Ohlookitsrex - Rex

“Don’t act like you haven’t been thinking about me”

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x reader Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex, language Word Count: 1.5k Summary: You haven’t seen Loki since you were children, and when you go back to Asgard, you both realize how much you’ve grown up. Notes: I need ideas, please send in any requests! I do both Marvel and Star Wars

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hEY can u do a drunk reader thingie + loki where he takes her home after worrying and reader accidentally confesses?? morning aftermath as well sorry if this is too close to the drunk!loki one and if its too unoriginal kjaksjskjs

Summary: you have a little too much to drink and set your sights on a certain god, and loads of chaos and perfectly awkward situations ensue.

Warnings: tooth rotting fluff? bad words?

A/N: this is my first time besides Heat Wave writing for not-yet-dating Loki x reader, and i loved it sm, and got a little carried away. so enjoy this one shot!

also i didn’t proof-read or edit so i apologise in advance have a nice cute gif of loki’s murder strut instead

You and alcohol don’t exactly make the greatest pair.

You and alcohol and an extremely attractive god don’t exactly make the greatest trio, either.

But here you are, strutting over to Loki like you own the place; you’re only a couple drinks in and already have made up your mind that this one, this crazily beautiful god isn’t going to slip out of your grasp. You’ve been chasing after him for too long, and it’s too obvious how he’s chasing you too, right? Right?

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Could I request 5 and 19 for Charles and/or Erik? (And could the seat prompt be like, asking to sit on someone’s lap?)

ERIK LEHNSHERR X READER

prompts: “when are you going to quit with the pick-up lines and ask me on a date” and “is this seat free?”

warnings: bad pick up lines and unedited (not actual warnings just be prepared)

-

your relationship with erik was weird.

it was more than known to people that he was an isolated person who didn’t trust easy. even when he met his own son, he was the exact same.

but he never seemed to have that need to be on edge with you. it was always like he had no worries in the world.

not like he would ever admit it, though.

-

“are you a keyboard? because you’re my type.”

erik laughed as you sat down next to him, “you never quit do you?”

“never. also, are you a pack of cards?”

“…no?”

“oh because i’ve pulled out my king.”

“for fucks sa-“

-

and it kept going.

you loved seeing the way he would get ‘aggravated’ at every one of your dumb pick up lines.

“knock knock.”

erik sighed, setting down his book and putting his head in his hands, “who’s there?” he mumbled into his hands.

“when where.”

“when where who?”

“tomorrow, wherever the fuck you want, me and you.”

“the doors over there.” he lifted his head up to point over to the door, making you laugh.

-

it was friday night and charles had arranged a small party for the mansion.

to be honest, it was more of a gathering. just the mutants having a good time for once in their ‘busy’ lives. because it was so undeniably hard living in such a huge mansion.

your eyes settled on the one and only man you ever wanted to see once you walked through the door.

picking up a free drink from the table, you walked over to erik.

“is this seat free?” you asked, pointing to his lap.

he looked down at where you were pointing and looked back up to your eyes, slightly flustered for the ‘majorly serious’ guy.

“is this another one of your pick up lines?” erik groaned.

“nope.”

he was shocked to say the least, “well, it’s always free for you.”

you smiled, trying to fight the light blush that was making its way to your face.

“in that case.” you sat on his lap (this wasn’t as awkward as it sounded i swear).

erik secured his arms around your waist and pulled you flush to him, “when are you going to quit with the pick up lines and ask me on a date?”

you were completely taken aback, “what-“

“do i need to do everything myself?”

“erik, i-“

“are you free tomorrow?”

you took a breath and laughed lightly when you let it out, happily surprised that your dumb lines had made an influence.

“always…for you…” you copied what he said earlier, making him chuckle hoarsely and meet his lips with yours.

you sank into the kiss and it literally felt like a dream.

a dream you didn’t want to wake up from.

