Yeah, I Got Excited When I Saw That Bg3 Was On Sale..... Then I Saw It Was Only 20% Off. :/

【 it's been a long, long time 】

author's note: the ask that started it all. i'm not even gonna deny it anymore, i lost, i love jamil viper sm, i brainrot about him daily, i wrote a fic for him, even- for the full experience, put on this song when you get to That Part of the fic (you'll know when you get there hehe) enjoyyy <33

characters: gn! prefect, jamil viper, the viper family

word count: 2.8k

tags: family dinner with the vipers!, childhood memories :'))), jamil introspection bc i angst for this man, yearning, who doesn't love yearning ?, literal slow dancing in the dark, kissing. i- yes.

[ read it on ao3 for the kicks ! ]

Under the guiding light of the moon, they stared at their boyfriend— Jamil Viper’s back; who was very adamantly leading them away from the ruckus his family was making. They just had a lovely dinner with the Vipers, at Jamil's bashful request. They knew his family was busy. But  Jamil had come home for the first time in a while, and he brought his partner? They wouldn't have missed it for the world, they claimed!

Throughout the dinner they tried to ignore as Najma kept sending Jamil subtle looks, clearly teasing her older brother. It was kind of funny seeing Jamil frown so outwardly for once, and even funnier watching him nudge Najma in the ribs whenever her comments got a little too loud for his liking.

His parents, meanwhile, had resorted to telling them all about how Jamil was as a child. "He was such a sweet child! He and Lord Kalim used to..." or "Remember that time when he tried to ride a bicycle because Lord Kalim wanted to learn..." or "Ah, that time he entered a competition and won second place next to Lord Kalim..."

Jamil had completely pulled the hood over his head when that had started, no doubt hiding the furious blush raging across his face. They were half-tempted to reach over and pull the hood back, just to see the startled expression on their boyfriend's face. (But they knew he would’ve glared at them if they did, so they refrained.)

But the one thing they noticed was that...his parents couldn't help but mention Kalim all the time. As they were talking about Jamil, praises for the Al-Asim family and the "master" that Jamil served fell from their lips naturally. So naturally, in fact, they couldn't help the stab of disappointment they felt as they kept listening.

Now it was clear to them that no matter how much they loved him, Jamil's wants and needs were always going to be second to their collective duty as the Al-Asim's retainers. They loved him, yet somehow they valued their honor more. Still, they couldn't deny that they were lovely people despite their faults.

As soon as the intention to help clean up after dinner left their lips, Jamil was pulling them away from the table. Jamil's dad chuckled, a deep baritone, picking up all the plates before they could make a grab for them.

"There's no way we would let a guest help out with the chores, little one," Jamil's mom had scolded lightly, giving them a pat on the shoulder.

"I'm sure that Jamil is dying to have you to himself," Najma said, a sweet smile behind her teasing words. "So you guys should go!"

They didn't even get a chance to reply before Jamil was dragging them away. Which brought them back to the present. The hallways were quiet, save for the rustling of their movements. Jamil's hand is warm against theirs as they pass by identical hallways that he must know by heart, the silence a comforting weight against their shoulders.

After a lengthy walk, Jamil finally stopped in front of a door, turning towards them, "Would you like to open it?" They nodded, unsure of what was happening before opening the door.

It opened with a loud creak, startling a squeak out of the Prefect before they stepped inside. There was a bed in the corner, propped underneath a large window overlooking the courtyard below. Slivers of moonlight illuminate the rest of the room: the small, cramped desk, the bookshelf and dresser in one corner, and the framed photos scattered across the wall.

Oh, they realize belatedly. This was Jamil's room. The very one that he must've had since he was a little boy.

They don't dare to take another step, watching as Jamil's hands nursed a lantern to life; its intricate patterns sprawling like spiderwebs across the walls of the darkened room. He sat down on the floor, beckoning them to join him.

"Everything's still the same," His voice was wistful— a mere whisper carried by the cool night breeze; a relieving contrast to the scalding daytime heat.

They sat next to him, watching as he searched for something under his bed. His expression shifted to one seemingly of delight as he found something. Of all the things that he could've been searching for, they didn't expect him to pull out a gramophone. He fixed the horn onto the machine, while they picked up a pair of dated headphones from the box.

"This was where all my amusement would come from when I was younger," Jamil flicked through the many records lined up in the box– truly a treasure trove hidden under his bed. "I remember haggling for these in the markets as I ran my errands. They were stubborn old men, but they never led me astray with music. If they said something was good, it was."

