Sometimes I Want To Slit My Throat And Cut Deep Into My Arms But I Can't Do That, Not Infront Of Everyone

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Reblog if you can speak, read, or at least kinda communicate in more than one language.

The Slippery 4

Word Count: 726

Characters: Virgil, Remus, Deceit

Pairing: Dukexiety

Rating: T+

Warnings: Tentacles, implied cannibalism, implied murderous intent, Sexual Situations

Based off this headcanon by @zombie-teeth

Virgil wasn't known for being terribly cuddly, sure he enjoyed it now and then, but it was rare to find him snuggling with anyone for hours on end. But he couldn't exactly get away from his loving duke's embrace. That's why Deceit found him lounging on the couch with his boyfriend, Remus, holding onto him like a koala, fast asleep, with his 4 main tentacles idly wiggling behind him. The quiet hissing between the disgruntled emo and the teasing snake didn't bother Remus at all.

"Say one word about this to anyone and I will cover your library in webs. And if I piss myself don't you dare hold it against me." Virgil threatened. Deceit smiled at him and shrugged. He wasn't making any promises. He strolled back to his room with a smug air about him that made Virgil growl.

That's when a slick tentacle snuck behind him and gently caressed his neck. Virgil glanced at it with raised eyebrows and smirked.

"Thanks Nero, you're such a thoughtful lil wiggler." he chuckled and gently ran his fingers over the smooth appendage. He had to laugh at how it twitched and went limp on his shoulder, heating up as if it could blush. 

A different tentacle wrapped around his chest and snaked its way up to his cheek. Someone was jealous!

Virgil giggled and turned his head to press his lips to it. The delicate kiss against one sucker was just enough to make the tentacle jolt back and go rigid. This one had to be Tiberius, the flirty one.

"Don't think I forgot about you, Tiger." Virgil purred. At the pet name, Tiberius collapsed like a wet noodle on the couch and floor. He had to laugh, Remus' tentacles had a minds of their own, and they usually thought about Virgil. It was flattering and down right adorable usually. But they were still part of Remus, so if the tentacles went limp, Remus' grip would loosen too. All he had to do was make all of them relax, and that was a problem.

The other two tentacles were a little bit more daring. Commodus maneuvered its way around his thigh slipping behind him to get into his pants. Elagabalus slid in his lap and got very frisky. Virgil bit his lip and let out a loud frustrated groan, this was not helping his bladder problem, and causing a slew of other issues. Fortunately, Remus sleeping on him was one problem solved.

"Commie! Laggy! No!" Remus snapped and let go of Virgil to pull them back. They drooped in Remus' hands like guilty children.

"You do not get touchy like that when I'm asleep, unless you're touching me! Did Virgil say you could do that, hmm?" 

"Nope." Virgil answered, gently removing Nero from his shoulder.

"No? Then why did you two think it would be okay?!" Remus growled. Commie and Laggy curled into themselves out of shame and retreated into his back. Remus let out a sighed and carefully ran a hand down Virgil's cheek. 

"Are you alright, Scare Bear?" he asked. Virgil took his hand and brought it to his lips, making Remus blush. Leggy and Commie were in big trouble.

"Thanks, Ree. You saved me from the onslaught, like a knight in slimy armor. But armor isn't your strong suit." Virgil hummed and let the duke's hand fall gracelessly to his side. He smirked at the flustered side and winked. That sent Remus' heart into overdrive—a crooked smile and a little flirting should not be enough to turn Remus Sanders to mush! 

"No wonder they got frisky, you're a tease!" Remus laughed despite himself. Virgil shrugged and flashed a wicked grin.

"If teasing the tentacles wakes you up, then I'll be sure to do it more often." he said and moved to get up, "It's easier than clawing my way out to get to the bathroom." 

"No! Come back!" Remus whined, "I want to cuddle with you—naked if possible!"

"No." Virgil hummed on his way out, "But you can come to my room, get caught in a trap, and I could eat you like the little snack you are." 

"You sly wolf spider." Remus purred, "I'll see you there!" And all of his tentacles jolted back to life. He was so lucky to be able to call that catch of an emo his.

@bexxbeauty you asked to be tagged?

Hi 👋, can I request a self aware Smilk & reader, where he’s the only one who knows of their existence, and the reader can sometimes take control of him which causes some confusion to other cookies.

(You can choose whether it’s a one-shot or headcanons)

Yess self awareness time

.......

After trying and trying again, you finally pulled Shadow Milk Cookie from the gacha, thrilled that he finally came home!

Now that you've understood all the hype surrounding him and how crazy powerful he can be after clearing his Beast Yeast episodes, you had all your star jellies, toppings, and a legendary beascuit saved just for him.

But ever since obtaining him, you've noticed some...oddities with him that made you assume it was part of his programming/AI.

When you see him walking around the kingdom or working at a station that's not the toy store, he's looking at you a lot.

Of course, some cookies may glance at you occasionally, with even fewer breaking the fourth wall (like Black Sapphire and Devil Cookie), but that's just what the devs added as a funny joke.

Shadow Milk...is different. He doesn't follow their script to a T.

