Latest Posts by nintendoubutuncooler - Page 2

landscape mode "skid row" clip!

clip of will roland teenage dirtbag 😭😭😭

hi, do you still have footage of will roland performing in the seth concert series from 2022? i would really love the clip of teenage dirtbag posted if you do since my little sister really loves his version of that from 2014 and it would make her day. it's okay if you don't tho, or dont want to share, I wont take it personally! thanks for what you already shared too, it's really cool

It is no problem at all, here is the recording :)

landscape mode "suddenly seymour" clip :'I

When people ask you, “Why do you watch One Piece?” Or like “One Piece is overrated and sucks.” show them this.

My jaw is on the floor. The transitions are sick!! 🔥🔥🔥

A GUIDE THROUGH DANIEL BRÜHL'S FILMOGRAPHY

Now that I’ve gone through most of Daniel’s works, I thought this table might help those who are about to embark on the same obsessive journey I began months ago. I have no intention of spoiling anything, I’m only hoping this will provide someone a good idea of what to expect and help them in the selection process. Like, All Quiet on the Western Front is an excellent film but I wouldn’t want to watch that when I’ve had a really shitty day and I just need something light and dumb.

I do a 1 to 10 rating to make it as precise and objective as possible but know that some areas will be subject to my personal taste, factors like the mood I was in while watching it, and the oft-faulty machine that is my memory.

Before I get into the sections, let me quickly paint a picture of my personal taste. From Daniel’s works, my top 3 are Rush (2013), Goodbye Lenin! (2003), and Inglorious Basterds (2009). If we get into favorite films of all-time, it would include Parasite (2019), Before Sunrise (1995), When Harry Met Sally (1989), Atonement (2007), A Quiet Place (2018), Amélie (2001), The Dark Knight (2008), Arrival (2016), and Past Lives (2023). I’m always down for a dark comedy, an epic drama/romance, and a psychological thriller.

Now that's out of the way, onto the TABLE SECTIONS:

ROLE PROMINENCE – how much do you see of Daniel in this film? And, no, this has nothing to do with his ass—though that is always a welcome sight.

IMPORTANT – do we learn something from this movie? Are there interesting concepts being explored? Is it relevant? Does it carry a significant message, however obvious? Is it a career highlight for Daniel? These are the considerations for this category.

PAINFUL – are the themes dark and heavy? Is it stressful to watch? Is Daniel tortured into a pulp? Does it tug at your heartstrings? Is the movie deliberately cringey and embarrassing? This section covers a wide spectrum, so you must refer to the other sections to infer if it’s worth the pain. I have a high tolerance for violence and dark humor, what pains me is a plot that goes nowhere, a poor script, or a movie that wastes so much potential. How invested I am with the story and the characters also has a bearing on my rating. For instance, I feel zero empathy for Chris in Cargo because he's an idiot who had it coming.

WATCHABLE – does it hold your attention throughout? Is it enjoyable? Is it something you can watch over and over again? I have to stress that this section is sometimes influenced by my expectations of a movie and, often, by what I need in that moment.

ADDITIONAL NOTES – here I try to add factors that might have affected my viewing experience, further insight into my rating, and other vital (or not-so-vital) information.

p.s. didn't bother watching 2 Days in Paris and 2 Days in New York because I knew he only had a cameo in those.

OTHER RELATED BLOGS:

The Best of Daniel Brühl 5 Types of Daniel Brühl Characters In search of Daniel Brühl movies?

There seems to be a consensus that Gon wasted his life/potential for meaningless revenge, but was it? I keep wondering if CA was HxH equivalent of the Kobayshi Maru (Aka the Trolley Problem). Pitou was, of all the RG, probably the most capable in terms of balanced nen users. What would’ve happened if Gon had listened to reason? And let adults handle it? Or let Killua accompany him? Not used a nen contract? How many additional casualties would there have been? Was it really meaningless sacrifice?

Hi anon! Thanks for the ask! I don't know if you're the same anon from before, but this is another great question!

I think Gon's choices in the CA arc are tragic, which is different from saying they are meaningless.

*It's a tragedy that a thirteen-year-old kid felt so guilty for "causing" an adult mentor's death that he could come to the conclusion "I'm OK if it all ends after this" (the wording on his nen contract) because he wanted revenge on Pitou / to punish himself so badly.

*It's a tragedy that his best friend (Killua) could sense that he would probably do something gonzo and, in the worst case scenario, it would be a "double suicide" (indicating he did know Gon might throw his life away) AND YET even knowing this, he didn't feel it was his place to step in and stop it.

*It's a tragedy that Netero, Morel and Knov all knew that Gon was revenge-crazed and emotional, but they were so desperate for manpower (in the moment) that they didn't look too hard at his motives, or try too hard to stop him from coming along

*And it's a tragedy that Gon (and Killua) had the most potential for nen of anyone Wing had ever taught, but Gon used all of that potential up at once - although as Ging says, he should have died, so he should actually be happy about the outcome.

So I think when people say "meaningless" what they're really talking about is that sense of tragedy - both the tragedy that Gon almost lost his life, and the tragedy that he was willing to go that far in the first place. It's more the sense of how much was lost than that it was lost for no reason, probably along with the fact that Kite like... was alive... the whole time....

But meaningless is something different, because just as you said, what Gon did really was necessary to stop the ants. You know? The way the story is written, the RG and Meruem are so powerful that it's kind of implied that stopping them will need a miracle - all the pieces need to fall into place just so. What Gon did is a part of the puzzle so, therefore, what Gon did was necessary, and without him there they wouldn't have succeeded.

(Or maybe they would have, but that would have needed another, different kind of miracle - or maybe for Netero to be less selfish and set off that bomb sooner!)

There are two kinds of tragedy, by the way: in classic tragedy, like for instance in Greek tragedies, the tragedy is that the outcome couldn't have been any different from what it was. Because of Gon's reckless nature, because of how the story has been progressing so far where he's done increasingly more reckless things and never had to really deal with the consequences, therefore this final reckless decision was inevitable and that's tragic.