The Prefect couldn't help but chuckle, "Still the same as ever, I see." Their voice was softer than they would've liked, the words lined with the fondness they had in their heart for the one in front of them.

Yet they couldn't help but remember the stereo that Jamil kept in his room back at the Scarabia dorms, a pair of newer headphones attached to it; always. And they had seen the countless DVDs that Jamil had painstakingly collected, all pawned from different shops in the little town at Sage Island.

"Old habits die hard," Jamil's movements were like clockwork as he flipped a record in his hand, sweeping off the dust as he slid it into place.

The gramophone came to life as he moved the needle into place. A simple adjustment to the volume, and there was the sound of a lilting trumpet, accompanied by violins and instruments that they couldn't name filling the room.

Jamil stood as the trumpets kept on, "Come on, Prefect. Dance with me?" With his outstretched hand and such an unguarded expression, they knew there was little Jamil Viper couldn't squander away from them at that moment.

They stood, stumbling over their feet already as Jamil pulled them into a slow swing, "I-I'm not very good at this..."

A huff that sounded like laughter brushed against their cheek as Jamil pulled them close, "It doesn't matter. Let loose. Feel the music." They grasped Jamil's arm and shoulder as Jamil led them around the room.

It startled them when a lady's voice started to croon over the instruments, meeting Jamil's eyes. There was an unabashedly star-struck look on his face, one that could reduce them to a puddle of embarrassment if they let it. Instead, they leveled his stare, even as the voice sang sweet nothings into the air between them.

Jamil spun them gently, prying a laugh from their lips as he drew them back into his embrace. He hummed along as she sang, and they vaguely wondered what Jamil sounded like when he sang. (But that was a thought for another time.)

"Distracted?" He asked as the voice pandered out and the trumpets picked up once again.

"By you, yeah," The Prefect replied, smiling at the way Jamil's shoulders jumped slightly. They were endlessly amused by how simple words could startle such an unshakable person.

He retaliated by suddenly shifting his weight, causing them to fall— right into a dip, "What a tease you are." Their heart had leaped into their throat, grip tightening on his sleeves. He seemed amused by that, his eyes creasing at the corners.

They huffed as Jamil tugged them up, causing them to fall into him more, "You're the one that asked."

As the orchestra joined in, their steps slowed, until they were shuffling; mere centimeters separating them. They couldn't take their eyes off him. That look was still on his face, even as his gaze flicked down to their lips. Then back up to their face and back down once again. They stayed locked in an embrace, even as the song faded out into a crackle. It was like he was waiting— for some instruction or permission that he was allowed to do something—

They finally found their voice, lips parting, "You should take the song's advice." Their mouth felt dry as Jamil's expression shifted.

A raised eyebrow, clearly a challenge, "And what advice is that, exactly?"

They had a lump in their throat as they recalled the melody; shaky voice fumbling over the words, "Kiss me once, and kiss me twice, then kiss me once again..."

They were immediately met with lips capturing their own; in a kiss so raw and tumultuous. Their knees quivered yet Jamil held them firm, kissing them with so much fervor it almost left them scalded. Jamil, Jamil, Jamil, their mind repeated, abandoning all thoughts that weren't of him, because he was— beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. They pushed back with the same intensity, not wanting to lose when they knew they felt that same feeling of desperation rushing through their veins at that very moment

He pulled away for a short moment before pressing a second kiss against their lips; though this time unhurried and gentle. They place a caress on his hair, the ornaments clinking as they smoothed a hand over his braids. How they wished they could have him like this forever.

A sigh against their lips made their skin tingle as he pulled away a second time. He leaned in one last time, this time pressing a lingering peck against their lips.

"...It's been a long, long time," His voice was hoarse as he sang his reply, yet it was the most lovely thing they had ever heard. They were sure there was a dopey smile on their face as they admired him, their beautiful lover, under the sparse lantern light.

But something distracted him too quickly, and he opened his mouth, "I should take you back to your room. It's already this late, and I'm sure you'd like to sleep." Ah. He had been relaxed all this time, and now he finally remembered his "position." They almost frowned at the thought of this mood being ruined by something that didn’t ever matter to them.

There was no going around the question, so they asked one of their own, "You want me to leave?"

"That's..."

They knew it was a loaded question. One that Jamil wouldn't be able to answer. But they could wait— for an answer that wasn't something so textbook, as expected of him since he was younger. They could wait however long it took for an answer that was simply his.

