Everyone Moved On But I'm Still Here 😔

me btw

get out. i cant anymore oh my god.

Oh god.

ultraviolence is so real

who’s gonna match my freak and do coke while we listen to ultraviolence by lana del rey?

— fatima aamer bilal, from being unwanted is a language

been watchinf hannibal lately and i cant stop thinking about this

boop

: ̗̀➛ ALICE IN BORDERLAND

NIRAGI SUGURU ---------------------------------------------------------

Niragi is a complicated character; he is vindictive (having a strong and/or unreasoning desire for revenge)and vengeful (seeking to harm in return from previous injury), displays sociopathic behaviour and has antisocial personality disorder.

in his backstory, we learn that he was bullied; the bullies threw balls with baseball at him, he had to eat rice mixed with their urine if he moved, and most likely, they did more humiliating things to him for no real reason. this made him wonder later in the show if they hated him because they saw how messed up he was from the start or if he became this way because of them. after the bullying, he drastically changed his appearance because he thought the only way to end the misery of his life was to change. the bullies made him believe that people like him deserved to be bullied, and because of them, he started to become sadistic, just like they were.

in Borderlands, he started as one of the martial sector members of the beach. this put him in a higher position than the usual members and allowed him to use the guns the beach offered. of course, this made him very confident, and he was consumed by the thought that he could now do whatever he wanted to whomever he wanted. most of his actions there were just sadistic and crazy things he did to enjoy his time better. however, when he saw one of the scared guys while aiming at him, niragi reminded himself of the bullying, which shows that he’s still not over it and it really triggered him.

with Usagi: on the beach, he only wanted to sa her because of his god complex at that time. in the manga, she calls him out for being pathetic and alone; in the show, she bites his tongue piercing instead, which specifically comes from the bullies who told him to pierce his own tongue. in both, she reminds him that he’s actually a loser and that he won’t change it, which makes him anxious around her since she reminds him of the bullies. when they met in Osmosis, he initially acted pretty sane, came with the idea of balance (pairing the weaker with the stronger person instead of arisu). it’s not surprising since he is the best at diamonds and is very intelligent, after all. as mentioned, he acted pretty nice for himself because of arisu, whom he felt safe around, and of course, he wanted to win that game. everyone seemed okay with him besides usagi; she was the only one who didn’t want to touch him and was disgusted by him. he couldn’t understand why she was disgusted when he was nice and actually behaved like any other person, which again reminded him of the bullying and put him in a defensive mode. for him, the only way to feel safe was to attack first, so he again tries to sa her. he even asked her, "am I really that disgusting? everyone looks at me that way"—everyone—(bullies).

after Osmosis, when he wandered around in the show, he just saw a guy on the side of the road, but in the manga, he found him in the church. there, the man tried to take his own life but failed. he lay there with a Bible by his side,niragi started reading it, and stated he was the opposite of God, since everybody loves and follows Him, while everybody hates him and hopes to not be him also made fun of the guy for trying to khs. this was, at least in my opinion, the moment when he lost all his sanity; he was comparing himself to the devil, and i think he really believed that, even though the truth is that he’s still the same person—the same “loser.” Arisu and Chishiya - after ,he finds them and begin shooting so they can all be together forever. his sanity was at its lowest, and he wanted them to experience the same madness he did—to bring them to his level. this is also why he laughed when Arisu beat him up in Osmosis; he loved to see Arisu behaving as shitty as he was. but Arisu declares that he will not shoot, bravely exposing himself from cover and talking about change, ruining his mood. then Usagi appears, and Niragi, convinced she is the reason Arisu "wants to leave him," tries to shoot her, crying and screaming that he doesn't want to be alone anymore. they were the only people he had. however, as we know, he shot Chishiya instead because of his sacrifice. then he tells Arisu that they're in a better spot because they were always viewed as normal and didn't suffer like he did - they are the majority - but if there were more "weird" people on Earth, he would be the norm, and then arisu would be seen as the devil (the weirdo) in the eyes of others instead.

with Tatta, Niragi basically hates himself, and Tatta reminds him of the "loser" side he despises. He let his anger out on Tatta and isn't genuinely happy they won because of him. as i mentioned before, he believes people like him should be bullied and are worthless, so the thought of such a loser saving his life gets him mad.

his strong will to live after all the events he went through is evident; Niragi just wanted to stop the suffering. he desired a better life and usually engaged in activities he thought would make him feel better—first being sadistic and trying to forget who he really is to keep Arisu and Chishiya with him forever, as only they could understand him. in the end, aside from the mental suffering, all his body must have been hurting from the shooting and burning, and it was the only moment i truly felt bad for him. even if the world seemed to want him dead, he still wanted to live so badly, no matter how much he was hurting.

mentally i’m a slut physically i’m scared of intimacy 

"undoing this character's death would take away his sacrifice and character arc" girl I don't give a shit. I'm bringing him back through the power of ao3 fix-it fics and there's nothing you can do to stop me x