Or, in the more modern version of a tragedy, the tragedy is that things could have gone differently. Gon didn't have to give up his life to stop Pitou, he could have been stopped much earlier. And I've written about this before, but the point where this could have happened wasn't once the palace invasion team was already in East Gorteau, split up to sneak in.

Instead it would have been about a month earlier, when Gon and Killua first escape from Pitou.... Because on the one hand, Netero, Morel and Knov decided that Gon and Killua were old enough for the mission; and on the other hand, they didn't take Killua's account of the RG's power level seriously enough to call in more serious backup, when they still had the chance.

So I think the tragedy, the "meaninglessness," really happens there.

But, on the other hand - I mean, who really would have had the power to stop Pitou anyway? Gon after the nen contract is as powerful as any Hunter in the association. Who can even say if, after calling in the supposed "serious" backup, things would have gone any differently?

Actually it's even darker if you think about it - Knov and Morel essentially agree to let Gon and Killua come along because they underestimate the enemy, the same reason Kite let them come along.

But Netero knows Killua a lot better, and I don't think he disbelieves Killua at all. I think he knows the other reason the invasion team is small - to keep extra people from being caught in the blast if he has to use the rose bomb, in case the plan to use Zeno's power to separate the king and the RGs doesn't come off correctly.

I think he's swayed by Gon's determination - and Killua's, by extension - and he takes the Hunter approach of letting Hunters decide for themselves what they're Hunting, without stepping in to coddle or regulate. (HxH is a bit libertarian like that, in its outlook). And he does that knowing full well they could be blasted to smithereens. That's why in election arc, there's so much talk about reforming the Hunter Association to be less in Netero's (crazy) image.

But anyway, getting back to your question... no, I don't think what Gon did was meaningless at all. "Revenge has meaning, but you won't feel better after you get it" is a slightly different meaning from "revenge is meaningless" and "revenge is meaningless" is a cliche anyway, which isn't really how the writing in HxH works.

Crocodile finds a strange stray cat an 11-year old Nico Robin (AU where they met 13 years earlier. Robin's been on the run from the World Government for 3 years. Crocodile's 27 and has not set up base in Alabasta yet)

It seems like I have become possessed. By some sort of demon.

Bonus:

A lurking sense of mistrust…

Lego Swimming Pool Layout

tweet

Something like this would be so colossally helpful. I'm sick and tired of trying to research specific clothing from any given culture and being met with either racist stereotypical costumes worn by yt people or ai generated garbage nonsense, and trying to be hyper specific with searches yields fuck all. Like I generally just cannot trust the legitimacy of most search results at this point. It's extremely frustrating. If there are good resources for this then they're buried deep under all the other bullshit, and idk where to start looking.

will roland's voice in loser geek whatever

reblog if you agree

critical to the evan/jared dynamic is that evan is also a huge asshole, he's just so much quieter with how he goes about it. only calling jared when he needs something, body blocking jared when jared goes to talk to Mrs Murphy, ditching jared the moment it was feasible for him to do so. don't get me wrong, jared is also Asshole, but he's so much louder with it. almost as if it's a facade hmm. evan does a lot of mean selfish things that he wants to pretend aren't because that's how he copes with the loathing. please note the "I don't even THINK mean things" line.

this is like. a huge facet of the show and yet. the take of "Jared is horrible to sweet bean Evan who just wanted to help. It was Jared's idea to lie anyway!!" continue to fester, a sentiment that's certainly not helped by the movie. evan IS an asshole, he's a selfish dick that people assume has much purer intentions because he's anxious. the infantilization of anxiety disorder explode. now. but evan is also very desperate and miserable and isolated. which like. everyone is. everyone in deh is miserable and isolated and sucks a little. sucking a little is the spice of life.

So many criticisms of Dear Evan Hansen revolve around the show being messy/morally convoluted as if that was an overlooked flaw in the writing and not the whole point of the show.

Everything in Dear Evan Hansen is intentionally messy. Everything has two sides. Social media is a positive place where people can come together to make a difference AND it's a breeding ground for hate and vitriol. Evan is a deeply caring, empathetic person AND he does a horrible thing. Heidi is a dedicated, loving mother AND she works so hard that she never spends any time with her son. Connor is agressive, angry, violent, AND he is a depressed, lonely person, ostracized by his peers and longing for connection. Larry Murphy is a domineering authority figure who treats his son like a criminal AND he's a frustrated parent that wants to help Connor get better the only way he knows how. Evan's lies are harmful and manipulative AND they give a family that was tearing apart at the seams time to come together, reflect, and grieve.

All of these things can be true at the same time, and one doesn't have to overshadow or cancel out the other. In ignoring one to focus on the other, you're wilfully missing the point of the story. Real life is messy and complex, and that's exactly what the show is trying so hard to emulate. That's not bad writing, it's just being realistic.

Pasek and Paul said that in its earliest form, the show was meant to look at why people insert themselves into tragedy through a much more cynical lense, criticizing people like Evan. But somewhere in the writing process they found that it's not that simple, because people don't just do that shit for no reason, and it's naive to believe they would. Evan didn't do what he did to be popular or get a girlfriend or gaslight a grieving family. He did it because he saw a chance to help people who were hurting. In the process, he found connection that he had longed for his whole life, and allowed that to complicate things, making him a lot more reluctant to do the right thing and come clean. But the show makes it explicity clear that his initial intention was rooted in helping someone else, not himself. And as bad as it was, it did force the Murphys to come to terms with their loss instead of running away from it, to come together instead of drifting apart.