"I'd like it if you stayed," Jamil's words rushed out hurriedly. "I mean...would you stay with me?" The grip on their waist tightened in anticipation of their answer. His eyelashes fluttered as he looked away from them.

"It's funny that you think I'd rather be elsewhere right now," They said, trying to catch his gaze. "Hey. C'mon, silly, look at me."

It took a little while before dark grey eyes met theirs once more, "There we go."

"Stop this already," He mumbled, but he leaned closer still.

"There's no place I'd rather be than by your side," They state proudly, giving him a smile. "I'm staying. Today, tomorrow, and the next day, and...this is getting cheesy..." They cough; embarrassed, "You get it, right?"

"You're going to be the death of me," Jamil murmured, thumb brushing against their cheek ever so lightly. "Hayaati wa qalbi." The words send a shiver down their spine though they don't understand them.

"What's that supposed to mean?" They asked as Jamil finally brought them over to his bed. He turned off the gramophone and their hands find his braids, untangling them. (It would've been faster with magic, but they knew Jamil liked it when they did it instead.)

"It wouldn't be any fun if you knew what it meant," Jamil was smiling at them with the same gentleness the moon used to tide over oceans. They felt themself being inexorably pulled towards him, giving in to the gentle push and pull of his orbit.

"That's so not fair," They tug on one of his braids, earning them a swat to the thigh. "C'mon, you can't be keeping secrets to yourself."

"It's a pet name," Jamil said nonchalantly, turning towards them as they finished with undoing his hair. "Kind of like baby or honey."

"Jamil Viper," They try to look stern, but they were sure it didn't work. "I'm not falling for your tricks. I asked what the words meant, not what they were." He smiled, raising his hands as if he was caught.

In the end, Jamil clammed up about the words, even though their badgering was relentless. He only smiled at them, shaking his head and they wondered if it was important at all. They knew they meant something to him, or else he wouldn't have said it at all. And they could feel what he meant through the way he said it.

Hayaati wa qalbi. To them, it was just his way of saying "I love you." And they fell asleep, to the soothing hum of Jamil's voice and the warm hand brushing against their hair. He was humming that song again, the lyrics still stuck in their mind:

You'll never know how many dreams I dreamed about you,

Or how empty they all seem without you,

So kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again...

It's been a long, long time.

[ omake : حياتي وقلبي ]

Jamil opened his eyes when he finally heard their breathing even out. "Hey," He tried, only to be met with silence, their face curled against his shoulder.

Good. They were asleep.

"Hayaati wa qalbi," He breathed the words with reverence against their temple, chest filling with feelings too large to quantify with mere words. "It means 'my life and my heart.' I thought it was fitting for you, because..."

Because..? Why exactly did he choose those words?

His life. They were one of the only people, scratch that— the only person who he knew loved him unconditionally. He knew that they would love him, whether he chose to stay at the Al-Asim household, or if he ran away to chase his dreams when the crossroads finally caught up to him. He could see himself with them, years and years in the future; something that the past-him would've never thought to have ever experienced in his lifetime.

And his heart. They reminded him how good it fucking felt to live. Really live, as someone who wasn't just a dutiful servant. The few months that he had been dating them and the long months he spent yearning for them— they had been the most alive he felt in years . They taught him from scratch how to embrace his hobbies; accompanying him to musty antique stores, getting tickets to dance competitions, hell, even going as far as to make him completely abandon his animosity towards performing for once in his life.

There was so much more he could thank them for— so much that it made him choke on those three little words anytime he tried to utter them. But they never frowned upon that. With every failed attempt of professing his love, they were always there to pick him up— stitching him together with hands so gentle he could almost believe in their sincerity. And yet he was still afraid.

‘Old habits die hard’, yes, that was true. He couldn't help but let those thoughts eat at him; a slow, all-consuming autophagy because surely the only person he was hurting was himself. And he saw the flicker of sadness in their eyes whenever he would slip up, showing them the doubts needling around cautious words and actions like a pest. He knew he was getting better at it, but wanted to try harder; for their sake. For the sake of that smile on their face— the very one he wanted to protect.

So this was the best he could give them for now: hayaati wa qalbi. Words that he could say and mean. Words that they couldn't possibly understand. Words that he could only whisper the meanings of as they slumber, for fear of ripping out his own heart and baring it to them to do as they pleased.

