Nelliefinwe - Sopping Wet Meow Meow

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Getting married has been something I’ve always wanted and simultaneously knew I would never have. I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I’m particular as shit, ornery and I like my space, my independence, my solitude. But at the same time- well. Everyone wants to love. To know and say they have a family that loves them. And my birth family might’ve said they loved me. They certainly loved their daughter. 

It turned out they didn’t love how she insisted she was their son. 

You know how that kind of thing goes. It really doesn’t have too much to do with this story except giving me a complex about belonging to a family that wanted me for myself.

When I saw the ad on Craigslist, I was looking for used furniture. Scrolled too fast, accidentally opened up domestic gigs. The first listing caught my eye.

“Wanted: Compassionate man to marry our recently deceased daughter.”

The initial click was just out of morbid interest.

It read, simply enough, “Our daughter wanted to be married and we want to keep our promise to her that she would be. She has passed away, and we are seeking a kind and compassionate man to engage in a quiet, non-legally binding ceremony and become our in-law. 

“This is not a joke and we are in bereavement. Please keep this in mind when considering your reply.”

It got taken down within the next five minutes, either by the family or moderation, but I’d already texted the number provided.

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Bi-donna you moved me

literally nothing worse than when someone hits you up in the DMs and it’s just a man running an entire porn blog 😑 get out of my HOUSE!!! fuck off

Chinese weighlifter Li Wenwen successfully defended her title, winning the gold medal in the women's over 81kg category at the Paris Olympics on Sunday!

In her private life, Li is actually a fan of traditional Chinese Hanfu.

(source)

(Saw this post on Facebook and loved it, and since Facebook always steals Tumblr posts, I figure I can do the reverse and steal this Facebook post)

My fellow americans, I have decided to drop out of the democratic race. I haven’t shared this beyond my close family — Treasured Jill and Lovely Hunter — but I also wanted to take this moment to announce that my pronouns are he/they/she. I am still a catholic. I am also a democrat. I am also dying, and as I felt my soul pulling from my body and towards the Infinite and Heavenly Pools Of Tranquil Waterfalls And Citrus Compassion (my new property on the amalfi coast where I will be retiring) my mind coruscated into a kaleidoscopic fractal, my ego frayed apart like a well-wrought rope tied around the twinkling stars I will soon be consumed by, and I came to know the glittering multitudes dormant, and rustling, within me. It has been the greatest honor serving as your president and to share this final chapter of my self with you, along with this first chapter of my becoming. Im sorry that the Nasty Courts stripped you of the student loan forgiveness you deserved… We all deserve forgiveness one day. And Im sorry about the economy, but it’s not my fault. I have started seeing a therapist to work through the toxic shame I carry on behalf of this nation and its relationship to my avoidant-fearful attachment style. As for the election, although such matters seem small and insignificant now that I have glimpsed the vast and sparkling universe that presses against the silk stitches of my cursed soul, I must attend to these matters while my days on this sick and gorgeous earth persist, even as they come to an end… I will be nominating Beautiful Kamala to take my place in the race. Vote blue… And vote for her💙

With love and grace, joe biden 💖🍋🪽

sometimes i just want to be normal so badly

15 years later, being married to you still feels like getting away with something

A gothic horror story where a gentleman from a good family gets haunted by something monstrous, which follows him around and keeps killing people around him at utter random, in cruel and horrifying ways. Specifically within circumstances where the protagonist has no alibi, and everything indicates that he committed the murders.

But the real horror is not that he would find himself accused of the murders, but that the people around him naturally assume that he did do it, but genuinely do not care, because the victims are never people that the society around him considers "important". The scullery maid of his household is found brutalised beyond recognition in a room where even the ceiling has been splattered with blood, and a constable of the local police brushes it off as a case of household discipline gone wrong, being horrifyingly casual with the assumption that the protagonist severely beat a girl in his service to death, and will dismiss it as an accident. The street urchin that the protagonist was seen talking with - wanting to help this poor little orphan - is found decapitated, severed head in the protagonist's fireplace. This, too, is calmly swept under the rug.

After every horrifying murder, the protagonist tries to seek help, to present the crime to authorities in hopes of getting some semblance of help, or at least clearing his own name of this, but every time it's brushed off. "These things do happen", he is reassured, like it's perfectly normal that a mansion of that size has a secret garden of unmarked graves in one shady corner.

The real horror is the ever-encompassing implication that this is perfectly normal.

i bet in heaven they're still on 3g phone service because they have to purify all the technology of sin but in hell they've got fucking 7g just blasting terabytes worth of the hottest demon porn right into your prostate