Yes, the morality of everything that happens in the show is deeply questionable, complex and muddy and that's the ENTIRE POINT. It doesn't mean the show is endorsing what Evan did. The vast majority of the fan base doesn't endorse what Evan did either. Most of us understand what that final scene in the orchard is getting at. It's not arguing that what Evan did was somehow morally correct, or handing him some magical "get out of jail free card". It's acknowledging ALL the consequences of his actions (good AND bad, the healing he brought about AND the hurt he caused) and letting us come to terms with that along with him and move forward. That scene encompasses one of the most important messages of the show: that doing something bad doesn't make you evil. One mistake doesn't have to define you for the rest of your life, and it doesn't make you less human, or any less deserving of growth and self acceptance.

listen i think it's like. davey falls in love immediately and davey is very aware of it and davey resigns himself to never being anything more than friends and davey takes what he can get. an arm around his shoulders. a moment of holding hands trying not to get separated in a crowd. leaning against each other on the couch. silly conversations after both of them should already have been asleep. and it's fine. it's just fine, it's not good, but it's not bad, because davey falls in love more every time they talk and davey falls in love more every time he hears jack laugh but davey also gains a better friend than he's ever had and davey gains a person he can be himself around and davey gains a group of people who don't weigh him down with more expectations that he can barely hold on his shoulders and so it's fine. it's okay. it's fine.

and jack doesn't fall in love immediately and jack isn't aware of anything and jack has no idea for months that davey has become such a solid part of his life that a future without him is unthinkable. but then he starts to notice some things and those things start to make an appearance in daydreams and drawings and sometimes in conversations where they have no business being. he starts noticing the way davey tips his whole head back when he laughs and the way he quirks his eyebrows before tearing into somebody for something mean or wrong or stupid they thought they could away with saying in front of him. he notices the careful way davey contains himself around his parents and the way that tension melts away when it's just the two of them, and he notices the undertones in davey's voice when he says "I love my family but sometimes I wish they'd let me figure things out on my own." and so jack doesn't fall in love immediately and he isn't aware of anything and he has no idea for months but once it hits.

well. once it hits it's all jack can think about because he's never been in love like this before and he has no idea what to do with himself and no idea how to handle it. and davey, who has been in love this whole time and who has accepted that things will never be more than the fine they've ended up at, refuses to read into anything. like when jack starts finding more excuses to throw an arm over his shoulder, that can't mean anything new. or when when jack refuses to let go of his hand even when they've made it outside the crowd, that can't mean anything, either. and leaning against each other on the couch, jack's head dipping down to rest on his shoulder or jack's arm draped across his waist instead of kept off to the side, those mean nothing. they can't mean anything because if they mean something they mean something and that's far more terrifying to reckon with than a lifetime of fine with an undercurrent of wishing for something else.

so that's where it stays. building and building and building, davey loving quietly and melancholic but determined to be satisfied the way things are and jack loving so hard he feels like he might explode but completely unsure of what to do with that feeling. they spend nights talking around it. "don't you want to run away?" asks davey, hoping jack will confirm again that all this hope is silly and davey should really just get on with getting over him. "there's too much good here to leave behind," jack says, hoping that davey will understand that he means no matter how badly he wants to run he wants to be with davey more. "don't you wish love worked like a fairytale?" jack asks, knowing that if it did davey would sweep him off his feet and they'd ride off into the sunset together forever. "no, happy endings would never be the ever after that everyone wanted" davey says, knowing that if love were a fairtale jack would marry his princess and leave davey the sidekick behind, forgotten.

but the thing about love like this, that becomes so big and so present and that both people are so aware of but unwilling to talk about is that it isn't always quiet and nice and settled. sometimes, it rears up and it's mean and ugly and sometimes it doesn't feel so much like love. it becomes a jealous spike and a spiteful comment when davey sees jack spending too much time flirting with and teasing somebody else. it becomes jack having too many opinions about davey's other friends, the ones he doesn't even know and hasn't bothered to try. it becomes arguing around the thing, late night conversations that turn into whispered debates where neither of them will say what they're really feeling and neither of them will listen to what the other is trying to say because things needs to stay the same. they can't change one way or another because that's terrifying and isn't better if things just stay...fine?

and i think. davey is the one who snaps first. davey who has spent his whole life compressing himself into other people's boxes, pushing down different parts of himself to fit whatever any situation needs, finally snapping from the pressure of doing it in the relationship that never felt like he needed to until everything became a fight. why should he keep pretending to be something he isn't? why should he keep pretending to be someone he's not?

and i don't think it's easy. i think it's mean and petty and easy to assume the worst, easy for davey to assume jack has know all along and has been playing with davey this whole time. easy for jack to assume that davey is saying things he doesn't mean because they're fighting and he knows it cuts too deep. they argue and get upset and spend the night and maybe a few days stewing and wondering is this the breaking point, is this where we end all of this, is there where I finally let my heart break?

but the thing is. neither of them can walk all the way away and they both know it. davey remembers the expression jack gets when he's lost in a drawing and knows he's never not been in love with him even when it feels like this. jack thinks about the way davey's hands move when he talks about something he cares about and knows that he can't walk away even though maybe it would be easier.

and if davey is the one who snaps, jack is the one who spends time figuring out exactly what to say. he's terrified and nauseous and not sure if this is what he should be doing, but when he explains himself it's careful and honest and blunt, all of the things he hasn't said since the minute he realized he was in love with davey laid out neat and gentle and real. and davey, for all he stopped pretending, can't quite believe it. not that he thinks jack is lying, exactly, but maybe he's mistaken. jack can't love davey, not the way davey loves jack, because not only would that mean all the stupid arguments and passive-aggressive moments of the last however long it's been happening have been over nothing, but that would mean jack feels this expansive, consuming, whole body love that davey has been living with for so long. that would mean jack understands and if jack understands, why has davey been okay with things being just fine for so long?

and adjusting to the truth being between them is, I think, hard. davey keeps catching himself about to say something and having to force himself to say it out loud because he's spent so long not letting himself. and jack keeps having to force himself to feel things without chasing the feeling away because he's spent so long refusing to process any of it because that would mean processing the fear. conversations are hard. change is hard. figuring out new dynamics is hard.

but when davey starts noticing that jack is taking his hand with no excuse and wrapping both arms around his waist whenever he has a chance and tipping their heads together when they sit side by side, and when he starts noticing that jack has a special smile that only ever seems to be aimed at him, and he he starts noticing that late night conversations have gone back to what they were like in the very beginning when they were about everything and nothing and more than just words, that's when he notices that things aren't fine anymore. they're good. and when jack starts noticing that davey is relaxed with him, not putting on a face, and when he starts noticing the way davey laughs at even the stupidest of his jokes without seeming insincere, and when he notices that davey has a serious, thoughtful expression that he only seems to wear when he's talking with jack, that's when he notices that this doesn't feel so confusing and scary anymore. it feels good.