Jamil wet his lips, trying again, "I thought it was fitting because that's exactly what you mean to me. You're my life and heart. So please...stay with me forever, as you promised." He couldn't help but struggle around the last few words, illogical tears welling up in his eyes as he pulled them closer.

Yes, for now, this would be enough. For his life and his heart, he swore, belonged to them and them only. Today, tomorrow, the next day, and the next. Forever, forever, and always.

thank you for reading this impromtu little thing i wrote for mr. viper ! if you'd like to check out more of my work: my ao3 + twst masterlist

oh my god...

so the first screenshot is trying to look this up on tiktok normally, "donald trump rigged election" and it says that search violates community guidelines.

the second screenshot is looking up the same exact thing, but with a (australian) vpn on. canadian vpn didn't fix it fyi.

THIS is exactly the type of censorship to be looking out for on tiktok. this actually is crazy.

ahem

LILIA VANROUGE AWOOGA AWOOGA AWOOOGA AWOOGA PLS JUST ONE CHANCE ONE CHANCE ONE CHANCE AAAHHDHDVKFBNFNJJBNS HE'S SO PRETTY HE LOOKS SO GOOD I- HAJDKVAVDVDVD

I can't wait till it comes out!

New Mahou Shoujo Madoka☆Magica: Walpurgis no Kaiten Trailer

😢

RF1 to RF4: yeah some time has passed since the last game haha. Look! One of your pals from a previous game is here! They’re a lil older and have so much to tell you!!

RF5: All Your Old Friends Are Dead SORRY lmao

I wasn't expecting to get Ortho when using the free ten key.

I wish I had this luck all the time 😅

I was looking forward to what they would do.... :(

in loving memory of tumblr's april fools' pranks 💐 2014 - 2024

icymi, tumblr used to do an elaborate april fool's prank every year, but this year they suddenly stopped. here's a somewhat detailed recap of everything they did over the decade:

2013 - mishapocalypse (honourable mention): tumblr staff didn’t start doing april fools until 2014, but the mishapocalypse happened on tumblr in 2013 and i feel like this list would be incomplete without it

2014 - tumblrpro: upon opening your dash you were greeted by an “inspirational” video, that ended with the option to get “tumblrpro (for free)”. all it did was put a top hat on your icon.

2015 - tumblr executivesuite/coppy: a copying machine appeared in the corner of your dash. it would offer tips on how to use tumblr, like clippy the paperclip used to do in microsoft word. as the day went on, it slowly broke down and died right in front of your eyes. many people hated him (but not me). you could also make a (small) spreadsheet. @executivesuite2016 is the official blog.

2016 - this is decision/lizard election/tumblrdecides: a parody of the 2016 US elections. there were 4 lizards (well, one of them turned out to be a salamander in a scandal) to vote for. the dash looked different and there was a live news report with election updates, as well as an election blog for each lizard. they all had their own slogans and you would get an "i voted" button after you voted that would get slapped next to your icon. there were built-in functions to make an election poster for your favourite lizard and to create a text post that supported your lizard of choice that autogenerated a statement for all your followers to read. imo tumblr’s april fools peak. @thisisdecision2016-blog is the official blog, @mop-2016-blog @wretchedtooth @timefordeborah-blog were candidates. rick also had a blog (rick-official) but that now seems to have vanished because he ended up dropping out of the election. mop won, if you're curious. by far the most elaborate prank tumblr ever did.

2017 - horse friend: a tamagotchi-inspired game where you had to take care of a little horse in the corner of your screen. it came with a randomly generated name, and you had to feed and clean up after it. if you didnt take good care of it, it died. you could then hatch (yes, hatch) a new one. there was also an option to look at the names of all your dead horses. this is now available to buy in the tumblr shop. @horse-friends is the official blog.

2018 - tumblcoin: a parody of cryptocurrency (this was the year bitcoin took off). you could ‘invest’ in tumblcoin, with which you could in turn buy things with to spice up your dash, including last year’s horse friend, coppy from 2015, and a frame for around your icon. you could share the amount of tumblcoin you owned in an automatically generated gif post which would be tagged #tbc2018 and #tumblcoin. @tumblcoin is the official blog.

2019 - @memories: this blog still functions the way it did on april fools itself! it's like mad libs, where it takes post templates and then adds in tags you use a lot and users you frequently interact with on your main blog. like a personalized shitpost bot.

