Never In My Life Did I Think I Could Be So Into The Vibes Of And Arc Of And Writing For Some Colonial

this chapter is giving me so much trouble but man .... man this idea is haunting me each time i scroll by it.

if we're putting the weight on luz's insecurities in the w&d nightmare scenario, that this is what she feels she is: trying to always be more than what she can be, always wishing to be understood but always falling short? she has made this world into a story of her own making, her own narrative, playing god, just like belos.

to have it pushed back at her, to hear hunter say no, no you can't save me, i'm not a character, i don't have a place in your silly stories - i don't deserve it, like something too honest to hold. to heavy a truth to handle, hurt and horror and everything terrible.

because here, it means - failure. who is the hero if they don't save everyone? if they leave someone behind?

u ever go in to do final reads to look for spelling errors and weird formatting things and accidentally, idk, end up adding five hundred more words

so like, remember how in agony of a witch lilith kidnaps luz to get eda to come to the castle for her witch's duel? just before twilight, at the end of the beginning of things, stuck in a room, lost to the story and attempting every escape plan she can think of - luz has an unexpected visitor. he says he’s the golden guard, whoever that's supposed to be.

i published a fic! it's a what-if if hunter and luz had met while she was being held at the castle before the witches duel in agony of a witch. something soft and silly with a lot of fun foreshadowing. enjoy!

whyyyyyyy would it be flesh. why would it be flesh!!

like i get it, all magic comes from the titan and everything is bodily and physical and real in that way. but belos' kind of magic is artificial. it's mechanical, all pipes and metallic and machinery.

so if it's flesh, it has to be a kind of artificial magic that uses real magic, but - falsifies it. uses it to create a kind of mockery of itself. something tinged red, made wrong. powerful in execution but not quite right.

i do love the idea that anything his artificial staff magic creates is golden (aesthetic themes bc belos is just Like That, it's good vibes) but why must it be flesh. is it an intimidation tactic? is that just what magic is like? could he do something else and just decided hey, this one is gonna be flesh for funsies! he would do that, wouldn't he.

these for the future boards. going insane.

even in the earlier ones in the gym he's so stilted with his anger? the heavy weight of what they've just all been through, his guilt? they don't even have gus' lil finger guns and hunter's embarrassed blush yet he is just angry. through and through. and it's so jarring, his quiet, compared to the easy sassy talkative vibe of the golden guard. this isn't even that this is just. an emptiness, and trying to make his way through it without flap. the grief trying to eat him whole.

good afternoon we are celebrating the ttt anniversary by writing the most heart wrenching flapjack hurt/comfort fluff fic that i can't get out of my head. thank you for your time

hunting palismen ending storyboards you will always be dear to me. it always makes me feel something so soft and forlorn. that lil smile? the gentleness of it all, even as it fades into something more pensive?

the cradling of flapjack's staff, the ease already at his presence; tinged with fear and hesitance, but the comfort still there. to finally have something that is freely given, that doesn't have to be continually earned. to have a friend that chose you, even where you are now, even at your most contrasted against the story? to be chosen. not destined, or fated for something, but chosen, freely, wildly, as in i am here, with you, of my own volition. i am yours above all else - i choose you.

no wonder he wasn't expecting that, no wonder he immediately held it close, and then at a wide distance. what do you do in the face of a feeling you have never felt, never really truly believed you'd earned before? you hold it as close as you can. you dream of one day earning it. you push it as far as you can, because you know, you know - it is a day that will never come.

and then it does, it does, it does.

it's giving 'what do you want and how much is it gonna cost me' sibling energy and it brings me so much joy

good afternoon, still thinking softly of the trailer for wad and the idea of the hex squad protecting hunter (from luz for extra pizazz, thank u, especially since she was the one to begin all of them coming together, to be the thing that unravels them as well is just so chefs kiss)?

and just how lovely of an idea that is. to finally be something that is deemed worthy of protection. of friends. how the story says you have been strong enough. the story says you can be safe, now. in a dream you spoke a secret, in the dream you wanted to be safe and now you are here, among friends, and how they would lay down their lives for you (instead of just the inverse, instead of how the story has been for ages and ages, beyond memory, beyond you)

putting my head in my hands. the grief. the grief of not knowing now where you belong .... of trying to find a place and making it for yourself and yet nothing fits the same ....