I Always Feel You
From frankie bb's chapbook, I'm Hungry, Please Come Home, available from Bottlecap Press!
when I think about sunshine and laughter it is your face that comes to my mind.
I'm holding you tightly so you don't slip away away, I think I'm holding on too tight my finger lingering slowly up, it strokes your soft hand, along your cheeks, I twist my finger around your hair. damn, I forgot you don't like that.
I see something in your eyes fuck, I'm stranded in an art museum.
I'm alone in your garden and my head is full of you. I like you too much I want you all to myself. What is your dream, this world. Our Dreamworld. The garden we are laying seeds down for. I think, what if one day I have to forget your eyes? Your voice ? I wonder will I lose you? I'm holding on so tight, it feels like I'm fighting a whole city.
The seeds, what will happen to the seeds I'm planting. the trees, the flowers, the lilies, the roses, the sunflowers and avo trees - they always were too expensive in shops. will they have blossomed? Have you tasted its fruit? will I have to tear it down, Will I have to burn this garden too? I can't,
I will water it forever and wait but what if you return only with a firestick? My tears fill up rivers for you. But my feelings fill the ocean. Is this an endless garden? don't plant thistles or ivy! My heart pains, I hate tearing down gardens, Have I already? Tell me what it is that you see? In the mirror I see, no lily, no rose, no sunflower. I turn and see baby blue Cadillacs driven by peg-legged nuns on pogo sticks. I lay my head on your heart I hear one, two, three heartbeats.
Will I be turned into a person who's text is left on read. but don't worry I say. I will never say a word
Trying to convince my shadow that
I am someone worth following.
Rudy Francisco
In my persona
Cracks
Through these
My lungs breath
I don't think you selfish for leaving me when I needed you
I don't think you're selfish for trying to preserve your sanity
You must really like broken things I concluded
Why break me
Your arms, anyone's arms
Can they mend porcelain
Can they mend me
2018.04.22
I stole a kiss from you on our first real date I couldn't help it You were in the middle of a sentence as you spoke of music and art you loved and I just leaned over and kissed you And then filled anxious nerves
"Oh" that was all you said and I apologized again and again You looked at me I looked at you and we tried again for a first kiss
For real this time
These I have loved
A great tall girl, full of blue
Inviting lips, sweet to the eye but never tasted
Glasses that were black but now are pink
A voice of the ocean, Like waves hitting the breakwater
Of hair so perfect, Aphrodite should blush
A figure akin to the sun setting on the horizon
A connection so deep, the ocean has nothing on it
The future that lights up my nighttime
A conversation of Apple's and taste
Two people so together- hot and cold water
The sound of soothing poetry
A great tall girl
Yes,
These I have loved
She came like the morning fog and left as such by the afternoon there was no trace of her besides the dew on the grass, my heart
VM
Things I learned from failing classes:
Failing classes can be a result of many things and not just your lack of understanding the material. Life, mental health, stress levels, sleeping habits, and poor communication can all factor into it
It is not a reflection of how good or bad you study, especially if you pass your other classes
Sometimes you need to take a class several times before you finally understand the material, even if you work your ass off the first 3 times you take it. Sometimes concepts just won't click and you just need to memorize tests. That's ok
Cry. Cry it out
Keep class notes and tests. They make amazing review material when you retake the class
When you retake the class, approach it like it's your first time. If you go through it like you know the material, you're going to miss key points and probably fail again
Emailing a professor probably won't help you too much. If you can, go to office hours and workshops instead where you can interrupt and ask questions as you go
Sometimes you just have a bad professor. When you retake it, try a different teacher. Different teaching styles and presentations can greatly impact your comprehension and retention of information
Be honest with yourself about where you failed and why. Focus on the material you suck at and try to relate it to the stuff you're good with.
Teach your pets. Go through the lesson and talk out loud to them and explain everything. You're much more likely to catch areas of concern when trying to teach the material
Your professors want you to pass (mostly) and it's their job to answer all your questions
You're paying for that class so be annoying and ask questions every 5 minutes. Save yourself some money
Teachers are more than happy to discuss with you your problem areas and provide materials to help you out. They're there to ensure your success. Reach out to them
There is no shame in retaking a class 5+ times. Don't let other people define where you should be. All that matters is that you keep trying
Don't take the class over each semester. Give yourself time to recover from the failure. Pushing it will just lead to frustration and failing again
Ask other students for help. Chances are they'll understand parts you don't and be able to explain it in a less formal manner
If you dwell on it or compare yourself to others, you're going to feed a depression and anxiety around that class, making it harder for you to pass
Don't beat a dead horse. Acknowledge that you failed and need to take a break
Failure does not define you and failing classes in your major doesn't mean that you picked the wrong field
Just A 23 Year Writing To Stay Relevant, discovering the meme-ing of life along the way - Let's Not Talk Anymore 🌻
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