7 For Vox? :]

Boba Fett is a better Bounty Hunter than you.

Nice try, Boba. Yer gonna have to do better than that.

Joke format stolen from this video (which is in turn based on this post).

Help black disabled 🦽 diabetes person get insulin.

Hi! It's kinda shameful to go this route , but being diabetic person .Now over 6 months my unemployment still pending This has been the worst couple of years of my life. Our house was destroyed in a storm. Then I am desperately in need for help. I need my insulin to bring my blood sugar back down. It’s $300 That’s all I need. I’m not asking for a windfall, just a little help, please.

financial problem is the number 1 reason.

hoping to get some help in here!

Linktree

INSULIN NEEDED | Linktree

Help black disable father get insulin

DONATE AND SHARE IF YOU'RE ABLE 🙏

GOAL: $105/$300

THANKS Y'ALL 🙏

by far the best part of grocery shopping is the little babies. i was carefully selecting mushrooms when i felt upon me a piercing gaze and looked up to see a very chubby and very red-cheeked baby staring intently at me from a grocery cart with a slightly furrowed brow, hand clutching an apple for dear life. i wiggled a mushroom at her and she gasped and kept staring. i turned back to the mushrooms and heard a shriek. i turned around and the baby stared in anticipation. i wiggled another mushroom and she shrieked again in delight. she looked down at the apple in her hand, considering it for a moment. fair-minded as she was, she decided it would only be right to wiggle produce at me in return, and she held up the apple and shook it with all her might. i think i could live forever now

#IsBruceWayneBatman: a social media au | Part I

Animagus AU again

Rex: *standing there with adolescent monkey Ahsoka on his shoulder, quietly grooming his non existent hair*

Anakin: *comes over and looks at everyone for a long moment* Why is Echo crying?

Echo: *feeding bat Fives some watermelon*

Fives: *wrapped up like a burrito in a soft bat blankie while monching and cronching his noms*

Rex: Have you SEEN Fives eat watermelon? It’s cute. I cry sometimes too.

Anakin: *goes over to watch Fives eat his noms* Oh… oh no… they’re right…

Anakin: *turns back to look at Ahsoka* Hey! Why aren’t you cute like that? I watched you shove an entire banana in your mouth this morning, that wasn’t cute! Be cute!

Ahsoka: *fake sadness, hiding her laughing little monkey face in Rex’s neck*

Rex, upon mistaking that for real sadness: *holding her little body close, very protective* First of all, how DARE you-

Secret Clones AU

Short version: Secret Clones AU is the clones going into hiding in plain sight across the galaxy to force a fair wage and also to keep the babies safe from Kaminoans

The clones figure out the plan to take advantage of them, brain chips, etc. several years before the war hits. IDK how, maybe Jango decided to take a closer look with Mij and went Oh Shit. Doesn't matter. Point is, they caught on and decided that they needed to uhhhhh get Out.

There are millions of clones, yes, but there are tens of thousands of planets.

Once the chips are out and someone's jabbed them with anti-aging serum... they're not that different from standard humans.

And it's not exactly hard to tie up the Kaminoans long enough to get off planet.

So what happens is that a while, let's say a year and a half, before the war kicks off, you have a mass exodus from Kamino, and a wide dispersal of clones. They are generally staying together in groups of about half a dozen, claiming to be brothers, so that there's a 16-18-ish looking clone to take lead, with progressively younger cadets to look after. Each one has a commander they can 'report' to in case of emergency, and if something goes real bad, they can call in an Alpha (and Alphas can call in Jango in a worst case scenario).

It's still sort of a military structure, but... it's a phone tree.

And you have one of these groups of half a dozen clones in every major city. There are thousands of planets, and most of those planets have more than one city. Denon and Coruscant are nothing but city, so they can get counted as dozens of cities on their own. It's easy to disappear in places like that.

It's so easy for the clones, before anyone knows them, to just... disappear. Go into hiding in plain sight.

