Obi-Wan Giving His Eeopie A Treat Everyday.

Rex: goddammit, you two! What di-

Echo: *sprays him with the spray bottle*

Rex: *extremely confused*

Echo: *completely straight faced* no yelling at the children.

Fives & Hardcase: *scared*

Rex: I swear, if you spra-

Echo: *sprays him again* and no threatening the ARC troopers.

Rex:

Echo:

Rex:

Echo:

Echo: *runs*

'Nuff said...

batman: what’s the situation?

commissioner gordon: Harley and Ivy have hijacked an AM radio station and taken the employees hostage

batman: what are their demands?

commissioner gordon: they haven’t issued any. they, uh.

batman:

[commisioner gordon turns on the radio]

harley: —you gotta walk away, sweetie. His family sounds completely toxic, if not outright emotionally abusive, and he’s too enmeshed to see it.

caller: no, you’re right. you’re right. I gotta do it.

harley: you got this, honey. now, stay on the line a minute, I’m writing down some the names of some books for you and you can get those from Ivy after we’re done. okay! our next caller —

[commisioner gordon turns off the radio]

batman: what station is this?

commisioner gordon: WGTM.

batman: the one that rebroadcasts rush limbaugh?

commissioner gordon:

batman:

commisioner gordon: you know what, i probably didn’t need to call you for this.

Humans are eldritch. They can sing a thousand voices, and they only started space exploration after more than two hundred years of trying to fix their own sick planet. They are guilt-driven, reckless and incredibly terrifying. They scare themselves for fun, they have deadly sports, and they are willing to almost die just to see if something can work.

No other intelligent species we know does that. No one almost killed their entire planet for the sake of profits, and no one discovered they could sing it back to life. No one is fascinated by unknown and terrific creatures that would certainly destroy everything and everyone, much less create art about the mere idea of it. No one dedicates so much of their craft for incomprehensible arts that can only be felt.

The entire universe’s medicine has changed since they arrived. We had to discover ways of erasing memory, of calming someone in the blink of an eye, because human art can make someone so sick they might never recover from it. Rumours spread, and humans were now feared. Everything about them became something terrific.

We knew they felt guilty, from almost killing their homeplanet, but that? That art, those hundreds of thousands of ideas of things that could never be, but still could be thought about? Those hands, smudged with toxic paint and oils, used to create imaginary things that looked too real to be imaginary? Their bodies, almost fragile almost strong bodies, that adapted to everything and could be broken down for the sake of things they deemed as beautiful? That did not came from guilt. It came within their own terrifying natures, along their hundred voices that could heal, along their silence that could destroy, along everything they ever created.

But still, when everyone feared them, humans did not try to attack. They did not try to cover themselves once again with blood. They did not do anything with violence. Despite everything, humanity was kind.

They helped with medicine, with their vaccines. They helped with technology, with their reckless nature of wanting to see if something can explode. They helped with art, by showing their own, and admiring ours.

They helped with history, for their obsession with the past did not allow them to not want to know more. They helped with restauration, for their guilt made them want to stop anyone from making mistakes similar to theirs. They helped with war, for not doing it. They helped with the universe, for despite everything, they still loved.

Humans are eldritch, for everything was set so they could once again use violence, but they did not. Humans are eldritch, because they themselves think they are evil, but still, they do not commit to it. Humans are eldritch, and they will help you out when you need it - just ignore their pets, for they have an obsession with befriending any and all creatures.

edit: hi so this is gaining traction again! i’m a college student who does writing commissions, so feel free to check it out! have a nice day byeee

you, reading this. you're a creature now. reblog to creature your followers

you know how most of the things humans use as spices are poisonous or repellent to most other mammals? and you know how anything vaguely d&d inspired has dwarves being way more poison resistant than even humans?

dwarf cuisine shouldn’t be bland, it should be unimaginably spicy and potentially harmful or fatal to humans. like green potato and rhubarb leaf salad with a festive garnish of yew berries and deadly nightshade berries, that kind of thing.

because i love y’all, i’m sharing my family’s recipe for apple tea (traditional fall/winter drink in west asia, turkey, and many areas of the balkans)

it’s like a more delicate version of apple cider and i basically live off of this stuff when the weather starts to cool!

Apple Tea (for two)

1 large apple or 2 small, shredded (you can use a cheese grater)

3 cups water

1-2 cinnamon sticks

2-3 pc clove (optional)

honey to taste

1 tsp of lemon juice (add at end)

green tea (optional! some versions call for green tea but i actually prefer it without. up to you!)

throw it all in a pot and let it simmer on a low temperature for an hour or so. while it’s simmering, it will also make your home smell delicious! (if you make it with green tea, add the tea at the end, about five minutes before taking it off the heat so the flavor doesn’t become bitter from oversteeping). strain into your cups and enjoy hot.

end result:

AU Guide

Rebels AU: A au where Anakin didn’t turn evil but the empire still rises

Part 1

Part 2 (<- for anyone wondering where Padmé and Luke are)

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

(FAQ: Is Shmi alive? Nope)

Role Swap AU: An au where Anakin is the senator from Tatooine and Padmé is a jedi knight

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7 (bad ending)

(FAQ: is Shmi alive? Yep)

Separatist AU: An au where Anakin was left behind on Tatooine and ended up becoming a sith instead and as a result became a general in the separatist army

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

(FAQ: Is Shmi alive? Maybe)

Anakin: I have a plan!

Feemor: No, we're not going to explode anything.

Anakin: I don't have a plan.

Xanatos: Well, I do have one.

Feemor: No, we're not going to kill people.

Xanatos: Man, you have to consider it!

Obi-Wan: *raises his hand*

Feemor: Sure, tell us, dear. We're listening.

Anakin and Xanatos: Injustice!

I am so surprised at how well this came out. Trash can was surprisingly easy to work with.