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🔥

Do so long I wanted to make my entry for and at the same time I wanted to get experimental with coloring style.

Hope you like it 🥺

Am I just going to be feminine forever or something?

Hey all, I wrote some months ago about my concerns over lack of results while on testosterone. Giving an update here and to check back and see if anyone has any new input because I'm trying to stay patient and positive, but it's mega frustrating to be about 2 yrs on T and still be misgendered as female by the general public. :( Especially when I get referred to as "young lady" and my cis female coworkers get misgendered as "young boy." They don't look like boys at all, like they have long pretty hair and wear make up (they aren't very curvy or big chested but still), I don't get it. It sucks for all of us.

I have about 4 hairs on my chin and the barest of hints of fuzz on my upper lip. Granted, my brpther also has a hard time growing facial hair too so I'm not super surprised. My voice, while less chipmunk, is still very feminine. I still have a "soft" looking face and very feminine body (curvy with hips). My clit is still pretty tiny and I am STILL getting my period.

My endocrinologist has no idea why I'm still getting my period. Saw a gynocologist and she doesn't know. So now I have an IUD in to help with it, and while it helps with the amount of blood, I am STILL menstruating and I've had it in for almost half a year now. I've had tons of ultrasounds and they all come back normal. All of my bloodwork comes back low estrogen and high testosterone, but I'm not seeing hardly any effects.

I'm hopefully getting top surgery done within the next year so maybe that will help me not be misgendered so much... and then maybe I'll get around to finally ripping out my uterus and stuff.

So, consensus? Maybe I'm just always going to be feminine no matter what I do. I'll make peace with it if that's what it's going to be, but I really want to be at least recognizable...

Am I just being impatient? Is something wrong or is this just going to be who I am? Should I consult my endo about it some more? Anyone else have these results?

I'll stop whining/ranting now.

😳

*Spoilers for Spiderman/Deadpool #42*

Headcanon: The real reason Pete's face and name are blocked out for Wade is because Wade mentally can't handle knowing that he killed his idol multiple times and unintentionally corrupted him to a point where Peter almost went darkside.

The Castiel Complex

So I found this while sifting through old stuff.  I apparently was plotting out a destiel fic around the beginning of season 7, just a short one shot.  I wrote it out in mostly just dialogue and some action captions and never really got around to actually writing it and turning it into an actual fic and I probably never will.  It's called "The Castiel Complex" so here ya go! :)

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::Sam and Dean are at a bar talking and sharing a drink when a busty asian beauty comes up and comes onto Dean::

BAB: So, what do you say?  Wanna get out of here?

Dean: ::smiles a bit and seems to contemplate it with the table in front of him::  ... Nah.  Not tonight, sweet cheeks.  ::he takes a swig of his beer::

BAB:  Okay, your loss.  ::she seems mildly put off and leaves the table::

Sam: ::watches the girl retreat and looks funny at Dean, eyebrows squinting::  ... What was that?

Dean:  What was what? ::looking straight ahead, in his own mind::

Sam: Are you okay? ::he leans forward towards Dean a little::

Dean:  Woah, little close there tiger.  Wait till we get home. ::he winks and takes another swig and leans back::

Sam: ::rolls his eyes::  Cute.  Seriously, man.  You okay?

Dean:  Seriously, Sam.  I'm fine. 

Sam:  Then tell me what that was about. ::he takes a sip of his own beer and looks over Dean's head at the BAB who is at another table now::

Dean:  It's nothing Sam.  Just not in the mood.  I'm friggin' exhausted if you can't tell.  We just ganked a nasty son of a bitch and not to mention we've got all the crazy Hexus-like spawn slipping around trying to gank us in return.  ::he looks a little firm::

Sam:  ::raises an eye brow::  Fern Gully?  Really?

Dean:  Shut up, Krista's hot.

Sam:  ::he huffs:: Dean, even if you were tired-that.  That right there?  ::he points at the BAB::  That is your dream girl.  And I, unfortunately, know that if you were really okay I'd be renting out a second room for myself right about now.  So now tell me.  Are you okay?

Dean: ::he pauses for a minute and stares at his bottle::  ...  I'm fine, Sam. 

Sam:  ::he gives him the pitiful puppy stare and then turns away  as they fall under silence, neither speaking nor drinking.  Suddenly Sam gets a look on his face as things have worked out in his head and he turns to Dean with an epiphany on his face::  Oh my, God.  He broke you.

Dean: ::he looks puzzled::  Come again?

Sam:  I mean...  I knew you were more upset about Cas'... death, than you were letting on.  But I didn't think it was this bad.  He broke you.

Dean:  ::he looks like Sam is batshit crazy::  In case you haven't noticed, I haven't brought out the Hershey's and popped in Dirty Dancing.  Sorry to disappoint you, princess.  He didn't friggin' break me. 

Sam:  ::he is about to start his long winded explanation that consists of he is right::  Look-I.  I didn't mean it like that.  But don't get me wrong ::he points at Dean::  I know you're being a big girl about this on the inside, Dean.  ::Dean shoots him a look and takes a drink::  But let's face it.  I know at first Cas wasn't exactly on our gold star chart in the beginning, but then...  You trusted him.  Hell, you probably trusted him more than Bobby, than-than, me!

Dean:  I trust you.  ::looks slightly offended::

Sam:  Come on, Dean.  I can barely go to the bathroom on my own before you start thinking I'm going to crack out the crazy and bolt.

