Another Attack Done One @cryptiddotjpeg My Dnd Brain Activated And I Had To Give Your Character A Scene

Was a plo koon warmup initially as suggested by @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life when I encountered this dialogue idea from @totallycorrectjediorderquotes and it went overboard from there! The “Protocol” number is indeed a reference to something in star wars, so I’m curious to see if anyone figures it out!

tired of seeing people saying that the Jedi Council was to blame for pretty much everything in the prequels and people defending the Jedi having to put a little disclaimer at the beginning of their posts like ‘yes the Jedi were flawed/weren’t perfect, but—’ because some people don’t get that’s the whole concept of humanity so now I’m going to say that the Order WAS perfect actually. flawless. the Council has never done anything wrong ever. blameless and irreproachable. precious angels all of them. I hope these words make someone extremely mad

“The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who’s going to stop me?”

— Ayn Rand

I like to imagine that in any atla modern au, aang still, for some reason, finds a reason to beat ozai’s ass

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DYING AT OBI-WAN ROASTING THE SITH THE JEDI ONLY USE LIGHTSABERS BECAUSE OF WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT WHO THEY ARE AS A PEOPLE “BUT THE SITH USE THEM AS WELL?” “WELL THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE OBSESSED WITH US.” AND LIKE HE’S NOT WRONG. THE SITH ARE PRETTY OBSESSED WITH THE JEDI AND I’M JUST LOSING IT BECAUSE OBI-WAN CALLING THE SITH A BUNCH OF OBSESSED LOSERS IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE THE FUNNIEST THING

Rex: goddammit, you two! What di-

Echo: *sprays him with the spray bottle*

Rex: *extremely confused*

Echo: *completely straight faced* no yelling at the children.

Fives & Hardcase: *scared*

Rex: I swear, if you spra-

Echo: *sprays him again* and no threatening the ARC troopers.

Rex:

Echo:

Rex:

Echo:

Echo: *runs*

plot twist in star wars where anakin has his kids during the clone wars- as in, before palpatien can even grasp onto the fact that anakin has a wife

basically everyone notices anakin's entire person do a backflip- mentally. suddenly hes being late, going missing, sometimes he falls asleep on rex's shoulder when they're flying out to an active warzone and then one day he'll completely skip everything and come back the next day looking like he actually slept

now palpatine- being a sith- immediately finds out what happened and now he is pissed off. how is he supposed to get daddy anakin the chosen one to turn dark side now? he has a family!

well, now palpatine uses an even more cunning tactic- he gives anakin dreams of his kids dying. and it explodes into anakin's anxiety and depression skyrocketing, which is basically a one way ticket to the dark side. so he reveals himself to anakin, anakin's confused, but then anakin is smart for once and puts two and two together about the dreams, and leaves. palpatine is like 99 percent sure anakin is going to go dark side but what he poorly underestimated was the fact that the entire 501st knows about anakin's children so as palpatine is about to execute order 66 the entire clone battalion enters the office from every side and beats palpatine up and hangs him upside down off the side of the building while anakin sits on the roof ledge next to the office with luke and leia watching everything play out

Look, if it helps y’all feel any better, try imagining Actor AU.

Personally, my idea of Actor AU includes:

Hunter’s actor is actually goofy and leans in hard to the dad vibes. His hair is, in fact, quite real, much to the dismay of his cast mates. Omega may have recorded BTS snaps of everyone and his included attempting to play dad rock on a guitar he keeps in his trailer.

Wrecker’s actor is actually the Smart Guy, having a degree in something complex like biochemical engineering or something. He’s also quieter and a lot more gentle than the character he plays, preferring to spend his time off-camera reading.

Echo’s actor likes to crack jokes a lot, specifically about how he’s the guy who always has to be in the makeup chair “at the crack of dawn’s ass”. Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair get an earful of playful fussing if he hears them whine about sitting still for their tattoo or scar makeup. Actually has a prosthesis, though his is for one of his legs.

Tech’s actually got a degree in English (“Why else would I be acting?”) and while he’s also on the spectrum, he’s a bit less rigid than the character he plays. He sometimes wishes his character was more forward about things but ultimately respects the sass. His Kiwi accent is a bit stronger outside of the role.

Crosshair’s actor … is ironically nearsighted. Initially, the reason he always seemed to be glaring was because he was trying to get used to the contacts he was given for the first shoot the Batch ever appeared in and it just suited him. Surprisingly chill guy otherwise, very aware of how intimidating he can come off as by looks alone.

Omega is the most like her on-screen character. Just a really cheery, outgoing girl! She brings her homework to do on set sometimes, and asks Wrecker for help since he’s the one who’s best at math and science.

Everyone is always joking about the hair situation: Hunter’s hair is real, they keep having to shave Echo’s hair, Wrecker prefers to be bald, Tech’s hair is actually curly and he hates how it constantly must be jacked up for the sake of his character (think Cillian Murphy’s feelings a la Peaky Blinders), and Crosshair made jokes about how he was so used to dyeing it that he no longer remembers what his hair color actually is. Then when they made him bald (even if by use of a bald cap), Echo and Wrecker chanted “One of us! One of us!” Omega’s hair is naturally blonde and cute so the costumers left it that way.

