My Depression Tips:

Being called a conspiracy theorist who believed in a global satanic cult trying and a person that was eradicate trans people for saying that programming exists and isn’t a myth was not in my bingo card but it sure as hell made my day a lot worse!

So friendly reminder I do NOT believe in the satanic panic nor do I believe that Silva or whoever they were and other satanic panic people are credible. When I talk about RAMCOA it is based on both research and my own experience as somebody who was viciously abused to the point it destroyed my life and prevented me from being happy ever again (:

As for the book I cited I did not know that it cited satanic panic people as a source because I don’t have the time to read an over 200 page book cover to cover. Sorry for spreading misinformation by sharing that, but it was a fucking mistake.

Hi, I noticed your post explaining HC-DID, and I was wondering more about sidesystems? And hoping for some help on how to label ourselves.

With us, we refer to what is basically two systems within the body as a “front system” and “back system”; The front system has had a lot of known alters, within the hundreds, but none of them had any knowledge of any RAMCOA trauma until recently when we discovered what it was, and triggered a lot of programs for ourselves. It was only after this that the back system started actually showing themselves. Their alter count is supposedly incredibly high, divided in a lot of subsystems. We’ve heard things about thousands..? However, our front system does not have thousands. But we feel like we’re equals. We feel weird calling ourselves a sidesystem just because we’re only learning of our RAMCOA trauma now. We’re the system that’s been stuck dealing with everything since then and we are just as important as all of the back system. But, can both of us just consider ourselves two systems within one body and call it a day? Or would that be strange? Any extra information you have on sidesystems and subsystems within HC-DID would also be helpful. We hope to discover other terminology that resonates with us on this subject.

Thanks for your time :)

Honestly terms are just for using at your own discretion. Even if the way you function fits a specific term- you don't have to go along with it. Our what we thought was the "main" system turned out to be what we learned was a side-system. They have decided to use this term themselves but if any of them in it don't use it they'd be allowed to with no worries- just use another term- or not use it at all.

The sidesystem in our own system has been what we were aware of first and more often. We do see our sidesystem as equal to all our programmed/RAMCOA aware (formed in it organically) subsystems. Our main grouping which we consider a sidesystem also has a lot of subsystems within it. Sometimes things can get incredibly complex.

We also eventually found out about our own RAMCOA history because of triggered programs. It was pre-looking into RAMCOA in our case and more so happened because we were digging in our childhood already because of organic alters trauma. I'm sorry you went through all of that- those kind of experiences really suck.

Again you really have no obligation to call anything a sidesystem if you don't want to. Honestly I think the terms you're using as "front and back" can be really fitting and if they work for you? No problem using just that. And honestly yeah- I think it'd be reasonable to view it as just having multiple systems in one body. Hell we sorta do view it in that way ourselves.

As for extra information. I actually kinda want to make a post going over some structures that may show up in HC-DID systems. I think having something we can link back too in the future will be useful. Unsure when that will be out but I will begin working on it today at the very least.

Lineart by @theywhoshantbenamed

Colours by @freshwolfprofessoreggs

Developing an Inner Safe Space for Parts

Note: This post was written for people with dissociative disorders, but anyone else can use the methods here if they're helpful!

This post is all about inner safe spaces! What is an inner safe space, though? Here's what Coping with Trauma-related Dissociation says:

"Inner safe spaces are images of places where you can be safe, relaxed, and cared for. These images have been shown to be helpful to many people, not just those with dissociative disorders. This type of imaginal activity is well known to produce a feeling of relaxation and well-being in those who use it regularly. If your inner experience feels so jarring, unsafe, and frightening, as it often does in individuals with dissociative disorders, the ability to imagine these spaces becomes especially important and helpful."

Inner safe spaces can be useful for many things. You can use it to relax & alleviate anxiety. It can be a tool for soothing dissociated parts of the self, or aide in your communication with them. You or other parts can enter your inner safe space to protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed or potential triggers. Overall, creating an inner safe space can help make your mind a safer, calmer place.

So, how do you make one? All you have to do is imagine it!

Your inner safe space can be anything you want to imagine. There are no rules and it can always be changed! You can create one imaginary place for all parts of your system to share & add to. Or, each part of your system can create their own inner safe spaces to match their own needs. Some people already experience some sort of inner world, too. This can always be changed in order to make it feel safer and calmer for all parts of the system.

🌟 Ideas for inner safe spaces:

Outdoor areas like a meadow, beach, forest, mountain, etc.

Buildings like a cabin, tree house, castle, library, etc.

Vehicles like a car, pirate ship, submarine, spacecraft, etc.

Something underground, underwater, in the sky, or in space.

An entire planet or world of your own.

A fictional world that brings you comfort.

An inner safe space isn't a safe space if it doesn't make you, including all parts of you, feel safe. A good place to start is by writing down things that make you feel safe. If you don't know what makes you feel safe, try looking at what makes you feel less unsafe. It might also help to ask a loved one or therapist for help!