-

sorry it’s so late and short i’ve been busy recently 😭

Trading places; Mexico and Greenland swap place in the Mercator Projection.

interviewer: Mr. Wayne, have you heard of the popular internet jokes about you dating Batman?

bruce wayne: Yes I have heard of them, but if I were going to date any superhero it'd be Superman and not an overdramatic furry

A Loki x reader would be great please. Maybe something where the reader isn’t really an avenger but is somehow really close with one member, so she visits a lot and is kind to Loki but at the same time doesn’t take any of his crap?

The New Guy

Summary: You were just about at the end of your rope with Natasha’s friends- until you met the newest addition to the compound

Pairing: Loki x y/n

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Language, floofy

Author's Note: Thank you for the request anon :) I really enjoyed writing this one 

---

Natasha had invited you for drinks at the compound again. God help you. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy spending time with her, you just really didn’t fit in with her work friends. They were all jacked up super soldiers with no interest in talking about anything other than their work- as soon as they found out you’d never been in a fight and you didn't have any personal firearm preferences, they had very little time for you. 

When you arrived they were all sprawled out on the sofas, looking as intimidating as usual, already half-cut on whatever Thor was handing out. You were offered some but Nat quickly swatted it away, assuring you that one sip would leave you absolutely paralytic. 

The usual conversations happened, about missions and combat and god knows what else, until the party inevitably degenerated into the boys finding excuses to make each other take shots. You eventually managed to retreat to the kitchen, claiming that you were going to grab another drink but really just needing a break from the frat party you'd found yourself in the middle of. 

Opening a beer and flopping against the counter, you rubbed your forehead wearily. In future you were definitely only hanging out with Nat at your place. 

Light footsteps padded into the kitchen. You glanced up to see a man you didn't recognise with pale, almost translucent skin and jet-black hair falling onto his shoulders. He stopped suddenly when he saw you. 

'Hi.' You smiled politely. He stared at you silently for a second, looking a little puzzled. 'Oh I'm y/n, Nat's friend.' 

'Loki. Charmed.' His voice was deep and smooth, sending faint goosebumps down your arm. 

His gaze lingered on you just a beat too long as he passed you to get to the fridge, then scanning his eyes over the contents and making a series of disgusted noises.

Glancing back over to the sofas, you figured that they probably weren’t missing you, so there was really no need to hurry back. Besides, this guy had really piqued your curiosity. 

'Do you work for Stark too?' 

His shoulders tensed up slightly and he gave an exasperated chuckle, before turning round to shoot you a gaze that could cut metal. 

'Do I look like I work for him?'

The words were coated in a confusing mix of amusement and annoyance. You thought it was a pretty reasonable question, since he seemed to be living in the compound, so you weren't about to start backtracking. 

'Honestly, yeah. Kind of.’ He smirked and narrowed his eyes at you. ‘You've got a bit of a vampire thing going on, seems like a niche that Tony hasn't filled yet.'

'I don’t think I like your tone.’

The side of your mouth curled into a mischievous smile, the temptation to keep teasing him almost overwhelming you, but you managed to fight it. 

'Why are you here then? If you don’t mind me asking.'

‘Apparently I can’t be trusted to function without supervision.’ He reached for a glass and filled it with water, adding under his breath ‘at least in prison I was left alone.’

He started heading back towards the door, but you were pretty keen to elongate this interaction as much as possible, cause it was saving you from one of the worst evenings of your life.

'Not joining the party?' 

Just the words left your mouth, a half-empty empty beer can flew across the room and exploded against the wall. Thor bellowed something you didn't quite catch and the other frat boys started hooting like morons. 

Loki moved his gaze slowly from the freshly-stained wall back over to you. 'I'd rather have my limbs torn off by wolves.'

A long, laboured sigh escaped your lips. ‘Me too.’ 

You rubbed your eyes harshly, waiting to hear the sound of his footsteps retreating from the kitchen, but nothing happened. You dropped your hands and felt your stomach flip when you saw him still standing opposite you, giving you a curious smile. 

‘What was your name again?’

‘Y/n.’ You mumbled, his gaze making you a little nervous.

‘Very nice meeting you y/n.’

Your eyes followed him as he walked out of the kitchen. You were too preoccupied with analysing what’d just happened to notice Nat approaching, squinting at you suspiciously.

‘Oh god, I know that face.’ 

Your eyes flicked over to her, feeling yourself blushing slightly. ‘What face?’

‘Jesus y/n, I've been trying to set you up with Steve for weeks and now suddenly you're interested in Thor’s psychopath brother?.’

‘He seemed nice enough.’

She grabbed a beer out of the fridge, not wavering her irritated stare from your face. ‘He destroyed Manhattan and almost killed all of us.’

‘Ah.’ Your heart sunk a little, but thinking more on it, you realised that something really wasn’t adding up. ‘Wait, why the hell is he here then?’

‘Thor says he's changed.’

‘Oh right… well maybe he has.’ You shrugged and gave her a teasing smile. ‘His brother of all people would know.’

‘You're unbelievable.’

She was probably right. 

Then again, you were a big advocate for giving people a second chance. 

Oh, who were you kidding? With that smile he could have all the fucking chances he wanted.

---

It’s true, you had promised yourself that in future you’d only see Nat outside the compound, but now you thought maybe you weren't being fair. Maybe you should give her friends another chance. Maybe if you hang around the compound long enough you might bump into silky voice again. 

Besides, this time it wasn’t just a bunch of dudes getting hammered, it was a freaking garden party. Surely it couldn't degenerate in the same way those other nights did...

You were there for ten minutes before Thor sprayed champagne all over your outfit. 

‘My apologies, friend of Natasha.’ He obviously didn’t remember your name. ‘I think you look better like that anyway.’

You could hear a chorus of sniggering behind you. You had half a mind to just give up and leave, when you felt a hand plant itself on your lower back. 

Loki appeared beside you and passed you a wad of napkins with his free hand. ‘Must you be such a blundering idiot all the time, brother?’ 

‘It’s fine, just an accident.’ You shot Thor a tight smile and wiped the sticky alcohol off your face. As soon as he moved out of earshot, you muttered under your breath. ‘Fucking asshole.’

‘An accurate assessment.’ Loki chuckled before removing his hand and slowly moving to stand opposite you. ‘I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect to see you again.’ 

‘Yeah? Why's that?’

‘You didn't exactly seem like you were enjoying their company.’ 

A dejected grimace spread across your face. ‘Was it that obvious?’

You tried your best to dry your clothes, but they were already stained beyond repair. Sighing in exasperation, you balled up the napkins, tossed them on a nearby table and gave Loki a defeated shrug. 

He shot some daggers over at the gaggle of idiots, still guffawing amongst themselves, before placing a hand softly on your upper arm. 

‘I was about to take a walk through the woods. Perhaps you'd like to join me?’

‘That actually sounds really nice.’ You gave him a faint smile. ‘Thanks.’

Following him into the trees, you checked behind you a few times, only relaxing when the noise of the party started fading into the background.

‘Worried we'll be hunted?’

‘Nope, just don’t want Nat to see us disappear into the forest together.’ He furrowed his brows at you in slight confusion. ‘She made it pretty clear that I should stay away from you.’

‘And yet, here you are, alone with me in the dense wilderness. Maybe you have a deathwish?’

‘Maybe. Or maybe I think your bark is worse than your bite.’ 

You walked together for a while, conversation flowing easily. You weren't sure if it was the fresh air, the smell of champagne or your growing excitement at being alone with Loki, but your head started swimming a little.

Every single guy you'd been with throughout your life had bored you almost to tears, it had just been one meathead after another. Granted, moving straight onto alleged psychopaths probably wasn't ideal, but you were a grown ass adult and you were allowed to make terrible decisions if you felt like it. 

