nishikiigoi

Latest Posts by nishikiigoi

it me birtday :D i aem 19

SMOKING ROOM CHAPTER LEAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what does bro have to say for himself

Chapter 215 reminded us that Sebastian is indeed stupid.

Ok so i got the Furuya x Wayama lhc collab book, and this image immediately stood out to me.

Initially, since Raizou has been (heavily,) (blatantly,) implied to be a transgender girl, my gut went in that direction, since its specifically two schoolgirls that are shown.

And i know that the lhc's whole thing was catching a girl, but these are... not the age they were aiming for (they're elementary school kids, as indicated by their hats and bags), so that interpretation's out the door.

But, another option my mind went to was; "Well, randoseru's are expensive, and lhc takes place around war times. So perhaps it's not about the fact that it's girls wearing them, but about the price. And even though those bags aren't really used by middle schoolers, it could be a longing for something you couldn't have back then."

The artist's comments also seemed to support that theory;

古屋/Furuya: "I used to really want a backpack like that—I’m still playing out this longing scene."

But, eh... when i was looking into the history of school uniforms in Japan (for something else) I also stumbled upon this;

and i went. no way-

And yup, turns out my gut feeling was right.

Red randoserus, especially around the time lhc takes place, were exclusively meant for girls.

...which is also making me reconsider what Furuya meant with that comment... because I didn't know he was guy until just now. but let's not get into that right now-

Anyhow, tldr;

i read ts last year and only got around to drawing it now sighs

stupid loser butler (affectionate)

guys am I crazy or is this the campiest chapter we've had since like idk the whole of the blue cult arc. is it weird that I wanna cry over it. I haven't felt such whismey with the silly characters I love in so long.... that being said it's so WEIRD.

I genuinely don't know how to feel right now over this sebastian, I'm flabbergasted and the fact that it feels completely out of chatacter and so perfect for him at the same time is making it so funny to me. I can't believe I got to see a new behavior from him. it's so animated. so unusual for yana but wow. like I think I'm having a blast hah!!

and similarly like... actually who's really in charge here, this panel too?? it almost feels like a different manga tonally. but like, I think that's fine, we've been in darkness for so long, why not have an uncomfortable laugh. and man, yana's art style would not have reached this peak a couple years ago.

I definetly suspected yana would pull the old "this chapter ends in high stakes suspense only for it to pay off as comedy in the next chapter and it wasn't that serious", so that helps on not feeling bummed about it. we just got back anyway, it wouldn't be right to suddenly fall into a deep and evil sebastian backstory😏 yet... or ever idk.

but I found it crazy that ciel just left?? I really thought this was gonna be a serious conflict last chapter, but he's super nonchalant and honestly kinda cute with the "my mom's talking to someone at the mall and it's really boring, I'm gonna sit and have juice".

he probably just sits there kicking his feet. amused as hell for some reason? oh right they hate eachother.

smirk...

but I did find it weird that he avoided the question. unintentionally or not. he puts me on edge man.

also love to see it

final thing ohhh myyyy gooddddd are we gonna have another asthma moment😪/j

science needs this discovery. Sebastian you're an awful thing for letting this happen.

sorry to say that it's been so long since I've had fun with a chapter 😅 this is also the first time in a while and let lose rambling before I look at anyone else's post pfft.

when your demon is stupid asf and you gotta lowk reconsider the viability of your contract with him

So my sister is on vacation and has sent me a photo of the store she was buying clothes in.

I'm going to lose it.

