyoung should learn who his brother is today instead of thinking of him as the baby who clung to him when they were both stuck in that nightmare home.

Just as Saeran should give Saeyoung a chance to show who he is as an adult, too, when he's ready. He doesn't need to see Saeyoung as a savior or a caretaker, and he doesn't want to, but they need time, the both of them, to get out of that place. I think with time, therapy, and the help of MC will do wonders for this.

I know I didn't get into where this would play out in Another Story, but it's the same sentiment. But, in that situation, Saeyoung has no choice but to be forced into seeing Saeran's autonomy as an adult. It's far different than what we're shown in Saeyoung's Route. I know the game doesn't cover this either, but I have to add something else to this.

You know V's murder is something that Saeyoung is going to take the blame for. Saeran is never going to be blamed in Saeyoung's eyes and I don't see that changing even as they get better. He will say it's a sin he committed since he was the one who put Saeran in that position, to begin with.

It's painful to think about but it's the truth.

Saeyoung will gloss over Saeran's actions because he is his brother. That's going to cause issues later on as Saeran takes ownership of his actions. He won't be able to talk about those things with his brother... because Saeyoung will excuse him. "It's my fault. Blame me. I failed you as a big brother. Your actions were mine. They weren't yours. I'm the filthy sinner. I am Luciel. I am Lucifer. I take your sins and cleanse you of them."

Saeyoung became a monster and he feels like Saeran shouldn't be called one when he already took the burden as Saeran's other half. That's a part of what he can't admit to himself. That he feels like a parent who must take care of everything that happened to Saeran as if it were his sin instead.

I feel like this is a part of Saeyoung Choi that a lot of people can relate to, but it's the pain of knowing that he hasn't realized how deep this trauma runs in him.

Hi Kait! So about Saeyoung being parentified, can you share more about that?

Saeyoung Choi was parentified at a young age by his mother and this action left a deep impact on him that plagues him to this day. It does not matter what Route you're playing, Saeyoung reacts to his brother in the way a parent should. His dynamic with Saeran is founded by a bond of brothership, it's more like Saeyoung is the parent and Saeran is a child. It's that way by design, and you can thank Mother Choi for starting this unfortunate cycle.

So, to start off, I should explain what it means to be parentified, huh? Parentification is a form of physical and psychological abuse where a child is forced to take on the role of a parent for their fellow siblings in the house, or even their parents.

There are many kinds of this type of abuse, but two key types are notable in Saeyoung's arc.

Emotional Parentification is when you, the child, take on the role of a confidante or mediator. The child feels responsible for the emotional state of the people around them.

You're handed adult emotions and subject matter well before your pain can process what you're going through, and your mind reacts to this by trying to mend the distress. This can look like comforting your parent after they reveal something deeply distressing, like the details of a divorce, or financial issues to you. This can also look like trying to take care of younger family members when they're upset, leading the older child in this situation to comfort and control the situation in the way the adult should.

Instrumental Parentification is the act of giving a child tasks that are too large for them. That looks like a parent telling you to do grocery shopping, pay bills, cook meals for the family, or take care of a sick sibling, for example.

This is the act of giving a child responsibility in the household that they are not ready for. The adults in the situation expect the child to be capable of understanding adult concepts without failure, and the weight of that stress is more than a child's brain can comprehend. It shouldn't be on a child's shoulders to find food for the family or pay the bills, but that's what happens in this type of abuse.

So, now that I've given a definition of this abuse, let's go ahead and talk about Saeyoung's parentification. I don't think a lot of people in this world want to talk about the effects of parentification because a lot of people have suffered this abuse and don't even know it.

Most people see it as a child "stepping up" in a time of need, but that's not something we should condone as a society.

Saeyoung's first foray into the grown-up world was handed to him when his Mother decided she didn't want to leave the house to get her alcohol. She told him to go and fetch her for her, among other a number of other tasks, like grocery shopping and picking up some medication if needed. He has no choice but to obey her whims if he wants to eat and take care of Saeran, too.

This is how Mother Choi talks about him when he's not there. He was useful because she got double the money for the twins, and because he was strong enough to leave the house, run to escape the threat of anyone looking to kill him, and get the alcohol and food she wanted for herself.