2020 - group chat prank/@storybot: it was so hard to find info on this because it was contained entirely in the now-defunct group chat function, which no one used. i had to go through the notes of this post for information because no one cared enough to actually write anything explaining it. turns out, you could write a story with your mutuals by adding storybot to your group chat. it also kept working after april fools (well, up until the group chats were deleted) just like memories. many people missed out on it entirely because they did not use the group chat function.

2021 - tumblcryptids: tumblr allowed you to adopt “non-fungible tumblcryptids”, a parody of NFTs. clicking a button that said "Summon thy Tumblrcryptid" would spawn an image of a little blob-shaped creature with a short description, which would always read "Hi! My name is [randomly generated name]. I love [thing most people like]. I hate [thing most people dislike]. Like my parent, I can't get enough of #[tag from your main blog]." you could share them in a post, which would automatically add the tag #NFTumblcryptids to your post. and yes, people on the piss on the poor website freaked out about it because they thought they were real NFTs harming the environment. @tumblcryptidadoptioncenter is the official blog.

2022 - click-a-thon: when you clicked a light switch on your dashboard, a bunch of colourful things showed up, like a sponge you could move around, an "engagament meter", clickable buttons, and a “Summon Crab!” button, which would summon a crab when you clicked it. you could. the crabs, like horse friend, are still available in the tumblr store as of 2025. here's some screenshots. there were various ways to share your crab activities, which would all get tagged #april fools 2022. the prank was presented as a marketing technique created by Brick Whartley, a fictional businessman character created by tumblr, who (afaik) originated in a post on the official blog of the 2018 april fools prank, albeit originally in a different role. around this time he also started functioning as the mascot for tumblr's shop ( @emporium )

2023 - abstract reactions (emoji reacts): buttons were added to every post that allowed you to add emoji reactions, many of them based on tumblr inside jokes (horse as a reference to horse plinko/horse friend, vanilla for the vanilla extract meme, pikaman, bug for bug race, and brick whartley, who wasn't a meme but staff really wanted him to be). if one specific emoji was used a certain amount of times it would add an effect to the post, eg many cheese emoji reacts would cover the post in cheese. this was also attributed to Brick Whartley ("his" blog @brickwhartley also documented the day)

2024 - boop-o-meter: allowed you to “boop” other users who had opted in to the booping, like facebook’s poke feature back in the day. depending on how long you held the button, you would either boop, super boop, or evil boop. on the dashboard there was a counter for both how many times you had booped others and how many times others had booped you, as well as how many boops were given side-wide. when booping someone, an image of a cat paw appeared. you would get badges (which can still be used) for booping 1, 100 and 1000 times. if you got more than 999 boops, the counter would simply say “WOW”. this was brought back for halloween 2024 (as BOOp-o-meter. get it), with a ghost, skeleton and mummy paw. no official blog, but here's an official recap for april first from staff. i believe this was the only april fools prank that was mobile user friendly.

2025 - @fandom is running some polls, i guess

Feel free to boop me! :3

Bring back the crabs!

OFFICIAL TUMBLR PRESS RELEASE

For Hellsite Eyes only…,

Hello again, Tumblr. Now that our dashboards are back to normal (‘normal’ doing some heavy lifting here), the crabs are back in tropical paradise (for now), and Mr. Brick Whartley is back with them, we felt it was time for reflection.

In his opening statement on April 1, Mr. Whartley, our now-former Head of Viral Marketing and Exponential Growth and Front End Software Developer, outlined his ambition to “...increase clicks across the platform by any means necessary”. Quite the lofty ambition. And this got us thinking—how did we do? And by we, of course, we mean you. Well, you didn’t disappoint, and if you like unnecessarily large numbers, you’re in for a real treat.

By 12:49 pm (PDT)/3:49 pm (EDT), the community had summoned 7.5 million crabs at a rate of 1.07 million crabs per hour. 

By the end of the day, there were 20,000 posts by 14,000 of you with the tag “time for crab.” Time indeed.

The community’s April Fools prank was a resounding success, with more than 52,000 posts from Tumblr users attempting to “crash” this Hellsite by scheduling posts all at the same time. 

Mr. Brick Wharley’s blog accumulated more than 3,000 followers and 12,000 notes, while @staff received nearly 50,000 notes across the day.

Perhaps Mr. Whartley didn’t do such a lousy job. Finally, the most important statistic of the day, the community summoned 25 million crabs across Tumblr on April 1, 2022.

Credit where credit’s due, folks. You did us proud, you did Mr. Whartley proud, and most importantly, you did yourselves proud. So give those index fingers a little rest—they deserve it. And you will need all your strength for April 1, 2023.