We’re going to find the author by process of elimination.
parkciv 2 thoughts
I just remembered I have the ability to art and then discovered 'holy shit two cakes' so please enjoy this sketch
Polyancients headcanons because I can
Body type wise both dark cacao and hollyberry are the biggest. Both of them are insanely muscular, the difference is hollyberry has wide hips and thighs that could kill and dark cacao has broad shoulders and man titties with a snatched waist
Golden cheese is all lean muscle. Great abs, muscular thighs, but she's not big. She's the second smallest just over pure vanilla and lords it over him every chance she gets (she's like 2 inches taller)
Pure vanilla is a short king, like 5'2" but cookie equivalent, he kinda has a sleeper build, but it doesn't matter because the others can just pick him up whenever they please
White Lilly cookie is the tallest of all of them, and also the skinniest. She's all beanpole, and while her posture already wasn't great, it gets even worse after she's woken up
Now I don't know enough about the lore to take a hard stance but I don't actually think that they all got together before the flour wars or after them either. I think that they all wanted to, but assumed no one else was interested so never confessed. Afterwards they're all busy with their kingdoms and lives and it isn't until after they finally pass on their kingdoms and soul jams that they can get together and just live on a farm somewhere
(On another note i know it's not really confirmed how or when cookies get old or how immortality works, so I'm just gonna assume it's power scaled and since all of them were strong before they had the soul jams I'm just going to assume they have plenty of years to live out their lives)
Also on the note of soul jams, who do I think they would be passed to? Well I saw a parallel between the main story characters and the ancients that I reblogged, but! there's a more interesting answer I believe
For the soul jam of truth I think pv would either give it to custard cookie the iii or to raisin cookie (this is under the assumption that raisin cookie wouldn't join the polycule which is a whole other story)
For passion, I think the obvious answer is princess cookie, she's a direct descendant and basically proved her worth in the princess contest, but other than that I think choco werehound brute would be the funny answer
For resilience I am literally begging and pleading for dark cacao cookie to apologize to his son and give him the soul jam. I would give anything for it I would write it I would draw it if I could I just need it so so desperately
For abundance it would probably go to one of the other cheese cookies, buttttt from the very little I know of capsaicin cookie (literally nothing I saw the thumbnail of one YouTube video) I think he should get it
Lastly freedom, I think white Lilly would either give it to silverbell, or I think that cream puff cookie should get it purely based on vibes
Also all the ancients are different brands of autistic except golden cheese, she has adhd
Pure vanilla and white Lilly cookie both have the, "wait they were flirting with/bullying/wanted to be friends with me?" Mostly, and pv does the blunt truth thing that neurotypicals hate and white Lilly goes into research mode and doesn't eat or drink for a day or two unless someone makes her
Dark cacao is kinda obvious, there's only so much one man can talk about his literal sword and it feels like every time he has a moment in the story it has to be mentioned once, he's always bringing up his special interest (just like me fr)
Hollyberry is audhd, but sadly cannot claim the uncanny adhd reading people. It's very rare that she dedicates herself to one special interest and instead cycles through a few (she's also just like me fr)
I don't have more depth on golden cheese because I'm still learning about her character, but she just has the vibes
I’m thinking about the TMA S4 Q&A where Alex asks Jonny “Who knew that Jon liked Martin first, Jon or Martin?” And Jonny answers “Georgie”. I’ve already made my statement on Georgie knowing Jon had feelings for Martin before Jon did. My current thought is that this particular question was one that Alex himself asked Jonny, it wasn’t one of the Q&A questions asked by the audience which means to Alex’s mind there is a world in which Martin knew Jon had feelings for him before Jon even knew. And to be honest that would make so much sense as to why Martin put up with Jon’s shitty behavior towards him for so long and stayed so loyal to him. Like yeah the man definitely has a humiliation/degradation kink or something but also maybe he knew there was something there and just knew he needed to nurture it.
