Emotional Abuse

Should I name my alters?

Or: How much separation is too much separation?

The ISST-D treatment guidelines state: “It is countertherapeutic to suggest that the patient create additional alternate identities, to name identities when they have no names (although the patient may choose names if he or she wishes), or to suggest that identities function in a more elaborated and autonomous way than they already are functioning.” - Source: www.isst-d.org

So what does this mean? Why does this matter?

“Countertherapeutic” means “Working against a therapy”. It refers to something that goes directly against the way therapy should be approached, enacted, or provided.

Doing something countertherapeutic will make your healing journey harder, and in some cases can cause you even more harm.

Does this mean that you should never give your alters names?

No. The guidelines clearly state that it is ok to name alters, but that you should not name alters who do not have names.

A personal take on this, by a reddit user, is: “You’re supposed to discover and accept differences, not push alters to be more separate than they already are.”

Basically, if an alter has a name, or chooses a name, and wishes to be referred to by that name, then you should accept that. If an alter changes their name, you should also respect that - especially as a lot of alters choose or have names which are descriptive of their roles, purpose, or values. And as these roles or purposes might change, the alter in question may wish to change names with it.

Interestingly, “Got parts? : an insider’s guide to managing life successfully with dissociative identity disorder / by A.T.W.” actually suggests that people with DID/OSDD MUST pick names for parts/alters who do not have names. This is found in the section titled “Getting to know you”.

In this case, I believe that the purpose of naming alters who do not have names, is to identify them and link that alter’s personality, triggers, traits, etc together more easily. It is my interpretation that you do not need to pick a name, but that you do need to pick an identifier for each alter in order to complete the task laid out in that section of the writing.

Identifiers.

An identifier is a word, name, or term, which helps distinguish one person or alter from another.

For instance, at school you and your friends might refer to a fellow schoolmate as “the red haired girl”.

In a system, you might refer to a little alter as “the happy one”, or perhaps “the 6 year old”.

Identifiers like this can help make sure that everyone in the conversation knows who you are talking about. This can be particularly helpful in therapy for DID/OSDD, as it will make it easier to track an alter’s thoughts and personality, as well as helping the therapist identify which alter is having a particular problem, reaction, or any negative learned behaviours that they may need help with.

Systems will often use labels as identifiers - eg “host”, “little”, “protector”. I even know a system who refers to alters by numbers in a chronological order (that is, the first alter to become known is alter 1, the next is alter 2, and so on). This particular method is unusual, because most people would interpret this as a hierarchy, or a way of saying that some alters are more important than others.

The type of identifiers you use is up to you and your system. Make sure to remember that identifiers can change at any time - “the angry alter” may become less angry, and then a new identifier may be needed. If you do not allow identifiers to change, you may accidentally be forcing other alters to feel as though they have to act in a certain way - eg “the persecutor” may have started healing and growing, but if you insist on still calling them “the persecutor”, they may be angry or feel helpless to control their actions.

When is a name or identifier bad? - See this separate post.

What is the problem with increasing separation between parts?

It is my interpretation that pushing alters to be more separate than they actually are, will likely increase or strengthen dissociative barriers between alters, which is contrary to the goal/s of treatment (whether you want fusion or healthy multiplicity). And can make communication and cooperation even harder.

However, the ISST-D guidelines (and the personal experiences of many systems) shows that some separation, or acknowledgement of separation, is good and healthy.

Why is this? Isn’t this a contradiction?

No. To summarise, you should not force names/traits onto an alter. But you should also not refuse to acknowledge that they have a name/trait.

If you break an alter’s trust by forcing something on them, or by refusing to allow them to be themselves, your healing journey will become more difficult. All of your alters (including whichever alter is reading this) are equal. You are all part of the same person. So you should accept your differences AND similarities.

“ Taken together, all of the alternate identities make up the identity or personality of the human being with DID.” - Source: www.isst-d.org

In conclusion:

- Do not forcibly pick a name, appearance, trait, etc, for any alter.

- Do not insist that any alter must keep a previously chosen name, previously displayed trait, or insist that their appearance or age cannot change.

- Do not refuse to allow an alter to choose (or self-report) their name, appearance, traits, etc.

- Be respectful of an alter’s choices.

- Be open to helping an alter if their choice of name indicates a deeper issue, but do not push them about it.

And

- Be careful. If you decide to assign an identifier, appearance, or other indicator, to an alter: Be mindful, and watch out for signs of increased barriers, dissociation, or otherwise negative results. If you see that starting to happen, I’d suggest slowing down and reviewing what could be causing it. Talk to your therapist about it if possible.

hi,i was wondering if you have any tips on figuring out wether i might have alters/more distinct parts/a system or ”only” experience dissociation + memory issues + unstable and changing identity/sense of self (i dont mean that those are lesser problems or less severe, idk a better way to word this sorry) i know a therapist would be ideal but im unavailable to get one, at least for a few years.