Waited for years just to make this

(thinking of making more of SnapCube x BB shitposts later)

next kuro chapter is 29 pages too holy shit??? we've never been so back

art dump - the silhouette method is amazing

u can clearly tell i got no ideas rn💔💔grell7uhjhdj

oh sonetto!?!

bringing this back like 10 years later

Kid can’t catch a break

freak matched , perhaps surpassed

Edit: I FORGOT HIS FUCKING SCAR . PRETEND ITS THERE

i did a sebagrell nsfw

full on twt

tweeting this from my laptop rn

Man I bet he misses getting summoned by witches and just getting to hang out and watch them dance naked in the moonlight or have an orgy or whatever things they did 😔

I don’t know how we’re letting trump get away with all this shit when I truly believe that if you threw a blanket over his head he would think it was nighttime and go to sleep like a bird

hrmmmm this is morteryn i hope u guys like her and her dead horse friends

Reminder that before Toboso settled on whatever's going on here:

She had Sebastian in chthonic business casual with a versatile stiletto ankle boot:

complaining about being 19 this month and forgetting most of my friends/moots are all in their early to late 20s

i haven’t gotten out of bed yet either ciel dw

Sleepy

THE MEY RIN ESSAY

a mess written by ota, aka mentally ill fanartist and fanfic author cangrellesteponme

First, a few quick warnings/disclaimers.

This essay is mostly about gender and the treatment of gender in fiction. In case it isn’t clear from my severe case of transgenderism (term used sarcastically here), I don’t fuck with TERFs and TERF-adjacent people and rhetoric. If I see anyone say any TERF-y bullshit in response to some of the points I make, they’re on my shit list forever.

For obvious reasons, I’m going to be criticising Kuro a lot in this essay. Please do not defend Yana Toboso and her work in my vicinity. I don’t care.

The tone for this is somewhat comedic and I do try to keep it light-hearted but all jokes aside I’m being pretty serious and I am a genuine Mey-Rin lover.

(This is not peer-reviewed, I barely make any points, I don’t cite my sources, I am a disgrace to all academia and no one knows how I managed to get a degree.)

What are we even talking about?

“Our little ‘owl’ is, biologically speaking at least, female.” are the last words of chapter 161, and boy is that an issue. All of that. In fact, Mey-Rin’s entire character seems to be a problem, and this cannot be dissociated from the fact that she is a woman: fandom content is heavily male-dominated, and no one can ignore the fact that the most hated characters of fandom history have mostly been women. On top of that, her writing is affected by whatever the fuck is going on in Yana Toboso’s weird little head. These very unfortunate circumstances have led us here, with a character whose defenders are on the rise in recent times when she used to be heavily criticised for traits we now love. It is unclear whether this is just a consequence of the natural evolution of mindsets as fandoms grow out of past opinions, or proof that there have always been positive qualities to her, and we are simply rediscovering them now that we are less violently misogynistic. What’s worse is she was hated by women. For feminist (???) reasons. And now she is loved for reasons very much linked to gender. What in the paradoxically paradoxical paradox.

So. Is Mey-Rin just another example of our inability to escape sexism even in fiction, or is there more to the depiction of gender her character presents? Is it actually… good?

In order to answer these questions, or at least attempt to figure something out somehow, I will start by exploring the explanations and justifications for the formerly popular take of “Mey-Rin is annoying in general and a terrible female character”, and then discuss possible counter-arguments and the (completely accidental, because Yana still sucks, y’all) redeeming qualities of her character. Hopefully we’ll be able to reach a conclusion by the end of this essay. Or at least get somewhere. Figure some kind of thing out, sort of.

PART ONE: mey-rin is proof toboso should not be allowed to write women tbh

I. the clumsy girl trope

  Let’s start by stating the obvious. The quirky, clumsy girl trope is slightly annoying at best, absolutely infuriating at worst. It often makes characters profoundly unlikeable, to the vast majority of people. Or so it seems at least, based on the totally normal and representative sample of people we get from looking at and being in fandom spaces.

Though that is a bit of a simplification of her character, we can probably all agree that it is what Mey-Rin is supposed to be. She stumbles around, can’t see anything, is incapable of even carrying a well-balanced tray for a measly ten metres… It’s what she is introduced as, and it is the role she plays most of the time. It’s understandable that this would make her a particularly dislikable character.

I have to add a little bit of nuance here. Mey-Rin isn’t the only one that is annoyingly useless 90% of the time, the other servants are too. And people aren’t quite as vitriolic when it comes to them. But again, the other servants don’t get the added issue of stuttering and blushing and being terribly awkward whenever Sebastian exists in their vague direction, so that might be an explanation.