I’m on record saying Jon developed feelings for Martin in season 2 but I also think it is possible that Jon thought Martin was at least very cute upon first laying eyes on him. I think in season 1 Jon tries very hard to be a professional and masked his uncertainty and fear with arrogance and condescension. Ordinarily Jon would think it is unprofessional to talk shit about his assistant on tape even if he doesn’t like him, except that Jon is actively working to not like Martin and the best way to convince yourself of something is to keep saying it out loud. On Martin’s first day in the archives Jon saw this sweet man chasing a dog and first thought ‘Oh no he’s an idiot and I have to be his boss’ but he also thought ‘Oh no he’s cute and I have to be his boss’ so he takes that initial disapproval and dials it up to 10 and just rolls with it to mask and dilute the moment when he thought Martin was a cutie patootie and try to never have that thought again. But we all know that Martin is a lot more perceptive than he lets on and is also a manipulative son of a bitch. Jon is not an amazing liar and maybe Martin saw some part of Jon protesting a little much and thought oh yeah this guy is into me and Martin developed his mild S1 crush. By the time Martin had his first encounter with Jane Prentiss he had let go of the inkling that Jon might like him too and thought Jon actually does hate him but when Jon offers to let Martin stay in the archives to protect him Martin is just kind of like Oh it’s on. So going forward from the moment Jon has Martin move into the archives Martin is flirtier and bolder with Jon.
Through season 2 when Jon is obviously going crazy with paranoia Martin just pushes himself in closer to Jon. First of all he gifts the man the ashes of his enemy as if that’s normal! But also Martin brings Jon tea and hovers around him during lunch and talks to him casually and kindly when nobody else does and makes it Jon’s idea to go to lunch with him even though Jon is supposed to be suspicious of him. He nurtures Jon the way someone would a rescue cat, being kind through the hissing and scratching until you get slow blinks from them and they nervously make sure you’re sitting there to guard them while they eat.
By season 3 when Daisy is interrogating Martin she tells him that everyone she’s spoken to tells her that Jon and Martin are close. Just how did that happen to the extent that any given person at the institute who is asked would say so, at a time when for all intents and purposes Jon was actually pushing away everyone else who knew him? Martin was working hard and he knew what he was doing and he also knew it wasn’t a lost cause. To digress just a moment, when my mom was first dating my stepdad (whom she has now been happily married to for 20 years) he was being kind of noncommittal and on-again-off-again but she would say to me all the time “He loves me he just doesn’t know it yet.” And me being 7 I thought she was crazy but she was right! And honestly in this theoretical world this is exactly how Martin approached things.
All of seasons 3 and 4 for Martin were simple acts of faith, love and loyalty. That charged conversation in MAG 102 that I am OBSESSED with gains quite a lot with the added subtext that Martin has known Jon has feelings for him for a while and now Jon is also starting to realize it too and maybe Martin knows Jon knows! In season 4 when Martin is pushing Jon away with a stick it makes so much sense that he knows Jon has feelings for him because he knows that he has to work hard to keep Jon away. If he thought it was just about Jon wanting information from him he might have approached things differently but he actually took steps to make sure Jon was getting information from him by leaving Jon tapes. He just knew that Jon would pull him too far away from The Lonely which he was now committed to. Like, if your sort of ex-boss sort of friend wants to talk to you sometimes I don’t think that’s going to stop anyone from being lonely but Martin for sure knew by S4 that if he let Jon in, The Lonely plot would be done for. Not only would Peter’s plans be shot because Martin would commit himself to being with Jon and Jon would fully reciprocate but also Peter would definitely take it out on Jon. When Jon pulled Martin from The Lonely I don’t think it would have been enough for Jon to love Martin and also for Martin to love Jon, I think Martin had to know that Jon loved him. So when Martin said that Jon didn’t need him he probably did believe that but he also knew that Jon loves him already so being able to really See Jon just reminded him of what he already knew.
I love this possibility and in fact I now fully do believe that Martin knew Jon loved him back by S4.
rb with your most common recurring theme in your nightmares. mine is pregnancy
People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter