Tucker Carlson Got Hacked And The Only Thing The Hacker Did Was Add “Fully Vaccinated. They/Theirs

Dude, okay so—

Today, I was hit with the sudden craving for Togo’s (sandwich place) and I was like “wait, I had a sandwich yesterday, so half is probably still in the fridge.” I look in the fridge, and it’s gone—meaning my mom ate my Togo’s sandwich yesterday. I was sad, but I ordered another during the afternoon. I made a joke about it during dinner, knowing that my mom ate it, and my Dad wouldn’t have (because he doesn’t like it, and won’t eat other peoples food). And what do I come to find at 11:45 but my mom EATING THE REST OF THE SANDWICH THAT I ORDERED TODAY.

No bc you know something's wrong when EVEN this mf would be a better Captain America than John Walker

Y'ALL KNOW I'M RIGHT

aasimar character idea: they dont physically exhibit any angelic traits, but whenever they’re stationary (standing, sitting, lying down, etc) there is always something coincidentally behind them that looks like wings (light, paint, graffiti, fabric wrinkles, a bird, etc)

jesus fucking christ look at all these fragile pieces of shit who can’t watch a movie with women and poc in them I'm💀💀💀

More Dialogue Prompts (35 misc prompts + 15 smut prompts)

“Why can’t you just listen for once?”

“I love you and I know you don’t think so, but you deserve to be loved.”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“Wait. You’ve seriously never kissed anyone before?”

“We should get married.”

“No, you have a fever. Go lay back down and rest.”

“Is… Is this you trying to flirt with me?”

“So what if I am jealous? Would that change anything?”

“Oh… I thought this was a date.”

“I’m pregnant not helpless, stop worrying so much.”

“I knew you’d end up liking the cat.”

“Shh - I think the baby’s crying.”

“If you really loved me you’d get me *insert favorite food here* on your way home.”

“Hey, uh… where’s our kid?”

“I don’t need you.”

“Those glasses are adorable on you.”

“You need to stop being so damn cute.”

“You’re bleeding.”

“Shut up and let me kiss you.”

“Did… did the baby just kick?”

“I think I’d rather die.”

“If I don’t get my coffee soon someone is going to die.”

“I’m not scared of horror movies. I just… think they’re dumb”

“I thought I lost you.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“I’ve been in love with you for an embarrassingly long time.”

“I can hear you overthinking things from here. Stop it.”

“Hey, you’re okay. You were just having a nightmare.”

“Don’t scare me like that again.”

“I think my water just broke.”

“You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”

“Sometimes I really hate you.”

“You’re sick. Let me take care of you.”

“I didn’t expect you to be so cuddly.” 

“I’m sorry, your eyes are just really pretty and distracting.”

Smut Prompts Under the Cut

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Just The Touch Of Your Love

Summary: When Loki finds out you’re a tad bit touch-starved, he decides to take matters into his own hands… literally.

Warnings: none? massive fluff

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they lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship

Crowley: Hey I wonder what would happen if my plants could talk

Crowley: *performs demonic miracle on his plants, giving them all tiny mouths*

Most of Crowley’s plants: *stay silent, too afraid of Crowley to say anything*

One plant: …………mmmmm yes keep shouting at us demon daddy yessssss tell us how much of a disappointment we are to you mmmmmmmmmmm I can’t wait until your rough, manly hands caress-

Crowley: *instantly snaps his fingers, removing the mouths*

Crowley:

Crowley:

Crowley: w-

Crowley: what the fuck