(...also, misogyny, but this is the part in which I try to agree with haters so let’s not explore that.)

II. there’s a lot to hate, and haters are women for a reason

  There is a specific kind of torture that starts when you turn eleven (and hopefully ends before you turn twenty) called “forming a personality”. Some people would call it formative years, or teenage years, or any other normal thing… I personally would call it Hell. Hell is even worse when you come into contact with awful things such as the Black Butler anime.

(For the sake of clarity, since most of the audience of Kuroshitsuji identifies as female, or at the very least did when they first encountered it, we are going to be talking exclusively about young girls. Also Mey-Rin is. You know. Not a dude. Anyway, I would talk about the male audience if they were relevant to this, but they are not. And to my fellow trans people, I’m sure you understand why I’m not writing a whole paragraph about us.)

(This is going to be convoluted. Bear with me.)

So, imagine a young girl at the right age for her first attempts at entering a social group that isn’t family. Every role model she encounters feels so important to her. Every time she meets a woman she thinks “Is she like me? When I grow up will I be like her? Is she what people think I will become?”, even subconsciously. Every girl is a mirror, a potential friend, someone who is or could be a part of who she is. And although studies (which i will not cite. i am an embarrassment to every teacher i’ve ever had.) have shown that children mimic the behaviour of real role models (parents and other adults) more assiduously than that of fictional characters, I think we can all agree unrestricted internet access kind of fucks with that.

So a young girl with unrestricted access to the worst possible place for a child, not a single parental figure in sight, no idea what or who she should be, and trying to see herself in every hint of femininity she encounters… and she watches Black Butler.

There aren’t many options in this overwhelmingly male cast, so you’re essentially stuck between Mey-Rin and Lizzy (i know there are other women. do i really need to list reasons why none of them are viable and i would really worry for any child who identifies with them?) which I would equate to being between a rock and a very shitty hard place. So, you can either see yourself in a cute and very annoying little girl whose betrothed is a very age-appropriate fictional crush for a child. Or we can stop pretending stable children watch Black Butler and accept the fact that Sebastian looks like ultimate heartthrob Takumi Ichinose (from NANA) which makes him the obvious choice. So, your average young girl is like “well shit I’m like the far-sighted maid”. Hell.

Here is where the trouble starts. People hate being put into boxes. Teenagers (who are not the entire fandom, but most adults back in the day were Sebaciel shippers, so they either ignored Mey-Rin’s existence or hated her for getting in the way, which is common and normal fandom behaviour, but also makes them irrelevant to this essay. sorry sebaciels i’m ignoring you too.) are particularly pissy about being put in any kind of category they did not choose and force themselves to fit into like the try-hards they are. So, considering that mindset: if a character is quite similar to you but also showcases traits you’d rather die than be associated with, how do you feel about them? Time has shown most people’s answer is “hate their guts” apparently. Which is… fine.

…Is it fine, though? It’s inevitable and natural to feel profound cringe when a character is at the painful intersection of relatability and embarrassment, yes. And like any negative judgement about a character, people express it in fandom spaces. However, how viscerally people feel that and how unapologetically vocal they get… that’s affected by sexism, among other things. Let’s make a quick comparison: our boy o!Ciel is out there committing literal crimes with no justification whatsoever and yet people will hate on his fiancée/cousin for being annoying when she’s the world’s most tame thirteen-year-old girl… and he’s just as childish as her most of the time. Even if there are reasons to dislike female characters in Kuroshitsuji (and there are many), can we really just observe these feelings uncritically?

III. who do shy women appeal to? (spoilers: it’s men.) (maybe.) (most of the time. doesn’t matter.)

  I’m sure I don’t need to remind everyone reading this of the fact that according to gender norms, being passive is a feminine trait: shy, demure women who stumble over themselves the moment there is any interest between them and a man are quite often considered a romantic ideal (surely we don’t need a lecture on purity culture and the infantilisation of women, no? good.) in media. However, you’ll often observe a rather strict gender divide between fans of this kind of female character and fans of more dominant or even just self-reliant fictional women. Think about it for five seconds. Does an example come to mind for you? To me, it’s obvious. Characters nearly always fit into one of two boxes: the well-liked favourite of the (misogynistic) guys, shy and unthreatening Hinata Hyuga, or the supposedly annoying girl only (some) women like, bold and decisive Sakura Haruno.