Hey anon,

I'm sorry you had to wait a bit for me to answer, I really hope you'll still find this post! 😊

Though honestly I don't really have a clear cut answer. I think you can only find out by experiencing - and honestly I wish I'd done more experiencing myself, rather than trying to figure everything out by reading any and all literature I could get my hands on.

Regardless of what the right diagnosis/explanation for your symptoms would be (and I'm assuming it's psychological - but please always get memory issues checked out with a doctor if possible), the workbook by Janina Fisher could perhaps help a bit (it's called 'Transforming the living legacy of trauma').

I'd suggest trying some tools for what you're experiencing, and that's really a hit and miss. By which I mean, you'll probably try a lot of things and some of them will work and some of them will not, and some may not work now but when you try them again a year down the line, they may be useful then.

Some things that you could try to see for yourself if it helps a bit:

Practice grounding exercises (and there's LOADS of these, google can offer a lot), and for instance the emotion wheel (google has images) can help familiarize people with what feelings they are experiencing

Keep a diary/planner, something to keep track of your days. This can be as detailed or not as you want. Personally I'm really attached to my paper planner in which I just note down all my activities (I also add in spontaneous plans afterwards so later I can look back and remember what I did on which day). Other options are online agendas (like google for instance), apps like daylio, etc.

Writing. More like a diary. Stream of thoughts. What do your different sides of self have to say? Regardless of how "defined" your sides/parts are and what "label" would fit them, it doesn't do any harm to just write. Many mentally completely healthy people use language like "well partially I felt X, but partially I felt Y!" and stuff like that, you're not gonna do yourself any harm by approaching different sides of yourself that you experience with curiosity.

Try 'practical' things for any other things you struggle with. Usually this boils down to working towards a healthy sleep hygiene, creating a nice/safe space for yourself in your (bed)room/house if you can, finding things you enjoy doing (hobbies etc.), basic self care (hygiene, food, moving your body a bit if you can etc.)

Depending on the situation you're in currently (e.g. whether you still live with parents/carers or whether you have your own space, whether trauma is ongoing or not etc.), not all of these things may be possible for you and that's okay too.

Honestly, anything you can do to work towards general taking care of yourself is great. Also, if you can, write down what you experience. Write down how you experience dissociation and the other things you mentioned without diving into "but what diagnosis is this!!" (though yes I am fully aware how hard it is).

Despite what tumblr and other social media may show you, it's extremely common and normal for people with complex trauma disorders (such as CPTSD, DID, OSDD, etc.) to not become more aware until they're in a safe space, which often correlates with adulthood. And also despite what tumblr and other social media may say, it's totally fine to explore "parts of self" without knowing whether you have DID/OSDD or not. Honestly many different kinds of therapy are aimed at teaching people how to listen to all of themselves. It's just that for people with DID/OSDD/CPTSD, there is more dissociation between these parts.

Okay long story short, there's not really a lot you can do but at the same time it's a LOT you can do. You can read things (though this can be triggering and destabilizing), you can practice general mental health self care, you can work on some skills such as grounding. And I think maybe these things sound small, but actually they're massive and working on these things can be really difficult already. And working on these things can also cause a LOT of improvement already!

For now I'd suggest trying to approach your experiences as "parts [of me]" and just adjust along the way based on what you experience. It's okay to be wrong, it's okay to self-diagnose, it's okay to not have access to therapy (though I wish I could everyone that wants it a good, reliable, safe therapist), it's okay to not know what you are experiencing. And regardless of what you're experiencing, you can take tips/tricks from different places. I don't have DID, but a lot of tips/tricks for people with DID help me too. Some don't, but that's okay too. And regardless of what you're experiencing, you're not alone and things can get better.

Good luck anon, and feel free to send me another ask if you have more questions! <3

PS - just to be clear here, everything I just wrote is based on my own experiences. I am not a therapist, I am not a mental health professional, and what I say is not "the only truth" or whatever. I'm pretty sure I forgot a bunch of useful things, and it's also okay if people don't like this reply or don't relate to it or don't agree with it. Just wanted to add that, sorry 🙈

Halloween has rolled around, and that means an inevitable rise in “Halloween is bad because of SRA” stuff, and while the temptation to joke about and poke fun at that type of content is overwhelming, I think it is a great opportunity to draw attention to how many RA awareness efforts center around a Christian narrative. People see RA as a spiritual issue and not a physical one. RA is an issue that comes from a need to control people through brutal methods as other people in power selfishly turn their backs on the well-being of children and abuse victims. The guilty protect the guilty, and this involves a lot of people who are powerful, wealthy, and well-respected (although it is important to avoid baseless accusations against anyone – looking at those of you who find random Democrats to shit on and decide they are Satanic ritual abusers because their pupils looked weird in a video). But the rise in SRA accusations in the 80s and 90s poured fuel on an already existing widespread panic about Satanism, leading to everything from Dungeons and Dragons to furbies being declared as part of the problem. Instead of focusing on the pervasiveness of institutional and cult abuse as well as the corruption of people in power as the problems that are central to RA, Christians began to view Satanic and occult influence as the problem. They heard the “Satan” in Satanic ritual abuse and decided that was the main issue. Essentially, Christians were using the problem of ritual abuse as a tool to push their own religious beliefs, as they do with many other things.