A blogger from China built a miniature cat house inside his wife's pet store.

The animals have their own elevator, mini-TV, forge, bedroom and even a full bathroom with running water.

jared kleinman

Building a Fort is the first song in my Jared Kleinman playlist. I think that Jared is someone who faced a lot of rejection and ostracization as a kid (in an incredibly neurodivergent kind of way) that made him close himself off so brutally.

At the end of the song, the narrator insists that he's building the fort to keep other people out ("I'll be the only person who's allowed inside / And if you try to enter, you will be denied") when the opening lyrics have already exposed the fact that nobody will want to come in in the first place ("I tried to fit in and they told me I could not...I might as well just run and hide until I'm fully grown"). It's an illusion of control, of being the one who rejects everybody instead of the other way around because that idea is just slightly less painful to live with, and it cuts to the core of who Jared is by the time we meet him in canon.

Send me a character and I'll assign them a Joe Iconis song.

So my problem with most ‘get to know your character’ questioneers is that they’re full of questions that just aren’t that important (what color eyes do they have) too hard to answer right away (what is their greatest fear) or are just impossible to answer (what is their favorite movie.)  Like no one has one single favorite movie. And even if they do the answer changes.

If I’m doing this exercise, I want 7-10 questions to get the character feeling real in my head. So I thought I’d share the ones that get me (and my students) good results: 

What is the character’s go-to drink order? (this one gets into how do they like to be publicly perceived, because there is always some level of theatricality to ordering drinks at a bar/resturant)

What is their grooming routine? (how do they treat themselves in private)

What was their most expensive purchase/where does their disposable income go? (Gets you thinking about socio-economic class, values, and how they spend their leisure time)

Do they have any scars or tattoos? (good way to get into literal backstory) 

What was the last time they cried, and under what circumstances? (Good way to get some *emotional* backstory in.) 

Are they an oldest, middle, youngest or only child? (This one might be a me thing, because I LOVE writing/reading about family dynamics, but knowing what kinds of things were ‘normal’ for them growing up is important.)

Describe the shoes they’re wearing. (This is a big catch all, gets into money, taste, practicality, level of wear, level of repair, literally what kind of shoes they require to live their life.)

Describe the place where they sleep. (ie what does their safe space look like. How much (or how little) care / decoration / personal touch goes into it.)

What is their favorite holiday? (How do they relate to their culture/outside world. Also fun is least favorite holiday.) 

What objects do they always carry around with them? (What do they need for their normal, day-to-day routine? What does ‘normal’ even look like for them.) 

all my advice about using real athletes to learn drawing bodies beyond hard abs, and my particular pref being wrestlers, also applies to women btw. you can draw women who r strong and not an hourglass shape. fucking do it.

kris statlander, rhea ripley (look at her SHAPE), willow nightingale, ruby soho, these r just four off the top of my head that have obvious musculature and different body types. skye blue and julia hart have more slim cheerleader style bodies as well, i REALLY wanted to put emi sakura who is fucking STOUT (adoring) in this post but i couldn't find a good demonstrative pic, the list goes on

DRAW DIFFERENT BODIESSSSSSSS

there’s literally no way to spin “people call connor an abuser but ZOE WASN’T PERFECT EITHER” into any kind of good or woke take so really you guys should stop trying there x

BABE WAKE UP NEW SINCERELY ME VERSE JUST DROPPED

Introducing the Be More Chill Archive!

The Be More Chill Archive is a free online resource for artists, cosplayers, etc. to find references of costumes, props, set, and more from the musical Be More Chill. The archive contains references from all 5 official productions of the show. Feel free to comb through it or add references yourself!

You can find it here!

extra verse in the squip song (bmc 2.0 / 2018) i miss you so bad

haven't reread this or edited it. idc. it's cute. enjoy.

word count: 3k

warnings: child abuse (rich's whole situation with his dad---it's not bad, and it's only mentioned in one paragraph, but it's there enough that it's worth mentioning)

Jake was standing in the center of the crowded hallway leaning heavily on his cane. Freshmen and seniors alike twisted and stumbled out of the way as they rushed down to lunch. His feet were shoulder width apart and his chin held high, much like a rock in the center of a rushing river.

Rich was hyper-aware of Jake from the second he slipped out of pre-calc, his attention (much like everyone else’s) immediately drawn to him. Tall. Confident. He stood like he belonged to the extent those who had to dodge out of his way were convinced they were the ones in the wrong, not him.

“And they say Christine’s dramatic,” Rich greeted. He sidestepped out of the current of students into the safety of Jake’s shadow. Jake’s gaze flickered from somewhere in the distance down to Rich and immediately his expression morphed from one of deep concentration to rosy excitement. Then, as if realizing himself, Jake pressed his lips together and snuffed out his happiness like a flame (not the first fire Jake had put out, both metaphorically and literally).

“We need to talk,” he said simply, tone barren and controlled. Rich masked the instinctive panic that promptly flooded the room at those words behind an amused quirked eyebrow.

“Intense opening line,” he commented, “8/10. Delivery could’ve been better.”

Jake’s purposeful intensity faltered just long enough for him to duck his head to hide his summertime smile. Rich, despite already sorting through all the worst-case scenarios—death, hatred, squips and secrets—did a small, mental fist pump. Having the newfound freedom to think his own thoughts without anyone there to criticize him besides his own subconscious meant spending an increasing amount of time dedicating himself to seeing Jake smile, watching him laugh, and feeling no shame at the way life seemed to return to every previously colorless corner of the room, the way his heart so hard he was convinced it was a destructive force rather than a romantic one.

“Shut up, I’m being serious.”

It’d been a minute, at least, and the halls were slowly emptying out of bystanders. Rich shifted back slightly, now free to be farther away from Jake without being trampled. Self-preservation kept him from creeping closer even as he shivered at the cold that slithered into the room at Jake’s distance.

Rich tried to keep his voice from trembling as he got out, “Okay, then. Talk to me.”

Jake shook his head and Rich frowned.

