If I Have A Tombstone, I Want This On It. Or Pepperoni And Cheese. What Would You Like On Your Tombstone?

Of all the ads and sites for hooking up, has there ever been a guy offering to do oral on a woman? Doesn't have to be full sex, just the girl getting eaten out until she's tired. It wouldn't be s&m. Do male escorts do that kind of thing? You always hear about blowjob offers, but never the other way around. Wonder if that's a worthwhile idea...

Uhg... Why am I awake?

I love pine cones. Stepping on them sounds like the crushing of my enemies' bones.

Always manage to forget this word describing me despite it being incredibly accurate.

I would like to point out if Putin is ecstatic to work with you as President of the US, it's not a compliment. It means you're so retarded he could take over your country because it looks like a good deal to you.

When you finally overcome the helplessness just long enough to talk to a professional about how messed up things are, and they call to cancel two hours before the appointment.

Everything I touch breaks. Can't even put together a computer without screwing up. Which is bad because if my other computer goes before this new one works, everything goes the way of the dinosaur. Yes, I'm going to crash a meteor into it all because that's what it deserves.