And this pattern continues to this day, with people deciding that Satanism and the occult are the main sources of danger, not the systems that were built by and for abusers and actively work against victims. Instead of fearing abusers, they fear Halloween, heavy metal, and plastic devil horns from costume stores. All of which are pretty fucking awesome.

If the people who were targeting Satanism targeted these issues instead, more people would be aware of and care about RA, and so many victims wouldn’t go unheard. Make no mistake, it is Satan they fear, not child abuse. And the way they are fixated on Halloween and Satanic imagery in music videos instead of bringing about real systemic change and drawing attention to evidence…that is proof.

**This is not at people who genuinely struggle on Halloween or are triggered by the holiday**

Read an article about repressed anger and I'm kinda just messed up because I checked all 15 boxes.

Here's 15 signs you may have repressed anger:

1. You are busy all the time. Keeping busy is a sure fire way to have no time to feel things. This might include being quite codependent, taking care of other people’s issues instead of your own. And it often includes being a workaholic.

2. You are never angry but have constant mild depression. The problem with blocking one emotion is that it often messes up or blocks our ability to feel other emotions, too, like joy and excitement. It also takes a lot of psychological energy to keep things repressed in our minds which can leave us feeling drained, leaving some to call depression ‘anger turned inwards’.

3. You are known for your sarcastic humour.Repressed anger often parades as sarcasm, meanness, or an apathetic ‘I don’t care’ attitude.

4. You self-sabotage often. Perhaps you are always late getting to work, are a student who skips classes, or don’t respond to opportunities you want until it’s too late and you’ve missed the boat.

5. You hate rejection. The habit of repressing anger often stems from growing up in a household where showing emotion led to being silently ostracised. This can leave you a grownup with a deep fear of being rejected that surfaces in your relationships. It can also show up in your work environment, where you might get told you are oversensitive to criticism.

6. Little things really bother you. Perhaps you are the one in the office always complaining if someone puts back the milk carton into the fridge with only a drop left in it, or the one at the gym who feels really upset if someone doesn’t wipe down equipment they have used. This is because bigger repressed anger is seeking an outlet and it comes out in the form of frustration and annoyance.

7. You suffer muscle tension. Anger has to go somewhere, and often it goes to our body, leading to a tense jaw, sore upper back, or a constant tense stomach that can lead to ulcers (if this is you, you might want to try progressive muscle relaxation).

8. You suffer from ongoing fatigue, many colds or flu, or perhaps chronic pain. As well as muscle tension repressed anger can lead to anxiety, which affects sleep, which then lowers your immune system. As for chronic pain, some specialists believe that psychogenic pain (physical pain caused or exacerbated by mental and emotional factors) can be a distraction to keep oneself away from repressed emotions, although this is still considered a controversial theory.

9. You have nervous habits. Things like nail biting, chewing the inside of your mouth, orpicking at your skin can all be signs of repressed anger.

10. You struggle with addictive behaviour. It doesn’t have to be drugs or alcohol. It might be that you are a shopaholic, a love addict, an over-exerciser, or a food addict. Addiction is often a way to distract ourselves from things that feel painful, and if we are in pain over something, we are often very angry about it, too.

11. You need to be in control of your life. If we are controlling emotions, it can lead to a desire to also control our exterior environment.

12. You’ve been accused of being passive aggressive. Passive aggression happens when instead of expressing our anger directly we do it indirectly. This can include things like being nice to someone’s face but gossiping about them behind their back, or telling a partner we aren’t angry about something important like how they spent the month’s budget but calling them lazy for not putting the rubbish out.

13. You have trouble saying no. As healthy anger is what leads us to set boundaries, never showing anger often means never saying no or even realising that you can.

14. On the rare occasion you do get upset, it tends to be a blowout. You might only get properly upset once a year, but it tends to be explosive and something others live in fear of. This is what happens when there is a build up of emotions.

15. You feel happy all the time, just pure peace and love. This kind of belief about oneself generally points to some deep-rooted denial. The human mind and emotional system is not one-sided. Nobody feels great all the time. If we did, we’d never learn anything, as we grow from being challenged and by contrast – which includes not always liking what other people do and say.