Invite your system to include their own needs, too. Try not to judge them even if you disagree. It's important for all parts of the system to feel safe.

🌟 Ideas for things that you can add/adjust to make your inner safe space feel more comfortable:

Add games, food, and movies that you like

Create individual rooms for each part of the system

Give yourself an inner appearance that makes you happy

Add your favorite colors, sounds, smells, & sights

Add people, characters, animals & creatures that you like

Give yourself a comfortable bed, with soft blankets & maybe even some plushies

Add pride flags!

Create a protective force field around your safe space

You or other parts may want to have a safe space that no one else can intrude upon and that's okay. It's important to respect each other's privacy. You can also adjust the inner safe space to make communication between parts easier! For example, you could add intercoms, mailboxes, telephones, or even a meeting area for aiding communication.

🌟 Having trouble visualizing, or can't visualize things at all? Try...

Drawing or painting it.

Writing about it.

Building it. You can use a video game like the Sims (get it for free!) or Minecraft.

Basing it off of a real place.

Collecting photos/videos of what you want it to be like. You can find royalty-free images on Unsplash and Pixabay. Or you create a Pinterest account!

Filling a journal, document, blog, or discord server with pictures, writing, and anything you want about your inner safe space!

Trying guided exercises for creating inner safe spaces. (IMO this is best done with a therapist's help.)

Asking your friends, therapist, or loved ones for their suggestions.

Creating a physical safe space instead of an inner one.

what is it?

schizoaffective disorder is a psychotic and mood disorder that affects a relatively small number of people. only 0.32% of people in the population will be diagnosed with this disorder, according to the national institute of health.

there are two sub-types of schizoaffective disorder: depressive type and bipolar type. i happen to have the bipolar type. the only difference between depressive and bipolar type is the presence of mania.

speaking of symptoms, schizoaffective disorder includes the following psychotic symptoms and mood symptoms: → hallucinations → delusions → disorganized thinking → manic episodes (only present in bipolar type) → depressive episodes

in order to be diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, you must be showing both psychotic and mood symptoms for a certain amount of time.

what causes it?

like with most disorders, the exact cause is unknown as there are many factors that have been considered and dismissed. 

people with a close relative that has been diagnosed with either schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, or bipolar disorder have a higher chance of developing the disorder. factors like extreme stress and drug-use may play in some cases as well.

there are also some experts that say trauma can be a determining base factor of the disorder as the distress can disrupt brain chemistry.

how is it treated?

like with most disorders, schizoaffective disorder can be treated through medications and psychotherapy.

the types of medications include: → antipsychotics → mood stabilizers → antidepressants

and therapies, such as cognitive behavioural therapy and family therapy, can help out in developing self-regulating skills and provide more information on what to do during bad episodes.

i think i have schizoaffective disorder. what should i do?

if the above description sounds similar to what you might be experiencing, bring up your concerns to your primary care provider to be referred to a psychiatrist or a psychologist in your area. 

however, if you feel like a danger to yourself, admit yourself to your nearest mental hospital, where you will be given many resources and a therapist upon coming out along with medications.

-

sources, (x, x).

Do you have any resources for RAMCOA? Resources for like...the types of programs and stuff like that. We're going through things and trying to research and pinpoint things, but finding resources has been absolute hell. If you get this twice, I'm sorry. Our tumblr is kind of shit.

Hello! I have several resources that I think may be helpful to you:

This document (LINK) of "rare programs" and their descriptions, posted by @killercatboys.

Chapters 4 and 7 of Becoming Yourself by Alison Miller (LINK) discuss programming and chapter 7 includes an anecdote with specific programs and definitions. The entire book is really a great read and is geared towards survivors of RAMCOA, just be sure to take it slow and take care of yourself.

Common Programs Observed in Survivors of Satanic Ritualistic Abuse by David W. Neswald (LINK) - massive trigger warning for suicide, self-harm, and abuse.

Spin Programming: A Newly Uncovered Technique of Systematic Mind Control by John D. Lovern (LINK) - includes symptoms, implementation, and uses of spin programs; trigger warning for abuse/torture methods.

Healing the Unimaginable by Alison Miller (LINK) is geared towards therapists and professionals and includes more in-depth information about RAMCOA than Becoming Yourself does. Again, massive trigger warning throughout the book for RAMCOA.

Kinds of Torture Endured in Ritual Abuse and Trauma-Based Mind Control by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) - partial list of torture methods used in RAMCOA; trigger warning for abuse, near-death, and torture.

Mind Control: Simple to Complex by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) - describes twelve "stages" of mind control and programming, going from outward compliance to torture/trauma-based mind control; trigger warning for descriptions of abuse.

Some Indicators of Trauma-Based Mind Control Programming by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) provides common indicators of TBMC; most survivors of programming will have many of these indicators, but their presence does not prove the existence of TBMC and their absence does not prove that one has not experienced TBMC.