Rich felt dread, yes. Though it couldn’t have been past noon, a bluish-black dusk almost the same color as a bruise was swimming in his vision and dragging its sharp nails over every inch of exposed skin. Rich was restless in his desperation to get as far from this conversation as possible, a feeling so overwhelming he had to consciously talk himself down from an anxiety attack.

But where Rich’s anxiety manifested itself in his fidgeting fingers and tapping foot—something that wasn’t out of the ordinary for him, even a relatively calm Rich was a jittery Rich—Jake looked like he’d just watched tragedy strike an entire nation.

“Not here,” he muttered, so quiet Rich was convinced he didn’t want him to hear. “…Library? Or—”

“Library works,” Rich smiled, “We can watch horny freshmen make out in the back while we… break up? Platonically? I don’t know what you’re planning on.”

Jake didn’t seem to find Rich’s facetiousness amusing. He looked down at his shoes, seemingly deeply entertained by the intricacies of his poorly tied laces.

“Perfect,” he whispered, his voice taking on a customer-service tone he adopted when he knew his natural voice would be on the verge of breaking. Rich couldn’t even find it in him to summon another shitty joke.

Jake led Rich to the library briskly, ignoring the cafeteria completely while Rich cast a longing glance back at his lunch table, where all his friends were laughing without a care in the world.

Jake was facing straight ahead and a step ahead of Rich—his face was out of view, but Rich could hear the faint sound of him reciting a speech to himself, rehearsing whatever he was going to say to Rich in a moment. Rich strained to hear every—any—word, but all he got were empty shells of sorry and we can fix it.

“Okay,” Jake said as he pulled out Rich’s chair and sat across from him, his cane leaning against the table. They were sat in the back of the library by a window. Jake dropped his backpack on the ground next to him and unzipped it, pulling out a binder Rich had never seen before. Strange, considering Rich had sat through every pre-test, stress-induced haze while Jake paced the living room, reciting definitions from flashcards and making Rich read aloud passages from binders that only slightly resembled the one on the table between them.

Rich let out a tiny sigh of relief that he hoped wasn’t noticeable. So it was just a test or presentation—something important enough to Jake’s final grade that he was freaking out enough that he’d totally missed the mini-mental breakdown he’d caused Rich.

Jake took a deep breath. Rich leaned back, prepared and patient to listen as Jake first apologized for bothering him, then made Rich quickly skim the source material before quizzing him on every possible question or logic fallacy that would most surely never show up on a test intended for high schoolers. Rich wasn’t bothered when Jake’s expression changed from nervous to one of pure determination and cynical analysis—he was well accustomed to this version of Jake, one who compartmentalized until all the dark and scary feelings were just files to be sorted rather than genuine emotions to be processed. He’d get through it eventually, but only after he’d solved whatever problem he was facing.

“Physics?” Rich guessed. Jake looked up from his papers, barely aware of what Rich had said, his focus completely and utterly on the task at hand.

“What?”

“Physics? Is that what we’re studying?”

Another moment of awkward silence before Jake finally seemed to understand.

“Oh,” he said, “No. No, worse. Here.”

He passed Rich a paper—a timeline, starting December 3rd. Rich didn’t get the chance to read a single word before Jake shoved another paper into his hand, this one a calendar for this month—April. Then a list. A picture. A color-coded set of notes. A survey? Rich scrambled to organize himself as Jake shoved yet another paper into his hand, this one a printed-out, annotated article from one sketchy health website or another.

“Do you want a chance to review the material before I start, or can I just jump right in?”

Rich looked up helplessly from the April calendar and squeaked, “Huh?”

Jake studied him for a moment, gaze a stormy mix of expectancy and determination. Then, having come to a conclusion Rich wasn’t privy to, he said, “We’re going to start on page one.”

Rich blinked at him.

“Timeline,” Jake clarified, “The first paper I handed to you.”

Rich struggled through the pile of papers until he pulled the timeline out. He displayed it to Jake proudly only to be met with a nervous smile that quickly faded into a grimace.

“Alright,” Jake said, his voice quivering in a similar fashion to a guitar string—musically, beautifully. He clenched his paper to the point it crinkled. “As you can see, it starts December 3rd, the day I first visited you in the hospital, and ends yesterday.”

Rich’s eyes flit from the beginning to the end of the timeline to confirm Jake’s words. He nodded, unsure as to why Jake’s tidbit about the hospital was necessary.

“So upon first contact post-fire, we ignored the topic of the fire and simply discussed the play and Jeremy, correct?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Good. And you didn’t apologize until the 8th, the next date marked on the timeline.”

Rich found the 8th, labeled ‘THE APOLOGY’ in all caps. Rich searched the words for a hidden meaning, praying it’d also be the birthday of some American president or treaty signing.

“I was, at first, resistant, but by the 11th I had come to forgive you. I visited again and we discussed possible steps forward.”

Unsurprisingly, the 11th was the next marked date. Rich swallowed a confused sob.

“Yeah, I know,” Rich said, the words tumbling out of his throat like his body was trying to purge him of a poison, “What the fuck?”

Jake continued without so much as looking up.

“On the 20th, you were released from the hospital. You, your brother, and I all spent Christmas at my apartment—purchased before the timeline began—over the 25th and into the 26th. Does that sound right to you?”

“Yes. Still kind of dark times, though, so if we could skip to—”

“You moved in on January 5th.”

Rich’s memory of that day lived serenely in the back of his mind to be summoned with perfect clarity whenever he felt unworthy or scared. It had been impulsive and dangerous—Rich had called Jake in the middle of the night, bruised and scared and exhausted. He’d come home from a six-hour shift on the verge of collapse, his burns itching and screaming, the lingering memory of the squip spouting deprecations at the way he winced with every step. He was unlucky enough to find his father still conscious in the living room, anger emanating off of him in waves of violence that manifested in thrown dishes and kicked over trashcans because where the fuck have you been?! You think you have any right to parade around with your rich friends while your family is stuck here?! You should’ve been—

The list was long. You should’ve been cleaning the dishes, making dinner, doing the laundry. He made it worse by crying.

He stayed kneeling in the kitchen long after his father passed out on the couch and, with shaking hands, because he didn’t want to cry anymore—he really, really didn’t want to cry—he called Jake.