It's not like more than a handful of people know what to look for.

(It's not like they have a centralized record of who went where.)

(It's just the phone tree.)

They still get real excited-happy-eager when they run into a Jedi.

They want to work with Jedi. They're the good guys! And they're cool!

But your army did a mass desertion before the war started and finding/recruiting all of them is going to take a stupid amount of money. You cannot hire a bounty hunter for each and every clone.

And as @bytebun put it:

Somebody two years later: you look …familiar. Have we met? Clone: haha I get that a lot just one of those faces

AND THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT BECAUSE THE GALAXY IS HECKING MASSIVE

I think the Republic has to like… negotiate with Jango and the Alphas and set up paid contracts if they want these Ultra Skilled Warriors to fight for them.

The clones can fight. Some of them even want to fight. They are good at this and they recognize that many of the things that are occurring under Separatist invasion are Mega Bad.

But like. Pay them and treat them as citizens, first.

The Jedi are even more confused about this identical army that really loves them than they are in canon Where the heck did you guys come from Who trained you Why do you like us What the heck is going on

"Someone wanted us to be a trap for you but we took the trap out. Here we have a sample if you want. Anyway. We like you guys and want to fight with you because honestly civilian life is way understimulating. Let me punch a droid."

I think a few of the clones do 'scouting' where they voluntarily help a Jedi in the field to gather information on their validity as Friends. Cody keeps a number of spreadsheets that are just Various Jedi Encounters.

Rex does a scouting mission with Kenobi&Skywalker and just goes to Cody like "Listen. I know he's insane. But. I want that one."

Rex just "I call dibs" "Cody. Cody did you hear me. Dibs, I call dibs."

@catboydogma: stats for pong krell are all zeroes

Absolute shit tier Jedi They play rock paper scissors to decide who has to deal with him

A solid half of the clones don't get recruited because the lack of advanced aging (past a certain point) means they're physically still minors and My Dad (Alphas and CCs) Said No. They stay behind on their various planets to look after The Real Babies.

"Let me ask my dad" "Wait--" "He said no."

Just want these boys to have Civilian Lives they can return to or at least experience before war gets them all fucked up.

I think some of them try to Make Connections with influential people (whether politicians or like... Space Influencers) so they have people vouching for them once the war kicks off. And there can be at least some public pushback on functionally enslaving them.

"I can't believe you manipulated people into liking you! That's so mean!" "Well you see. I wanted to survive past the age of eleven. So."

@hopeswhcre

Lmao an AU of my AU.

The Force watching Obi-wan be made by some crazy person. Technically Obi-wan is an artificial child of the Force. They don't have the same connection to the Force as a true child would but its enough that the Force loves them like an adopted child. Even if their new kid cant talk to them directly, only able to sense the Feelings the Force sends them.

The Force does not like it that the crazy person decides that their new adopted child should be decommissioned as a failure.

Force decides to nudge the Jedi into going to get Obi-wan.

They watch their adopted child grow and when Obi is like 15 (still struggling with being so different from everyone else) the Force decides Obi seems lonely and they had been wanting to have another child anyway.

Anakin is born. When Anakin is 9 the Force nudges the Naboo shuttle to Tatooine. The Force drops Anakin into Qui-gon Jinns path.

Force kinda gets grumpy when the jedi try to separate their kids. When Qui-gon dies and joins the Force, he gets to hang out and watch over their kids.

The council is still on the fence about letting Anakin stay. They already had to deal with Obi-wans insane childhood of him trying to hunt people to eat them if they were too dark in the force. Did they really want to deal with potential Chosen One bullshit?

When Obi-wan tells Yoda that he's gonna train Anakin the Force shoves the message of 'listen here u little shit, you keep my babies together or so help me-' to the little green master.

Anakin who CAN talk to the Force like they're a physical person in the same room looks at Obi-wan and goes "Oh! My parent says your my big brother. They also say Master Qui-gon and them are real proud of you."