Saeyoung knew everything was going to go to his mother first before he or Saeran got to eat or drink.

Because I don't know if you guys are aware of this or not, but Ray reveals to the player in V's Route that their mother used to only give them white bread and rice to eat. The boys were given scraps and if they got lucky... something hardier because Saeyoung managed to smuggle it.

To the point where he has a strong aversion to the taste of bread now. He doesn't want to eat it. It reminds him of being trapped in that house. He'd eat it if he had to, in the same way, Saeyoung and Saeran can eat anything because if you're hungry enough, trust me, you'll try to do anything to not starve.

I know a lot of people haven't played Rika's Behind DLC, but years into running errands and taking care of tasks for his mother, Rika sees mistrust and fear on his face. She doesn't get it at first, but considering the fact that she also suffers from abuse, it starts to make sense to her the longer she interacts with him. She saw her trauma in Saeyoung... similar to how she starts to see her pain in Saeran, too.

Rika's intentions were compassionate at first as a person who saw her tortured self in these boys.

Do you know what it would feel like for a child like Saeyoung to spend years running errands for his family on a minimal budget that mostly gets spent on alcohol, not only fearing that the money he had wasn't going to be enough but knowing his biological father was around the corner waiting to kill him?

Saeyoung lived in fear every day of his life but he wasn't allowed to be afraid. He had to be a big boy for Saeran and survive the scary places he was sent to otherwise his brother would be alone. Saeyoung knew he had to survive so Saeran wouldn't be alone. That place was bad as it was when it was the two of them, but if they were alone...?

If it was just Saeran alone or Saeyoung alone?

Well, we know how Saeran later describes it in the secret ending. It took V and Rika a few weeks to get everything together for Saeran, but in that time, Mother Choi spent hours denying Saeran food and water because she couldn't find Saeyoung. Saeyoung was right to be afraid of those things, but the problem is that he shouldn't have had to have lived that way.

He was a child just like Saeran.

Saeyoung would never acknowledge that fact, though. But, he was a child forced into the role of an adult. There hasn't been a moment in his life where he wasn't playing the grown-up... unless we counted a couple of years where he couldn't walk or talk.

There's a reason why he wouldn't admit he suffered this, though. He doesn't want to ever admit he was hurt because he thinks Saeran's trauma is valid in comparison to his. Sure, he got hurt, but he's the "responsible twin". He is the "grown-up". He is the "big brother". I'm sure Saeyoung's MCs are aware of that because that's why he's so damn resistant to being vulnerable with you!

It's because of this trauma!

I'm not going to dump every example into this post, but I will point out these screenshots in particular to make my point. This is how a child who is aware of financial instability acts.

The next thing Saeyoung became aware of was how important money was. He spent all his time trying to run these errands for Mother Choi, and even if he didn't know how to count on his fingers and toes, he had to learn fast.

If he's only given so much money, he has to debate what to pay for and what he can and can't get. "Mother told me to get the "x kind of alcohol and that costs y, but we need more of this food for us to be able to eat, but the food costs z. What do I do?" He learns faster than anyone that if he wants to get out of that house, they need to get a lot of money, fast. They can't touch whatever Saejoong sends them.

She'd notice Saeyoung taking that money. Mother Choi might not be all there in her later years as alcoholism rots her brain, but if there is one thing she knows, it's that her brand costs XYZ and she better be able to afford that since Saejoong sends the "ZYX" amount.

Money is a serious problem for many families. I can tell you from firsthand experience that being exposed to the money insecurity around me at a young age made me paranoid about the concept of money. Why do you guys think Saeyoung buys those cars? He has those cars because they're easy to get rid of for quick cash if you're desperate. He loves being a mechanic, but it's not just about those cars.

It's about the money.

Every dime he makes from the agency isn't something he considers to be safe. That's why he keeps extra items in his bunker to get rid of if he needs to make quick cash. The game itself doesn't go into detail about how many different bank accounts Saeyoung has or where he stores his money, but it's worth noting that Saeyoung has as much in his pocket as Jumin does, if not more. He just doesn't spend it due to the fear he has.