Dean:  ::takes a sip of his beer and overts his eyes::

Sam:  ::he continues where he left off::  ...  So when Cas let slip that he was working with Crowley the whole time...  When he didn't listen to you to break it off... and then became a God so bad that we actually tried to enslave Death so that we could get rid of him?  ::he pauses to let it sink into Dean who just stares straight ahead, bottle poised to his lips, but not drinking.  Sam takes this as a sign to go on::  When you had so much faith in him as our friend- as our family- he betrayed your trust.  ::he lets his hands drop to the table and leans back as everything starts to make sense in his own head::  He broke you, Dean.  He broke you so bad you can't even trust your version of the perfect girl to give you a good time.

Dean: ::he sits there, still staring ahead while Sam hazards a pitiful glance at him from the corner of his eye::  ...Hey Sammy?

Sam: ::he shifts a bit in his seat, anticipating some big girly admission::

Dean:  ::he gives Sam a small smirk::  Can I trust you to shut up about it? ::he downs the rest of his beer and let's out an "aaah!" as he lets it sink down his throat, placing the bottle on the table and raising his hand to have someone drop off the tab::  Ready to head back, Jolly Green?

Sam: ::he gives a small smile and shakes his head and finishes his beer:: Yeah, sure.

  ::It's later that night and the boys are sleeping::

Dean: ::he's having a nightmare with Cas lying dead on the ground and he's torn between feeling relief that Godstiel is gone, but now Cas is dead too.  He shouldn't feel sad though, Cas betrayed him, but he can't help it.  Then Cas' wounds heal and he sits up alive and he can't hold back the surprise and happiness in his voice as he bends down to help him.  Cas responds in a very Cas like manner and he can almost feel himself feeling like this is going to be okay, they'll get past the whole betrayal thing when they get out of there.  Then suddenly it's Levia!Cas and Cas entering the lake and Cas' trench coat and he wakes up sweating.::

::He breaths heavy for a minute before looking over at Sam who's still asleep and calms down and flops back and stares at the ceiling.  He rolls to his side and squints his eyes shut, not crying, but looking damn close to it.  He opens his eyes and looks skyward like if he did he might see Cas there somewhere and he silently prays::

Cas...  'm so sorry...  You were being a gigantic child, but...  I should've found a way to stop you, before it got all out of hand.  Should've been able to protect you...   ::he is scolding himself now, but then his face turns sad::  Cas...  what am I supposed to do?  I need things to be right again...  "You friggin' bastard...!"  I can barely keep it together, man.  I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this... Cas? 

::he looks up again and there is nothing but Sam's snores and he knits his brows one more time before rolling on his back and rubbing his eyes with a sigh.  He’s about to fall asleep when he hears the flutter of wings and he sits up and looks around.  He doesn't see anyone, doesn't feel danger.  He thinks it must just be is imagination and he hesitantly lays back down, reaching for his knife under the pillow and closes  his eyes as he feels just a bit better after admitting shit.  Sleep comes easy after that::

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The Last Irken Chapter 4: part two

Please click the images to read! Click here for Chapter 1: Part 1 Click here for Chapter 4: Part 1 Click here for Chapter 4: Part 3 And click here for TLIAU’s chapter archive

…Hi. I know it’s been a long time since the last full update. Thank you to all those who patiently waited and are still interested in reading this comic. It’s been quite a rough past year+ for me, but things are getting better :) I’m excited to finally move on from this chapter and start on the next.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoy the comics and want to see more please drop a reblog :)

Spn Finale

All I’ve heard about it is that Jared cried, it’s supposed to be worse than Swan Song, and that it will be really depressing.  And “They go there.” All I can think is that by the end of the finale Dean has completed the MoC cycle and killed Crowley, Cas, and Sam.  Snaps out of it somehow and then kills himself and at the end of the season EVERYONE is dead....  then Season 11 takes place somewhere other than Earth lol 

Challenged myself to only spend one afternoon on a colored animation+background✨🤡

Scene is from my Announcer fic, you can check it out if you‘re 18+ ;)

How I Thought the Finale Was Going to End Was Much Worse

I must also express my relief at the season finale.  It was upsetting as it was, but I was imagining it so much worse. This show just seems to rip my heart to shreds so this finale was my "best case scenario" ending.   My "worst case scenario" involved this: Dean kills Metatron and goes into a murderous frenzy where he is incoherent and nothing is as it seems.  In this frenzy he starts trying to kill Sam and deals him a fatal blow when Cas suddenly intervenes to save Sam and Dean kills Cas accidentally.  This snaps him out of it, because he's in love with Cas and he sees what he's done as Cas crumples to the floor slowly and Dean is paralyzed as the last bit of grace explodes from Cas' body.  Dean sees Sam dying and truly believes he himself is evil and realizes he can't control the MoC and kills himself on the First Blade.  Sam watches in horror as Dean impales himself and crawls over to him and Dean is dying and crying and saying he's sorry and Sam is trying to calm down Dean even though he is also dying and reassure him that Dean isn't evil, that it wasn't his fault even though Dean knows it is his fault and Dean dies in Sam's arms and Sam lays next to Dean crying and grabs Dean's hand tight and looks to the side of him seeing Cas' dead body and grabs Cas' hand and then Sam lays back, tears slowing as sleep takes hold and he also dies.   And we are left with all of TFW dead and holding hands.   Then suddenly Gabriel and Chuck appear standing over the three.  Gabriel is smirking "Well lookie what I found."   Chuck looks burdened and walks around a little like this is an annoyance, a kink in the hose.  "They always did fight the script and look where it gets them..." Chuck looks down at the three a bit sadly, but then smiles. "But we can't have that...  There's still a story to finish here." Chuck smiles and then snaps his fingers and we we end the scene.   BECAUSE THIS IS THE KIND OF STUFF THAT THEY HAVE MADE ME EXPECT TO SEE!!!!  Everyone is always dying... so how do they make it worse???  KILL EVERYONE.  Ugggh....  It's so sad that I actually half expected that ending, that I am that traumatized lol