Theriocide: Therianthropic Suicidal Ideation

Theriocide: therianthropic suicidal ideation

!!TW suicidal ideation, almost death

Recently I went through an almost death situation where a car almost hit me. Nothing happened, the car didn't hit me, no one was hurt and no damage was made, but after that something inside me "woke up". I've always been suicidal and thoughts about it are normal to me, but the way I've been thinking about it changed completely. I'm an elk therian and that moment when I almost got run over I felt like a deer in headlights. It was so euphoric in a weird messed up way! I felt like that was how I was supposed to die, like the animal I am, like the deer I am. After that my suicidal thoughts shifted from the normal "human" deaths to the most animalistic ones, being hit by a truck, being hunted by wolves, getting my head split in two while competing for a mate... The thought of dieing like an elk makes me happy, makes me look forward to it. I won't actually act on it, of course, I'm not actively suicidal and have a support network I don't plan on abandoning soon, but it is weird to think the happiest I've been in a while was when a car was coming my direction and my life was passing through my eyes. Alterhumanity can be a little fucked up sometimes!