Once, Omega snapped a pic of Echo in the middle of his makeup regimen all powdered up. Fans saw and quickly began to compare him to a baby covered in powder. Echo liked the image and comparison so much that he printed it out and taped it to his mirror. Now, a common meme that he happily plays around with is “Echo is Baby.” Sometimes, he’ll even deepen his voice and go, “I  a m  B a b y” just to get a laugh out of someone.

Interviewer: So one of the things that makes the Batch stand out is how they’re generally unafraid of experimenting with their appearances, tattoo-wise in some cases. Are there any tattoos you’d perhaps like to get? Anything like the characters you play? Hunter: Oh, not at all! A face tattoo?! That big!? I’d pass right out right in the chair! Crosshair: Same. I think Crosshair’s tattoo is more about intimidation, and frankly I think I’m scary enough. That, and I don’t know what the guy was on to be able to withstand a tattoo to the face, but I don’t have any of that on me so I doubt that’s ever gonna happen. Hunter: Yeah, the closest thing I think I could do is maybe something on my arm. Maybe my child’s hand print or something of that nature. Crosshair: Ooh, a good old dad classic. Hunter: Yeah! Wrecker: I actually haven’t thought about getting a tattoo since, like, my university years. But hey, who knows? I’ve been told I have plenty of real estate for it! Echo, sheepishly laughing: I like the idea of tattoos, but needles freak me out. Yeah, I know it’s a different type of needle but like?? I don’t like pain!! I think the best I could do is just keep applying one of those temporary tattoos to the same place over and over to create the illusion of having actual ink on me. Maybe mess around with people and skip a day or two. Or better yet: Change out the design! One day there’s a dolphin on my neck, the next day it’s a tiger! Omega: Mum says no tattoos until I turn 18. But I’d like to get a Batcher helmet as commemoration! Tech: I actually have a tattoo! I mean, it’s nothing like what Tech would probably have. I feel like if he ever got any ink, it’d probably be something geeky like his favorite equation, or something symbolic of the galaxy bottled up into a formula of some kind. I imagine that if he wanted something artsier, he’d probably outsource to someone with more artistic skills. Tech: Anyway, my tattoo is of a turtle! Everyone: *is either looking at him or snickering* Crosshair: …  A turtle. Tech: What’ve you got against turtles?

Omega convinces the guys to participate in some TikToks and such “for media purposes”. This ends in Wrecker, in character, saying, “Hunter: Omega’s trying to sneak around. But I’m dummy thicc, and the clap of my butt and meaty fists keep alerting the guards!”

Yes: Everyone wishes they could have a lightsaber. Yes: Everyone would most definitely make the lightsaber noises if they had one. And yes: Everyone makes do with their blasters, but they do revert into children who go “pew pew!” every time they pull the triggers. Even Crosshair’s actor, who more so goes “pow” or “bang”.

Interviewer: How are you like the characters you play, if at all? Hunter: I’m a cool dad with awesome hair. Omega: We’re both very curious! Wrecker: I don’t think we – Oh, you know what? We both love Lula! Echo: You mean aside from a prosthesis? Uuummm … Ppprobably … We both love a godawful pun! Tech: I think we both like to collect knowledge for the sake of it. And also, we drive like crazy. Crosshair: We can both be a bit catty

Tech’s actor is constantly fumbling his lines simply because of all the technobabble he has to say.

I do not know why but the image of Crosshair’s actor being a surprisingly good juggler haunts the cinema of my mind’s eye.

And also … They are most definitely Maori or of Maori descent, so jot that tf down.

Don’t know how it’ll help, but Actor AUs are simply The Best™️ so that in and of itself has my stamp of approval for cheering up!

Jimmy held Tom close to his chest, grinning gently at his son as the boy blinked up at him in wonder. He never would have thought that his relationship with Joel would allow for such a blessing. A tiny fist wrapped around the bandana tied at his neck, causing Jimmy to laugh lightly.

“You like your Pa’s bandana, Tom?” He whispered, bouncing his son gently as the child grinned at the sound of his laughter and voice, the movement causing the infant to also begin to giggle.

An excited figure bounced into the room, grinning from ear to ear as he approached Jimmy’s hip, Hermes coming to a pause only to look directly up at Jimmy, “Mr. Sheriff! Daddy said I had to be quiet, but that I had a new baby brother!”

“You do, Hermes. Do you want to meet him?”

Hermes’ eyes lit up in excitement, “Can I?”

“Of course,” Jimmy confirmed, smiling at the child before casting a glance at Joel who was leaning against the door now, smiling as he watched the three interact. Jimmy kneeled down so that he was closer to Hermes’ height, tilting the infant in his arms so the boy could see him, “This is your brother Tom.”

“Mr. Sheriff, I love him. He’s so little though! Do you have to hold him all the time?”

“For now, we do. Why don’t you sit down, that way you can hold him safely too.”

“I can? How do you hold a baby?”

“I’ll teach you, Hermes, don’t worry.”

Hermes hesitated, “What if I drop him?”

“We can hold him together if you’re worried,” Jimmy offered. “You can sit on my lap and we’ll both hold him.”

“That! Please,” Hermes nodded, sliding onto Jimmy’s lap with wide eyes that were mirrored in the face he was staring at. Both children seemed entirely mesmerized by the other.

Tom reached out, his tiny fingers finding Hermes’ and wrapping around them.

Hermes gasped, having fallen in love with their younger brother all over again, “I’m your big brother, Hermes. I’m going to protect you forever, Tom. I promise.”