New Year's Resolutions For Attempting To Get Back Into The Dating Thing After Three Years: 1. Get Better

Most apt picture I've seen so far.

You all know this. 

Yeah

Doomed to hate those I like most. Cursed to drive away those I most want near. There is no matching piece. There is no purpose. There is no place. There is empty laughter, cold heart, stagnant blood, manic mind, twisted body. But there is nothing here for something like me.

"Your disappearance as this particular organism is simply seasonal... You and all you, every person you see, will soon be dead... Don't just put it off in the back of your mind and say 'I'll consider that later.' It's the most important thing to consider now, because it enables you - it is the mercy of nature - because it's going enable you to let go and not defend yourself all the time. Waste all those energies in self defense." - Alan Watts (Picture stolen from an Alan Watts Twitter feed)

Maybe it's because I was sick today, but my confusion between a couple coworkers came out as racist, apparently. I'm at my desk, there's a little cabinet behind me and slightly off to the right. I turn to my left and see a pair of shoes attached to some legs out of the corner of my eye, but that's it. Now, in my mind the only person who could be sitting there was the same coworker who always sits there. I turn back to my desk, then turn around fully a minute later: It's not the coworker I thought. I must have looked really confused because they looked at me weird. I said I mixed up the coworker behind me with the other one (who was sitting a bit further away). It was like when you don't put your keys in the same spot just one time, and you completely forget where you put them. I'm also a bit slow... Now, they may have been kidding with me when I told them why I got really confused, but I got the feeling they seriously thought I was being racist. I hate it when people even joke about that kind of thing with me. It's not really funny. They're both awesome, and I like them; but, I will feel pretty bad if getting mixed up made that impression....

Brutal Easter goodies. -z

I haven't slept well since two nights during my junior year of high school. It's been twelve years of pain since, and of the things I've forgotten, those two nights are still with me. Would be nice to have those happen again.

What does it take to get someone to willingly escape from abuse? Two days ago, I got a cryptic text from a friend using a wifi text app that just said “I need you to text me back asap.” I can’t have my phone at work and didn’t see it for almost eight more hours. Tried texting her normal number. Nothing. Tried the texting app number. Nothing. Tried her facebook. Account deactivated. Wtf is going on here? Wake up two hours before alarm worrying and check phone. Still nothing. So, middle of the night, 18-ish hours from last contact, I call the police. Deputies go to her home. No one there. She has a medical condition that physically prevents her from sleeping without medication. She doesn’t get home from work until about midnight. It was 1:30 am. There’s no reason she wouldn’t be home and awake. Police tell me no contact. Trying not to freak out all through work that day. Get home. Still nothing. Checked with police. No contact. No answer from phone. About to go into panic mode. Conduct basic-level facebook stalking: Open fake account, find her account reopened (only certainly blocking real account). Has where she works posted (lucky break, but so so stupid). Call where she works in last ditch effort to make contact. She’s there. There and physically okay. Her fat fuck, red neck, piece of shit, white trash, caliphate-dick-sucking husband got mad she talked to any other men (i.e. myself). Forcefully took her phone from her for almost 24 hours. Blocked numbers of every other guy on her phone, blocked male Facebook friends, then changed her social media accounts’ passwords. Well, that explains what happened. At least she was physically fine? Talk to her for a bit to make absolutely sure. She swears up and down everything is okay. I want to scream at her. All I could do is say “Stay safe” and tell her I’d let the police know I’d gotten a hold of her. Likely last time we’ll ever talk to each other. Tell police we spoke. Police make sure to ask “You actually spoke directly to her on the phone?” Tell them about abusive husband. Deputy feels for the situation but knows she’s the only one who can do anything for herself. Guess this problem is kind of solved... Back to normal life? What the fucking hell is wrong with some people? Her own husband’s sister thinks he’s a piece of shit for how he treats her. Her mother (after learning what kind of shitstain he is) wants her to move back home. Her cousin and his wife want her out. And I, the only friend she was actually comfortable enough to talk to about this, have offered money, shelter, resources, time, anything I could. All she has to do is make the move. But she won’t. She thinks so little of herself, her own abilities, and those of us who’ve promised support that she’d rather stay with a fucking shitstack whom she has openly acknowledged abuses her. Guess I’m fucking useless after all.

You know you're a POS when you have zero doubt in your mind that invading another country is okay, and you refuse to hear out anyone that believes it may have been a very poor/internationally immoral choice. Or you are when you are so rife with corruption you don't want to accept responsibility for stealing millions from your country to build yourself a nicer mansion.

If Harrison Ford has a Twitter or anything like that, it'd be awesome if he posted, "Damn it, Chewie."