Obi-wan tries very hard not to tear up.

The council is like "your parent?"

"Yeah. They say you call them the Force... Also they say that you better be nice or they are gonna let everyone know what happened on Alderaan last year." Anakin says, making eye contact with several council members.

Mando weeb Obi-wan decides to nickname the Force Buir. Anakin likes it and adopts it.

It leads to things like

"Buir says you need to eat more." *said to Obi-wan constantly*

"Buir said to take you to the healer halls." "Buir is a snitch." *anakin to Obi-wan who's hiding an injury*

"Buir says sorry for the shatterpoints. They didn't know it would do that." "That what would do that?" "They say im not old enough to know yet. Maybe in a couple thousand years theyll tell me." "... Where is Obi-wan?" *conversation with Mace Windu*(the force did some mystical eldritch magic mushrooms once and when they sobered up shatterpoints were a thing)

"Buir wants to talk to you." "Do this, how would I?" "Uh, they said meditate really hard. They'll try yelling and see if you can hear them." "Hmm bad idea i sense this is, try it I will." *conversation with Yoda hours before yoda falls into a Force induced coma for a few days while he, the Force and Qui-gon hang out*

The jedi also have to handle a child that can sometimes alter the very fabric of the universe to get extra dessert. They mainly let Obi-wan handle it since apparently Obi is the only one able to put Anakin in timeout without the Force getting grumpy about it.

I love the idea of Palpatine being outed way early by Anakin (age 10) who now has 0 filter for what the Force is telling them since they aren't going to get in trouble by a slave master for repeating it.

"Buir says you're a sleemo. It's not nice to pressure someone into giving you contact with a child." Anakin says in the middle of a gathering of senators. The Force had been ranting about Sheev being mean to Obi-wan for hours now.

"Anakin!" Obi-wan pretends to scold even tho he really didn't want to be here or let the Chancellor near his brother. Buir had been sending the very bad vibes.

"Well I hardly think an innocent invite to a small thank you party is pressuring." Sheev says trying to stop the side-eyes the senators are now giving him.

Anakin (who is now saying word for word what the Force is saying): "Calling someone every day for weeks and implying you'd cut funding to the temple if he didn't let you have access to me isn't an innocent invitation. Especially since you also implied you wanted more private meetings after."

Obi-wan sees the look of absolute rage on Sheevs face and decides it's time to go. He grabs his padwan and runs. Ignoring the instincts demanding he go back and EAT the Chancellor of the Republic.

The next day headlines all over the holonet are like 'Chancellor Palpatine on the run from authorities after being accused of trying to groom child'

Anakin to the council: "Buir says hes a Sith, so your welcome."

Obi-wan also in the council chamber: "Oh! So THATS why i had the strong urge to eat him."

The council sits in horrified silence for a while. Until Yoda sighs and says he'll be taking another vacation to talk to the force.

Sidious still tries for the Clone Wars. Only the Force is like not about that. They like how things are chill right now. Their kids are having fun doing Jedi things.

They have Obi-wan and Anakin find Kamino 3 years early. Both Anakin and Obi-wan kick Jango and the other trainers off planet. These clones are their family now. Looks like the jedi are getting a lot of new members. Just gotta get these chips out first.

The war still breaks out. Palpatine is head of the Separatists. Angry that his clone army was stolen he commissioned droids to replace them. His plan now is to crush the republic and jedi with brute force instead of a carefully executed betrayal, not hiding that he's a sith at this point.

Ahsoka is not the Forces child. At first. The council gives this feral child to Anakin to take care of and train praying that they will both mellow out. Shes perfect. Shes the same brand of disaster that the rest of them are. The force is constantly nagging at Anakin to give her sweets and wrap her in soft blankets and teach her how to stab better. Anakin learns very quickly that a feral Togruta with a laser sword hopped up on sugar isn't a great idea. That maybe listening to the eldritch being with no physical body for the sugar high togruta to latch onto with their teeth isn't the best plan for raising a child. How did Obi-wan manage this?