Jake offered every cliche affirmation and more. You’re enough, you’re more than enough, I love you, you deserve better, you’re beautiful, you’re smart, I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you.

All the while, Jake was texting Michael. He still had his casts on—he couldn’t drive, and Michael told Rich later that he’d never seen someone manage to sound so panicked over text.

Less than twenty minutes later, Michael had snuck in the window. He cleaned the broken dishes, set the trashcan upright, and picked Rich up off the floor and dragged him kicking and screaming out of his father’s house.

“No, no, no, I can’t leave, he needs me, he needs me—”

Upon collapsing into Jake’s arms ten minutes later, Rich realized he needed to be loved a lot more than his dad needed him. He didn't go back.

“Yeah,” Rich breathed, “I remember.”

“January 15th: The first incident happens.”

“Incident?” Rich asked blankly, his mind still replaying the car ride from his father’s to Jake’s house.

“Yes. Any urges to kiss you or—or more, will be referred to using the term ‘incident,’ whereas more innocent urges—possibly wanting to go out on a date, or hold your hand, things along those lines—will be referred to using ‘episodes.’”

“Mhm,” Rich confirmed mindlessly. Jake’s words drifted up and around him much water falling off his face and body rather than sinking into his skin. It took Jake’s heavy gaze—staring expectantly, his lips parted, forming questions Rich couldn’t hear.

Wait. What?

“Go back,” Rich rushed out, back straightening. Hope hadn’t sunk in yet—he wasn’t quite there. Only confusion. “What the hell?”

Jake nodded once. He’d been expecting this reaction.

“Beginning January 7th, I developed a crush on you.”

Instead of turning to Jake, Rich turned to the papers for confirmation. He scoured the timeline for the words crush or love. All he got were incident #4 (#7, #9, #54, #78) and episode #7 (#15, #29, #156).

Shaky, he rushed to the next paper. A list of twenty entitled Modes for Moving On. The article from Healthline or Web MD: Psychologists Estimate Crushes become a True Love After Four Months.

“I’m sorry,” Jake whispered, his voice so simply scared Rich was convinced he must be hiding from a monster under the bed or the boogyman—a childish fear. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You—” Rich started. He distantly heard Jake make a strangled sound but was too lost in flashes of the past three and a half months. Jake, flinching away when Rich got too close—Rich blaming it on the fire. Jake going out with three different girls in a week with no sign of stopping until Brooke slapped him and told him to stop playing with people’s feelings. The way he’d listened to Brooke but had been staring at Rich the whole time, his shoulders hunched over as he tried to curl in on himself.

“I… I don’t understand,” Rich whispered, though of course, by now, understanding was settling in his spine and gripping his nervous system like it was the only thing tethering him to reality. Jake liked him. Jake liked him.

“I’m trying to fix it. That’s the point. The article—”

Jake was in such a blind rush to show Rich that he practically fell from his chair, kicking it back with a ferocity as he stood and winced, his legs unprepared for the sudden weight on them.

“Fuck—the article, four months, right? And—” he hastily re-situated his chair and stumbled over to Rich, his hands clumsily shuffling through the papers until he managed to shove the Healthline/Web MD article in Rich’s face.

“See! Four months! I’ve still got two weeks, right? I’m not in love with you. I’ve got—I’ve got a plan. I looked up a bunch of stuff on the internet on how to move on, and it all told me to like, avoid you and stuff, but I can’t do that, so instead I’m ‘loving myself’ and ‘working through lingering feelings’—just a bunch of weird self-care stuff, but I’m fucking desperate, I’ll—”

He straightened suddenly, struck with the realization he’d just been so close to the source of all his problems. His expression singed and pride marred, he backed up a step, posture erect and his faked smile tight. He shook out his hands and turned to the sky for a quick moment. When he finally spoke again, it was in the same presenter’s tone he’d been offering since the beginning. In control; calm. His acting was worse than it had been in the play. Rich could hear every bit of panic running under his tone.

“Following the ten-step plan outlined on page seven, these feelings should be resolved by the 13th, with two days of cushion time in case one or two steps are thwarted or interfered with. I thought it right to make you aware of, of my intentions. I do think it would be best if I—”

Rich did the only thing he could think of to stop Jake from talking. He threw the nearest highlighter at Jake’s face.

For a moment afterward, there was only silence. Jake’s eyes were crossed to try and see where he’d been hit, right below the nose, and Rich was so mortified by his own unfounded actions to even begin to apologize.

“…You could’ve just said you don’t feel the same,” Jake finally murmured. He looked like he was physically fighting melancholia from his face and trying to stuff it into one of his file cabinets. He failed, and he had to turn away so Rich couldn’t see. He appeared to be blinking back tears.

“Oh my god, you are so fucking dramatic.”

Jake pouted. Rich laughed delightedly and got up to take Jake’s hands in his own. Jake stayed staring at the floor.

“Next time, just tell me how you’re feeling, yeah? Would’ve saved a lot of trees.”

Jake sniffled.

“I like you," Rich grinned, "If you somehow missed that. For a lot more than four months, too.”

Finally, Jake looked at Rich, his expression open and hopeful, a smile comparable to everything springtime and flowery blooming on his face.

“Really?” he whispered.

“Yes, really.”

“Oh. Oh my god.”

“Yeah.”

Unable to stop himself any longer, Rich got up on his tippy toes, smiling softly, in an attempt to kiss Jake for the first time. His crush liked him back—

Jake jerked away, eyes wide and mortified.

“Oh my god.”

“What?”

“Oh my god, that was so fucking embarrassing. Oh my god. I literally told you when I fell in love with you. Oh my god. We’re not even dating.”

Rich tried to suppress his smile—just for Jake’s dignity—but a small laugh escaped him before he could stop himself. Jake’s face went from a rosy red to the color of wine. Rich wanted to kiss it off him.

“No, stop it," Jake said, "don’t say anything. This didn’t happen. Oh my god. Get out! Now!”

“What?” Rich said, his amusement so complete in essence he was sure Jake could feel it like a slap across the face, “Why?”

