It's Sad Providing So Little To Anyone Else, They Never Even Bother To Message You.

http://just-another-psych0tic.tumblr.com/

It's just like ordinary, everyday experience, only two inches from the ground. Of course it'd be my favorite piece by Audiomachine that's an industry release... They really did capture the feeling.

I just learned there are truly people out there who don't believe the Sandy Hook shooting happened. I thought that was an Onion article gone awry. Huh. The funny thing is, the conspiracy theorists saying it was a government hoax to eliminate guns really don't get there is a much easier way to regulate guns. Why waste the money making something up when we could just repeal Selective Service? That ends the federal government "Militia" aside from screened and approved reservists and guard. That would put gun regulation squarely into the hands of each state. Unfortunately, the way the English language has been, the second amendment's "State" is not too clear. The way we think of it now is "State" equals country, "state" equals one of the fifty; however, as English mugged other languages in dark alleys and didn't have exceedingly cohesive conventions until the last hundred-thirty-ish years, we see a lot of nouns capitalized without any clear delineation as far as the Constitution is concerned. This brings us back to "State" as it is in the second amendment. If we say "State" defines the state's within the Union, then determining who belongs to the "Militia" is up to the states, ergo, states may dertermine who owns guns and what kinds. If we say "State" defines federal government, then the federal government need merely rescind Selective Service to completely remove the ability for any citizenry to justify the right to owning a firearm. The problem here is women are not held under Selective Service, so, unless a part of a guard or reserve, they, technically - I say that because it'd be impossible to actually execute this next part - could have all rights of gun ownership removed. This is why the morons who insist old, written documents be taken literally confuse me. I mean, I like my guns. I'd be really sad if someone had a legal basis to take my guns. That being said, a tragedy as relatively small in scope as Sandy Hook could never garner the backing of federally-mandated gun control across the country. Nothing short of a state-sized insurrection requiring the military to act against our own citizens could possibly do such a thing. Until then, there are much easier and quieter ways to repeal gun ownership. Now, litigation could go on forever as to whom the Founders' referred to when they said "State", but in the interest of the federal government's survival, it would likely choose itself (through the Supreme Court) as the object of the clause, thus removing any persons' ability to refute the legality of repossessing guns should the federal government choose to do so. Conspiracy theorists have an extreme narcissism problem, so they like to think they're smarter than the federal government, an amorphous entity with an unlimited amount of resources (it's still a cheap jerk 99% of the time) so compartmentalized, the President, itself (as a position, not person), actually does not have access to everything. These people think they've stuck it to the government and that one day, men in suits will show up to their door to say, "You found us out." Sorry to burst the bubble, but even state-sponsored hackers, who have discovered things worthwhile and we've physically found (well, CIA found) don't get that luxury. Sandy Hook happened. The Holocaust happened. The Russian Czars and Stalin massacring Russians happened. The Japanese destroying most of southern China happened. The Chinese dissenter massacres happened. The apartheid and genocides in Africa happened. The only thing that hasn't happened is conspiracy theorists stopped being basket-case assholes and started becoming actual investigators. Find us the Malaysian plane that disappeared. Find us that jewel from Titanic. Hell, if Sandy Hook didn't happen, physically find the kids who were involved. Find SOMETHING worth finding relating to any possibly-disputable subject. This arm-chair, tourist, know-it-all bullshit is exhausting. It's not helping anything or anyone; for the people affected by Sandy Hook, it's made it far, far worse in fact.

Is it guilt? What is it?

I have this weird, lingering... feeling...? Since we broke up about a year ago, we remained in contact, I have seen my ex gain at least thirty pounds. She was always insecure, depressed, anxious, etc. on top of being just downright lazy when it came to her physical well-being, and there was nothing I could say or do to get her to change that. She takes half a dozen medications to help her, and it seems to me they don't work. She refused to even eat better (A salad with ten ounces of ranch dressing is not healthy) when I gave up on offering to do walk-jog-run or something as simple as Wii-Fit. I didn't care she was overweight already or not as active as she should have been, I just wanted her to actually think for once instead of sitting on facebook all day eating junk food and looking (then, subsequently, complaining to me) at how all these "friends" kept getting married, engaged, blah, blah, blah. Eventually, the daily irony of being all these things on top of her going to nursing school was too much for me to bear. Few things make me angrier than people in health care, or trying to get into it, who can hardly make it up a flight of steps, much less have some semblance of mental/emotional stability. I don't care how smart a person is in a classroom (she is very book-smart, that much is true). If they think they are material for being in a position to possibly need to save people and have zero stability other than this illogical, masochistic idea that being in health care will mystically make themselves better (physically, mentally, emotionally), they're wrong. Thinking a job they will have huge responsibilities will magically make them take care of themselves, too, simply makes no sense at all when they have fits of depression or anxiety that keep them in bed all day. It makes me sad, too. It makes me sad because a part of me really, REALLY wanted to help her. I wanted to help her succeed, but she'd have nothing of it. A part of me also feels responsible for how she reacted to the breakup. Honestly, that's illogical, as well. Maybe even more so than her mindset. There was little worthwhile about that relationship, honestly. The relationship yielded little more than what a good friendship could have (sex has never been a strong selling point to me). Maybe if we'd been friends longer before dating, we could have circumvented the inevitable. She isn't a bad person, but she is too self-destructive for anyone less than psychiatrists to handle. Still... All-in-all, for whatever, ridiculous reason, I still feel bad... and I don't know why...

In case people need a visual aid to help them understand.

At this point, I'm willing to go for an experimental procedure to fix my back. Like Wade Wilson, I've hit "fuck it." As long as the suit's not green.

If I ever mostly die, I want science to put me in one of these.

What are you doing to catch it?

When you spend most of your life feeling like you're going to die any second, yet every day feels like an eternity.