(lowkey, freud was so right about the madonna-whore complex, but i don’t think he’d approve of me applying that logic to an entirely different thing, especially not fandom, of all things. but i hate his guts so i hope he’s rolling in his grave.)

(also, yeah i know both hinata and sakura are so poorly written it’s giving us all secondhand embarrassment. but no matter what mainstream shonen anime you choose as an example, if there’s a large enough cast of characters, odds are you’ll find a hinata and a sakura, but in a different font or something. even my own favourites are guilty of this, because female archetypes are so lacking in variety that there’s literally nothing else to fall back on.)

If we were to try and stuff Mey-Rin into one of those two boxes, we’d quickly find that the maid is distinctly Hinata-shaped: shy, passive, incapable of talking to the guy she’s romantically interested in, and steadily growing into gender conformity rather than away from it. Her existence does not challenge anything, and neither do the tropes she plays into. And of course, part of this is just because most of the time, the servants are here to be funny. But that doesn’t change the fact that people, especially women, might be slightly irritated by characters that don’t go against the very visibly sexist status quo. It’s giving… well, as the kids would say, misusing the term, it’s giving male gaze. And this is exacerbated by the fact that if you were the little girl who unfortunately was into anime and got into Kuroshitsuji during its peak, Mey-Rin matches (at surface level, at the very least) the profile of characters that were well-liked by raging misogynists. Obviously that causes a sort of knee-jerk reaction of “I hate that” whenever she is on screen.

(and honestly, i don’t know if i’ve grown past that reaction. hinata hyuga was my favourite naruto character, and we all know i’m a mey-rin lover, but… whenever i see a character that fits that trope, i do tend to instinctively dislike her still. honestly, i kind of understand mey-rin haters when it comes to that.)

IV. servitude and the bitter aftertaste of “badass” women

  It is time for us to address the elephant in the room: the maid is a very sexual archetype and often associated with at least promiscuity. Anyone who has read the manga or watched the anime can agree that this also somewhat applies to Mey-Rin — less than other infamous manga maid characters for sure (shoutout to literally every maid out there) and even other maids from Black Butler (there is too much to say about hannah so i shall say nothing) but it is still relevant. Specifically, the maid is an oversexualised (i hate having to use that term because people gave it a very inaccurate connotation but please understand that i mean it in the most literal sense) and subservient woman, and though there are exceptions, if she’s also any kind of fighter (which is a similarly subservient archetype), you’re not going to find one. The maid and the knight? Dear Mey-Rin, please pick a struggle.

This leads us to the core of the issue with her archetype: servitude. It can be a knight’s duty, an admirable trait, or shit that tastes so foul in your mouth when you see it in the only powerful women you’re given. Kuro is very obviously guilty of this — do I need to bring up Hannah, Lizzy, Ran Mao? — and Mey-Rin is a very explicit example. I mean, some lines make the media literate feminist in me want to vomit, just a little.

And what’s worse is that these lines — and the weight of servitude on Mey-Rin’s character — appear during some of her most “badass” or defining moments. They taint some of the only parts of her character that don’t relate to some flat, irritating clumsy girl trope. There’s nothing left of her for people to enjoy if these tropes bother them.

Now that we all have put words on the negative feelings people may have for Mey-Rin, we can get to the actually interesting part. In the context of this essay, verbalising, rationalising, and justifying disgust, outrage, contempt, etc. is only useful because it allows us to understand the failings of Mey-Rin as a female character, and it is easier to start from that point and build an understanding of her potential and successes with that groundwork already done. Mey-Rin nation, this is our moment.