“Because!!!” Jake screeched, “I need to destroy all the evidence! Then I’m just going to ask you out like a normal person, Jesus fuck. No. I’m just going to ask Chloe to kill me. She’ll be glad to. Goodbye.”

Jake spun back to the table and, without organizing them in the slightest (something so un-Jake-like Rich seriously considered the possibility that this whole thing had been orchestrated by a clone), shoved the papers back into his backpack, uncaring that half of them were ripped or crinkled. When he turned back to Rich, it was like nothing had ever happened. He looked like he had that morning: happy in a Jake way. Almost like a golden retriever, ready to do whatever necessary to make the people around him smile. In control. Suave and nonchalant; a flirt.

Jake conjured a look of confusion onto his face.

“Dude, what the fuck, you didn’t tell me you were French.”

“What?! Dude—” Rich giggled into his hand, so delighted by the entire affair he couldn’t even really be confused by Jake’s sudden assumption that Rich was French, of all things, “—I’m not fucking French.”

“Really?” He squinted at Rich, “Because I could’ve sworn Eiffel for you.”

He flashed Rich a grin and a peace sign before swooping down like he was going to kiss Rich. He stopped last second, less than an inch away, and carefully cupped Rich’s jaw. Rich watched as the confident exterior Jake had managed to summon last second slipped into a pure, childish excitement. His breath caught for a moment, so utterly elated at the idea that he was this close to kissing Rich—

Rich tried to close the gap. Jake’s fingers dug into Rich’s jaw, something that could’ve quite possibly been considered violent had it come from anyone else, but Jake seemed so set on making sure Rich wasn’t hurt that the show of strength came off as affectionate rather than scary. Rich frowned.

“When you tell people how we got together,” Jake seethed. Though his humor had darkened into a bad boy character that suspiciously resembled the love interest of a romance movie he and Jake had watched together a week ago, it was offset by the fact Rich had seen the utter awe on his face a moment earlier. “You tell them about this, yeah? That—” with his free hand, he motioned vaguely to the table behind them. “—that never happened. I fed you a nice pickup line and you liked it. Understood?”

“Perfectly,” Rich said, his voice so quiet and seductive Jake was forced to pull away before he did something he’d regret.

Then, the second they arrived at their lunch table, “Jenna motherfucking Rolan, you will not believe what just happened—”

so okay you know how there's different mischas in all the us performances and how rtcblr mainly has access to 2016, 2018, and 2019?? well, here i have some notes i have that i think provide insight into how each actor has a different interpretation of mischa!!

2016: this is gus' mischa that we've mostly been collectively thirsting over. the most notable difference is that he's not using his ukrainian accent, but a us (possibly canadian??) one. i think this increases the divide between his true self and the person he pretends to be for the sake of the town. he feels like he needs to fit in and show of his middle-class wealth that he didn't have in ukraine. it also highlights how mischa's rage is in part created by the town, how he may have been far more passionate in ukraine, and is only filled with rage so much now that he must live amongst his mother's murderers. something else i saw for No Reason At All is that he doesn't do a body roll when his shirt is ripped open? he just stands there? and i think that this means halper's mischa feels like he has to have this sense of stability, rather than sexualisation. this tracks with fall fair, in which he says "sex... why did i wait?". granted, he has a desire for it, but it's something he hasn't canonically engaged in, and possibly doesn't want to be associated with it as a result. that being said, he still grabs his dick the most. back to the stability thing, he feels like he has to be a provider, he has to steal the communion wine for his cousin, he has to give noel vodka and comfort (notice how noel hugs him while they're sitting down and bonding individually), he has to look after everyone, like he couldn't look after his mother, or the choir on the rollercoaster. maybe that's why he jumps away from noel in disgust when they land in limbo - not because of fruity feelings, but because he doesn't like how noel has his arms around him, rather than the other way around. he is internally a wounded bird, so he overcompensates by making sure no one else feels that way. also: i don't know where this comes into analysis but since mischa is a baritone part, the actors don't necessarily have to be in chest voice for all of this song is awesome. standley and duffy are, but halper uses falsetto for the higher bits in tsia!!

2018: adam's mischa is far more of an awkward teenager, he slouches a lot in the rap section of his performance, and he tends to have shorter, more run-together rhythms. however, in the choruses, when he's directly engaging with constance and ricky, he is far more confident and looks up more. he also takes a photo with ricky in the "0101011" bit!! from this, i get that standley's mischa cares a lot about his relationships with others and finds more value in that than other versions of the character. he's showing the most of himself off in the bridge, making eye contact, his shirt buttons open, body-rolling, when he is surrounded by the rest of the choir. i'd also argue that he's the most "sexual" (i'm using airquotes bc literally none of them do anything otherwise this would be a very different show") in how he performs with constance. he also checks out the girls in the line (btw this doesn't "disprove" nischa for me, because i think a through-line of this song its performative nature and therefore performative heterosexuality"). in the second chorus, he puts his arm around her while she feels his chest, indicating that this version of the character has greater sexual desires than the others, or that he wants to be perceived as such more (i'd have to see/listen to a full show with standley performing as mischa).

2019: i think that chaz's mischa has the most actual confidence of these three versions? by this, i mean that his doesn't seem performative in the same way as gus' or adam's (although, again, i'd need to see the whole show for this). he seems a lot more self-assured, which fits with the "rupaul's drag race" line change, as that indicates that he is secure in his sexuality, whatever that may be. also, i just want to point out how noel is basically spanking ocean in the hard rock cafe bit. like this is how noel and ocean perceive heterosexuality. amazing, i love it. duffy's mischa also makes the most use of the stage - even in his independent rap parts, he moves around a lot and looks at the audience, kind of like a concert (she says, having never been to a rap concert). he seems far more confident of his life's awesomeness rather than the other mischas, who almost need to convince themselves. it's possible that this is a more developed mischa, who's ready to move on and is already grateful for what he got despite his tragic circumstances. all he misses is talia and his mother. and, the line "feeling homesick for my homies in the ukraine/landing in kyiv before we finish off the champagne" is rapped in a way that makes it feel as though he is much more certain that he will be able to give those things to them. maybe this mischa views "what's behind the curtain" as his friends and family before coming to uranium.