What if Saeran needs that money?

It's not "What if I need that money?"

It's "What if Rika or V asks me for money to help him and I can make that happen?" and it's "What if the agency explodes someday and I'm free to live with Saeran? I want Saeran to have everything... all of it. I need to be able to have a limitless amount of money so he's never without."

So, he's determined to find another way to make money to help his brother escape. Have you guys ever noticed Saeyoung's language in the game when he talks about escaping? It's never about him. There isn't a moment where he considers his wants or needs. That's due to the fact that he's been trying to care for Saeran first and foremost. It is his job, not only because his mother told him to do it, but because he feels like it's his destiny to protect Saeran as the big brother.

That brings me to what Saeyoung understood as his job from the minute he could understand abstract thought and walk.

The fact that Saeyoung believes it's his job to take care of Saeran's emotional regulation. Every choice he's ever made in his life was to protect Saeran from becoming aware of how much danger existed around them. Every time Saeran cried, Saeyoung took it personally, and he jumped into action to help Saeran calm down.

He spent those days trying to distract Saeran, tell him stories, or he would create games to keep his mind off the ropes on his ankles and the storm in the other room. Of course, Saeyoung was a child just as his brother was, and he wasn't the best at "being the parent".

There were moments when Saeyoung couldn't help himself, and he would cry or scream at Saeran without meaning to. Saeyoung would feel a great deal of shame after it and mask his emotions even deeper to survive as Saeran's caretaker. In fact, I had a bitter chuckle when I glanced through the Secret Ending to grab examples of this fact and a nurse outright called Saeyoung "Saeran's caretaker".

I can clip hundreds of examples where Saeyoung focuses on Saeran's emotional state before his own. This is an example I explained. Where Saeran mentions a time when he tried to argue with Saeyoung about how he felt and Saeyoung screamed at him. Saeyoung wants to make a better world for Saeran so Saeran can be a child... and he just can't accept that Saeran is aware of how dire things are.

He's been trying for years to keep Saeran in a state of naivety for his protection. Saeran was never naive, though. He knew better, but he saw how hard Saeyoung was trying... he didn't want to get yelled at for telling Saeyoung what he really felt.

Saeran wanted to be just like Saeyoung because Saeyoung was the "strong one". He saw his twin brother being "grown-up". Why wouldn't Saeran start to view Saeyoung as more of a parent? You don't have to call someone your parent to view them as a parent, and that is very much the case for the younger siblings who count on their siblings for that bond.

Saeyoung has a horrible habit of saying: "If I am strong, then you are strong. You're me and I'm you." It was the only thing he could think of to help Saeran when they were kids. It's poetic and thoughtful, but it isn't helpful for Saeran's emotional regulation. It placed the weight of his strength on Saeyoung and Saeyoung alone. Saeran didn't want to do that, but Saeyoung kept doing that over and over again.

Saeyoung was a child who tried his best with what he was given, but again, he was a child who had to throw glue at the wall until he made himself believe something stuck. A major problem with Saeyoung at his core is that he can't see Saeran as anything but a helpless child... he infantilizes Saeran quite often. The last time he saw Saeran, that situation was different.

He was playing the role of Saeran's parent and Saeran depended on him for everything. He has a very hard time stepping outside of that role. Saeyoung plays the role of a caretaker as best he can, but that's a problem. Saeran isn't a child and neither is Saeyoung anymore. He's got to do what's right for Saeran, but Saeyoung continues to think he knows best no matter what because he's Saeran's caretaker.

He can't shut that mentality off. It's going to take a lot of therapy for Saeyoung to confront this fact, but in the Secret Ending, there isn't any moment of time he can spare for that. He's still busy living in the worst nightmare of his life. He won't let himself focus on recovering from the gunshot wound, nor will he work on physical therapy when he needs to. He neglects his needs because he's afraid for Saeran at every turn.

In some regard, we, the players, understand why that is. We know the truth that others don't. If Saejoong finds out about them, they will be killed for it. There is only so much Jumin can do to protect them, and he's already doing more than any average person would.

