Adding Onto This Because It’s On My Mind

Adding onto this because it’s on my mind

I’ve had confused feelings about my gender for a long time. I remember when I was 8-9 ish, when my mom told me that I would Get Boobs, I cried. I literally wept in the backseat of our old mustang in the drive thru lane of the Chick-fil-A. Maybe it was because I wasn’t ready to grow up, but even now I haaaaate having breasts. I remember hoping that they would stop growing as I got older. I remember wishing my period would never come. I got it at 10

I also remember thinking about growing facial hair and getting excited. I actively try to have a more neutral voice. I cover my body because I’m ashamed of being a woman because of how terribly we’re treated in general. Maybe politics has something to do with it, but that’s a separate tangent

It’s weird though

I want breast reduction surgery, but I don’t want them gone completely

I want to go on hormones, but I don’t want to change completely

I hate having a uterus, but I don’t want it replaced, just gone

I don’t mind she/her pronouns, and I call myself a lesbian all the time, but my connection to my femininity is so severed by so much

I don’t shave my legs but I shave between them and under my arms because otherwise I’m uncomfortable with myself

I don’t consider myself non-binary or trans, but I don’t think I’m cis, either

And while labels don’t define everyone and everything and you don’t need one, I want to be able to explain what’s going on in my head and with my body image. I want to point to a flat and go “that’s how I feel and those are my people,” y’know?

Not a vent, just an observation

Hold on. Cisgender people don’t question their gender?