Reclaiming post!

hii I am going to be reclaiming the HC-DID term for programmed systems since the person that made it is an awful antisemitic conspirator.

HC-DID means "highly complex DID". It is a term for ramcoa survivors that were programmed to have DID. It exists because the experiences between a programmed system is different than those of CDID systems that aren't programmed.

HC-DID is NOT meant to be a trauma olympics term, it is just a modifier to differentiate the experiences that programmed systems have.

Something buried years ago lies burning still beneath the snow.

RECOVERING PROGRAMMED PARTS

Trigger warning for discussion of RAMCOA and programming. This post will be focused on programmed parts recovering, I will mainly be speaking from my personal experience. If other survivors have more to add on, you are more than welcome to reblog this post and add your experience and advice. First, I want to preface this post by saying that everyone's experience is going to be different. No two systems are the same, the same applies to programmed systems and programmed parts. Recovery for these parts will entirely depend on what they have been programmed to do or believe. Show them kindness. Arguably the most important first step, showing kindness and acceptance to these parts is extremely important. Remember that they do not do these things out of choice, but rather out of trauma and feeling a need to do so. You do not have to condone their behaviors, and you are allowed to feel hurt by them, but you should not take this out on them. They are just as traumatized as any other part in the system. Start slow. There is no rush to recovery. Recovery is also not always linear, and setbacks do not mean you are back at square one. Try encouraging your programmed parts to take small steps outside of their programmed roles, if it is safe to do so. For example, a part who is programmed to be aggressive may be encouraged to do something calming such as going for a walk or listening to some music. Find new jobs for them. In our experience, many programmed parts struggle with the thought of not having a job or "purpose". This may not be the case for your programmed parts, but if you notice this type of thinking, try to help them find jobs that they are comfortable with that benefit the system in current life. For example, a high-ranking internal handler may have a lot of knowledge about the system and could do a good job of keeping track of information about the system in a helpful and healthy way. Help them find themselves. Having a more beneficial job and experiences outside of trauma is a good start, but often helping these parts find more of a sense of identity can help them recover as well, when it is safe for them to do so. For example, many programmed parts in our system are involuntarily assigned a title, choosing a name when they feel ready is incredibly healing for them. There is no rush to do this, and you should not try to force any part who is not ready into doing this, especially if they feel that they may be punished by other parts. Help them question things. Ideally, this should be done with the help of a therapist. Helping these parts question the things they were taught to believe can be incredibly helpful, but it must be done on their own terms, when they feel ready, and very carefully. Please do not try to force beliefs onto them, but rather give them space to question what they were taught on their own terms, when they are ready to do so. My experience. I was a high-ranking internal programmer for quite some time, and a few months ago I started making an attempt to recover. I began speaking to people both inside and outside my system who did not share my role, and because of this I was able to begin questioning some of the things that I had been taught. I am still not completely free of all of my beliefs, but when they do come up, I do my best to remind myself that those are things other people instilled into me as opposed to my own conclusions. The things that have been most helpful in my recovery have been other individuals showing me kindness and acceptance, despite my actions, and the ability to do things on my own terms, when I feel ready. If anyone has anything to add to this, or any questions, feel free to reblog or send us an ask. I will do my best to answer any questions, and I would appreciate any additions to this post, as I think sharing healing information is something that should be done more often. - Adonis

say it with me. your trauma is valid even if:

the ones who hurt you were/are traumatized individuals.

you are/appear functional.

it was not caused by a romantic partner or family member.

“it could have been avoided”.

no one knows about it.

“it’s not that bad”

other people had it worse.

someone went through the same experience and does not feel debilitated by it.

it occurred a long time ago / you feel just fine now.

the ones who hurt you have apologized.

be gentle with yourself today, folks. feel free to add.

You can't pick and choose which mental illnesses you support.

Yes, keep supporting people with autism and ADHD.

Keep supporting people with Depression and Anxiety.

But also support people with Schizophrenia and Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Also support people with ASPD and NPD.

Also support people with OCD and BPD.

There are so many more, and you should support these people with them.

They are struggling with these.

They did not choose to have these.

Being called a conspiracy theorist who believed in a global satanic cult trying and a person that was eradicate trans people for saying that programming exists and isn’t a myth was not in my bingo card but it sure as hell made my day a lot worse!

So friendly reminder I do NOT believe in the satanic panic nor do I believe that Silva or whoever they were and other satanic panic people are credible. When I talk about RAMCOA it is based on both research and my own experience as somebody who was viciously abused to the point it destroyed my life and prevented me from being happy ever again (:

As for the book I cited I did not know that it cited satanic panic people as a source because I don’t have the time to read an over 200 page book cover to cover. Sorry for spreading misinformation by sharing that, but it was a fucking mistake.