Saeyoung is aware that the hospital wants to sedate Saeran for the violence he's displayed to doctors and nurses. But, he knows that his brother doesn't want to be drugged again. He is in a crisis of morality for days. What's the right thing to do? He knows Saeran needs to be in the hospital but he can't let that continue.

He feels that he knows better for his brother at the moment.

He knows Saeran will stay in a hospital room to get the help he needs.

But, how long before someone finds out? Even Jumin points out that the risk of his father finding out about Saeran is high. Saeyoung has to make a painful choice. Remove Saeran from the hospital knowing that it's not good for Saeran's mental health or keep him trapped in a psych ward knowing it might get him killed. He did what he thought was right.

It's a difficult question.

But, Saeyoung didn't think twice. He knew he had to make a hard decision to save Saeran's life. He didn't discuss anything with anyone else. He just acted. He acted with the knowledge that he is the only one who understands what Saeran needs. He is the only one who is capable of protecting Saeran. He can't trust anyone else ever again.

He will be the adult, the grown-up, the parent, and the big brother. I have to point at this exchange as a good example of Saeyoung being the one who feels like he has to regulate Saeran's emotions. Look at how he speaks to Saeran, begs with him, pleads with him, and tries to play the parent who doesn't know how bad it was but wants to do something to make it right.

"I was awed there was something in this world I had to protect. I'm blessed to have someone that I need to protect. Thank you, Saeran... for being there so that I can protect you. You existing beside me gives me one more reason to live."

That is the language of a man who has no life purpose but to be a parent to his twin brother his entire life. He says outright that his job was to make sure that Saeran could stay alive no matter what. He is the last person who should be trying to break through to Saeran in this situation about what it means to want to live or die, but he feels that there is no other choice.

What is Saeyoung's purpose if not to be Saeran's parental figure? His caretaker? Even as he starts to heal and learn how to live with his MC in a world that he wants to live in forever... he is going to be grappling with that question.

This doesn't change at the End of Secret Ending when Saeran and Saeyoung have their "breakthrough."

Saeran still looks to Saeyoung for an answer and Saeyoung wants to give one. In fact, the reason why Saeran decides that it's not worth it to kill himself isn't just due to the fact that he realized that Saeyoung would do anything for his happiness, even die.

It's also because he realized that Saeyoung will not let him die. He doesn't want Saeran to die and he won't Saeran do it. That doesn't stop Saeran's suicidal thoughts. He simply becomes apathetic after this. He knows he can't die no matter what he does, what's the point in trying again? He doesn't have a sudden revelation. He just learns that Saeyoung won't quit trying to save his life.

Saeyoung: "Let's go back to how we were. We've survived so much. Our happiness now can shine brighter because of that."

Saeran: "I hated that about you. I hated how you were positive about the future, and yet, I admired it at the same time too. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt this time if only because that's the only choice I have right now."

Saeyoung, my dearest, you can't go back. This sets up how I view the way Saeyoung will treat Saeran going forward until he gets into some therapy and acknowledges what he went through. This doesn't make Saeyoung a bad person, but it does show the player how Saeyoung's unable to stop seeing himself as a child who had to be a grown-up to survive. He needs to accept that Saeran is a grown-up and that he's a grown-up, too.

Saeran should be allowed to do what he wants, and outside of doing the right thing by removing sharp objects and more things like that outside of that bunker, as well as offering emotional support when it is asked for, Saeyoung should learn who his brother is today instead of thinking of him as the baby who clung to him when they were both stuck in that nightmare home.

Just as Saeran should give Saeyoung a chance to show who he is as an adult, too, when he's ready. He doesn't need to see Saeyoung as a savior or a caretaker, and he doesn't want to, but they need time, the both of them, to get out of that place. I think with time, therapy, and the help of MC will do wonders for this.

I know I didn't get into where this would play out in Another Story, but it's the same sentiment. But, in that situation, Saeyoung has no choice but to be forced into seeing Saeran's autonomy as an adult. It's far different than what we're shown in Saeyoung's Route. I know the game doesn't cover this either, but I have to add something else to this.