Jesus, maybe you did have a deathwish. 

Coming to a clearing, you both stopped at the edge of a small river crossing your path. There was a short, comfortable silence as you listened to the flowing water, enjoying the peace you’d found in what would otherwise have been a turbulent evening. 

‘I can see why you like this walk.’ You eventually piped up. ‘It must be lovely and peaceful when you're alone.’

He let out a deep, breathy chuckle and turned towards you. ‘I'm actually rather enjoying having some company. Intelligent conversation seems difficult to come by in this place.’

‘Interesting. I can’t possibly imagine why anyone would avoid talking to you.’ 

Your voice was dripping with sarcasm. When you finally dared to turn your head and sneak a look at his face, you were relieved to see that he seemed more amused than offended, narrowed eyes glaring at you above a roguish smirk.

‘Let those halfwits avoid me.’ He raised his arm and tugged at your shoulder, gently turning you round to face him. ‘I take great care when choosing my company.’ 

His hand dropped as he stepped closer, leaving barely an inch between your chests. Your breath hitched and you felt yourself tense up a little, his close proximity eliciting a potent cocktail of anxiety and excitement. 

'Are you frightened?' 

His words were barely a whisper, but they raced down your spine and along your arms like an electric shock, making every part of your body tingle. You shook your head slowly, doing everything you could to hold yourself steady. 

'Good.'

His arm circled your waist and he pulled you towards him assertively, gazing down at you against his chest for a second before dropping his face and pressing his lips firmly against yours. 

They were ice cold, the shock causing you to pull in a sharp breath through your nose. He seemed to notice, as his mouth curled into a slight smile against yours, the feeling of which made your stomach quake even harder.

You relaxed as you felt his other arm snake around your waist, both of them tightening to press his body more firmly against yours. You slid your arms around his neck and pulled his head down further, deepening the kiss and eliciting a deep growl from his throat. 

After a minute he pulled away slightly, bringing a hand up to cup your face and hold it in place, hovering close enough to his that you could feel his warm breath against your lips.

A wide, satisfied smile spread across his face. 

‘Perhaps Midgard isn’t so bad after all.’

---

The main distinction is that pan people are genderblind (meaning they have no preference between one gender and another). Use whatever label you feel most comfortable with though, only you can make that choice for yourself.

NOTE: the choice of what you want to label yourself as.

I dont really care if you use the term bisexual or pansexual, but what i DO care about is that you understand that bisexuality at NO stage in history was EVER trans-exclusionary. Bisexuality has always included trans folks, and non-binary folks, and the entire spectrum of gender between male and female, as well as Definitively Gender and agender. It has ALWAYS meant "attraction to more than one gender." It has NEVER meant "attraction to cis men and women only."

So, pan, bi, use whichever label you will. But do NOT buy into the recent-years innacurate concept that bisexuality is attraction to cis men and women only, because thats literally never been the case.

Someone: And then the punchline is a cute little mouse pun!

Absolutely deranged terf about to elevate this post to meme status at light speed: OH so you wanna FUCK THE MOUSE GIRL, you pervert?! This could have been cute if it weren’t so blatantly horny!! Obviously if the first thing I pictured was a hentai boobblob, that was rotten OP’s intent and has nothing to do with me. 

Like I can’t believe this is a subgenre of post now. For how long will it go on?

guys we’re not being cringe to keep out the twitter users. we’re being cringe to keep out the ALGORITHMS, the CAPITALISTS, the INFLUENCERS. twitter users are welcome as long as they agree this site is UNMARKETABLE

“Cave Johnson here. I’ve received complaints from anonymous employees that our support of the “homosexual lifestyle” is “degenerate” and “irresponsible”. It really got me thinking and I think I found a solution. So good news! We now have 23 vacated positions reserved for members of the LGBT community. Additional good news, we began a new testing initiative on evolutionary degenration with 23 test subjects all ready to go.“