Adult and Adolescent Indicators of Ritual Trauma by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) provides indicators of ritual abuse in teens and adults; as with the last bullet point, their presence does not prove ritual abuse and their absence does not disprove it.

Child Indicators of Ritual Abuse Trauma in Play and Art by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) provides potential indicators of ritualized abuse in children and pre-teens; as with the previous two bullet points, their presence does not prove ritual abuse and their absence does not disprove it.

Can you explain what a shell alter is and what their purpose is? /gen

Shell alters are a dissociated system member who is fronting all the time, or almost all the time. They often lack elaboration. Shells work as an interface between the rest of the system & the outside world by never leaving front, and having the rest of the system either blending with them temporariality or being forced into co-consciousness. This serves a few purposes; make the system more covert, mask inter-switch amnesia, blunt or filter out emotions/urges/etc. from the rest of the system, and more. It's uncommon, but there can be multiple shells one system, serving different subroles.

In some cases of OSDD-1a, the shell is the "unified" identity. Think like, if the system is made up of "angry Sarah", "scared Sarah", "work Sarah", etc., that shell would be the "Sarah" identity.

They're most commonly seen in OSDD-1a, but can come up in other forms of multiplicity, like DID, but typically when RAMCOA is in the picture. Although it can be daunting, healing with a shell is possible. You can reached out to them, they can be integrated, they gain more elaboration, etc etc. Whatever healing path works for you.

We don't have a shell, but I'm sure some pwDID/OSDD on this hellsite (affectionate) have talked about their experiences with them more in depth. There isn't a ton of research on them — many sites point to Alison Miller's books, but there's no actual like, raw data, just summations of what's she's found in her practice/case studies — so take that as you will.

Each shell is a different, and different systems may use slightly different definitions. Hopefully this was a good overview. -Aisling

Dear Newly Discovered Systems. (And any other system too)

There is no pressure to know everything (or anything) about your system. It’s something that comes with time, not with pressure, try and wrap your head around being a system before pushing to figure it all out.

Work on learning about and communicating with one alter at a time. Often new systems try to learn everything about everyone all at once, this may seem easiest, but from my experience building up communication and a relationship with one alter at first is the most beneficial. If you build up a good relationship with one alter they can help to guide you as you learn more about the system.

Systems online don’t have it all together. Remember that people online only show what they want you to see, that’s often just the best bits. Many systems don’t about doubt and struggles out of fear of being fakeclaimed. Take it from me, we don’t have it all together, no one knows everything about their system, don’t compare others highlights to your behind the scenes.

Doubt is normal. DID/OSDD is a covert disorder, you are not meant to know about it, and when you do learn of it your brain most likely will try to convince you it’s not real as a form of protection. Also, finding out about your system is a big, often scary thing that can flip your world upside down, it’s only natural to question it.

There is no right to be a system. All Systems have varying degrees of communication, amnesia, distinct parts, different numbers of alters. Some systems have many similar alters, others they’re all different. Some days communication may be great and others you may go weeks without hearing anything. It is all valid.

Your experience of your system will vary over time. It is normal to go through periods where the system goes quiet, you may go through periods where there are little to no switches, some systems don’t even switch at all. You may have times where you have zero interactions with any alters at all. Conversely, it is also normal to go through periods where the system is incredibly active. You may have times where you switch loads and the system is very loud and active.

How frequently or infrequently you split that does not determine your validity. You may have frequented splits and keep discovering new alters, or you may very rarely split, both can be completely normal and is fully valid.

How much or little of your trauma you know of doesn’t tell whether your system is valid. Systems form to hide the trauma away so that you don’t know of or remember it, not knowing what your trauma is doesn’t make you invalid. Similarly, knowing your trauma, even as the host, is also valid.

Learning about your system is a process, it takes a long time and can be hard and scary. We’ve all been there, we are all at different stages along that journey, and none of us is any more or less valid than the other. Whether you’ve known about your system for 5 days or 50 years, you are valid.

hey there! if you dont mind me asking, what does programmed mean coming from a traumagenic system? ive only ever seen endos use that one so im curious what it means to someone who Legitimately has DID. /gen thank you! :-)

Hi, I'll answer this the best I can.

Programmed means that someone has undergone trauma programming. It's not exclusive to dissociative systems either - a singlet can also be programmed.

If you've been trauma programmed it just means that somebody has purposely used a more "organised" form of abuse to change or control you, and it leaves an imprint on who you are.

In systems this can mean having alters who behave in a way / have an identity that suits an abuser's preference, but it can also be done to singlets in small ways such as an abuser programming you to have a phobia of something.

But essentially, it's when an abuser has purposely used abuse and/or stressors to change the way you think or behave.

Honestly I don't know how an endo could claim to be trauma programmed bc that would mean they're not endogenic. To be programmed you literally have to undergo immense trauma that's how it works. But that's what it means anyway.

- Leo

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