PART TWO: mey-rin, the healing girl: salvation through retrieved womanhood (hehe cool title)

I. haters suck. god forbid women have any fun, especially if it's fem or "childish"

  Let’s start with the most obvious argument Mey-Rin enjoyers have. What’s so wrong about having an embarrassing crush on literally the only attractive guy around? What’s so wrong about enjoying a soft, girl-like kind of femininity when you’ve literally been robbed of your childhood? What’s so wrong about pigtails? Literally nothing, that’s what. Mey-Rin haters sometimes get so disdainful, and for what? It is not that serious.

Now that I’ve been annoying and full of contempt, let’s actually consider this. We’ve explored the very real, complex reasons people may dislike Mey-Rin’s character, and it is true that some of them just make sense. The thing is… I’m the only one writing essays about that. People who don’t like Mey-Rin come for the pigtails. The dress. The exaggerated performance of childish femininity. And it is common for people to find these things grating, but why? Misogyny, that’s why. I’m not going to bother with nuance on that one. Society hates women, most of us have a hard time tolerating things strongly associated with femininity. Case closed. What’s actually relevant here is that this fandom is full of annoying people who like fashion, and are hated for their interests, and enjoy some silliness… so Mey-Rin is a bit of a relatable icon to us. So I ask again, what’s so wrong about pigtails? They’re fun. Mey-Rin is fun, because she’s cutesy for the hell of it.

II. mey-rin isn’t like other kuro girls, and here’s why that matters

  Womanhood in Kuroshitsuji can very easily be summed up: it isn’t really more than the opposition between a natural state of “insufficient” (or untraditional, or threatening) femininity and a sort of hyper-feminine counter-performance that is almost always prompted by a male character. There are multiple examples of this (madam red’s whole fucking thing, hannah acting much more demure and subservient than she actually is (which i could write about for hours)) but the most important and most telling one is (my baby) Lizzy. This is a born noblewoman. She was born into power and raised into literal physical strength. She is a gifted swordswoman and a girl whose instinct is to protect and defend, because that’s how Midford women are and she is no exception. But her dumb ass betrothed said strong girls are scary so now she wears childish flats and exaggerates her love for cute things, on top of the absolutely egregious damsel in distress act. When she acts like who she truly is, it is seen as a failure on her part: her entire relationship with gender is made of feelings of inadequacy. There is something profoundly sad about what being female means to Lizzy and to most Kuroshitsuji characters.

Now what’s interesting is that Mey-Rin… isn’t like that. On the surface, yeah she goes from masculine to feminine for the sake of becoming some boy’s maid, but it is stated that this job allows her a return to the womanhood she had to lose. Her current femininity isn’t something she’s coerced into — it’s one of her favourite parts of her life. When we see Mey-Rin in her little outfit, the joy isn’t tainted by some knowledge that the skirts are nothing but a pretty prison, because the feminine performance is actually enjoyable for her. And that… matters. It’s refreshing: this character isn’t happy in spite of her womanhood, but because of it.

III. choosing to become the woman you are but. make it weird girlhood

(I’m sorry this part is not as articulate as the rest, but it’s. It’s an obvious point I’m making. I want to be silly about it. There’s no need to write for hours about this.)

Look me in the eye and tell me that it's not iconic to choose to wear glasses you can’t see shit with. Tell me there isn’t something profoundly joyful and silly about choosing to just be some girl with a crush on her unattainable coworker. Tell me it’s not wonderfully weird to just go around with combat boots under a maid dress.

There’s something about the juxtaposition of imagery in Mey-Rin, the full embracing of every side of who she is, that’s just… weird girl shit. She wears pretty nightgowns and she’s happy to see how cute she looks and she’s clumsy and silly and she kills people, tee-hee. Letting herself be the girl she couldn’t be doesn’t mean conforming, it means being weird as shit but in a dress. And isn’t that great?

IV. badassery without the ass

  While there is some typical sexualisation of Mey-Rin, she… is so profoundly unsexy y’all. Not in reality, because Mey-Rin Nation calls her “wife” and “beloved” (and other unspeakable things. i see you. we see each other.) at all times, but in theory, as she does not have the characteristics of a truly sexually reified woman in media (specifically manga and anime, but it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to say media in general). Consider this: she is not a “rippling abs but tiny waist” warrior, nor is she a “booba sword literal and metaphorical sheath” object… She is a far-sighted sniper. Which is an archetype that exists, because for some reasons archers and snipers in media can’t just be normal and good at their jobs, they have to be gifted with supernaturally good eyesight, but here is the thing. It’s a male archetype. Mey-Rin is a woman.