The way he talks and waves at you, shows off during battles and making himself the last cookie standing in difficult arena fights, and doing his juggling trick when he knows you're looking at him.

Then he actually responded to you after you made a remark about where to put his statue...and at first you're startled, bc no way could that have been a coincidence...

In reality, he had an "awakening" of his own--in that his knowledge suddenly extended beyond CRK's borders.

Somehow, he can see and hear you, becoming 100% aware that he's in a video game.

But you assume his new antics are part of his programming...until one day the charade falls apart and he straight up tells you that he knows the truth. He even says your username, the device you're playing on, and the day you started CRK as proof in case you think he's lying.

You're stunned at first, but then you think it's actually pretty awesome....until he claims that he's the only one who knows and felt like it would've been better if he didn't.

Of course, the master of deceit would rather ignore the truth and live out a lie, like all the other cookies are....but he's stuck with this earthbread-shattering truth that's only his to bear.

In a way, being "trapped" in this game reminds him of the witches and the time he spent in the silver tree, believing he escaped one prison only to end up in another.

After you leave the game to tend to some real life matters, he tries sowing chaos in the kingdom by revealing this to other cookies, thinking they'd "wake up".

Yet none of them know wtf he's talking about. Not even the Beasts or Pure Vanilla, who thinks he's just trying to trick everybody again..although he admits that what Shadow Milk is saying sounds most outlandish.

Typically, he'd be able to conjure up some kind of "evidence" and manipulate wide masses into believing any word he says.

But you're untouchable, and he has no way of obtaining tangible proof of your existence to show the other cookies...and once he realizes this, he gets frustrated.

"Who do you think fulfills our wishes at the tree???? Who do you think indulges us with star jellies????? Keeps this kingdom from crumbling to pieces?!! We are ALL the puppets to an even bigger puppet master!"

Anyone who hears this yap from him just thinks 'is he alright? like genuinely?'

The next time you log in, Shadow Milk is gravely upset that he has to carry this burden and decides to take it out on you.

Suddenly there's lag spikes when his ability is on cooldown (so you can hardly use them in battle and lose your ranking in arena), he avoids you trying to pick him up in the kingdom (much to other cookies' confusion, as from their pov, he's fleeing something that's invisible)...and he even corrupted his own stats to make it seem like any promotions were gone and his level dropped back to 1.

You ask him why he's causing you all this trouble, and his next rant was more or less....a reasonable crashout.

"I was a god...or at least that's what I thought. But no. I've been lied to. A master of deceit...has been lied to again!! What cruel irony! This world...this life of mine....it's all been one big game from the start! And nobody knows but I!! HAHAHA!! Tell me, [username]..what's it like being the true god of this world? Do you enjoy toying with our lives? What makes you think you deserve my power?! Damn you....and damn this prison!! YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN THOSE WITCHES!!!"

Other cookies just see him screaming at nobody in particular, although his rage forms rifts in the ground, from which the other-realm creeps out to attack anyone close to him.

You end up closing the game out of fear, leaving it alone for the next several hours.

While initially scared to reopen it, you did understand why Shadow Milk lashed out like that--he thought he was in control, and couldn't comprehend the idea of it being somebody else.

You don't know why he, of all cookies, had to be cursed with this forbidden knowledge, but what could be done about it now?

Nothing.

So you returned to the game and found a plushie of him somewhere after looking around for a few minutes, and after clicking him, he turns back to normal and scowls.

"What? You've come back to toy with me more, stupid god? Or were you just worried that I did something to your precious kingdom?"

"No, and no." You say, explaining to him that while you'd never fully understand what he was feeling--and couldn't help him explain your existence to other cookies--you wanted him to see you as a friend, not a puppet master or a witch or some untouchable god like he accuses you of being.

To show him you're serious, you bought all of his decor and gave him his own little castle/spire-like area, where he can indulge in his hobbies or just retreat there whenever he wanted to.

For some time, Shadow Milk is silent as he inspects everything and for a moment...you thought he reverted back to his NPC programming...

Then he looks at you and grins a little. "Jeez, if only you put this much effort into the rest of the kingdom."

"Yeah, well...I'm working on it." You chuckled. "Black Sapphire and Candy Apple Cookie think it's "dull" and doesn't compare to your spire, but-"

"I'll deal with them later. This...is acceptable."

It's fair to say...he's content.

He seems to finally accept his new reality, as he doesn't corrupt his stats or sabotage your gameplay anymore, allowing you to use him as your strongest magic cookie again.

Now if you start shifting your focus towards pulling Awakened Pure Vanilla, however, he might stir up some trouble to make the process take even longer

I can relate it's just fluff itself

Can I just say that the thought of the others calling Verge “angel” makes me want to cry from happiness

Here’s something else I made, Reblog if you are anti maps

Has anyone else noticed that they do this?

I feel like I'm being called out-

If you’re LGBT+ and a fander reblog this post

Go here if cishet

you're telling me this thing is gonna be the one to cook white lily in episode 11 (presumably)

also bonus wlily. let women have hobbies. give her a glock