in my restless dreams.. 19 y/o

152 posts

Latest Posts by onedayiamgoingtogrowwings - Page 2

you guys literally are all so brave. even through the screen i can tell. keep going

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir Of Healing From Complex Trauma

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

text id: This is my last message to you:  
in sorrow seek happiness.

"The Brothers Karamazov", Fyodor Dostoevsky (translated by Constance Garnett)

adam wakes up, probes his side. rib gone, wound sticky. god's fingers have touched a place that will never be touched again. how does adam not curl up, swell and fall, beg god to touch him again. to touch him everywhere else. not just ribs but cheek, inner thigh, lap. the worst part of the side-wound is not that god penetrated you but that he won't do it again

it is an honor 2 be in ur computer

everything feels one room over

[ID: If I leave / now, no one will know / I broke my wrists to give you my hands, / sawed clean through the bone.]

Thaw, Chelsea Dingman

Anne Carson, From “The Glass Essay”, Glass, Irony, And God

Anne Carson, from “The Glass Essay”, Glass, Irony, and God

Ocean Vuong, from “Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong”, Night Sky With Exit Wounds

Ocean Vuong, from “Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong”, Night Sky with Exit Wounds

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

[sitting completely still in my own bed] this world is gutting me like a fish

me, vibrating out of my skin : hey can I talk to you about this piece of media real quick? I pinky promise I'll be So Normal about it, like there's no reason to be concerned that this will turn into a three hour long monologue. Like I Prommy that I'm not gonna be a freak about it.

― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

[ID: how delicate the thread / between tenderness and terror]

Another Woman, Hannah Bonner

Kim Addonizio, From Lucifer At The Starlite: Poems; “You With The Crack Running Through You”

Kim Addonizio, from Lucifer at the Starlite: Poems; “You with the crack running through you”

y'all think about love?

anyway. time to be weird about it

Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.

are you free tonight

i woul do anything to be free

You hate yourself so loudly. You hate yourself at the top of your lungs. Your loathing for yourself permeates your speech. “Sorry I’m just rambling.” “Don’t worry about it.” “Just ignore me.” “Sorry if I’m annoying you.” “Sorry I don’t make sense.” “Sorry about that.” Sorry, sorry, sorry. You act as if you have to beat everyone else to the punch. As if the punching bag is you. If you hate yourself first, if you hate yourself loudest, then nobody will hurt you. You clapped your hands over your ears and shut your eyes and balled yourself up so that you’d never have to experience people’s loathing for you. And it meant you never heard their love. You drowned it out. You screamed your hatred over it. And you never got to hear it. 

man the bravest shit you can do in this world is love indefinitely

Sorry to break it to you but you literally have to face your fears and slaughter them. Otherwise you will live a small life that you do not want. You literally have to view your biggest fears and attack them head on. You have to fall into the abyss to find your way out. The easy path does not exist. There is no get out of jail free card. You have to allow yourself to die a spiritual death over and over again in order to reinvent yourself into the person you are actually supposed to be. And you have to be painfully honest with yourself and the people around you. It’s horrible but it’s truly the only way.

Cameron Awkward-Rich, From "Meditations In An Emergency", Dispatch

Cameron Awkward-Rich, from "Meditations in an Emergency", Dispatch

Something about me is that I love the world. I love people. I love humanity. We, as a species, are so, so beautiful. We created music, just to dance! There is no real need for music other than to fulfill our urge to create! We are creators! We created music with our voices, and then we created instruments to create new kinds of music. And we told stories passed down for generations. And then we created written languages because we didn't want to forget them. And now we write and we create stories and take stories already written and alter them to be our own because we, as humans, have this insatiable yearning in the back of our mind saying, "What if this existed?" And then it does! And we draw and we paint and we have been doing it all for as long as we have existed. Some of the earliest signs of human civilization is stone tools. We painted in caves and left handprints just to create something and say "I was here, I was here!"

Many christians say we are "made in God's image" and I think they have it almost right. I don't think God is a literal bipedal being with creased eyebrows on a face like ours. He could be, but that isn't what the verse is talking about. We are made in His image because we create! God is The Creator; He created us, so that we could create! That is our purpose! God made humanity, and He said it was good. Actually, once humanity was created, God said it was not just good, but very good. Humans are good. We are good!

Did you know that your temple on your forehead is one of the weakest parts of your skull? Did you notice that it's also called a temple? Do you remember that we kiss foreheads as a gesture of love? Did you know that some people refer to it as "kissing another's thoughts"? To love is an act of worship. To kiss and be kissed on the forehead is to say I trust you. Worship me and I will worship you. I am devoted to you, not exclusively or necessarily as a lover, but as a human. When Mary Oliver wrote, "You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine."

And we are so kind and good and I have hope. Why do you think "have some humanity" means to have compassion and concern and care for others? Yes, there are wars, and corruption, and evil, and hate, and greed. But I believe in humanity. We've made it this far only because we have loved and been loved.

Something about me is that I love people and I have hope for the world and I think humanity is so, so incredibly amazing, and that is something they can't take away from me.

i’m okay with change and i’m fine if things are no longer the same i embrace change

I’m Okay With Change And I’m Fine If Things Are No Longer The Same I Embrace Change
Glennon Doyle, Untamed

Glennon Doyle, Untamed

[ID: It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be. But / you understand, don't you? You are clever enough. I am a demand- / ing creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable. / But I am your servant. When you starve I will feed you; when you / are sick I will tend you. I crawl at your feet; for before your love, / your kisses, I am debased. For you alone I will be weak.]

Deathless, Catherynne M. Valente

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