Obi-wan, having flashbacks to his padwan changing shape into a horrible nightmare fueled beast in the dead of night before crawling into Obi-wans bed or lighting a man on fire with his mind for flirting with Obi-wan too long or the time he simply tore a hole in reality to get another slice of cake, laughs and laughs and laughs. Cody pats him on the back. Clearly his adopted jetii'vod is having a breakdown.

Humans are weird: Nerf Wars

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)

Alien: Friend human, why do you keep that plastic ballistic toy beside your desk? Human: *Hefts nerf pistol* I was unprepared once…..never again. ——————————– Alien: Does everyone have these plastic ballistic toys? Human: They do, but each department has their own favorite. Human: You can actually tell a person’s job depending on what nerf gun they have. Alien: Really? ——————————– Human: Most of the clerks and desk junkies have pistols. Alien: Why is that? Human: Most nerf wars often start here and they need to pivot quickly if they are in the middle of a task. ——————————— Human: Janitors use shotgun nerf guns and hide them in their carts. Human: They like sneaking up on people and shooting point blank. Alien: Isn’t that excessive? Human: They clean the bathrooms, their revenge is justified. ——————————– Human: The IT department are the most dangerous, you should avoid going near there in the middle of a nerf war. Alien: How dangerous can they be? Human: They like to booby trap everything. Alien: That doesn’t sound so bad. Human: You ever try to go to the bathroom only to set off a nerf grenade? Human: My body was covered in warts for weeks. ———————————- Alien: What kind of nerf guns do executives have? Human: Well, assuming they’re not total assholes, you’ll have one of two kinds of executives. Human: First ones are those that splurge on the giant rapid firing nerf guns that cost, like, $500. Alien: What’s the other type? Human: They buy nerf sniper rifles and take pot shots at people from across the office. Alien: Seems like you could all gang up on them. Human: If we they do they start firing us. Alien: That doesn’t sound fair. Human: Hence being assholes. ———————————- Alien: How does one start a nerf war? Human: Observe. Human: *Pulls out nerf pistol, shoots random officer worker.* Human 2: WTF? Human: Steve shot you. *Points at random other office worker* Human 2: *Pulls out pistol and shoots steve* Steve: *gets hit, roars, grabs nerf rifle and starts firing wildly* Office: *Everyone reaches for nerf gun and starts firing* Alien: How are you humans so easily triggered to violence? Human: *Pulls out pistol and shoots Alien* Alien: YOU SON OF A B- Alien: *Picks up human and throws him across office* ————————————- *Middle of office nerf war* Alien: *Dashes between cover* Alien: I need to get to the copy room! Human: You won’t make it ten feet! Human: *Points down towards copy room, sees deployed tripod with belt fed ammunition.* Alien: Where did that come from?! *Dodges stream of darts* Human: *Loads clip* Todd from accounting brought it up Alien: *Shouts from cover* That’s not fair Todd! Todd: Eat my dick! *Begins firing wildly* ————————————- Alien: Is there a reason a majority of nerf guns look like real firearms? Human: Oh that. Human: That’s just the military attempting to plant subliminal messages into children to get them to associate having fun with holding a gun, therefore making them more likely to enlist into the military. Alien: My gods, that’s awful! Human: I wouldn’t worry; lately it has about as much of a success rate as the military making video games for kids. Alien: Do they work? Human: They fail so badly they turn everyone who plays them into hippies. ————————————– Alien: Moring D- *Sees coworker* Alien: by the gods what is that!? Human: *Hefts giant rocket sized nerf* Human: I call it the “Pink Slip”. Alien: I don’t think they’ll let you use that inside. Human: Hence the name. —————————————- Alien: Isn’t this barbaric? Human: You should have seen it when we were using nerf swords and shields. Human: We built castle walls out of used soda cans for protection and drawbridges made out of sticky notes.

Get some sleep you workaholics

Reblog to shake your blorbo violently.