Things I loved about Some Theater Company's production of Ride the Cyclone

-i didn't have super high hopes because it was at this tiny community theater in the middle of nowhere but OH MY GOD IT WAS INCREDIBLE

-the cast came around and told everyone that there was going to be a loud noise at the end so that no one would be too shocked which i thought was very considerate

-before the show started the cast (minus jane) was kind of milling about in character and it was so much fun to watch

-mischa was just on his phone the entire time and at one point before it started noel tried to take it from him and mischa flipped him off

-ocean was dragging constance to see a bunch of posters

-like literally dragging

-mischa and ricky were kind of like bro-ing together it was funny

-ocean and noel were standing in like the exact same stance while bickering with eachother it was so funny

-V I R G I L

-karnak was really cool and funny

-uranium suit was so good omg i got chills at the build yourself a funeral pyre part

-when karnak showed them the other side they all RAN for it

-noel was physically restraining ocean to get her not to go through

-talia was playing in the background during mischa's catchphrase

-i might be wrong but i'm pretty sure when karnak first started controlling them that mischa tried to fight against it

-when jane showed up was just sdjsjms

-jane looked kind of like a ragdoll but had more the posture and mannerisms of a porcelain doll it was really cool

-during her catchphrase she literally had constance in a chokehold and was just kind of like petting her head

-constance started crying

-ricky almost tried to comfort jane after her introduction

-all the girls had bows around their necks and ocean and constance's were black but jane's was red

-"ohmigosh ricky you can speak!!" "that's NOTHING watch this." *little tiny jump*

-mischa was so happy for ricky when he started talking

-"HOW CAN SHE HAVE SPEECH FOR THIS⁉️⁉️" like bro was furious

-during oceans monolog literally no one was paying attention

-like the entire choir (minus jane) just went to the back of the stage and started playing rock paper scissors

-mischa called ocean a bitch in the middle of her speech

-at the end of her speech the choir faked clapped for her and when karnak said she was conceding they started full on applauding

-AAAA WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS

-the cast came out into the audience sometimes

-virgil and karnak were both chilling in the box together (electricity is real😍)

-ocean needed constance's help to get down from the human pyramid

-when karnak revealed that it was a group vote everyone sort of looked away kind of sympathetic and ocean realized she wouldn't win except for noel he looked right at her and started grinning

-it was my cousins BORTHDAY

-jane was literally constantly trying to hug constance

-"noel i love you!!" and he BOLTED like he tried with all his might to run away from her

-ricky quite literally did not have an attention span bro was always staring off into space and paying no attention to anything

-during the nativity scene noel used his tie to mime hanging himself and then constance grabbed him by the tie and YANKED him forward

-"OR we can just go to the manger JOSEPH😡"

-noel tried yet again to take mischa's phone because he wasn't listening to his monolog

-the monique dress was so pretty omg

-and instead of typical heels she had these kick ass heeled boots

-constance and ocean started slow dancing in noels lament

-when noel and mischa started making out the entire audience started cheering it was so funny

-"that was dope yooo!! 😃😃"

-ocean was so annoyed with noel

-ricky was SO engaged with the improve scenario

-he got very excited when constance brought up doing and/or dealing recreational drugs

-mischa called ocean a bitch several more times. both in ukrainian and english

-he was also like constantly flipping people off

-mischa was trying not to cry when karnak told his past☹️

-collective cheering from the audience when mischa took his shirt off

-talia was so beautifully done omg

-i'm pretty sure that there was also a complete separate actress for talia (who also played virgil i believe?)

-talia's dress was so beautiful

-ocean and constance danced together again

-at the end talia left and mischa ended up hugging noel (he was very confused and noel looked absolutely thrilled)

-noel tried one more time to take mischa's phone but this time he let him

-they all had a group hug instead of just noel and mischa hugging

-noel and mischa still had a one on one hug omg

-oh boy space age bachelor man

-"or i could tell you about the time i was a superhero sex god on a cat planet!!" "😨"

-horrified looks from everyone in the room

-sabm was so wonderfully weird

-oh my god the costume change.

-i don't know how i can describe it besides train conductor meets gay sparkles

-like it actually had a hat that looks like the ones train conductors wear

-also you could totally see his dick

-it reminded me of david bowie in the labyrinth

-during his speech afterwards he was like hiding his dick with the conductors hat

-when jane went "my turn!!" constance literally LEPT into mischa's arms like he was holding her bridal style for a hot second

-tbojd was so good omg it was haunting

-everyone gasped when the flying mechanism started

-the new birthday song ☹️☹️☹️

-happy birthday to hmm hmm and noel tried to finish the song before ocean shut him up

-ocean did the whole 1 2 3 thing then trial off and ricky just jumped in with "4!!"

-jane was so happy aaa

-she was soso excited about savannah with the greenest eyes

-when mischa called noel tragic they hugged again they were literally hugging all the time nischa is real

-ohh constance's monolog ☹️☹️

-this one lady kept laughing while i was trying not to sob

-sugar cloud was so amazing and happy and lovely

-the choreography was so silly

-nischa did the synchronized headbanging

-at the end constance thanked them all

-when ocean was deciding who to vote for everybody froze except for her and karnak

-aaa i almost sobbed

-it's not a game/it's just a ride was soso beautiful

-at the very end they all reached out towards the audience it was so incredible

hey, pssst. ride the cyclone fans.

you totally shouldn’t click on this link because it totally won’t take you to a google drive folder which totally doesn’t have a full copy of the 2016 production of Ride The Cyclone which definitely isn’t accessible to anyone with the link

because that would just be terrible

Collective favorite hq fanfic recs

Hello, it’s as the title states HAHA. I’ve had this blog for a year now and I wanted to go through and put all my favorites that I’ve recommended in one place. Spoiler alert, there’s a lot LMFAO. Gonna try something new and separate by word count tho LOL I thought it’d be fun HAHA

warning, there’s a little over 200 fics under this but it’s only links so it’s not that long

Keep reading

Google earth, always taking pics ~ ☆

Thank you SO MUCH @carriecmoney for doing the coloring!! :,o I’m eternally grateful!