You know V's murder is something that Saeyoung is going to take the blame for. Saeran is never going to be blamed in Saeyoung's eyes and I don't see that changing even as they get better. He will say it's a sin he committed since he was the one who put Saeran in that position, to begin with.

It's painful to think about but it's the truth.

Saeyoung will gloss over Saeran's actions because he is his brother. That's going to cause issues later on as Saeran takes ownership of his actions. He won't be able to talk about those things with his brother... because Saeyoung will excuse him. "It's my fault. Blame me. I failed you as a big brother. Your actions were mine. They weren't yours. I'm the filthy sinner. I am Luciel. I am Lucifer. I take your sins and cleanse you of them."

Saeyoung became a monster and he feels like Saeran shouldn't be called one when he already took the burden as Saeran's other half. That's a part of what he can't admit to himself. That he feels like a parent who must take care of everything that happened to Saeran as if it were his sin instead.

I feel like this is a part of Saeyoung Choi that a lot of people can relate to, but it's the pain of knowing that he hasn't realized how deep this trauma runs in him.

This unlocked my inner Madakana analysis brain because they're the character opposites. Foils even. They're the same deep down in always wanting, only being together via that wanting and always effecting the other. (The 3rd part and relationship are so meteor impact)

prickly

Oh a fellow Rika lover! Any thoughts on her as a whole? Everyone views her differently and she's certainly a very complex character with lots of layers to her (another reason why she's one of my faves!). Maybe how would you interpret her own happy ending?

Hello, fellow Rika lover!!

I'll put my thoughts under a "read more", partially because I fear this will get lengthy and partially because I know Rika is a sensitive subject for many people!

Also putting a TW for SA and general abuse!

Honestly, I find Rika to be an extremely relatable character, at least from my perspective. She's a good (albeit exaggerated) example of what can happen if people who need help are abandoned.

A rough background is never justification for crime, but it can help explain it. This is a girl whose earliest memories are in an orphanage, who only had one person she could rely on. When she was stripped away from Mika, she at least thought she would have a happy, loving family.

Instead she lived a life where abuse came at her from all angles. Emotional and psychological abuse by her mother, physical and sexual abuse from the priest. She was treated like she was worthless--no, worse. She was treated like she was evil, a scourge upon the earth, devilspawn that would plague everything she touched.

She didn't want to be evil. She genuinely wanted to be a good girl and just have someone love her and be proud of her. But she turned to that "devil" that everyone made her out to be as a defense mechanism. If it kept her safe... how could it be a devil?

She genuinely strove to be a good person. She took in Sally, a stray, because she saw her own loneliness and neglect in that dog. She did originally want to use charity to help others. She went to a different church from the one she grew up attending, so that she could have a fresh life where nobody would judge her from the second she arrived, and she could actually help out.

The problem is that she still was missing that love. By the time she met V, she was... 18, if I recall correctly? 18 years of being unloved. By then she figured she had to be someone else, put on a mask in order to be liked, let alone loved.

And V was her sun. V, who could capture beauty and warmth in photos that Rika could have only dreamed of. She saw light and love and passion in his work. Truly, Rika at her core is a romantic, because V was genuinely surprised to hear her explanations and theories of his photos. He was the one who said, "Huh. It wasn't that deep for me, but part of the charm of art is that it means something different to everyone who sees it. I'd love to hear more about your beautiful, romantic visions of my pieces."

She saw his sunlight and wanted it for herself. But just having the sun in her arms wasn't enough. When V started calling Rika his sun, too... she wanted to become the sun. Because she saw the sun as a mother who gave a warm embrace to all of her children on earth. Rika had never known that warmth, and she needed it. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Of course, we all saw how everything spiraled when Mika was dying, when Sally died, when Rika turned into a black hole that began to suck up the sun. V didn't--and couldn't--give her what she needed, and she snapped.

Candidly, I don't think that's too unrealistic. Growing up in an environment of abuse, and reaching out desperately to be loved but everything keeps falling apart around you. She went into survival mode, and that meant relying on her "devil." The darkness inside her protected her, and she couldn't give up on it entirely when it had saved her time and again. She didn't want to give into dark desires, but she felt that she had to. She genuinely wanted to be the sun.