(look. look. listen to me. i know you can name like ten women who fit that archetype because you love women, but let’s not have that argument because i will disprove five of them then name thirty men and give you an analysis of the sniper as a role men step into after loss. let’s not argue.)

What makes this interesting is that literally no changes are made for her to fit into that role. She has every quality of the excellent marksman: extreme focus on her eyes, bird motif, shoots from rooftops and trees, has always been this good, emotionally distant (though that one changes. we stan our sweet girl). She just happens to do it all in a dress and without the annoying “this character will do everything a man does, but in heels and impractical clothing” trope.

(don’t get me wrong, i understand the complexity of discourse around putting female characters in typically male roles with little to no adjustment. but i think we can all agree that in mey-rin’s case it is pretty nice?)

 And on top of that, being revealed as a woman does not put an end to her activities. So yes, you do get the harmful tropes of “badass woman must pass as a man to be badass” and “openly female badassery is only cool if you’re hot and doing it in a girl way” but without the restrictive “the moment you put the dress on you must put the gun down” and “you’ve got to appeal to men even when you kill some hoes”. This essentially negates most of the unpleasantness of these tropes. What’s left is “she is perfectly capable of doing things as or better than men do, and she can just be a woman and do it” and isn’t that refreshing? Her womanhood and her talent aren’t incongruent at all, they’re simply unrelated, coexisting just enough to be pleasant to watch. I love fictional girls with guns.

So, what conclusions are we drawing from all this?

Well, I think it would be unfair to say there is no logic or genuinely valid points behind disliking Mey-Rin’s character. It’s not just a matter of taste — there are real issues with her, and I think we can all agree that not liking her due to them is understandable. However, the extent of some people’s dislike (mostly in the past, yes, but some people are still… annoying) and some of the more misogynistic aspects of it are just… not it, chief. Especially since it leads people to ignore and/or belittle the just as genuine reasons people have for liking Mey-Rin. And there are reasons! Plenty of them, actually, but what stands out is that she’s just… kinda cool. There’s some fun gender stuff happening. It speaks to people. In my opinion, that matters way more, but even if we set my preferences aside, it is clear that both aspects of her character coexist and do not cancel each other out.

Gender is complicated. Its representation in media is an issue with no straightforward solutions. Our feelings about said representation are a mess. Because of that, there will always be multiple conflicting layers in hating Mey-Rin, and the same applies to loving her.

AFTERWORD

…Now that this silly essay is done, let’s be real for a second. Everything I say about Mey-Rin is nice, and fun, and interesting, but even if I personally find her refreshing, it doesn’t change the fact that the way women are written in Kuroshitsuji is mostly just atrocious, and it is simply not improving. The positives I write about only apply to Mey-Rin, and no one else. A flagrant example of that is Ran Mao, and the difference in the treatment of their characters is absolutely awful, and made even more obvious by their mini-arc.

So please remember that me drawing the conclusion that Mey-Rin’s character is overall enjoyable — not in spite of but with her relationship to womanhood — does not negate the fact that I find this manga infuriating when it comes to gender. I just love my wife. But still, when it comes to the rest of the cast… every single female character I like in this manga/anime is a character I enjoy despite their writing. And it shouldn’t be that way. Mey-Rin barely gets above the “is this fictional woman’s existence a literary hate crime” bar, and most of her positives are nearly entirely accidental byproducts of the misogynistic writing. Everyone else is so far below it that I just have to make the effort to analyse, criticise, and deconstruct every aspect of their character if I want to find grounds for appreciation beyond mere aesthetic pleasantness. Again, it shouldn’t be that way. For that reason, I will never stop adding misogyny to the long list of Kuroshitsuji’s flaws, and though I love Mey-Rin, she will never be enough to stand as a counter-example.

Thank you for reading.