And I think that's something people miss in Another Story. In casual & deep, she's too far gone. But Another Story, she still has a tiny fragment of hope of being able to love and be loved. That's why she's so desperate to form her "happy family", and why she goes off the wall when Ray disobeys her. She doesn't know how a mother is supposed to love. She never had that love. It's not good, it's not excusable, and it's not pretty.

But it's all she knew.

Rika is someone who had more masks than she had names (and she had three of those). She never was able to just exist as herself, always trying to fit a mold someone made for her (i.e. her mother), or to become someone else who lived a life she wanted (i.e. V). She lost herself along the way.

I think she genuinely loved the RFA, and to a certain extent did believe she could "save" them. She advertised Mint Eye as a haven for other outcasts, as a place where those who'd been scorned by the rest of the world could find solace and love. She had to become their sun, their Savior.

But Rika never had anybody to save her.

Now, common critiques are that she should've gone to therapy longer. And let me tell you, if you have a bad therapist? You don't want to go back. There is nothing more emotionally taxing than pouring out your heart and fears and insecurities and troubles to a stranger. Sometimes you get lucky, and you get someone who's patient and understanding and willing to work with you.

Sometimes you get a horrible person who invalidates your feelings, talks over you, and flat-out tells you, "You're too unstable for me to handle. Go get on medication then come back to me." (Speaking from experience, here.)

And that hurts! Having someone spit on the very essence of your soul! Picking yourself back up to find another therapist and pray things go better is... it's one of the toughest things a person can do. I can't blame Rika if she had a terrible therapist.

Plenty of people like to blame V, and let's be honest, he has his faults too. He couldn't give Rika the love she needed because he was so focused on fixing her. No, seriously, he went, "I can fix her. I can help her." But he's someone else whose intentions were pure. He saw how his father abandoned his mother, and he never wanted to do that. He saw a woman in need, and he thought of his mother. He had to help her. His conscience told him to, and he didn't want another ghost on his hands. He's self-sacrificing to a fault, and he's also insanely stubborn. He decided he'd follow her to hell and back to save her. It wasn't love, it was obsession, and he didn't realize that until it was too late. It was a moral fixation.

They both needed help. They weren't right for each other. But they clung to each other and fed off each other, and that's why V has a tragic end in every route but his own. Rika doesn't even get that.

So, I don't condone Rika's actions. But I can say that it's easy to see how someone with pure intentions and a will to do good... can lose themselves in a world that is so vile and full of malice, hate, despair, and suffering. I see Rika, and I see my own struggles to stay afloat in a world that wants me dead, as a queer Jewish AFAB person living in Florida. I see my own struggles with narcissistic parents and how I'm constantly second-guessing my thoughts and feelings. But I digress.

Anyway, a happy ending for Rika? Cottagecore lesbian. I'm not even kidding. Gosh, she's so lesbian-coded. Don't get me started. Nope, I'm starting, but I'll keep it brief.

Basically, oppressive Catholic upbringing telling her she's a devil who's going to hell no matter what and she has to take the abuse if she wants to be saved. She clings to the first person who shows remotely any interest in her well-being and thinks it's love. Rika is a lesbian who had to suppress her feelings or else damn herself further, and she clung to a man in a serious case of compulsory heterosexuality because he was kind to her and she was not accustomed to that. Look at the V bad ending where she seduces MC. She has way more chemistry with MC than she ever did with V. That's a comphet lesbian with gender envy of her ex, your honor.

Let her live in a cottage in the woods, far from the hustle & bustle of the city. Let her live alone with a woman where they bake pies and cross-stitch and read and just exist peacefully. Get her another puppy. She needs peace, fresh air, and grass.

Screenshots to show that I'm not just pulling my Rika analysis out of thin air, lol.

She's extremely insecure and has horrible fear of abandonment. But she was failed at so many levels: the orphanage, the church, V, therapy.

I want nothing more than to see Rika be happy.

This whole convo makes me wanna fight people who think the IT genuinely hate each other

Adachi: Clearly, I’m already going to hell, so there’s no point in trying anymore.